Shattered by Shadows: The Innocence Cycle, Book 1

by J D Abbas

  An odd coldness filled her. Elena’s jaw pulled tight, and she felt a scowl forming. “Can we find anything else to humiliate me and make me more of a burden on all of you?” She was surprised by the acidity in her tone and had that strange feeling of watching herself from a distance. Her scowl deepened, and she turned her face to the wall. “I wish you had left me to die.”

  Celdorn laid his hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry for your injuries and your embarrassment, little one, but I’m glad you’re alive and here with us. You are a joy, not a burden.”

  “A joy?” Elena scoffed and shrugged off his hand. A dark haze engulfed her as she turned to look at Celdorn. “Then you are in serious need of more pleasure in your life.”

  She cringed inside, surprised Celdorn didn’t raise a hand at her disrespect.

  “If our roles were reversed, I suspect I’d feel as you do. You may express as much anger as needed. We’ll take no offense.”

  The darkness deepened as she felt a fire burn in her belly. “I’m just so frustrated. I can’t bathe myself, dress myself, can’t get up or stand alone. I can’t even relieve myself without someone helping me up, helping me down, holding my leg. Ah!” Her voice was frighteningly loud. “I’ve always taken care of myself: fed myself, dressed myself, tended my own wounds, comforted myself, even rocked myself to sleep; I’ve never depended on anyone. I hate this!” She punched the bed. “And I hate that you’re being so nice. I can’t stand it!” She denied release to the tears that shoved at the back of her eyes.

  Celdorn was silent, his face unreadable. Elena shivered and braced herself.

  “No child should ever have to tend her own wounds and care for her own needs. No child should have to live so alone.” His voice was quiet, tender. Elena blinked hard, caught off guard. The room spun violently. “You should have been nurtured and loved. Perhaps it’s not too late. Could it be your current injuries are a gift, to provide you the opportunity to learn how to receive love and kindness?”

  “It’s not love. It’s pity,” she said bitingly, her hands clutching the blankets. “I can see it in your eyes. You pity this poor, deformed, beaten down, crazy, young woman—not even woman—you all look at me as if I were just a helpless child.”

  “Can there not be love and pity?” Celdorn said. “Yes, we grieve for you. We see your injuries, and it makes our hearts sick. We hear what has happened in your life, and we wish it weren’t so. But there’s so much more to you than your injuries and your need. You’re a beautiful person.”

  Elena scoffed. “Do your eyes not function?”

  “I’m not speaking of outward form, though I have no doubt without the bruises and swelling, you are much more attractive. I’m talking about an inner beauty you possess; in spite of all the things to which you have been subjected, you have a gentle and kind soul. Even Sasha sees it, and she’s a good judge of character.” He paused. “In time, perhaps you’ll believe my words and trust our love. We can’t make you receive it, but we can offer it.”

  Elena felt the darkness lift, and her head stopped swirling. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed herself such free rein. The scars on her body throbbed, reminding her to keep herself in check. She grabbed hold of her anger and locked it away.

  Taking several deep breaths, she waited for her heart to slow and the fire in her belly to diminish. She had to find a way to be conciliatory. Her life depended on these men. If they turned her out, she would be back in Anakh’s grip in no time, suffering things far worse than death.

  “I’m...” She shook her head. “I-I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.” She glanced up at Celdorn. He was staring at her with that confused look again, the one that said she’d said or done something wrong. Her stomach rolled.

  “We’re not looking for gratitude, Elena. We’re trying to right grievous wrongs done to you. Is it so hard to believe that we want to help you just for your sake, for your own good?”

  Elena picked at the scabs on her knuckles. How could she respond without angering or offending these men?

  “It’s just so difficult...for me to trust...to hope in the possibility.” She felt empty as she turned her eyes to Celdorn. “My heart wants to believe you, but my experience says to hope is to open myself to being crushed again when the dream dissolves. I’ve awakened too many times.” Elena put her hand on her chest. It felt like someone had taken hold of her heart and was twisting it. “I can’t do this.” The whispered truth slipped past all her internal guards. “I’m too broken.”

