by Cameron Jace
Rumpelstein High was far from it. This was just the normal American high school like in Snoring, only it seemed far from boring.
“So do you always go to school dressed as if you’re going out on a date?” Loki was making conversation while they walked to her father’s office.
“Not always, but today I am going out on a date after I give you the package my father told me to.”
“You have a boyfriend?” Loki asked.
“Permanent boyfriend? Not a chance. Boyfriends are temporary, but I like this new one. He’s better than the one from last month.”
“Last month? I know people who don’t change their underwear that much.”
“And he’s not one of the football team hunks,” Lucy bragged. “I don’t date boys from school. They’re boring, predictable, and there’s too much drama when we break up. I like my boys to be outsiders in every sense of the word, and older.”
Lucy stopped at the office and opened the door. Loki stood at the threshold as she entered and picked up an envelope from the desk.
“Here,” she handed Loki the envelope. “That’s your down payment.”
“Wombles! Thank you,” Loki took the envelope without opening it. He didn’t want to look eager and broke. Still, the envelope was thick and tempting, and made him think of renting a room tonight and just so he could sleep on an actual bed. “I’m starting to like your father.”
“I doubt you would if you met him,” Lucy said. “Anyway, I have to go meet up with my boyfriend.”
“Wait,” Loki said. “Is that all? Aren’t you going to tell me more about the vampire princess, where she lives, and how I could find her?”
“There is nothing to tell, Loki,” Lucy said. “She lives in a castle in the Black Forest, the one whose turrets you see rising high wherever you go in Sorrow. You go there and kill her, that’s if you’re up to the job. Good luck, handsome. You’re going to need plenty of it.”
Lucy left Loki speechless in the middle of the hallway. He thought it was a bit weird that none of the town’s council members had come to greet him.
“Oh, one more thing,” Lucy turned around halfway down the hallway. “You have only six days to get the job done.”
“One week?” Loki said. Loki wondered if this was pure coincidence. It was impossible for Lucy to know the deadline placed on him by the Council of Heaven.
“That’s when our new principal arrives,” Lucy said. “I heard she’s a woman of discipline, and the town’s council is looking forward to working with her. She’ll grant you a free year of school at Rumpelstein High if you kill the vampire princess.”
“What does the new principal have to do with the vampire princess?” Loki tiptoed to look at Lucy behind the growing crowd in the hallway. Mentioning the vampire princess had turned a lot of faces toward him.
“She’s the one who demanded the princess be killed before she arrived and begins work,” Lucy said, and then he couldn’t hear her anymore as she disappeared behind the crowd.
Loki avoided the staring eyes, wondering why the students were so interested in him when he mentioned the vampire princess. He walked the hallway slowly, and thought he’d inspect it for a while.
There was a drawing on a bulletin board of a nasty young vampire princess with blood drooling from her lips. She had red eyes, tattooed arms, black hair, and was very pale. It looked like cleverly imagined fan art of the unseen Snow White. This wasn’t the Disney Snow White girls loved when they were kids. It was a nasty one with fangs and blood drooling from her jaw. The drawing was creative, creepily amusing, and ecstatically dreadful. It amused Loki how this version of Snow White was interesting; lips red as blood, skin pale as snow; the description made the idea of her being a vampire seem not so far-fetched.
But Loki also thought that the idea was plain silly. He always had contradicting thoughts. There was no way she was a vampire, besides Snow White wasn’t supposed to be real in the first place, just a character in a book.
A couple of steps farther, Loki noticed there were numerous other pictures, drawings, photo-shopped and fabricated portraits of the vampire princess and her castle. There were ads about forums on the internet that required memberships to discuss the Snow White vampire—a notable forum called ‘Harum Scarum’ seemed to be the students’ favorite. There were phone numbers of bogus vampire hunters who claimed they knew how to kill her. There were kids selling magic garlic, silver crosses, and charms to keep the vampire princess away. There were handwritten maps on the bulletin board of people who claimed they had been to the castle. It seemed that the Black Forest was some kind of a cerebral maze, where people got lost and never returned. There were people selling glass coffins and magic mirrors as expensive souvenirs, claiming they had gotten them from the castle. Someone was also selling tickets for a masquerade party next week where girls had to come dressed like a Snow White vampire and boys as Prince Charming with fangs. The town of Sorrow was obviously obsessed with the vampire princess. That must have been why the students were looking at Loki.
