Twice Loved

by Wendy Lindstrom

  Radford turned toward the forge, but she caught his hand to keep him from returning to work. “I’m dirty,” he said, trying to pull free.

  “I don’t care.” She held tight, refusing to leave him alone with his pain. She knew how it felt when there was no one to turn to. “I know that Kyle said some awful things that he’s sorry for, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less, does it?”

  Radford pulled his hand free, but he didn’t move away. “It’s better that we settled things. I should have been here when they needed me.”

  “Well, you’re here now. That counts for something. Your brothers were incomplete without you, Radford. Kyle has said as much himself and truly regrets what he did.”

  Radford longed to hear those words, but standing in the dark with Evelyn, and knowing she was only inches away, was too dangerous. He turned to the forge and furiously pumped the bellows until heat rolled from the coals and the entire room was filled with glowing orange light.

  Evelyn blotted her forehead with her sleeve then moved to the door, hesitating with her hand on the latch. “I understand now why you can’t go back to the mill,” she said, looking at him as though she wanted to say more. He nodded and she glanced down at the flames. “Since we have to live and work together, do you think you might start talking to me again?” Her gaze lifted to his. “I miss our friendship,” she said softly then opened the door and left the room.

  Chapter Seventeen

  As the month of September gave way to October the days turned comfortably cool and the leaves turned magnificent shades of red and gold. Kyle had finally found a way to apologize to Radford by rattling into the yard with a wagon full of lumber to rebuild the horse shelter that Radford had torn down.

  Evelyn scoured her garden for the last of her vegetables and kept an eye on Rebecca and Helen who were digging in a fallow corner. Occasionally, she’d glimpse Radford and Kyle as they carried away the old planks then started building the new shelter.

  For brothers, they were remarkably different. Where Kyle was thick-chested and heavily muscled, Radford was lean with long arms and narrow hips. Kyle’s brown hair warmed to the color of deep auburn in the sun while Radford’s appeared to darken to a deeper, richer brown. They were handsome, proud men and worthy of any woman’s interest.

  But Evelyn was still drawn to the wrong one. She’d tried to change that, but no matter how much time she spent with Kyle in the evenings, she’d been unable to nurture their friendship into passion. She owed it to Kyle to tell him about her lack of feelings, but couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him. Long ago she’d promised to stand beside him, to always be there for him, and only a few short weeks ago she’d promised to marry him. If she broke their engagement now, he’d surmise why she’d had a change of heart and the results would be disastrous.

  She stood and stretched her back. Maybe when she was away from Radford she could think clearly again. If she tried, she could make a good home with Kyle, and perhaps in the intimacy of their bedroom they would both let down their guard and rediscover each other. She cast one last, regretful look at Radford and told herself to let him go.

  Rebecca’s terrified scream turned Evelyn’s skin to ice. Everything moved forward in slow motion. A black snake slithered beneath the fence near Rebecca’s feet. Radford and Kyle flew through the air, leaping the fence in unison; Kyle still holding his axe like a wild Indian with a tomahawk, Radford with a look on his face that froze Evelyn in her tracks.

  Kyle reached for Rebecca, but Radford growled and shoved him aside.

  Kyle stumbled back four steps before he caught his balance, a dumbfounded expression on his face as he looked at Radford. Helen crouched in fear near the fence, and Evelyn stared in shock at the savage look on Radford’s face.

  “Did the snake bite you?” he asked, his voice thick and trembling with fear as he inspected his daughter.

  Rebecca shook her head then burst into tears and fell into his arms.

  Radford squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his ashen face to his daughter’s head.

  Evelyn exchanged a concerned glance with Kyle before he jumped the fence and trotted in the direction the snake went.

  Evelyn squatted beside Radford and touched his arm. When he looked at her, all Evelyn could see was his tormented eyes above Rebecca’s curls. That he was embarrassed for shoving Kyle, for being unable to control his reaction, was obvious. He seemed so lost, so utterly pathetic in his shame, that she ached for him.