  Celdorn glanced at Dalgo then sat on the bed and pulled her into his arms. She was at war. Part of her cringed and wanted to pull away, but another part wanted to grab hold of him and cling on for dear life. A tormenting agony rose in her chest, and she tried to wiggle free of his embrace before it devoured her.

  Celdorn gasped and she felt his chest constrict, but he didn’t let go. “I will hold onto hope for you,” he whispered into her hair. “I believe we found you in Alsimion for a reason. We won’t give up. All will be well, little one; in time, all will be well.”

  She fought to keep her fortress walls intact while Celdorn tore away at them. She wanted to hate him for daring to expose the abyss in her soul, but she also secretly longed to have that void filled. Was that possible?

  No. Not for her. Celdorn was wrong. She was not beautiful inside. Once these men learned the truth, they would disown her like all the rest. No one wanted her—this disgusting, damaged...thing. She was a waste of skin and a waste of their time and efforts. She yanked the walls safely back in place.

  Celdorn pulled back and gave her an encouraging smile, which she didn’t return. “We need to get you dressed so we can have our morning meal and discuss what our next steps will be. It’s well past the time I told my companions to assemble.”

  She nodded and didn’t resist. Dalgo wrapped the wound on her thigh, patting her leg when done. He and Celdorn helped her into the fresh clothes.

  Celdorn handed her a comb, but she didn’t move—couldn’t move. The internal battle had taken everything out of her. The day had just begun, and she was already exhausted.

  So Celdorn took it and tugged through the snarls in her long hair. He’d apparently never done this for someone else before; he managed to get the comb stuck several times. “Sorry,” he said again and again.

  Though probably not his intention, he made Elena smile, and the room straightened.

  “Is it that difficult to manage my hair?” she chided with a half-grin, taking advantage of the opportunity to refocus. She took the comb from Celdorn and untwisted it from her hair. She deftly separated the snarls. “Done,” she said, handing it back. “Is there a mirror somewhere so I can see what I look like?”

  The men exchanged glances and hesitated.

  “I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to look in a mirror at this time,” Dalgo said.

  “I know I look horrific, but I want to see what you see. I’m stronger than you give me credit for,” she replied, lifting her chin.

  ~

  After they arrived in his chamber, Celdorn sent Mikaelin to find a mirror.

  Elena looked around as Celdorn settled her into her seat at the table. “Where are the dogs?”

  “Outside for their morning run,” Celdorn replied.

  It was silly, but she felt exposed without Sasha’s head in her lap. She crossed her arms and hugged herself.

  When Mikaelin returned, Elbrion was with him. The young man frowned and handed Elbrion the mirror, obviously not wanting to get any closer to her than he had to. He couldn’t even look at her without scowling. She turned away.

  Elbrion looked sad and haggard this morning—much the same as she felt most every morning of her life. But when he approached, he smiled and surprised her with a gentle kiss on the head. “Good morning, Sheyshon.”

  “What does that mean?”

  He hesitated and rubbed his brow. “It means precious girl in my language.” As he spoke, his crystalline eyes pierced all the way to her so
ul as if...wanting…demanding something.

  Elena blushed and looked down; she longed to both embrace and shove away the words. They frightened her. She quickly fortified the wall around her heart and focused on the mirror in Elbrion’s hand. “You found one.”

  “Are you certain you want to look in it?” He squatted next to her, his brow furrowed with concern.

  “Yes. You all value truth. The mirror shows truth.”

  Elbrion smiled again. “I cannot argue with that.” He handed it to Elena.

  She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to imagine what she would see, in hopes of bracing herself. When she looked in the mirror, she gasped and the room fell silent again.

