Against Her Will
Page 18
Donna smiled and listened intently to her.
‘It won’t stop me doing what I want to do. I’ve always been musical – I play the piano, the violin, the keyboard and I write my own music,’ she boasted with pride.
‘It must be wonderful to have a talent like that. I’d love to hear you play some time.’
‘Oh I don’t think you would. It’s not the type of music people our age enjoy. I wouldn’t want to bore you.’
‘You wouldn’t - honestly. I’m very interested,’ Donna insisted, her eyes sparkling in anticipation. ‘Perhaps when we’ve finished our meal you’ll play for us?’
Theresa looked towards Evan and her mother for encouragement, appearing unsure of what to do, but she was urged on by both of them.
‘Theresa – I’ll just telephone the hospital to let them know we’ll be late, then I’ll fetch your keyboard from upstairs, shall I?’ Evan said, when they’d finished their meal.
Within a few minutes he returned carrying a large keyboard. He unfolded the metal legs and placed the instrument in front of the piano stool which he reached for from under the table, before plugging the keyboard into the mains.
‘So what are you going to play for us sis?’
‘Oh, a few tunes you might know and a few others you won’t.’
She got up from the table to move slowly to the stool, and making herself comfortable, adjusted the keyboard so it was just the right height. She looked up at them all, smiling, but her hands were shaking slightly. They were small delicate hands with long fingers.
First came the classical tunes played to perfection with much emotion. Then as she became more confident, she announced she would play her own tunes, which sounded just as good, if not better, than the well-known ones.
For Donna this was so moving, it left her speechless. To see such a talented and accomplished musician at the peak of her ability despite her condition, was in her opinion, a miracle. She could only sit back and admire her.
After about half an hour, Theresa began to look tired and so her mother suggested she should stop playing. Evan looked sad but must have been relieved, as he wouldn’t have wanted her to overexert herself. Donna was in awe of the scene she had just witnessed. If only her own parents had been the same, and listened when she told them she didn’t want to be in the public eye.
Theresa smiled in appreciation, looking particularly at Donna whom it seemed she wanted to impress. Donna couldn’t understand why, after all, who was she? Just a neurotic woman who’d attempted suicide twice. Although Theresa wouldn’t have known about that.
Evan glanced at his watch. It was late, time to get back to the hospital, or he’d have ‘the doc’ wondering where they were.
‘Right Donna, I suppose we’d better go. Or else they’ll be thinking something’s happened. And you know them – they’ll soon get their knickers in a twist.’
‘Do come again, Donna,’ Evan’s mum said with the same warm smile as before.
‘That’s very kind of you Mrs Lacey.’
‘Hope you get well soon, Donna,’ Theresa said, her good side seeming to look genuine, her eyebrow rising expectantly. ‘And yes please visit us again. I know looking at me will probably give you nightmares, but I promise you there’s a real person underneath all this. It’d be great to have someone of my own age to talk to.’
Donna smiled, feeling a little embarrassed but also honoured that they should take to her in this way.
‘Your appearance won’t give me nightmares, love; on the contrary you’re an inspiration to me. The talent you have is amazing. I’m aware of your disfigurement, but I don’t see it. To me you’re incredible.’ Donna bent over to kiss her on the unsightly side of her face, which caused Theresa to gasp slightly but hug Donna in return.
In the end after all her fears about coming to this house, she felt rather sad to say goodbye.
They were quiet on the way back to the hospital, locked in their own personal thoughts. It wasn’t until they walked through the corridors towards Donna’s room, that she felt it was time to talk to Evan.
‘Do you just have the one sister, Evan?’
‘No more sisters, but I do have a brother.’ He smiled.
‘Really, younger or older?’
‘Older by two years. Cole is in the army, so we don’t see much of him these days. He’s in Germany right now, but he’s going to Afghanistan in a few weeks. We’re all worried about what will happen to him over there,’ he sighed deeply.
‘Your mother seems to have had a lot of worry – hasn’t she?’ As they came to her room, Evan opened the door for her.
‘Don’t all mothers. Mum’s had her fair share, perhaps more than most,’ he replied, his lips in a straight line, as if he himself had been guilty of something in the past. But didn’t elaborate.
‘Thanks for taking me out today, and for introducing me to your family. I enjoyed it, and I must admit it puts my own stupid problems into perspective,’ she said as she entered her room.
‘I didn’t do it for that. Just wanted you to meet them and be friends. Sorry I didn’t tell you about Theresa - hope it hasn’t put you off coming to visit us again.’ He looked sad, standing at the door, his eyes dropping slightly to the ground.
‘No, not at all. I wish there was something I could do to help her.’
‘We all wish that. But there’s nothing anyone can do. Except to make her last few months as happy as possible. I’ve no idea how mum’s coping. You know, it’s only been three years since we lost my dad to cancer as well, and that was incredibly painful, watching him slowly die. So now it’s happening to Theresa, it’s going to cut us up even more.’ Evan suddenly heaved with emotion. A deep frown formed on his handsome face.
‘I feel for you Evan.’
