by Cameron Jace
“Is that Big Bad and Paw Paw on the ground?” Lucy wondered.
“What?” Ulfric’s face went red. “Who did that to them?” he looked back at Loki. “You know who did that to them?” he stared into Loki’s eyes intensely. Loki felt as though he’d been punched in the face already.
“I‘m the new dude, I don’t know many students yet,” Loki shrugged his shoulders, ignoring Axel pulling at his sleeves.
“I’m going to punish whoever did that to my friends,” Ulfric said. Then he did something that struck Loki as odd. Ulfric titled his head up and yelled, ‘Awooo!’
It was only seconds before others replied back, ‘Awooo!” Loki assumed this was the rest of the Bullyvards’ pack as Ulfric hurried toward them.
“Easy, Ulfric,” Lucy pleaded after him. “He’s reckless when he gets mad,” Lucy said proudly. “And I love it.”
But Loki wasn’t there. He’d already sped away in his Cadillac, Axel still trying to bury himself under the passenger seat.
Closer to main street, Loki gazed in the rear view mirror and saw Ulfric Moonclaw chasing him on foot. He’d figured out it was him who fought Big Bad and Paw Paw.
Ulfric eventually gave up, swearing and panting in the middle of the parking lot. Loki couldn’t hear what Ulfric was saying, but he assumed that he promised he’d soon teach Loki and Axel a lesson they would not forget.
Loki quietly speculated how much money he’d have made if he had a dollar for every time he looked in the rear view mirror and saw someone trying to chase him down.
“If you really want me to give you a ride home, you’ll have to tell me how you know my name.” Loki said while driving.
“Harum Scarum,” Axel said. “It’s an online forum. It’s devoted to everything about the vampire princess. Someone mentioned that you’d be the next vampire hunter coming to town.”
“What’s with this obsession with the princess?”
“No one’s ever killed her,” Axel said. “I am a member in the forum, proud member in fact; I’m only twenty seven posts away from being an admin. I can help you since you’re new to town.”
“Like I said, I roll alone.”
“Come on,” Axel said. “You need an assistant. I bet you don’t even know how to get to the castle, or about all the obstacles you’ll have to overcome to get there.”
“I can handle myself.”
“Yeah, it showed when the earth was shaking and you were the only one scared in the parking lot. I saw you.”
“You know what shook the earth in the parking lot?” Loki was curious.
“See?” Axel grinned. “You need me,” he pointed proudly to himself.
Loki let out a short sigh. He didn’t think there would be any harm using the help of someone who knows the town well. He was running out of time anyway.
“OK,” Loki said. “You could show me the way to the castle, but that’ll be it.”
“Awesome!” Axel wanted to high five Loki, but Loki let him down.
“So what’s shaking the earth in Sorrow?” Loki asked.
“The whale,” Axel answered. “This island is built on the back of a whale, and sometimes it shakes a little after having a big meal.”
“That’s outrageous,” Loki said with disbelief. “Not at all,” Axel said. “I know they lied to you at school and called it an earthquake. Trust me, it’s a whale.”
7
Candy House
“Come on in!” Axel ushered Loki through the door. It was a lonely house atop the highest hill in Sorrow, a perfect spot to observe the rest of the street-curving town. “If you ever get lost, trying to get here,” Axel explained, “ask for the Candy House on Breadcrumb Street. It’s practically the last house separating the town from the woods beyond that leads to the water surrounding Sorrow.”
Loki assumed Axel meant the Missing Mile, but he doubted Axel knew about it or the Train of Consequences. He had a feeling the things he’d experienced entering the town were tailored for him somehow; and he remembered Igor telling him that only those who entered Sorrow for the first time rode the Train of Consequences. Still, Loki didn’t desire knowing more about all of this weirdness, as long as he was on the right track in his mission. Instead, he occupied himself with watching Axel’s mysterious house.
