“Stars,” she whispered. “Yes.”
He lifted a hand and touched her shoulder, brushing her skin where the gown did not cover her. Her heart nearly stopped. Fairies, she had learned a long time ago, were not embarrassed by the same things as humans. Lief could have seen her naked in the tub and she wouldn’t have minded, which was why standing in front of him in nothing more than a thin cotton gown hadn’t fazed her until this very moment when he touched her. Her skin felt like it might melt away from her body, leaving her very heart exposed. She remembered a conversation with one of her fairy classmates about what bonding between two fairies entailed. Some bonds were not love bonds, and only meant to procreate. Some were stronger and based on love and a need to be together. That was the kind of bond that frightened Serina to her very core. The physical intimacy of such a bond hadn’t seemed shocking then, but it did now. Lief’s fingers still brushed her skin. He leaned down close to her lips, stopping just shy of kissing her.
“Lief,” she whispered as her thoughts turned anxious, “why did you come in here?”
He stepped back and looked at the floor. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“I already know you have feelings for me—you told me that before we came to the human realm, but Lief...” She felt the warmth of the fire on her calves. She understood what was happening, how the heat in her body was caused more by Lief’s presence than the fire. She understood why the sprites had giggled and why bonding was a terrible reality suddenly placed before her.
Lief looked up. “I promised myself I wouldn’t enter your mind, but I can’t help it. Please don’t deny what you’re feeling.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You’re poking around in my mind?”
“Only just now, and only for the briefest, smallest, tiniest moment.” He squinted and held up two fingers to show her just how small. This made her take a more guarded stance, and she planted her hands on her hips.
“So am I allowed to poke around inside your mind? What exactly is going on in there, anyway?”
For a moment she did almost try to push into his mind, but she knew she was not strong enough, nor did she truly wish to. Looking into his eyes was enough for now. They did not lie. Unless, of course, she was too blind to see any lies there. He liked to keep things from her.
“I promise I’ll let you inside one day,” he said, stepping close to her again. “For now, I wanted to tell you that Faireth shared some of her memory with me as well, while you were bathing. I’m sorry for what has happened with Aeline. I wanted to talk to you about what must be done, but I fear you’re not going to understand the weight upon your shoulders.”
Serina glared at him. “I shouldn’t listen to another word out of your mouth. You promised me earlier that you would never look inside my mind, and now you’re letting yourself in little by little. I don’t even know when you do it.”
“I did it just this once, and I never promised you any such thing.” He folded his arms. “Although I will make that promise right this second if it will help us have a more open conversation about your sister.”
“So this is all about Aeline, then? That’s why you came in here to talk to me?”
He nodded. “Yes. I mean, no. I mean—”
“I think I understand.” She turned away and watched the fire. The coals beneath the logs glowed so brightly they were almost red. Lief was obviously attracted to her, but where did his loyalties truly lie? His original duty, after all, was to protect her on her journey to Verath. He had also made it quite clear that he would rather have Verath take care of Aeline instead of all this meddling.
“I don’t think you understand at all,” he said, his voice more distant. She turned to look at him as he backed away from her. “I am torn between wanting to help you in your own quest and wanting to protect you from the pain that awaits you at the end of such a path. Now that I know Aeline carries a child who could bring an end to the fairies and balance, I want to take you straight back to Rodowa.” He lifted a hand and snapped his fingers. “I could do it in a heartbeat.”
“Then why don’t you?” Heat rose to her face as she stepped closer to him. “You’re Verath’s powerful little pet. Take me to him and show him how loyal you are. I won’t fight, I promise. I’ll tell him how you’ve kept me in this house to try to change my mind. I’ll tell him how not one being cares to help me find my sister and try to save her from his unjust wrath. He will be pleased, I am sure.”
The heat in her face was so hot that she imagined she might glow as brightly as the coals in the fireplace. One part of her wanted to hit Lief with her fist, but the other part of her wanted him to hold her and tell her she was safe. Neither of these things was going to happen. Lief’s expression crumpled.
“I would never do that,” he said in almost a whisper. “How could you think that of me? Verath assisted in my creation, yes, but that does not make me his pet, nor do my loyalties lie with him.”
“Then where do they lie?”
Closing his eyes for a moment, he stood straight and tall. The smell of bath salts in the room was strong and the heat from the fire curled itself around Serina as she thought about more nights on the cold ground. She didn’t want to travel alone. She wanted Lief with her more than anything, so why was she arguing with him?
He opened his eyes. “My loyalties lie with keeping balance.”
“Then you mean to help Verath destroy my sister.”
“No, that is not what I said.”
“Then tell me, Lief, once and for all. If we find my sister and I refuse to harm her or her child, what are you going to do? Will you allow Verath to find her so he can do whatever terrible thing he has planned? Are you on my side or have you sided with the greater good?”
He stood so still she thought he might be frozen. “I’ll let you sleep,” he said, and turned and left the room. She almost called after him, but decided it was pointless. What a stupid question she had asked. Of course he would side with the greater good. She was quickly sliding down the slippery slope Aeline had taken, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to try to climb back up.
Walking to the window, she lifted her hands and touched the glass with her wrinkled fingers. It was icy cold. Leaving now would be incredibly foolish.
Tiny feet stomping on her face woke her up. She swatted at the sprites as they tugged on her hair and clothes. “Lief is ready!” they said in unison as soon as her eyes opened. “It’s time to go.”
Sitting up, she remembered her argument with Lief the night before. “What have I done?” she groaned. “Why would he still take me to Aeline after everything I said last night? He should be dragging me back to the fairy realm so he can turn me over to the council.”
