New Hope for the Little Cornish Farmhouse

by Nancy Barone

  This was ridiculous. This was Jack in front of me, my best male friend, who had saved my life and whom I’d shared meals with more times than I could ever count. He was like a brother to me, having seen me in every guise, from my pyjamas to my work clothes, to my tear-smudged make-up on a bad day, and even in hair rollers once, and I had never thought about it twice. So now, how could this happen so suddenly, that I wanted him to continue? How could I ever justify it to myself, let alone Emma?

  I needed to put some distance between us, because it had been all too sudden, as if I’d just noticed his physical and inner beauty entwined for the first time ever. Because of the man that he was on the inside. I would be attracted to him even if he wasn’t so beautiful. And now that I had made this new discovery, how to ignore it, for the sake of our friendship with Emma? She had finally found a dependable man who would be there for her every day of the week. I couldn’t interfere with that. Nor did I want to be his bit on the side. And he had even said he loved me. Could a man love two women? And, more to the point, could a woman love two men? Whichever way I looked at it, there was heart-break ahead.

  ‘I think I’d better go, now,’ I whispered.

  He nodded.

  I cleared my throat again. ‘Keep, uhm, an eye on the smaller pies and bring them out as soon as they turn golden.’

  If I hadn’t stopped him… if I hadn’t stopped myself… just what would have happened between us? Had we both suddenly gone mad? What about Luke? Although I had lost any hope in that dog’s dinner of a relationship, had I actually given up on him?

  37

  Dazed And Confused

  As I tried to go about my busy day the next morning, I was still in a zombie-like state after a night of tossing and turning, reliving that deliciously decadent kiss over and over again.

  This was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of my independent life, and yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about his hot mouth on mine, and the way we instantly responded to each other. I had only seen that kind of stuff in the movies and certainly had never ever thought I would experience such an intense, real moment like that myself. How messed up was he, as well? I bet he was regretting that moment of madness now, too. But he didn’t have to worry – his secret was safe with me. Besides, who would ever believe me? I didn’t even believe it.

  For a brief moment, we had been in a bubble of our own, where responsibility towards others and morality didn’t exist. It had just been Jack and myself, where he represented the centre and the borders of my consciousness, where nothing mattered but the scent of his skin and the banked strength vibrating in his body, the sparkle in his eyes and the warmth of his proximity.

  Like most women, I had never been indifferent to Jack’s good looks and charm, but never had I thought it even remotely possible that he could be interested in me. Deep down, beyond the running Three’s Company joke, I always knew it would have eventually been Emma, and that it was only a question of time until they sorted themselves out. And nowhere did I see myself in that equation. Even now that his lips were still burning on mine, it made no sense. He and Emma were an item. The kiss, however naughty and arousing, had been just that – an instinct, felt by a lonely woman kneeling on a flagstone kitchen floor inches away from a sexy man. End of.

  So I shook the thought out of my head and concentrated on reality as I parked my food truck on the Belvedere overlooking the sea.

  I sighed deeply, wistfully, regretfully, trying to get the luxurious sensation of him out of my head, and like an automaton, flicked my generator on and pulled out my deep fryer. I had five hundred arancini ready to fry upon request, plus another fifty sweet ones containing Nutella, my recent invention. Financially, thanks to Jack, I was home free. Plus, I’d already committed to writing my fourth novel in the evenings.

  To think that this same vehicle had let me down, burning all our worldly possessions and leaving us practically homeless – and now, more than three years later, it represented our rebirth. A new chance in life. If, as it now was apparent, the movie wasn’t going to be made, at least I had a proper business to keep my children’s bellies and minds full of good things. Anything for my kids. I could do this.

  All thanks to Jack. He was a good man. Perhaps a bit confused himself, but a good man. If Emma and he had not been an item, and if Luke hadn’t left me heart-broken… maybe we could have had something good. Even though entrusting myself yet again to another man’s sensitivity, to be emotionally involved and to involve my children, and allow them to once again invest their own fragile hearts and affections in someone who wasn’t their father, only to be disappointed and hurt all over again, was not something I could stand. I was still trying to get over Luke. Which would take me a very long time. You don’t just touch the sky and forget about it immediately.