Candy House was a peculiar piece of wicked art. It was constructed of wood and stone, and it had a sod-roof that curved like a magic carpet with two layers of green grass over chocolate-brown mud. Loki thought the house could easily go unnoticed because of how it was dug into the hillside. Only the irregularly-shaped, huge windows with hazel sticks suggested someone lived inside. It looked like a crafted woodcutter with chainsaws, hammers, and chisels built it. It was a perfect, primitive hiding place between the edge of town and the beginning of the labyrinthine woodland behind it.
“Nice house,” Loki said, and took a step back to get a wider view.
The cornerstones looked like chunks of dark and vanilla-white chocolate, and the cement between the stones looked like bloody-red trails of sticky candy. The wood looked like the surface of hazelnut granola bars; crunchy, sweet, and edible. Loki licked his lips briefly, and felt an unexplained urge to touch the house to make sure it wasn’t really candy, but he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Axel.
The lantern above the porch was the shape of a pumpkin with smiling eyes and fang-like teeth; the yellow shimmering from inside complimented the ember shade of candles shimmering from behind the windows of the house. Candy House was spooky in a Halloween sort of way. Loki was confused because he felt good about it. He almost felt at home for the first time in the Ordinary World—if he could actually count Sorrow as part of the Ordinary World.
It can’t be. This feeling isn’t real. Sorrow is playing with my mind. I have only one home that I belong to.
Axel tried to open the door with a key that was the shape of a gingerbread man, but he couldn’t because of a spider web that was covering the keyhole. It seemed a bit odd to Loki that the house Axel lived in looked as if it had been abandoned for years.
“Something wrong?” Loki asked worriedly.
“Nah, it’s just my sister’s spiders. They love to play games with me so I can’t get into the house,” Axel said nonchalantly. “They don’t like me too much.”
“Sister? Spiders?” Loki said, wondering why everyone treated poor Axel like a second-class citizen, even the spiders.
And back in Snoring you thought you were the only one treated this way.
Axel didn’t reply. He kicked the door with his boot as if he were a Kung-Fu master. The frame crackled and the door flung wide open.
Axel spread his hospitable arms, “Welcome to the Crumblewoods!”
“Crumblewoods?”
“I’m a Crumblewood,” Axel said proudly. “Axel Crumblewood,” he stretched out a hand to Loki. “And I’m going to kick your butt,” Axel laughed, imitating Loki at the parking lot. “Nice line by the way—shame on Batman for not using it. But here we are, the Crumblewood’s House, also known as Candy House, located at Seven, Breadcrumb Street, the last house at the edge of the world—that’s how the mailman likes to describe it,” Axel whispered.
Aside from silly names, dust, and creepiness, Loki still had a good feeling about the house. It felt insta-comfy, as if he’d been here before, but it was probably the fact that he’d been sleeping in his Cadillac for almost a year. It crossed his mind to ask Axel if they had an extra room he could rent later.
Inside, the house glared with a different vibe. It was like a teenager’s wonderland, devoid of any parental control. There was a big living room overlooking an open kitchen up front. The walls were also the color of chocolate, and there was a huge rug in the middle; its colors varied between vanilla, strawberry, and mango. There was also a huge TV, a comfortable red couch the shape of a liver, and a hammock hinged between two trees, which supported the structure as columns protruded out of the earth. Loki was impressed, and wondered if he could have a house like
this when he returned to Heaven.
The Candy House was heated with a fireplace that looked like a huge oven, and it was lit with candles and chandeliers. The inner walls were made of bales of straw that were stacked on stones and staked with hazel sticks. Loki spotted another unused big, black, oven in the kitchen, which was either really old or a decorative antique. The house was definitely weird but looked like fun. Loki wondered about Axel’s parents but decided not to ask so he wouldn’t sound intrusive.
All of a sudden, the fun was gone…
The front door slammed shut on its own behind Loki, and a spiraling breeze swirled against the windows, blowing the white curtains inwardly into ghostly waves as if there was an invisible big bad wolf puffing the house from the outside.
“You have demons in your house?” Loki flinched, flashing his Alicorn.
“Well,” Axel shrugged. “It’s my sister,” he started breathing heavily and his eyes rolled to the top of their sockets as if his sister was plastered to the ceiling.
“Your sister is a demon, too?”