  “It’s all right, Radford.” Evelyn moved her hand to Rebecca’s back and Radford’s fingers immediately linked with hers. He gripped them hard, hanging on as though Evelyn could save him from himself. “What happened?” William asked, his voice graveled and breathless.

  Evelyn jumped to her feet and hurried toward him. Her father stood at the edge of the fence, breathing hard and leaning heavily on his cane. His face was white and his legs were visibly quaking. The shock had nearly undone her father and she was frantic that he would collapse. “You need to sit down, Papa.” She took his arm, not caring in the least if Radford thought she was pampering him. Without her help he would never make it back to the house.

  Radford stepped over the fence with Rebecca on one arm and stopped Evelyn with his free hand. “Take her,” he said gently, passing Rebecca to her. He put a steadying arm around William’s waist and led him slowly to the porch, explaining what happened as they went.

  Evelyn beckoned to Helen, who was trailing at a distance then when both girls were tucked protectively at her side, she followed Radford and her father to the house.

  When Kyle joined them a few minutes later, he clapped a hand on Radford’s shoulder. “You all right?”

  “Yeah.” Radford grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

  Kyle nodded then squatted in front of Rebecca and wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb. “That snake won’t be bothering you again.”

  “Will he s-stay away?” Rebecca hiccupped and sniffed.

  “Absolutely,” Kyle said with a smile.

  Rebecca threw her arms around his neck and hugged him hard. “Thank you, Unco Kyle.”

  The look of wonder that crossed Kyle’s face was an expression Evelyn had never before witnessed on him. His big shoulders and solid neck looked so out of place with little arms wrapped around them that Evelyn was transfixed. But when he closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to Rebecca’s curls, it wrenched her heart and made her eyes tear.

  As though he suddenly realized what he was doing, he stood up and backed away. Evelyn held out a hand, wanting to keep that tender side of him from slipping away, but he didn’t reach back.

  “Did I ever tell you about the snake that got after me when I was your dad’s age?” William asked Rebecca. She hiccupped and shook her head. “It was an old hoop snake. Either of you girls ever heard of a hoop snake?” They both shook their heads. “Well, come over here and I’ll tell you a story about a real snake. That black snake was just being friendly with you. It’s those nasty hoop snakes that you gotta look out for.”

  Helen and Rebecca knelt on the floor in front of his chair, hands on knees, gazing up in anticipation. Evelyn leaned against the railing beside Kyle while Radford took a seat beside her father.

  “Those old hoop snakes are poisonous and if they get you, well, you could swell right up until you burst.”

  “Really?” Rebecca asked, obviously displeased.

  “Do they have teeth?” Helen asked.

  “Can’t say. I do know they bite their own tail and roll where they want to go. Looks just like a big ole buggy hoop, so if you ever see one you’d better hightail it out of there.”

  “I will,” Rebecca promised, as if taking a solemn oath.

  “I had to run from one myself when I was a little older than you. I was helping my pa build a new shed, but we ran out of wood so he made me dig taters for the day. While I was in the field, I heard a noise and what do you suppose I saw rolling right at me?”

  “A hoop snake!” both girls su
pplied in unison, bouncing on their knees in suspense.

  “That’s right. I didn’t have time to run so I tried to defend myself with the ash handle of my potato hook. That darn snake knocked it right out of my hand with its tail. I’ll tell you, I never ran so fast in all my life. I stayed clear of there for the rest of the day, but my pa made me go back and get that doggone potato hook the next morning. We were expecting rain and he said it’d be ruined if it got wet. I looked all over for that blasted hook then I stopped and scratched my head. There was a huge chunk of wood laying in the middle of the garden that hadn’t been there before, and after I took me a good look, I realized it was the potato hook. Must be that darn snake stuck its poison in that handle and blew it up to the size of a tree.”

  “It did?” Rebecca asked. “Did your daddy yell at you about the ‘tato hook?”

  Evelyn saw her father’s lips twitch, but he managed to keep a straight face. “No, he hitched up the wagon and took that chunk of wood to the mill and had it cut up for our shed.”

  “Did Unco Kyle cut it up for you?” Rebecca asked, her face beaming.

