Snow White Sorrow (The Grimm Diaries)

by Cameron Jace

  “You think everyone around you doesn’t have hard choices to make as well?” Charmwill puffed his smoke, staring back at Loki.

  “But everyone around me isn’t like me,” Loki explained.

  “Oh, so you think you’re different than everyone else?”

  “Of course, I’m different,” Loki said, knowing that Charmwill loved to be tough on him sometimes. “I’ve been thrown into this world without knowing who I am, or who I was. I’ve been told things; that I have to kill ninety-nine vampires to be forgiven and go home to a place I don’t even remember. This isn’t fair. It’s too much for me. I don’t want to be a hero. I don’t want to help anyone else but me. I am doing all of this to go home, to where you told me that I sinned by falling in love with a demon. I don’t understand, Charmwill,” Loki was embarrassed from sounding weak in front of Charmwill who had great expectations of him. “I’m sorry if I raised my voice, but there’s a lot I don’t get.”

  “What is it that you don’t understand exactly?” Charmwill said.

  “Why am I here?” Loki said. “I know you’re going to tell me that it’s my choices that led me here because I’d do anything to go home. But all the things that happened to me in Sorrow messed with my mind. I feel things that I haven’t felt before, and it’s bugging me,” Loki raised his eyes to meet Charmwill’s as if wanting him to help him with his words.

  “Things like caring for friends like Axel and Fable?” Charmwill relit his pipe.

  “Things like that, yes,” Loki said.

  “Why does it bother you to have friends?”

  “I’m not bothered. In fact, what’s better than to have friends to care for and to have them care for you? It’s just so confusing, because I feel like I shouldn’t. I don’t belong here, Charmwill. Until the moment I set foot in Sorrow, I hated Minikins. I have even started to feel like this is…” Loki shrugged. “Like this is—“

  Charmwill bowed his head a little as if knowing the words Loki was about to say. “Home?” he asked.

  Loki nodded. He couldn’t even say it.

  “And why is it so hard for you to say it?” Charmwill wondered. “Ah, I remember. You don’t want to feel home here because I’ve told you about your other home.”

  Loki nodded again. “Please put yourself in my shoes, Charmwill. I need to remember who I am. It drives me crazy not to know my past.”

  “Are you more interested in knowing your past than knowing your future?” Charmwill puffed smoke proudly.

  “What kind of questions is that?” Loki said.

  “It’s a simple question,” Charmwill said. “Would it matter who you were before if you’ve found a home and friends who will help you become whoever you want to be in the future? What matters more, past or future?”

  “Are you saying that my future is more important than my past?” Loki said.

  “I’m not saying anything. I only ask, and the answers are all inside you,” Charmwill said.

  “Look. I have no grand answers about how things should be,” Loki said. “It just drives me crazy not knowing who I was before, so crazy that sometimes I envy Axel and Fable for knowing who they are.”

  “What makes you think they know who they are?” Charmwill said.

  “What do you mean?” Loki looked as if he had been hit with a pebble in the face. It’s not like he hadn’t been questioning Axel and Fable’s identities before. But he figured it was none of his business since he was destined to leave Sorrow.

  “Look around you, Loki,” Charmwill breathed the night air in, gazing at the curving hills and streets of Sorrow. “This isn’t an ordinary place; although it could fool you into thinking that it’s only a small town. What’s crazier than a town that is inside another town called Hell, a town that is East of the Sun West of the Moon, a town that a first-timer enters on a Train of Consequences? It has fairy tale vampires, werewolf bullies, nursery rhyme Boogeymen, and…” Charmwill gazed back at Loki with shining eyes, “the craziest food menu ever,” he pulled out a bag of Sticky Sweet Bones, summoned Pickwick and fed him a bone. The parrot closed his eyes and moaned, licking the sweets from it.

  Loki was speechless.

  “So in a town where almost everything insane is possible, you still think people know who they are?”

  “Are you saying…”

  “Most of the people here don’t know who they are,” Charmwill explained. “They’ve been sent to this place just like you. They just don’t remember it and unlike you, they accepted it and want to make something good out of it.”