“Of course, not,” Axel said, fidgeting. “She is a witch; a wannabe witch.”
“Stop it, Fable!” Axel shouted at the swinging chandelier dangling from the ceiling. Books started falling from the shelves and the tree-column swayed slightly. The house seemed to crumble and rumble as if they were standing in the belly of a whale that’d just had a heavy meal. Loki ducked to avoid a couple of flying dishes. It devastated him that he was still a mortal, and was about to die in a silly wannabe-witch’s attack that he could not stop.
A skinny, cute girl, with pink-framed glasses and braided pigtails, showed up, stepping out from another room. She looked about fifteen, and she was holding a heavy vellum book of spells with her small nimble hands.
“Sorry!” Fable raised her voice against the flying objects, sounding overly apologetic as if she’d overcooked a meal with a bad recipe from the internet. “Wrong Spell!” she wiggled her nose then adjusted her glasses, trying to keep her balance as she looked back into the book. Although Loki wanted to escape this madness, he couldn’t escape Fable’s cute attitude. He thought she needed to unbraid her hair and lose the glasses, though. Never had Loki felt so attracted to a girl he wished was his sister.
She is a witch, Loki. Not so different from a demon. When will you ever learn?
Loki noticed that the cover of the book she was holding read:
Magick and Voddoo for Dummies and the Unfortunate
Voddoo was written with two Ds and was missing an O. No wonder her spells had gone bad.
“Just a sec,” Fable raised a forefinger. “If I can get the page turned in the wind; the solution is only one page away, but most of the pages are stuck together with grime, so it’s going to take a minute.”
“Wet your finger with your tongue and flip the page!” Axel yelled, holding onto a tree, five feet up in the air.
Fable wet her finger and flipped through the next large page, which was the color of an old treasure map.
As the muddy roof rumbled louder, Axel hugged the tree tighter with his hands and legs like a monkey on a circus pole.
“I hate this,” Loki announced, his legs fixed to the floor. His arms were stretched as if surfing on angry waters.
Axel’s face looked like it was being sucked by an invisible vacuum cleaner.
“I found it,” Fable cheered finally. “Mumble, jumble, stop your rumble,” she chanted, reading from the book, but nothing happened. “Tumble, crumble, stop your mumble,” she followed.
“What kind of spell is that?” Axel protested. “How many times did I tell you to try out spells before you actually use them?”
“Wait a sec,” Fable flipped more pages. “Here it is. One, twice, thrice and done. Wind of madness, just be gone. I command you from higher ground. Stop it now, no spellbound. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh, and Whoosh,” she tapped her feet with every whoosh.
It was incredible how the room suddenly seized, and relaxed from its grumpy tantrum. The curtains stopped fluttering, nothing fell from the shelves anymore, and whatever seemed to be sucking on Axel’s face was gone.
“Are you guys alright?” Fable let the book fall, thudding against the wooden floor. She looked genuinely worried behind her embarrassed, grey eyes.
“I think so,” Loki said, panting.
“Great. I’m Fable,” she stretched out a hand toward Loki, and he shook it gently. “I’m Axel’s older sister,” she said.
Loki raised an eyebrow because he thought she looked younger than Axel.
“No. No. I’m just messing with you. I’m younger,” Fable laughed with dimpled cheek.
“Fable, such a lovely name,” Loki said.
“It’s short for Fabulous,” she said proudly. “And I’m not messing with you this time. I was named Fabulous.”
“Pretty neat,” Loki said. “And Axel is short for what?”
“Why would Axel be short for anything? I’m Fabulous, he isn’t,” she stuck her tongue out at her brother who was still panting. “I don’t think my parents knew what to call him so they just named him Axel.”
“What kind of logic is that?” Axel protested. “There must be a great guy I’m named after, like Axelus the Great. He was a Greek god.”
“There’s no such thing,” Fable said.
“Maybe I was going to be named Excellent, only our parents didn’t know how to spell it.”
“Whatever,” Fable waved her hand. “Sorry about that madness, Loki. Axel doesn’t usually bring friends back to the house. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have messed around with the spell. Want Pookies? I learned how to bake.”
