This Love

by Hilaria Alexander

  I bet this was the kind of feeling that made you do stupid, crazy stuff. As the great Bob Marley would say: “Is this love that I’m feeling?”

  I made sure his hair was dry before I turned off the hair dryer. I placed it on a nearby shelf, and I caressed his hair once again. He tipped his chin to look up at me. My stomach flipped when his hands traveled up under my shirt, which was a bit dryer than before, but still humid.

  “You should take this shirt off,” he mumbled, a certain hoarseness in his voice. He lifted the fabric up and kissed my stomach.

  I sucked in a breath. He pressed another soft kiss on my stomach, and I shivered. He noticed the goose bumps and looked up into my eyes.

  “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” he cautioned me, his eyes looking at me reassuringly.

  No, no, no. I wanted this. I might have been unsure before but I knew I wanted this tonight. There wasn’t going to be a better time than tonight. He was going to leave in a couple of days…we were probably not going to get another chance. I might never see him again and thinking of him will sure be a bitch, but I wanted this. I wanted him. I stared into his eyes for the longest time before I could say anything.

  “You know, you haven’t given me a Happy Birthday kiss. Not even one,” I told him with a grin.

  “What?” he asked, puzzled.

  “My birthday is over, and you haven’t properly kissed me. Not once.”

  He frowned, and then his face broke into a smile.

  “I haven’t?” He asked, still dubious. He considered it for a moment and then the look on his face told me he realized we really hadn’t kissed in a while, if you didn’t count the two small pecks I had given him earlier that night. Which I didn’t. Those had barely been kisses.

  “We couldn’t. We always had people around us.”

  “You’re right.” He smiled once more, and his eyes shone with amusement.

  “Seems like I’m doing a very poor job of wooing you.”

  “Were you trying to woo me? I hadn’t noticed,” I joked, gesturing toward the place where we were spending the night.

  He frowned, giving me a tight-lipped smile, and I realized that what I had just said might have sounded wrong.

  “I-I didn’t mean it like that, I was joking. Yes, of course you are wooing me. Throwing me a birthday party and a sleepover on a houseboat? No one has ever done anything like this for me!” I said, excitedly. “So the roof started leaking…I don’t care. I’m never going to forget this night,” I added, as I caressed his smooth cheek and moved a strand of his hair behind his ear.

  I let out a deep breath and then looked into his green eyes again.

  I told myself I was nervous because I hadn’t been intimate with anyone in a while, but the truth was that I didn’t care about anyone I had slept with the way I cared about Lou. When it came to sex, I had always been careful but cocky, and guys were never anything more than a pastime. This…this scared me and made my body tense with excitement and emotion. It felt like I was about to take a dive from a cliff into the ocean.

  “This is one of the best nights of my life…and I have a feeling it’s only going to get better.”

  I took my wet shirt off and threw it on the floor. He looked momentarily stunned, but he recovered quickly, grabbing my legs and wrapping them around his waist, lifting me up. I immediately encircled his neck with my arms, trying to hold on. He leaned in and kissed me, really kissed me, savoring my tongue over and over. I was too focused on the kiss to realize that we were moving. He broke the kiss off and looked around to make sure we could both pass through the door. He threw me on the mattress, making me squeal. He grinned and lowered himself on me. His eyes looked wild, like he didn’t know what part of me he wanted to savor first. He softly bit my bottom lip and started trailing kisses on my neck all the way down to my collarbone. He balanced himself on one elbow and took one of my breasts in his hand, teasing my nipple. I shivered again.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked.

  “If you say one more time, ‘We don’t have to do this,’ I’ll bite you, I swear,” I huffed, but he cut me off, attacking my mouth again, grinding his hips into mine in the most delicious way. It was slow and insistent, and I moaned into his mouth. I wanted him, so badly. He broke the kiss and started trailing kisses down my neck all the way to my chest. When he got to my breasts, he stopped. I raised myself up on my elbows to look at him, and he was staring at them so intensely, as if he’d never seen a woman naked before. I knew that wasn’t the case. So, of course, I started feeling self-conscious. Was there something wrong with me? Maybe he was rethinking the whole thing.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked him, mimicking his tone from earlier.