  “Are you saying they have their own homes, too? But why?”

  “That’s too big of a question to answer now,” Charmwill said.

  “Why? I want to know,” Loki said. “Why can’t you just tell me everything I want to know without being cryptic?”

  “Because if I just tell you, how could you learn or make choices? I’m only your guardian. I will show you the way, or part of it, but it’s up to you to walk the line, Loki. No one can choose your life for you.”

  “But I remember you said that no one deserves to die before they know who they are,” Loki said.

  “Yes, indeed,” Charmwill nodded. “I said ‘who they are’ not ‘from where they’re from.’ You’re not your place of birth, Loki. You’re not your past whether it was shameful or endearing. You’re not your name, or your looks, or the way you walk.”

  “Then who am I?” if Loki didn’t respect Charmwill greatly, he’d have yelled at him.

  “You’re what you choose to be,” Charmwill said. “It’s as simple as that.”

  Loki swallowed any other questions he wanted to ask for the moment. It sounded clichéd, but he didn’t care. Being told that he was what he chose to be felt just right. It was a relief in many ways. And even though Loki hadn’t quite grasped its meaning, it made him feel unchained from all the restrictions of his past, who he is, and what he was supposed to do.

  “I understand,” Loki nodded. “So this isn’t just about finding my way home. This is about finding my way back to me.”

  Charmwill said nothing. He pointed at Carmen’s plates that now clearly read, ‘Home is Where the Heart is.”

  Loki wasn’t surprised that the word ‘home’ had become visible now. He turned back to Charmwill to ask more questions.

  “So I’m not here to kill Snow White?” Loki said.

  “Do you expect me to answer that?”

  “I see,” Loki said. “You can’t answer that because right now that is my choice. It’s my decision.”

  “Well said,” Charmwill said.

  “But don’t you think I need more clues to make that decision?” Loki said.

  “The only clues you need are in your heart,” Charmwill said.

  “I’m still a bit unsure about what that means,” Loki said.

  “If you can’t understand that, and want me to give you practical advice, then expect to find all the clues you need in Snow White’s dream.”

  “So you agree that this is what I have to do,” Loki said. “I’m glad I got the Baby Tears then.”

  “You did a good job getting those,” Charmwill said. “And Fable did an amazing job taking the child back to its parents. She’s a bright kid. Do you know why?”

  “Not particularly, but I can’t deny she is amazing,” Loki said.

  “She is amazing because she believes in her Chanta. She doesn’t need logic to act. She only acts on what her heart tells her. She simply follows her bliss,” Charmwill said. “And before you wonder and whine about what the Chanta really is, let me tell you about something that is preventing you from finding your Chanta.”

  “Really? What is it?”

  “One of the items you carry with you is holding you back.”

  “Holding me back?”

  “In order to follow your bliss, and in order to let the world conspire with you to get what you want, you need to get rid of something that’s in your possession all the time,” Charmwill said. “It’s holding you back fro
m reaching your goals because it’s consuming your mind, which is consuming your heart, and holding you back from the great powers you possess.”

  “Item?” Loki furrowed his brows. “What item?” he started touching his pockets, thinking about what he owned.

  “Again, I can’t tell you,” Charmwill said.

  “But that’s going to drive me nuts,” Loki said. “Is it my Alicorn? My fake pack of cigarettes? What is it, Charmwill?”

  “When the right time comes, it will be shown to you,” Charmwill said. “But you will have to be smart enough to get rid of it then, or you will miss the chance to save yourself from a great evil.”

  “Great evil? Do you mean in the Dreamworld?”

  “It’s not going to be an easy dream, Loki,” Charmwill said. “Now, I think I have to go.”

  “Not so soon,” Loki took a step forward. “You haven’t answered all of my questions.”

  “This is your destiny, Loki,” Charmwill said. “Only you can write it and answer the questions. I’ll see you again when you finally find your bliss.”

  “But wait,” Loki said. “Am I doing everything right? I mean I got the Baby Tears. Is there anything else I have to do so I can finally enter her dreams without her controlling it.”