‘Anyway enough of my troubles – don’t want you to feel sorry for me, babe. So is it all right to take you out again if ‘the doc’ allows it?’
‘Yes, it’s done me good to get out.’
‘Wonderful, I think it’ll help your therapy no end. See you around then - I’ll be in touch.’ He turned, giving her a mock salute with his hand.
Donna smiled, closing her eyes once he’d gone, realising she’d enjoyed their day out, but as for the future, it was impossible to predict.
Chapter 17
THAT NIGHT DONNA LAY AWAKE THINKING ABOUT HER DAY WITH EVAN. It had been so pleasant, but having to meet his family at his house afterwards had been something of an ordeal. Of course it was Evan’s sister, Theresa, who had left a lasting mark on her. At first, like everyone, she’d been shaken by the sight of Theresa, but once they got talking, her opinion changed completely.
The time spent with this lovely family had made Donna’s own troubles seem insignificant and forced her to pause for thought. Maybe this was what Evan in conjunction with Doctor Reynolds had intended – but whatever their intention, it had certainly helped, and now whenever she felt low she’d think about Theresa’s plight.
The following morning, at their next session, Doctor Reynolds seemed keen to find out how Donna’s first outing had gone, and looking at her over gold-rimmed spectacles, asked, ‘So how did you get on?’
‘Oh, all right. Not too bad at all.’
‘Good, glad to hear it, my dear.’ There was a hint of a smile on her heavily wrinkled face. ‘If you wish, and young Evan is willing, I see no reason why he can’t take you out again, so long as he stays with you at all times, and keeps us informed about your movements.’
‘Thanks doctor. I’ll bear that in mind. I suppose you know all about Theresa, his sister?’ Donna couldn’t stop herself from mentioning.
‘Yes, it’s terrible for that happen to such a lovely girl. But I can’t help but admire her spirit. And from what I hear she never complains or feels sorry for herself. She’s an example to us all.’
Donna smiled still feeling a little guilty over her behaviour during these last few months, but nevertheless she believed any woman would have been severally traumatised i
n some way or another.
‘Mind you, Evan’s family have had a lot to contend with over the past few years. Not only has Theresa suffered, but Evan himself has had his fair share of problems. He was a very talented footballer, but then he had a bad injury breaking his ankle in several places. He was on crutches for over a year, and even now, you may have noticed he walks with a limp. Unsurprisingly, it finished his career.’
‘He told me about his accident, but not much else.’ Donna stared at the Doctor pointedly.
‘Perhaps that’s why he took it upon himself to help you like he did.’
‘I might not be here now if it hadn’t been for him. I was at the end of my tether and still am at times.’
‘Yes, I know you are, my dear. But that’s not all Evan has had to contend with. For a long time, his father suffered dreadfully with stomach cancer, then died about two years ago. And I seem to remember there may have been some trouble with his brother as well, but I can’t go into the details.’ She nodded as if to bring home the point.
‘How come you know all this about him and his family? And why are you telling me all of these things anyway?’ Donna asked eyeing the doctor suspiciously.
‘I’ve told you because I thought you might be interested. I wanted you to see that you’re not on your own – lots of people have gone through worse than you and still come out the other side.’
‘Doctor, I’m not stupid. Maybe it’s not such a good idea that I make friends with Evan and his folks after all, not with my track record. Ok, he’s a nice guy but now you’ve told me those things about him and his family, I’m not sure I want to add to their problems.’
Doctor Reynolds tutted. ‘Donna, you wouldn’t be, but I gather you enjoyed your time out with him.’
At that, Donna’s anger heightened, and she leaned over onto the desk. ‘Trying to act as a matchmaker, are you doctor? As well as being a shrink of many talents.’
‘You should know it’s not appropriate for a nurse to have a relationship with a patient. I’m just doing my job the same as anybody else, but I can only help people who genuinely want to be helped. If they don’t, there’s nothing anyone can do. I was hoping with Evan’s help, I might get you to see that you have much to live for.’
‘Oh spare me all the clap-trap. You don’t have a clue, do you? You and your devious little tricks. I bet you thought you’d seen through me, well you haven’t. I don’t want to speak to you anymore. Or anyone else.’ She suddenly jumped up from her seat. ‘I can’t turn my feelings on and off like a tap.’
‘I know you can’t. Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not scheming or playing tricks. It’s obvious you’re genuinely ill – that’s why I intend seeing this case through no matter what it takes. Your parents are paying me a lot of money to help you and by God that’s what I’m going to do.’
‘Doctor Reynolds, I’d like to be taken to my room now please. I have nothing more to say to you.’
‘Of course, if that’s what you want,’ the doctor said without showing any emotion.
In the confinement of her room, she sensed the familiar feelings of anxiety and panic starting to kick in. The urge to hurt herself once more was strong, but remembering her time with Theresa, she resisted the temptation, and slowly returned to normal. As she calmed down, she worried that she’d been too hard on the doctor and should apologise - perhaps tomorrow, if the chance arose. In the meantime, trying to put it to the back of her mind she switched on the television, and watched a ridiculous quiz show. It didn’t really interest her, but it certainly beat staring at four grey walls.