  “What?” he asked, coming out of his daze. “Of course I want to…what kind of question is that? Don’t you know how much I want you?” he added, sounding so sincere I felt stupid for even questioning him.

  “God, you’re so beautiful, Ella,” he whispered as he looked into my eyes and ran his fingers across my chest. He caressed both breasts and then took a nipple in his mouth tracing circles with his tongue. I slipped my fingers in the waist of his pajama pants and started sliding his underwear and pants down.

  As I did that, I couldn’t help but think about the other night in the music store, when I had touched him for the first time below the belt albeit over his clothes. I got a handful of his butt before, but it was nothing like feeling his skin under my fingers. Lou was slender, but he had a wonderful ass, and I just so happened to be one of those women that truly appreciated a good ass. I grabbed ahold of his butt and pressed him more into me. Not only did the man have a great ass that I dreamed of biting one day, he was also not lacking in another fundamental area. I wasn’t going to say anything ridiculous as, “He had the biggest I had ever seen,” but as I wrapped my hand around it, it felt smooth, silky and beautiful—and was plenty big. I slid his pants down more, as much as the position allowed. I slid one hand to the front, and I took it in my hand, stroking him slowly up and down. A low growl escaped his mouth, and he went back to kissing me from my cheek to my neck to my collarbone, his mouth biting and nibbling everywhere, whispering sweet nothings, my name, above everything else, along with God’s.

  I was already plenty turned on by our foreplay, but I got greedy and impatient when he started telling me how beautiful and sweet I was and how he had to have every part of me.

  “Let me show you how much I want you,” he said softly, his tongue wrapping around one of my nipples. He then traveled south, licking my belly button; he took off my leggings slowly and as he uncovered more skin, he started placing kisses on the inside of my thigh. I was already squirming under his touch and his lips, as heat fired up in my belly. I had to take charge. I raised myself up and took off his pants, trying not to be as rushed in my movements as I thought I was being. His erection sprung out in front of me. If his dick could talk, it would have said, “Thank you for freeing me.” I had seen others, of course—some weird shaped ones I still couldn’t erase from my memory—but I was quite captivated by this one. Most of my previous encounters were the casual kind, so I always avoided giving head, especially since guys seemed to think you’ll just go down on them—no questions asked—without a condom.

  I looked at him, and he tried to stop me.

  “You don’t have to.” But I wanted to.

  “I want to taste you. Please tell me that you’ve been tested.”

  He pressed his lips together in a tight line and exhaled.

  “I actually have. After I found out Ashley cheated on me. I didn’t have unprotected sex with anyone else.”

  “Me neither. Ever,” I told him, looking into his eyes.

  I grabbed his hips, and took him into my mouth, before he could re-think this or stop me. The groan that escaped him was already a sign of my imminent victory. I twirled my tongue around it slowly, focusing on the head first, before taking in the whole length. I heard his
breathing become heavier and uneven. I repeated the movement slowly, taking my time.

  “God, Ella…”

  I wasn’t going to stop, I was determined to finish him, even if that meant delaying having him inside of me. Oh, how I wanted him.

  “Stop.” He pulled my hair to make me look at him, the expression in his eyes sweet and reverent. “Your turn,” he added with a wicked smile.

  He leaned down and gave me a sweet, slow, deep kiss, before lying me back on the mattress. He trailed kisses all over my chest and my stomach, his hand caressing every other inch of my skin. I caught his beautiful green eyes wild and hungry just before he parted my legs. He kissed the inside of my thighs, first one, then the other, slowly, making me squirm in anticipation, even before reaching my sex. He already had me on the verge, and when his mouth pressed against me, my eyes rolled back in my head.