“Those she lays her eyes upon,” a voice said from behind Loki. “Don’t live long enough to tell about it.”
Loki turned around. He saw a boy hiding his face in a purple hood. He was munching on a sandwich and staring at the bulletin board.
“Excuse me?” Loki said.
“It’s a famous saying in Sorrow,” the boy said. “That whomever the princess lays her eyes upon is cursed instantly, and no matter what they do, they won’t be able to escape death.”
“Oh,” Loki shrugged.
“No wonder every other vampire hunter has failed to kill her. The only way to do it is without her laying her eyes upon them. They must’ve not known that little tidbit.”
“How do you know that, if you don’t mind me asking?” Loki said.
“I have my secret sources,” the boy said while Loki thought about looking under his hood to see his face. Even though the boy talked like he was something, Loki sensed he was faking it from the quality of his voice. “Did you hear what I said, Loki Blackstar?” the boy said, still hiding under his hood, and looking at the bulletin board.
“How do you know my name?” Loki said.
“We know everything, and we know you’re here to kill her,” the boy said with a mouthful. “We wish you luck,” the boy moaned to the taste of his sandwich. It was as if he couldn’t stop eating. He pulled on Loki’s hand and stuck the rest of the sandwich in it. “Donkeyskin Burger, the best in town.”
The boy left, leaving Loki speechless with a greasy sandwich in his hand. It smelled good. Loki couldn’t resist bringing it closer to his nose.
“Donkeyskin Burger?” Loki mumbled. “What a freak,” he dropped the sandwich in the garbage can next to him.
When he turned around, he saw that the corridor was empty. Either everyone had gone to class or this school was haunted. Loki decided he had seen enough of the people in the school, and walked out. His plan was to rent the best room he could get with the biggest and most comfortable bed just like he’d always dreamed of, get some sleep, and then ask around to learn the way to the Black Forest.
Loki walked out to his Cadillac, unable to push the image of a comfy bed in a five-star hotel away—he even imagined eating delicious food and taking a hot shower. He wondered if Sorrow had five-star hotels, if any—and if the creepy singing girls would follow him there.
As Loki neared his Cadillac he heard a squeaky voice calling his name from the parking lot. Had he become famous already? Maybe the whole town knew about him because he was here to save them from the vampire princess.
Loki turned around, looking for the caller. He saw a couple of huge boys bullying a student in the middle of the parking lot. No one did anything about it. In fact, most of the students were watching and laughing at the undersized freak from the hallway squirming between two whopping boys. The scene reminded Loki of Donnie Cricketkiller, Beebully, and Beetlebuster back in the Ordinary World.
Stay away Loki. Yo
u’re not here to save anyone, even if some stranger is calling your name. Save yourself first.
But Babushka’s words crept into his ears again. He remembered his conversation with her on his way to Sorrow when she told him that she couldn’t imagine him walking away from someone in need.
I only save squirrels and other animals, mom. I don’t like those Minikins. Why should I even bother?
An imaginary slap from Babushka’s hand landed on Loki’s face, but it didn’t faze him and he turned around to open the door to his Cadillac.
“I have problems of my own,” Loki said to himself. “I’m not a hero. I’m just a 15 and 3/4 year old, looking for a way back home and a comfy bed to sleep on,” Loki climbed into his car, and rolled the squeaky window up so he wouldn’t hear the voice calling his name. Still, each squeak pierced guilt into his conscience.
Before kick-starting Carmen, Loki felt something in his back pocket. It was the notebook Charmwill had given to him. Holding it in his hand, he suddenly doubted Dreamhunters gave up on people who needed help. It was true that Dreamhunters killed Demortals in their sleep, but something told him that they were heroic people that helped those in need. His thought was interrupted by Carmen’s radio singing back to life. It was the Pumpkin Warriors again, and one of them was playing a simple acoustic song on a guitar. It went like this:
Loki, Loki is such a big lie,
Left the boy and let him cry.