  Elena didn’t recognize the person gazing back at her. Every feature was altered. She finally focused on the one eye that could open. It was her eye, but it was set in an unfamiliar place. A fear that she would spend the rest of her days behind this hideous mask rose to choke her. Her looks were one of the few things of value she possessed; they kept her alive. Now her face matched her soul. Tears fought for release, which she refused to grant. She tightened her jaw and laid the mirror on the table. “I don’t know that person,” she blurted. “Will the one I know ever come back?”

  Celdorn looked at Dalgo and gave a nod.

  “Most of the wounds will heal,” Dalgo replied. “When the swelling reduces, you’ll recognize yourself again, but you’ll most likely have scars and some permanent changes, possibly to your nose and cheekbones, where they’ve been chipped or broken. It is difficult to predict so soon after the injuries. Today is probably the worst you will see. It will improve from here.”

  Elena looked away, not wanting to see the pity on his face. “Thank you,” she murmured. She didn’t feel grateful in the least, but it was necessary to be polite.

  ~

  When the food was brought in, Mikaelin took the opportunity to rise and stretch his legs, unable to contain his restlessness. It felt like his skin was packed tight with writhing snakes ready to strike out. There was something about this girl that was unraveling him.

  He knew the twisting pain in his chest and the churning maelstrom of emotion were coming from Elena. What he didn’t understand was why. He wasn’t what anyone would call sensitive. Most of the time he was cool and aloof, but for some reason he couldn’t separate from this girl’s emotions. He knew he had empathic powers like the others, but he'd always been able to shield himself from absorbing the feelings around him—until now. What was different?

  Mikaelin watched her from the shadows at the side of the fireplace. No one seemed to notice that she was having trouble eating. She could barely open her mouth and chewed slowly as if it pained her. How could it not? With bruises along both jawlines, loose teeth were also possible. Simply drinking proved difficult with her swollen, misshapen lips; the ale kept running down her chin.

  His face suddenly throbbed along with hers. He watched her shoulders hunch as she gave up and felt his own chest deflate. He would make certain she had things she could manage for subsequent meals.

  In the meantime, he would stay as far from her as he could without drawing undue attention.

  Chapter 16

  “From what we’ve learned from you so far, there’s a vile business going on in the Wallan Valley that threatens the lives and welfare of many children.” Celdorn’s gaze focused on Elena, who stared at her propped-up feet.

  The meal was finished, and the men had stretched and returned to their seats, ready to make some tough decisions.

  Elena grabbed their full attention when she said, “Not only in our valley.”

  Celdorn’s food turned to lead in his stomach. He’d hoped Elbrion was wrong. “Say more.”

  Elena flinched but didn’t answer. Celdorn felt her fear move into his chest and twist his gut. Then, in an instant, it was gone.

  The girl straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, her green eyes suddenly dark and menacing beneath her swollen lids. “I’ve seen people of many races, from Penumbra in the south to the Gorhan Valley in the far north, mountain people, as well as some from the far eastern areas. I’ve even seen Rogaran.” She glanced at Celdorn sideways then back at her feet. “There are children from different regions brought for training then transported to other places. The ones who instruct aren’t from here.”

  “Can you tell us about this training?”

  Elena paled and gaped at him, shaking her head. Her lips moved but no sound came out.

  What had they done to this girl to terrify her so? Celdorn fought the urge to roar. It was several moments before he could speak without spewing. “Do you know who the leaders are? Can you identify people or places that would help us locate them?”

  “Names are rarely used.”

  “But you must know some, your father’s name, for instance.”

  Elena stiffened, and her face went from white to deathly gray. “To tell means death,” she whispered.

  Celdorn worked to keep his voice calm and steady. “Perhaps, but it no longer means your death.”

  Elena lifted her emerald eyes and met his gaze. “It’s not my death I fear.” She hesitated as if she might say more then quickly looked away.

  “Surely, you’re not concerned for those who hurt you?”

  There was a long pause. “No...” Her face contorted and her breathing quickened. “I fear for others...innocent ones...who they might punish because of me, knowing this would cause me the most suffering.”