  “Who’s her?” Charmwill asked.

  “Her? Snow White, the vampire princess,” Loki was furious by Charmwill’s question.

  “Who said she’s controlling her dreams?”

  “Oh. Come on, Charmwill,” Loki said. “What do you mean now? Of course it’s her who is controlling her dreams so I can’t enter them and kill her.”

  “Didn’t she ask you to save her?” Charmwill’s features revealed nothing. Loki wished he could read between the lines of his aging face.

  “Um—yes, but it might be a trick,” Loki said. “And even if it wasn’t, who could she possibly want me to save her from?”

  “It’s not a who. It’s a what,” Charmwill said.

  “You’ve totally lost me now.”

  “Do you have any idea of what a ‘Genius Loci’ is?” Charmwill said in his educational flat tone again.

  “A ‘Genius Loci’? What is that? Does it have to do something with my name ‘Loki’?”

  “I don’t think so,” Charmwill said. “A Genius Loci is the entity or spirit that lives in places, especially archaic places. It could be malevolent or benevolent, depending on its history and where it came from, and who summoned it. A Genius Loci is a place that has a soul. It’s smart, it hears, and it can act.”

  “Yes?” Loki wondered what this had to do with Snow White asking him to save her.

  “The Schloss is a Genius Loci,” Charmwill said. “It’s a malevolent one, bewitched by an evil entity hundreds of years ago. The Schloss has a soul, a dark one, and it could act on it. It could do dark things if it needs to.”

  “So Snow White wants me to save her from…”

  “The Schloss,” Charmwill said. “She’s imprisoned in it by a greater force. That doesn’t say much about whether Snow White is or isn’t evil. It only explains what she wants to be saved from. That’s why she can never leave it.”

  “So it has been the Schloss the whole time, sending the huge crow after us, controlling her dreams, and maybe controlling the vampire princess herself?” Loki gazed at Charmwill for more answers.

  Charmwill nodded. “I believe that Snow White controlled her dreams so you didn’t kill her, because she wants to show you something in her dreams. But at the same time, someone has imprisoned her in the Schloss, and she will never be able to tell you or show you everything, or what she really wants to tell you, unless you free her from it.”

  “And that’s why she needs me to enter her dreams?” Loki asked. “Because the answer of how to save her lies in there?”

  “I believe so. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to a sail over to another town to read a fairy tale to some kids,” Charmwill checked his watch, turned around and walked into the darkness.

  It was hard on Loki watching him leave, but he knew it was inevitable. He had to finish this journey on his own now. There was one last thing he needed to ask him, though.

  “Hey Charmwill, how about Axel and Fable?” Loki tiptoed although Charmwill had disappeared in the dark.

  “Don’t you get it yet?” Charmwill asked from behind the curtains of the night, his voice fading away. “Axel and Fable, their father is a woodcutter, and they live in a Candy House? Axel is always hungry, and eats too much candy, and Fable is fond of eating bread. It doesn’t get easier than that to know who they really are. Even their names, Axel and Fable, rhyme with characters from a fairy tale. Don’t you think?”

  20

  A Prison of Pearls

  The night settled its wings and caressed the Schloss.

  Even though it posed so beautifully with its pearl windows, Loki knew it that the Schloss was looking back at them. He could feel its presence and anger like a ghost’s cold breath on your cheek late at night.

  There was a faint, low drone coming out of the Schloss’s walls, a rumble of rejection, poisoning the air in the Black Forest. It was the same drone he’d heard when Snow White told him that she needed saving.

  “Can you feel this?” Fable panted like a clairvoyant who was trying to commune with the castle. “The castle doesn’t want us here tonight. It knows we’re here to help Snow White this time.”

  “I can feel it,” Loki nodded, although the idea of not killing Snow White wasn’t a given fact yet. He’d promised himself he’d enter her dream to help himself with the decision.

  Inside the castle, the chandeliers swayed slightly above their heads, like a pendulum or an iron maiden ready to slash them at any moment. The dangling crystals clanged together like warning bells, a last chance signal to the intruders. There were faint sounds of nails scratching against the walls, which they all dismissed as the Schloss playing with their minds.