When the boy called out his name,
Loki said I’m not to blame.
Loki, Loki is such a big lie,
Left the boy and said goodbye.
“OK,” Loki smacked the dashboard. “I get it!”
He opened the window and took one last look at the two big beastly teens, which were twice his size. He shrugged and opened the door, walking toward them.
“What are you doing?” the two girls with books to their chests hissed at Loki. “No one messes with Big Bad and Paw Paw.”
“Who are Big Bad and Paw Paw?” Loki stopped.
“Paw Paw is the stud with earrings, Big Bad is the one with the huge chest,” one of the girls said. “They call themselves the Bullyvards. No one messes with them.”
“They’re playing ’Pig and Sheep’ with the poor boy,” the other girl elaborated. “They’ll keep bullying him until he confesses he’s either a pig or a sheep. If he confesses to being a pig they’ll put him in garbage can and huff and puff it away. If he confesses to being a sheep, they’ll hunt him down and bite him as punishment.”
“Loki! Help!” the boy screamed as he stretched an arm out from under Paw Paw’s armpit, looking his direction. Big Bad and Paw Paw turned their heads towards Loki. It was too late to chicken out.
“Who do you think I should sack down first?” Loki said to the girls, his eyes fixed on Big Bad’s titanic chest. It looked like it had someone else stuffed inside it, “the Big or the Bad?”
The girls giggled as Loki reluctantly approached the Bullyvards who were staring at him disdainfully. The closer he got to them, the shorter and skinnier he felt; in contrast the brute’s smirks widened. He’d never seen a meaner expression on someone’s face, not even Donnie Cricketkiller’s.
“Hi,” Loki waved his hand casually, pretending he was taking a walk in the park. He was about to offer them his fake smile, but then he remembered Charmwill telling him that he could be whoever he wanted to be in Sorrow. Images of Donnie Cricketkiller and the other vampire hunters stealing his vampires flashed before his eyes. For a boy who’d been prohibited from fighting with bullies who picked on him and others, this was going to be a great opportunity to change—if Charmwill was right about what he’d said.
The Bullyvards were only feet away, but the walk felt like miles.
Closer now, Loki saw the boy, and figured out he was the one with the purple hoodie and the Donkeyskin Burger. His purple hoodie lay crumbled on the ground, covered in dirt and footprints.
“Looking for something?” Paw Paw growled, squeezing the boy’s neck with his giant Popeye-arm. He looked almost twenty, heavily tattooed and too old for school.
“Actually, it’s that funny smell that brought me here,” Loki covered his nose with his hand, hiding some of his Magic Dust in it. “Phew, what did you guys eat today?”
The onlookers laughed then stopped immediately when Paw Paw looked back at them.
“Are you making fun of me,” Paw Paw grinned, squeezing harder on the boy’s neck whose face was turning blue as his tongue dangled from his open mouth.
“God forbid,” Loki said. “I was making fun of him,” Loki pointed at Big Bad.
Everyone in the parking lot held their breath. Loki doubted his attitude for a second, but hell, it felt so good to make fun of the bullies, even if it meant he’d end up a Pig or Sheep—he’d been bullied enough by Donnie’s friends in Snoring and it never stopped him from making fun of them. They used to hang him like dirty laundry from his jacket on the classroom’s door, and he couldn’t do anything about it.
Instantly, Big Bad reached for Loki’s shirt with one hand and lifted him up from the ground, reminding him of the dirty laundry days.
“Are you even old enough to think about insulting us?” Big Bad chuckled. He was about eighteen with long seventies side burns and a ridiculous Elvis style haircut.
“Young enough to do it and old enough to do it right,” Loki said choking in the air.
A couple of students laughed, hiding in the crowd.
Paw Paw dropped the boy to the ground and kicked him away before grabbing Loki’s legs and holding him upside down.
Loki thought it would be a terrible way to die, squeezed like a greasy fast food sandwich between these two.