  Elbrion’s head snapped up. He stared at Elena with a look moving from disbelief to anguish. She gazed back at him, puzzled. Her face reddened, and she stared at her wringing hands. The rest of the men sat in a heavy silence.

  “We have the advantage at this point, Elena.” Celdorn kept his tone gentle. “Your people don’t know that you’re here. They wouldn’t know the source of our information. If we move quickly, we may insure they never know.” He paused, deliberating. “As for the other children, if we do nothing, they are certainly doomed to continue in the maltreatment and exploitation. If we take action, they may be spared.”

  Celdorn stopped and let the impact of his words fall.

  With a shuddering sigh, Elena looked up, giving him permission to continue.

  “What is your father’s name?”

  Elena stopped moving, stopped breathing. “Domar, last son of Margol.” She hugged herself.

  “From the village of Rhamal?”

  She nodded.

  “Is there a place where they...” He didn’t know how to say it. “That’s used for these purposes. A meeting hall? A particular homestead?”

  “There’s a camp outside the village that always has children available. The travelers know this place and don’t come into the village.”

  “Where is this camp?”

  “I’m not sure.” Elena’s eyes flitted back and forth. “My memories are...hazy.”

  “Are there any landmarks you remember?”

  Elena considered, her eyes unfocused and unstoppable. Her trembling turned to spasms. She looked ready to collapse.

  Elbrion spoke in a steady, calming tone. “Elena, look away from the men. Focus on the outside of the structure.”

  She gave a tiny nod. “Wh-when I come out of the building, I see Mount Topol in front of me,” she said in a quiet monotone, staring at the far wall. “The Vandillon isn’t far. I see the trees that line its bank. I hear the roar of rapids.”

  “She’s facing west,” Celdorn noted. “The waterfall and rapids of the Vandillon are north of Rhamal. Do you see many trees, Elena?”

  “No, not in front of me. It’s clear until the ones by the river.”

  “Can you turn around and tell me what you see behind you?”

  “I see three structures—Ow!” Elena grabbed her head.

  “What happened?”

  “I-It felt like my brain exploded.” She swayed in her seat.

  Elbrion’s face darkened. “I feel a presence. Something entered here.”

  A
sharp bark sounded from the terrace. Sasha paced by the door, looking ready to bash it down. She barked again.

  “Let her in,” Celdorn said to Silvandir.

  When he opened the door, the dog loped across the room and straight to Elena, her hackles up. She sniffed around Elena’s chair as if searching for something. Finally, she calmed and sat next to the girl and unceremoniously plopped her head into Elena’s lap. The girl received her with open arms, kissing the top of her head. Sasha’s tail thumped her approval.

  Celdorn watched the dog with a frown. Then he turned to Elbrion. “A presence entered here? What do you mean?”

  “I cannot explain it. Something or someone touched Elena’s mind from a great distance. She is experiencing this now; it is not memory.”

  All the color drained from Elena’s face. Celdorn turned to her. “What did you see?”

  “I was looking at the buildings, and then I saw a bright light and felt a sharp pain in my head and they...were gone.”

  “There was more than one building?”

  “Yes, I think I saw three.”

  “Were the buildings made of stone or wood?”

  “Two of them were wood and larger. One was a dung hut with a thatched roof. The doors faced the river.”

  “What about the light? Do you see that now?”

  “No, it was only a flash, but it’s like it blinded me. I can’t see the images anymore.”

  Celdorn turned. “Elbrion?”

  “This is beyond me. I have heard this is possible, but I have not seen or experienced it myself.”

  “What’s possible?”

  Elbrion hesitated, his eyes flicked to Elena then back to Celdorn. “That someone is able to maintain a connection with Elena’s mind from afar.”

  The girl’s head snapped up.

  “Elena is a powerful projector. I saw images a few minutes ago that passed through her mind. I am not usually able to do so unless I am touching the person, but Elena has visual energy.”