While she did this, her thoughts returned to various incidents in her life and more especially over what the doctor had said. And how nice would it be, to be able to go wherever she liked. She wanted to get better, and hated the idea of remaining in hospital, but despite stopping her from making further suicide attempts, there was little they could do to take away the fear that remained inside her. The memory of the rape and the dread that one day her attacker would hurt her again were vivid and frightening.
She needed something to occupy her mind, and maybe going with Evan again might ease her fears, so long as he didn’t try to get involved with her. So when, a few days later, he paid her a visit she was quite pleased to see him. It was late evening, he had his coat on, obviously having just finished work.
‘Hi Donna. I’ve only come to see how you are and ask if you’d like to come out with me again.’ His lips were poised tentatively.
‘That might not be a good idea, Evan. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about me.’
‘Come on – I’m not likely to, am I? I’d never try to take advantage of a girl like you. No way. Besides, it wouldn’t be ethical, with you being a patient and me a nurse. All I want to do is to help you get better, and out of this place. Sure, it would be nice be your friend rather than your enemy - but that’s all, I promise you.’ As he said this he looked quite serious and earnest.
‘All right, I believe you. Ok, now we’ve got that cleared up, I’d be delighted to come.’
‘Brilliant.’ He was beaming all over his face. ‘So what about tomorrow? The weather’s supposed to be a bit cooler although still dry. How about a drive into the country? Bodwick Green is only about twenty miles away. If you’re game, we could cycle over the hills. I can still ride pretty well even with my bad leg. What do you reckon?’
‘All right. I’m not exactly fit and it’s been years since I rode a bike, but I could do with the exercise having been stuck in here for so long.’
‘Great stuff. I’ll speak to ‘the doc’, and fingers crossed I’ll come for you around nine o’clock sharp.’ And with that he left.
She saw how pleased with himself he’d looked before saying goodbye to her. Immediately she felt apprehensive again, sensing he might be attracted to her. But if he ever tried anything she would kick, scratch and scream if need be. Although perhaps she shouldn’t be so negative - there must be a few good people in the world, and after all he was a nurse, a person with responsibility. Maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions.
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She was dressed and ready at the arranged time of nine o’clock, wearing faded denims and a light blue top. She’d put on trainers and had packed a thin grey blouson in a backpack in case the weather was cold.
He arrived suitably dressed for the outdoors and it seemed to her he was eyeing her up when he said ‘You really are very attractive, you know.’
‘You’re joking aren’t you? I’m wearing the oldest clothes I could find, and we’re only going bike riding, aren’t we?’ She felt uneasy with the amount of attention he was giving her.
‘You still look fantastic.’
She raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes, to show him how irritated she was by these compliments.
The journey to Bodwick Green, an area of outstanding natural beauty, took an hour by car. They had difficulty finding a suitable parking spot, as the car park was already almost full, and had to settle for a place quite a way from the park itself. Obviously it was a very popular place to visit.
At the edge of the car park was a small complex, consisting of a log cabin selling souvenirs and grocery, and next door a small shop displaying a sign ‘Cycles for Hire’. There were several people up ahead hiking, whilst others were simply taking their dogs for a walk.
Donna looked at the green hills and the rest of the terrain, feeling a little quiver of dread. There was no chance of her cycling up and down those hills. It would kill her. And when Evan suddenly smiled in that boyish way of his, she realised he’d noticed her reservations. ‘What you laughing at?’ She said.
‘You – getting a bit worried, are you? About all these hills. Listen, by the time I’m finished with you, you’ll have legs like a marathon runner.’
‘Don’t want legs like a marathon runner. I’m happy with the legs I’ve got – thank you very much. But seriously Evan, I’ll never make it up there.’
And as they walked towards the hut to hire the cycles she kept telling herself she had to trust him and would try to relax in his company.
After hiring the cycles for a nominal fee, they set off, but Donna kept worrying he’d exaggerated the bit about this flat cycle track that avoided the worst of the rugged terrain. Well, she’d find the truth soon enough.
The track began behind the two huts and to her relief one of the tracks skirted the bottom of the hills and was pleasant to ride on.
Donna viewed the scenery as they rode ever further, and found it breath-taking, indeed the area was unspoilt and even had hides for bird watchers to view rare species. Although enjoying herself, after a time, she began to worry about how they’d get back. Evan seemed to have the energy of a horse, and ignored her constant pleas to turn round.
Eventually, enough was enough, she had to stop. She put her feet down on the ground, allowing him to continue on his own. He turned his head back to her after only a few seconds.
‘Come on Donna, what’s the matter with you?’ he grinned, seeing she was out of breath, and had a sweat masked face.
‘Evan, it’s no good - I can’t carry on any longer. How am I going to make it back? It’ll take forever.’
He started laughing again.
‘What’s so funny now?’
‘The look on your face.’
‘Something wrong with the look on my face?’ she glared at him.
‘No, of course not. I’ll tell you what, come and cycle with me a little further and tell me what you see.’