“Wow,” Loki said. “I’m sorry guys. I have to admit that it wasn’t right to offend you. I’m really sorry. If you just let me down, I will make it up to you.”
Big Bad and Paw Paw let him down, laughing out loud in the middle of the parking lot. Their voices were so intimidating that the students took a step back.
“I don’t know man,” Big Bad said to Paw Paw, laughing again at how cowardly Loki turned out to be. When he laughed, the muscles in his chest laughed as well, up and down, down and up, like a heavy ripple in a swamp. “This one is neither a Pig nor a Sheep. He’s a squashed beetle already.”
“I think we started off on the wrong foot,” Loki adjusted his shirt. “Let’s play nice and start all over again. I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself properly,” he held out his hand.
“So introduce yourself,” Big Bad said.
“I’m Loki Blackstar,” Loki smiled. “And I’m here to kick your asses.”
Loki took a step forward and got up close and personal with Big Bad, faster than a pussycat he blew Magic Dust into his face.
Big Bad got dizzy. Loki punched him in the face before he dropped to the ground like a heavy bag of groceries. Loki’s fist hurt, but he turned around and blew Magic Dust in Paw Paw’s face, punched him, and watched as the kid crumpled to the floor.
Everyone in the parking lot went whoooo! All they saw was Loki hitting the boys; it didn’t quite register that he’d blown Magic Dust in their faces. They didn’t know such a thing even existed.
The boy grabbed Loki’s fists and examined them, looking for the secret of his superpowers while the girls clapped and cheered.
It felt good being the parking lot’s hero. For the first time ever, life didn’t suck and Loki walked proudly back to his car.
“Wait!” the boy said. “Can you give me a ride home?”
“I ride alone,” Loki said without looking back.
“Please?” the boy pulled Loki’s hand. “If the rest of the Bullyvards see what happened to Big Bad and Paw Paw, they’ll hurt me for getting away from their friends without a scratch. I need to get out of here.”
“OK. I get it. Hop in. I’ll give you a ride.”
The boy got in the passenger’s seat and stretched out his hand. “I’m Axel,” he said. “And I’m not h
ere to kick your ass,” he joked.
Loki shook Axel’s hand, and thought he looked like a decent boy without the hood; cute features, natural spiky hair, and freckles on his face, a nerdier version of Macaulay Culkin, only a bit chubby.
Loki kick started his Cadillac. The radio played another fast-paced song by the Pumpkin Warriors that was about heroes saving the world.
Lucy walked up waving at Loki, her long hair fluttering in the breeze. Damn that long, beautiful hair. She must’ve heard the commotion in the parking lot and wondered what was happening.
Sitting in the passenger seat, jaw-dropped Axel couldn’t stop staring at Lucy whose smile was a heartbreaker, just like the happy cute girls dancing in a Japanese Manga or Anime.
Lucy wasn’t alone. A muscular figure with another outdated Elvis haircut, long sideburns, and a black leather jacket, showed up from behind her.
Axel stopped drooling like a puppy. Loki was chewing on envy as Lucy held the boy’s hand.
“Hey,” Lucy said, peeking through the window.
“Hey yourself,” Axel, interrupted, tilting his head.
“You made friends already?” she told Loki, bestowing an infuriating stare on Axel, as if he was some funny looking and unappreciated Gremlin. Axel swallowed an invisible fireball and stayed silent.
“Why are you still at school?” she wondered. “Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep and buying yourself a new pair of socks? By the way, this is Ulfric Moonclaw,” she introduced her boyfriend.
“Pleasure,” Ulfric said, squeezing Lucy closer to him, and whispering something in her ear then kissing her on the cheek. Her eyes glowed, and Loki couldn’t help but wonder what he’d told her. Ulfric didn’t even acknowledge Axel who was officially invisible to most people in school so he burrowed himself into the passenger seat.
“So what’s the buzz all about up there?” Ulfric wondered, pointing at the horde of girls trying to wake up Big Bad and Paw Paw. Loki gripped the wheel. If those two polar bears woke up, he wasn’t prepared to face them again. It was time to go.