  But Jack’s kiss, I had to admit, had stirred within me feelings that I had thought long buried. But his words: Stay with me. I love you? They could have turned everyone’s world upside down. I had done the right thing, on one hand. But on the other, I wished I hadn’t fled. I wished I had let him explain what was happening to him, but I didn’t want to be party to anything against Emma. She was like a sister to me, and Jack – he must have been in a very fragile place, too. That was the only explanation I could understand. Because Jack couldn’t really be in love with me. Not with the way he’d been carrying on with Emma. They were exact opposites, yes, but made for each other. Maybe it was better that way.

  ‘Can I get a Nutella arancino, please?’ said a voice above me and I looked up, my heart ba-booming like a fire-cracker factory. It couldn’t be. Impossible. But there he was, leaning on my little counter with his enormous baby blues, Luke O’Hara, his usual larger-than-life self.

  ‘Oh my God!’ I cried. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ So much for the glamorous leading lady acting out her memorable lines, because, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what I had planned to say if he were ever to return. Not that I had expected him to, given his state of incommunicado-ness.

  He threw his head back and laughed. ‘Awh, Nina! I really, really missed you.’

  I shrugged, my pride keeping me from melting at his feet like he expected me to, no doubt. What should you say when your male lead ditches you for who knows how long, without so much as a phone call for months on end, but only lawyer bulletins? And when you’ve been pretty naughty yourself? Glad you agree.

  ‘Piss off, I’m busy,’ I said as I checked my fryer again.

  He raised his hands. ‘Look, honey, I know you’re angry—’

  I whirled around in the cramped space that was at least my own. Angry? Did wanting to throw all my arancini at him mean I was angry? Then yes, I was absolutely furious.

  ‘Why did you never answer my texts?’ I demanded. ‘Three months, you kept me waiting with nothing more than your legal bulletins!’

  ‘I’m not very text-friendly.’

  ‘Not very text-friendly? I had to ask Chloe for updates from Jess, for Christ’s sake!’

  ‘I’m sorry. I was in a bad place.’

  ‘So was I. I had no idea what was going on, whether it was good news, or bad.’

  ‘It’s all good news, Nina,’ he assured me. ‘The battle is ongoing, but my lawyers assure me that there is no way in hell that Lauren is getting Jessica.’

  I stopped, stunned. ‘What? How can they be so sure?’

  He grinned. ‘Because no judge in the world would award full custody to a parent who abandoned their kid.’

  I gasped.

  ‘Don’t make that face, Nina,’ he said. ‘I’m fighting for my daughter, here. You’d do the same if it were for Ben and Chloe.’

  ‘Of course, absolutely,’ I said. I’d do anything to protect my kids. Just like my heroine in my books. And speaking of books… ‘Are you here to finish the script?’ I asked tentatively.

  He grinned. ‘Everything is back on. You, me and the script.’

  Oh, thank God! I couldn’t begin to tell you how relieved I
was inside. Immediately our lives turned sunny again, and I actually saw Dr Ellenberg’s face in my mind’s eye. But what about us? Did he really mean what he had said? Was there even an us at all, after his absence, and after Jack’s kiss?

  Jack was a mistake, said The Voice of Reason inside me. A momentary lapse of reason.

  So you’re just going to forgive Luke and fall into his arms like nothing happened? argued the other side of me. Ladies, I begged. Please. There will be no falling into any man’s arms. Inside me there was a riot, but on the outside, I managed to stay cool.

  ‘Nice truck you’ve got yourself,’ he observed.

  I shrugged, not feeling the need to hurry and explain everything to him. If he’d missed out on things happening in my life, it was his fault.

  ‘But you won’t need this little gimmick once your royalties start flooding in.’

  I was silent, still trying to shush the two women arguing inside my brain.