  This was him, and even the simplest touch made me shiver. His hands grabbed ahold of my ass, as his tongue kept doing wonderful things to me. I tried to stay as still as I could for him, because knowing my innate grace, I was probably going to kick him accidentally. Fingers dug into the flesh of my thighs, his tongue flicked back and forth. The man was as talented with his tongue as he was with his fingers. I wasn’t going to last much longer. The raw energy building up inside of me made me so crazy I wanted to toss and turn, but he kept me in place. I wanted to grab on to something, but I hated the gesture of grabbing someone’s head while they were already giving you the biggest gift. I hated when men did that, but it was just as bad coming from a woman. So instead, I ran my fingers through his hair and gave it a gentle tug. I was all moans and strangled cries, and my yeses of encouragement sounded hoarse and pitchy. It only took him a few more skilled movements to bring me over the edge. As I shuddered underneath him, I was overcome by an avalanche of emotions, but what prevailed above anything else was the feeling of ecstasy and the certainty that this was not a mistake. Everything about this felt right. My body had been awakened, warmth radiating through it, and my heart was coming back to life, pumping more blood, hammering against my chest.

  As he rose up, he gave me a satisfied grin that did nothing to help my heart slow down. I embraced him and kissed him, the expression on my face was a mix of contentment and embarrassment.

  He kissed my forehead and then his eyes traveled all over, as if he was taking me in for the first time, his hands exploring every curve of my body.

  “God, you’re beautiful, Ella,” he said, looking into my eyes.

  I sighed. I was going to take his compliment, but like the majority of women, I wasn’t happy with my body, my ass in particular. It was too big and I was convinced it was because I spent the greater part of my life sitting on a damn piano bench.

  I tried to shrug off my stupid insecurities, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his Adam’s apple, trailing kisses down to his collarbone. I wanted, I needed more of him.

  “I need you inside of me,” I whispered against his ear.

  “Good God, woman,” he murmured against my lips with a lopsided grin, “You’d make a grown man weak in the knees.” He stole a kiss and then said, “I’ll be right back.”

  He got up and left our makeshift bed disappearing on the other side of the houseboat. I covered myself with a blanket we had found in a linen closet. We had to ditch everything else we had on the mattress since it had been soaked in the process of taking the mattress out of the bedroom.

  He turned off the bathroom light and came back a moment later. Seeing him walk around the semi-dark room with a huge boner was arousing and at the same time slightly comical. It might have been the weirdo in me, but I found the human body was both fascinating and funny looking.

  My weird mental rambling ceased once he sat on the mattress next to me. His eyes told me he wasn’t messing around, and this was the moment we had both been waiting for and waltzed around for days.

  “Take this off,” he commanded grabbing the blanket, his voice almost a low growl. I looked at him and did what he asked, without breaking eye contact.

  He started running a hand up my leg and kissed my knee.

  I couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Lou, I need you.”

  He ripped the foil packet of a condom with his mouth and retracted his fingers to roll the condom on himself. I raised myself up on my knees to get closer to him and kiss him. I grabbed his face and covered his lips with mine, wrapping my tongue around his. He grabbed me around my hips and pushed me backwards onto the mattress. My head fell on the pillows, as I looked at him parting my legs again. He teased me with his fingers before positioning himself and making a swift entrance. I gasped in surprise, as he filled and stretched me. He was so focused on me, his eyes studying my features as I reacted to having him inside of me. He started moving, slowly, carefully, and I sighed, letting out a breath. I grabbed his shoulders and rocked my hips against him.

  “You feel so good, Lou,” I whispered, closing my eyes.

  He kissed me under my jaw, biting me softly, all while rocking into me.

  “Don’t you see we’re perfect together, Ella?” he murmured softly against my skin. A low grunt escaped his mouth, and he adjusted himself slightly, pushing further into me, his head falling backwards.