  Everything else in the prison castle vibrated slightly; the walls, the floors, and even the suffocating air they were breathing.

  “This place is creepy,” Lucy whispered, standing by the entrance behind Loki. Her voice was unusually thin. “I’m so not entering it.”

  Fable led the way, walking ahead of Loki. She was staring at the ceiling and the walls, her eyes trying hard to pierce through.

  “How did we miss that this place is actually a prison? It explains why Snow White never attacked someone outside the castle,” Axel said, standing as close as possible to Lucy.

  “Which makes me wonder why your father and the town’s council want Snow White dead,“ Fable turned to face Lucy.

  Lucy shot her a flat stare.

  Although the questions were piling up, Loki didn’t comment. If Snow White had no power outside of the castle, why did they hire him to kill her, and why was she worth ninety-nine vampires? Was it possible that the town’s council didn’t know about the castle being her prison? Were they just worried because they couldn’t stop their teens from trespassing into the castle?

  “How should I know?” Lucy said. “All I know is that he’s following the town council’s orders, and asked me to go search for Loki because somehow the council believed he could kill her,” Lucy said.

  “How about that new principal you told me was coming to Rumpelstein High?” Loki said. “You said she’d only accept the job if the vampire princess was killed.”

  “It’s true. My father said she wanted to use the Schloss as a tourist attraction,” Lucy replied.

  “What kind of principal has such powers over the town’s council?” Fable said. “Who is she? What’s her name?”

  “I don’t know her name,” Lucy shrugged her shoulders. “Again, all I know is that she’s a prestigious woman and will also become the town council’s new chairwoman.”

  “Chairwoman and principal? Who is this woman?” Axel was curious.

  “I think I know,” Fable rubbed her chin.

  Axel and Loki turned their head to Fable while Lucy tapped an im
patient foot.

  “The Wicked stepmother, of course,” Fable announced.

  “Stepmother?” Lucy said. “Are you serious?”

  “You know, Snow White’s Wicked Stepmother who poisoned her with the apple in the story?” Fable said. “Somehow, they live among us, and now she’s going to be our school’s principal and town’s chairwoman. She wants the princess dead so she can remain the fairest of them all.”

  “Wow,” Axel said with an open mouth. “Your mind is more messed up than mine.”

  “What a happy family,” Lucy commented.

  “I tell you what,” Axel said. “Since the Stepmother is coming to town, and we’re going to have a whole lotta adventure ahead of us, why don’t we go back and get us a good meal at the Belly and the Beast, then talk this over?”

  “Stop being a puss in a boot,” Loki said.

  “You’re pathetic, Axel,” Lucy said with disdain as she finally entered the castle. “So where is our nasty blood-sucking princess?” Lucy looked around. “Knock, knock?” her high heels echoed on the marble floor. “Mirror, mirror?” she summoned with a grin on her face. “Who’s the scariest of them all?” Lucy enjoyed mocking the vampire princess. “Coochie, coochie!”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea to coochie-coochie her,” Axel took a step back.

  “Shut up, son of a woodcutter,” Lucy shushed him.

  Loki was curious to see Lucy’s reaction after she met badass Snow White. He doubted she’d stick with the snobby attitude.

  “Shhh!” Fable hushed them, pointing at the dim lit staircase.

  Loki looked up and saw Show White. She was in her white dress, floating at the top of the stairs, watching them. Everyone held their breath, but when Snow White’s dress waved in the usual cold breeze, Axel let out a muffled whimper.

  “See? The mirror trick always works,” Lucy said. She was the only one continuously capable of offending the living… and the dead. Loki couldn’t help but notice that girls in Sorrow were much stronger willed than boys.

  Snow White stepped forward into the light. Her dress began dripping blood, which clutched at her small feet before she glided down, just hovering over the third step. Again, she looked like a marionette, hung with invisible threads from her hands by a vicious puppeteer—and he finally understood why. The Schloss was Snow White’s prison of pearls. It controlled her. The big question was, ‘Why had she been imprisoned for a hundred years, and by whom?’