“Pookies?” Loki said.
“Yeah, cookies made from pigs,” she said. “They’re sweet, pink, and have pig’s noses that make funny sounds when you squeeze them.”
“Cookies made with a recipe from the Voddoo book?” Loki questioned.
“You noticed? It’s misspelled,” she said, shielding her smile with her hands. “That’s why I got it cheaper. Almost for free,” she whispered and nodded her head at Loki as if both of them shared a genuine secret. Although Fable’s beauty wasn’t as obvious as Lucy’s, Loki couldn’t resist her charms.
“Enough Fable,” Axel interrupted. “Go back to your room to study. Loki and I have business to take care of. Besides, I ate all the Pookies this morning,” Axel played older brother then headed to the refrigerator, ate chips from a bag that looked like they were two days old, and gulped from an open can on the way. He opened the refrigerator, pulled out a plate of red jelly and placed it on the counter. The jelly shook nervously on the plate. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you,” he talked to it, reaching for a spoon. “I’m just going to eat you. Yum, Yum.”
Loki exchanged looks with Fable. She seemed like she wanted to scream and pull her pigtails out. Somehow, this was enough to prove to Loki that the house wasn’t made of candy, or Axel would’ve eaten it long ago.
“Do we have any Coffincakes left?” Axel asked Fable with a mouthful of jelly.
“Coffincakes?” Loki wondered.
“Yeah, those little coffin-shaped cakes that you can open and eat the carrot-corpse inside then eat the cake, I mean, the coffin as dessert,” Axel explained. “You never heard about them? Where are you from, man? They’re just like Coffinmuffins.”
It was official; food in Sorrow was wickedly peculiar, insanely eccentric and bordered on madness.
“Can’t you ever stop eating?” Fable growled at Axel. “You ate all my food.”
“Because you ate my Sticky Cinnamon Frogs yesterday,” Axel fired back, swallowing. “Besides, all you ever eat is bread.”
“I don’t eat bread all the time. I use it to find my way back from when I go to the market and back. Don’t worry about Axel eating everything,” Fable said to Loki, picking up her book of spells. “I have apples in my room, if you feel hungry; Bad Apples, Mad Apples, and Poisoned Apples.”
“They’re not really poisoned apple
s, or?”
“Of course not,” Fable laughed. It was a mesmerizing laugh; the laugh of a girl who rarely left the house or faced the dangers of life. Still, Loki adored her perkiness. “You just faint for a couple of minutes after eating them. It’s like taking a nap after a heavy meal. Everyone loves Poison Apples in Sorrow,” she elaborated.
Loki saw a small spider crawling on Fable’s shoulder. When he tried to swoosh it away, she stopped him.
“Don’t hurt him. It’s Itsy,” she patted it as it tickled her neck.
“I told you my sister is a wanna-be witch. What I didn’t tell you is that she is also very weird,” Axel laughed.
“And this is Bitsy,” Fable pointed at a motionless tarantula, lying on the floor next to the couch.
“He looks—“Loki said.
“Dead—“Axel suggested, thrilled at making fun of his sister.
“No, he isn’t,” Fable explained to Loki. “He is just depressed. He broke up with his girlfriend.”
“He’s depressed because you charmed him with the wrong mood-lifter spell last week,” Axel said, throwing the spoon into the sink. “Now seriously, go back to your room. Let the big boys do their work, and don’t forget to do my homework, too.”
“I don’t want to go to my room, and you’re not dad, you know,” Fable insisted, hugging the heavy book to her chest. “Can I please join you in whatever you’re doing? I’m bored,” she said, adjusting her glasses.
“No you can’t,” Axel insisted. “Girls should listen to their big brothers, be polite and not ask too many questions.”
“That’s a bit sexist,” Loki tried to interrupt.
“Shhh,” Axel eyed Loki. “Don’t talk about sex in front of my little sister.”
“Axel,” Fable barked, “you’re the dumbest brother in the world,” she mumbled something else and waved goodbye to Loki who felt for her, and then went back to her room.
“So how come she is into magic?” Loki asked Axel.