  I bit my lip looking at him, realizing this little moment made me wild with desire. I thought that seeing him play turned me on, but that was nothing compared to his face in ecstasy while he was burying himself inside of me. That topped everything. I was the one doing that to him, making him lose control.

  The usually poised, well-behaved musician with the dangerous eyes lost all of his composure when it came to me, apparently. To be desired was a beautiful feeling, I couldn’t deny it. I never wanted him to stop looking at me like he did.

  As the thought formed in my mind, I flinched. It was like seeing all these Tetris pieces latch together one after the other. Suddenly I was fully aware of how deep my feelings were, and as he kept rocking into me, the fire in my heart and the one in my belly grew like an inferno burning away any doubt. I had never felt anything this powerful with anyone before. My feelings and the sensation of sheer pleasure building up gradually inside of me had me almost in tears. I blinked away the traitorous tears and grabbed Lou for a kiss while we moved frantically, chasing our release. It came a few seconds later as we both shook in each other’s arms, catching our breath. He collapsed on top of me, and I kissed his head, running my fingers through his hair.

  It had to be early morning by the time we finally settled to go to bed.

  The last thing I heard before falling asleep in Lou’s shirt, with his arms around my waist, was his voice whispering “Happy Birthday” in my ear.

  CHAPTER 10

  We had a slow start that morning. Daylight invaded the space where we were sleeping way too early. We both hid under the covers, wanting a little more time in bed.

  I turned to face him, looking for comfort and darkness. I laid my head against his chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. I had spent the night with other guys before, but this was right about the time you’d get up, get your clothes on, leave quietly and go home. Yes, this was the time of the day when people did the walk of shame. Those words always bothered me, though, because somehow they always tended to be associated with women and not with men. Men did the walk of shame too, did they not? Besides, what was there to be ashamed of? Of owning your sexuality? Were we living in the ’50s? Yeah, there would be no walk of shame for me. There was nothing I had to be ashamed of. I decided I was going to call it the Walk of Glory. I laughed, and I felt Lou stir against me.

  “What are you laughing about?” he asked in a throaty voice.

  “I’m about to do a Walk of Glory back to my place. I’m not ready to move just yet though.”

  “Walk of Glory?”

  “Yes, a positive, alternate expression to the misogynist, more widely known walk of shame. As a feminist, I hate those words. ”

  He moved back slightl
y to look at my face, looking at me confused, before bursting into laughter. “There’s nothing to laugh at, buddy.”

  “No, no. I wholeheartedly agree. Can I do this Walk of Glory thing with you?”

  “Of course you can,” I said smiling.

  He hugged me close to him and started covering me with kisses. He played with my hair and took his time exploring every inch of my skin, and I let him. I let him do everything he wanted to do to me, because I still wanted him, still needed him.

  Suddenly, I realized how foolish I had been trying to avoid falling for him. I was enjoying this too much to keep torturing myself for no good reason. We had sex, and even though he was about to leave in a couple of days, it didn’t matter. Yes, I cared for him way more than I should have, but I knew he felt the same way. It was unspoken, but it was there, in his eyes, in the way he looked at me. And every time he did, I felt my chest burst with a type of happiness I had never experienced before.

  When we went back to the pancake house, we were greeted by applause and whistles, like we had just gotten back from our honeymoon.

  It was early afternoon and almost closing time, but a few of the usual customers were still there. Older men, mostly. They knew me well, and they were usually very nice to me. Their English was pretty limited, yet we sometimes engaged in half-Dutch, half-English conversations.

  “Groot worden!” I yelled in their direction, narrowing my eyes at them. You’d think I wouldn’t have to tell a group of grown men to grow up, but I couldn’t hold back. I was so busy being mad at them I almost missed Lou behind me, raising his joined hands in a self-clasping handshake, grinning like he had just won a gold medal.

  He stopped as soon as he realized I was staring at him.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, trying to be mad at him but unable to hide the smile forming on my face. However ridiculous and partly childish his gesture was, it was also funny.