  This time it was Kyle who laughed and William continued with a chuckle. “No, sweetpea. Your uncle Kyle wasn’t born yet, so someone else had to do it. Anyhow, we took that lumber and finished off our shed. But it got too dark for us to put the shingles on the roof so we had to wait until the next morning. But guess what happened?” he asked mysteriously, and both girls leaned closer.

  “It had stormed all night and soaked everything for miles. When the water went down, I walked out back and looked at our shed. I blinked my eyes, thinkin’ I was still sleepin’ until my pa came out behind me and cursed up a blue streak. You see, the rain had washed the snake’s poison out of the wood and all we had left of our shed by morning was tiny pieces of wood that looked just like toothpicks.”

  “That’s a fib, Grandpa!” Rebecca said, giggling.

  He hooted and held out his hand. “I know it is, but come up here and give me a kiss anyhow.” To Evelyn’s amazement, Rebecca climbed onto his lap and squeezed his neck.

  “You tell good stories, Grandpa.”

  “Well, you’re a good listener, sweetpea, and it makes Grandpa happy to share his silly tales with you.” He tickled her side and made room for Helen who wasn’t about to be left out. “I hope you’re not going to let those snakes scare you anymore.”

  Rebecca shook her head. “Nope! I’ll just get Unco Kyle to chase them away!”

  Evelyn glanced at Kyle, who was wearing such a warm expression, that for a moment, she knew her old friend still existed somewhere beneath his business armor. Yet, even if she could find him again, she wondered if it would be enough now that she knew what passion felt like.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Radford!” Evelyn yelled, rushing into Radford’s bedroom. She grabbed his shoulder and shook him. “Wake up! Papa needs a doctor.”

  He shot up in bed, his gaze darting around the room as though expecting something to fly at him from a darkened corner. “Where are they?” he panted.

  Evelyn yanked his hand to jar him from the dark world that made his eyes wild. “Papa’s had an attack. I need you to get the doctor.”

  Radford stared at her for two full seconds then shook the remnants of sleep from his head. “Where is he?” he asked, his voice gruff with sleep as he leapt from bed. Oblivious to his nudity, he yanked on his trousers and stepped barefoot into his boots, tying his laces with quick jerks.

  They rushed across the hall to her father’s room where Radford checked her father’s breathing and pulse. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said then dashed from the room.

  Evelyn turned up the lantern then held her father’s cool, frail hand. “Papa?”

  He rolled his head toward her. His face was sagging on one side, as though his muscles had given up their job of holding skin to his face. “Why arn’ you in bed, pixie?” he asked, his speech slurred, his eyes glassy.

  He used to ask Evelyn that same question years ago when he’d find her playing in her bedroom after she was supposed to have been asleep. Instead of chastising, he’d tuck her in bed with her doll and kiss them both good night.

  Evelyn smoothed her hand across her father’s chest. “It’s my turn to tuck you in, Papa. Rest now. I’ll be right here.”

  It seemed she sat at his bedside, holding his hand, for hours before Radford came back with Doc Finlay. The doctor greeted her briefly then examined her father in silence. When he finished, he rolled his shoulders and rubbed his neck. “He’s coherent and responsive, but your father is very weak. Providing there isn’t another attack, he’ll recover. I’ll check back tomorrow to see how he’s coming along.”

  Radford took the doctor back to town and Evelyn sat in the chair next to her father’s bed, holding his hand while he slept. Occasionally she would place her palm near his mouth to check his breathing. When fatigue finally claimed her, she rested her head against the side of the chair and laid her hand upon his chest. The steady beat of his heart reassured her and she closed her eyes.

  For three days she sat with him, unwilling to leave his side. Radford spent his time between the barn and the sickroom while Kyle, Duke, and Boyd took turns helping in the livery and coming to visit in the evenings.

  On the third night, Kyle poked his head into the room. “How’s he doing?”

  Evelyn glanced at her sleeping father. “He’s sick to his stomach today.”

  “You don’t look so well yourself.” Kyle entered the room and pulled her into his arms, rubbing his palm across her back. “Can I do anything?”