  ‘Okay, I can see I have a lot of ice to break. I deserve it. Now how about an arancino? They look delicious.’

  *

  ‘I am so confused,’ I confessed to Alice when she swung by the house the following afternoon. I had told her about Luke’s return and everything about Jack, holding back nothing. I needed a friend and I certainly couldn’t confide in Emma. To have someone love you was a gift. But to have two men interested was pure danger to one’s soul. What if I had made the wrong choice, and had got involved in a triangle with my two best friends? How had I even got myself into this situation?

  ‘Did he ever use the word “love”?’ Alice asked.

  ‘Yes. He told me he loved me. But how can he if he’s seeing Emma?’

  Alice studied me. ‘I was talking about Luke, not Jack.’

  ‘Oh. Yes, of course.’

  But when Jack had told me the same, albeit in a fleeting moment of passion, and even if it had caused a moment of guilt towards Emma, and panic, it had warmed me down to my very soul.

  And I knew that he also loved the kids. And just then, it dawned on me that Jack always referred to them as “the kids”, whilst Luke always said “your kids”.

  ‘So what are you gonna do?’ she asked.

  ‘Nothing. Live my life. Write the script. Get Ben’s op sorted. These are the things that count most to me.’

  But in truth, I was mind-blown. Never in my life had I thought I’d be in this quandary. To have no man under my roof for years, during the darkest, most difficult period of my life, and then suddenly, out of the blue, to have two paths ahead of me, albeit the one with Jack fraught with guilt? Emma would never get over it, especially as she had been hiding it from me for so long. How could she ever forgive me for technically beating her at her own game? It was something I just couldn’t do to her.

  And Jack? How confused was he, if he was sleeping with her, and kissing me? He was never one to act lightly, nor was he one to throw around the word love, so I knew it had to have been the heat of the moment. What he had with Emma had been going on for quite a while now.

  And Luke? He was great on so many levels. He loved my work and had opened the door to success for me.

  But then again, Jack had everything that Luke lacked. He was thoughtful, kind and sexy as hell without Luke’s glamour, pretentiousness or dominating attitude. Jack was dependable, quieter than Luke and very soulful, although he could be a real pain when he wanted to as well. Once offended, he did not easily forgive. And yet, he was not for me. Because you couldn’t fall in love with two men.

  Luke was the one for me, no doubt. He had opened up a whole new world to me, given me the confidence to reach for the stars, given me the chance to earn enough to not fear for my children’s future, for their education and Ben’s leg.

  But to become a stranger again to Jack? I had barely survived his absence the first time. He was a take it or leave it kind of bloke. If I got back with Luke again, there was no way Jack and I could ever be real friends again. But I needed him, wanted him in our lives. And the kids adored him as well. So enough. I had given that accidental kiss way too much thought.

  Yes, that was what it was, a silly moment of weakness, never to be repeated. Jack would get on with Emma and hopefully they would finally announce they were an item, and I could then put all this behind me.

  After Alice left, Chloe came into the kitchen and flopped into a chair, her head in her hands.

  ‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong?’

  ‘I’m confused, Mum. Chanel still wants me to choose between her and Jessica as my best friend, but I love them both. Who do I choose?’

  Terrific question. But at least she had a way out.

  ‘Why do you have to choose? Can’t you have them both?’

  ‘Jess is really cool and has taught me to be a better person, I think.’

  I smiled and caressed her head, ‘You have changed, Chloe.’

  ‘Because I’ve seen how hard Jess has it, even of she’s being very strong about her parents. Plus she knows the kids of half the celebrities that count. Do you know that she knows Will Smith’s daughter? And then there’s Chanel, who’s like a sister to me. We’ve been together through thick and thin. When you and Dad split up, she was there to pick me up all the way. When I broke my arm, she was the one who brought me all my homework and didn’t go to the school trips or dances just to stay with me. How can I forget that?’

  She had a point. Do you choose the new, passionate and exciting person who is bound to take you places and heights you’d never seen, or do you choose the stable, loving and caring one who would rather hurt themselves than you?