  Evelyn rested her cheek against his thick chest, thinking she could close her eyes and fall asleep right there. “You’re doing enough in the livery. I really appreciate that, Kyle. Be sure to thank Boyd and Duke for me and tell them I owe them each a pie when I get my kitchen back from your mother.”

  “So she’s chased you out, has she?”

  Evelyn lifted her head and smiled. “She’s been wonderful. Rebecca loves the games they’ve been playing. Without your mother, we would have all starved over the past few days.”

  “Well, she’s downstairs right now planning our wedding meal, which is only three weeks away in case you’ve forgotten.”

  Evelyn met his eyes. “I know, but we’ll have to wait if Papa’s not better soon.”

  “Then make sure you take good care of him.

  “Are you rushin’ my daughter?”

  Embarrassed to be caught in Kyle’s arms, yet pleased to hear the strength returning to her father’s voice, Evelyn hurried to his side.

  Kyle joined them and laid his hand over William’s. “How you doing?”

  “Been better.”

  “Well, before you know it you’ll be tipping a horn with me at your daughter’s wedding.”

  William smiled weakly. “Soun’s good. Now quit pesterin’ her while I’ve got my eyes closed.”

  “Yes, sir.” Kyle grinned and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. He cupped Evelyn’s chin and gave her a quick kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said then left the house.

  Later that night, Evelyn’s father grew pale and started heaving, his body wracked with tremors. Panicked, Evelyn sent Radford for Doc Finlay again. She paced the bedroom with growing anxiety until they arrived. After long minutes of silent examination the doctor shook his head and said her father was suffering with influenza and shouldn’t be left alone in his already weakened condition.

  Frightened by the added threat, Evelyn and Radford nursed her father for two days, covering him with extra blankets when his teeth chattered from chills, wiping his face with cool cloths when he burned with fever, holding a pan when he was sick and giving him water when he could keep it down.

  On the third bone-weary night, Evelyn and Radford sat with the bed between them, the lantern casting a soft golden glow upon their shoulders and across the blankets. Radford’s long fingers rested on the mattress inches from hers and Evelyn thought how natural
it would be to reach over and link her fingers with his. She needed his strength. No one would know.

  “What are you thinking?” Radford asked quietly, his eyes probing hers.

  “I was... feeling relieved that Papa’s resting.”

  He shook his head slowly, his shadowed cheeks alternately catching the lantern glow. “No you weren’t.”

  Tension buzzed around them while he made a slow study of her face. His eyes darkened and her pulse quickened, but she was unable to look away from his masculine features and tired eyes. Something in his expression beckoned her closer, but the strain in his shoulders sent currents of warning racing through her body.

  With slow purpose, he planted both feet on the floor then unfolded his long body until he was standing. She was spellbound by the magnitude of emotion she saw in his eyes. He moved around the bed, and her breath caught in her throat when he stopped beside her.

  He lifted his hand to her cheek, but didn’t touch her. Instead he stepped away and spoke hoarsely over his shoulder. “I need air.”

  Radford stood on the balcony trying to talk himself out of running. He was losing the battle. It wasn’t just the physical wanting that tormented him. It was the deeper need to know Evelyn, to learn what she liked or loved. What was her favorite time of day for a horseback ride? Did she enjoy the rhythmic chirping of night peepers better than the bright sound of morning robins? Was there a special dream or hope that lay within that tender heart of hers? Was it something he could give her?

  And what about Kyle? What did Radford owe him? Loyalty and trust for certain, but to what extent? Was Radford to forfeit his own happiness, his life, for Kyle? Or Rebecca’s happiness? Perhaps not, but neither would he steal that very thing from his brother.

  With a low, agonized groan, Radford turned his face to the breeze. “I can’t do it!” he said to the night. “I can’t.”

  Unwilling to torment himself further, he returned to William’s room, annoyed to find Evelyn sleeping in the chair again. How many nights now had he told her to go to bed, that he would sit with William? Yet here she was, stubbornly asleep with her temple against the side of the chair, her braid falling across her shoulder and curling in her lap.