  Chloe’s Chanel was my Jack, steadfast and true, whilst her Jessica was my Luke, new and exciting. But in friendship, you were permitted to have more than one person. In love, not quite so.

  ‘I say talk to her, and tell her that you can’t choose because you love them both. If she loves you as much as I think she does, she’ll accept it.’

  ‘At least you’ve got it right,’ Chloe said.

  ‘What do you mean, sweetie?’

  ‘Well, at first, I thought there was hope for you and Dad,’ she admitted. ‘But then I met Tracy, who is not exactly Einstein, but she loves him and she makes him laugh. You and Dad never used to laugh together, he said.’

  We used to, before the kids were born, but I wasn’t going to put the blame on them. It wasn’t their fault if I had grown out of Phil.

  ‘Sweetie, your father and I… we were too young when we got married. And after we had you and Ben, we continued to grow, each in our own way. And in opposite directions. Do you understand?’

  Chloe nodded. ‘I do now. Like I’ve grown out of Simon. Now I can see what a toss— uhm, jerk he is. Mum, all these years I’ve blamed you for the end of the marriage because Dad kept saying all sorts of bad things about you, like you didn’t care about us. But I see every day that you do, much more than he ever has. You are the one who talks to us about our future, who cheers us up when we’re down, and who tells us to not chew with our mouths open and to brush our teeth. Not Dad. You should see the pigsty his flat is, Mum. He doesn’t care about himself, let alone us. I now see that you were meant to be happy with someone else.’

  ‘And who might that be?’ I asked cautiously.

  She rolled her eyes. ‘Come on, Mum, even the flagstones know the answer to that question.’

  *

  Dinner had been delicious that evening. Chanel was downstairs with Chloe and Ben and Jess, all watching TV. It had been a gloriously sunny day and they were now exhausted and as the sun had gone down I’d fed them dinner on trays and wrapped a soft throw over their legs, and scattered it with mini Cadburys. I loved to spoil them when I could. And the look on Chanel’s face as I patted her shoulder was priceless.

  As I was doing the washing up and pondering on having a chat with Emma – provided I could do the entire Avoiding The Pink Elephant In The Room thing – she rang me instead.

  ‘Hi, it’s me.’

  ‘Hey, Me,’ I chimed as I
scrubbed the sticky bits off my oven dish.

  ‘Listen, Nina, I have a huge favour to ask you.’

  ‘Shoot,’ I said.

  ‘I’m going to be busy… tonight.’

  I’d been right about Jack after all. It had been only a moment’s madness. Everything was once again how it should be. ‘That’s great, Emma.’

  ‘Would you mind terribly keeping Chanel with you? I’ll come and pick her up in the morning. Tell her I had to go away for business or something.’

  ‘Sure, no problem. Good luck with—’ I bit my lip.

  ‘Thanks. But I might not need it this time.’ She laughed.

  Of course not. She had every right to search for happiness in a new man.

  I hung up and went back to my dishes, but I dropped one on the flagstone floor and it shattered to bits. I knelt down to pick up the pieces, silently bawling my eyes out.

  38

  Once Upon A Time In America

  ‘I have news, Nina!’ Luke said the next day, swinging me off my feet as soon as he came in, happy and flushed with excitement. ‘Lauren’s given up her claim to for custody! I get to keep my daughter!’

  I clutched my chest, feeling it open with joy. ‘Oh, Luke, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you! Oh, my God!’ And suddenly my eyes welled with tears. He so so deserved to keep Jessica! He lived for her, and rightfully so. Lauren could never be to her what Luke was – father, mother, friend, mentor. Luke was Jessica’s world.

  I hugged him. ‘Things are finally going your way, Luke, the way it should be. Now you don’t have to worry about anything anymore. I’m so pleased, Luke!’

  He held me close. ‘Thank you! And now we can think about us!’

  I pulled away to look up at him.

  He took my hands. ‘You have been very patient, but now it’s your turn. I want you and the kids to come live with us in California. We’ll get a new house, one that you actually like!’