“What purpose would that serve?” Orla asked as she unlaced the back of Serina’s nightgown. “You certainly can’t bond with someone you betray. Lief’s heart forbids him to harm you, I can promise you that.”
“All this talk of hearts and bonding,” Serina said as she pulled on her underclothes. “It’s enough to make me insane. None of this makes any sense. Are we supposed to love outside of all logic as Aeline has done, or are we supposed to sacrifice ourselves to keep an eternal balance? That makes less sense to me with every passing day.”
The sprites looked at each other, their faces blank. She put on her dress with their help, and then her boots. Her hair would have to remain an ugly nest. The snarls were a disaster since Aeline was the only who could brush through them entirely. Smoothing her hands over the mess of curls, she avoided looking at herself in the mirror. She left the room with her bag, which she slung over her shoulder as soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Lief was in the middle of the room. Rainbows danced around him as sunlight spilled through the windows. He looked up at her and smiled.
“Do you feel better?” he asked. “The human realm requires more rest than you’re used to. I need to make sure you’re getting enough.”
She kept a frown firmly planted on her lips. “My body
feels refreshed, but I’m anxious to leave.”
“Not without breakfast!” Faireth called from the kitchen. “And a goodbye, of course.”
They ate a quick meal, which seemed rather scant for what they had eaten the past few days. Serina noticed the shelves in the pantry and how bare they had become. She looked out the window at the charred garden and how much trouble Aeline had caused. If she was capable of murdering their own mother, would she kill anyone? Had she tried to kill Faireth?
“You must let us get you some food to restock your shelves,” Serina said as they helped clean up the kitchen. “Please, let us go into town for you, or maybe Lief can create some from roots.”
“You have no money, and I would not ask that of Lief,” Faireth laughed, nudgeding them out of the kitchen. “I will manage, I promise you. Look, I will show you.” She pulled a large glass jar from a shelf. It was filled with coins. “See, I am able to purchase some items until my garden grows again.”
“But will it grow again?” Serina asked, very doubtful. The plants looked as if they had been burned to their roots. The very soil was probably ruined.
“Of course it will. Life always thrives with death. Come.” Faireth nudged them the rest of the way out of the house, and they walked around to the back where she bent down low to pull away the dead branches of a currant bush. “See?”
From the black soil poked the smallest glimmer of a green shoot. It reminded Serina of Innocence and her pale green wings. In fact, once Serina stopped to think about it, she wasn’t surprised that Faireth had found growth in her garden since their arrival. The tiny green sprite fluttered toward the shoot, a smile beaming on her face. “When spring arrives, it is the essence of life. It will come in its own time,” she said, and kissed Faireth on the cheek. “We must depart now.”
Standing, Faireth wiped her brow. “Yes! Go! I will detain you no longer.”
Serina gave her a tender hug. “Are you happy in this realm?” she asked. “Truly?”
Her lips parting in a smile, Faireth nodded. “Happiness is not conditional, dear child. I lived long enough in Lisadar. It was time for me to come and be with the humans and experience the balance we fairies work so hard to keep.” She gestured toward the shoot pushing through the dirt. “Remember never to lose hope. That is a part of keeping balance.”
Serina nodded and stepped away for Lief to approach Faireth. “Thank you for helping us,” he said, touching Faireth’s arm lightly. “It is good we rested before the remainder of our journey.”
“Yes, good luck to you.”
“Goodbye.” Lief bowed and then took Serina’s hand, guiding her away from the cottage as the sprites followed behind.
5
Bonded
The three sprites giggled every now and then. Serina knew the source of their amusement, and it made her blush despite her better judgment. Lief didn’t seem upset with her. He spoke to her gently and looked at her with a face softened with so much affection her throat restricted with shame. How could she have been so upset with him? He was still helping her, and he obviously cared for her. Did it matter that he wanted to preserve the balance? Maybe that made him even more endearing, she thought as they traveled through valleys and forests and fields. She certainly wasn’t harboring such higher aspirations. Or was she? Her heart longed to be with Aeline, to tell her she did not judge her and would do anything to protect her. Aeline and her child were the only part of Ellendia left, besides herself. How could she willingly let that go—even at the expense of saving her own kind? The entire fairy race, which had existed since the beginning of time, could not hinge on Aeline’s half-human child. That was ridiculous. Everyone was being overly cautious. Weren’t they?
Unable to answer her own question, she kept walking with her heart set on seeing Aeline once more. Each night, Lief created a fire to keep them warm. He kept feeding from the earth so he could create savory dishes for both of them to eat. She kept the rain off their heads until they finally traveled beyond the lands of the elves. The nights became dry and clear, and she spent hours watching the stars twinkle in the blackness. Sometimes she gazed at her upheld hand, fascinated with the play of moonlight on her skin. The sprites had their own glow, but not the same as hers. Their glow radiated outward, hers more inward. The elves seemed to glow more outwardly as well. Only fairies seemed to illuminate inside and out, almost ethereal, almost like the moon. This made her stare at her hands longer and longer each night. What was she? Were the fairies like gods to the human realm? If so, who were the gods of the fairy realm? Was such a thing necessary? She did not feel all-powerful, and she did not believe Verath was worthy to act as a god over the humans, either, not with his cruelty. She wondered if Oberon, ruler over all fairies, was cruel like Verath. She didn’t know much about Oberon, only that no fairy spoke of him often. He was too sacred. Even the thought of him made her bow her head to the dark ground. She glanced at Lief, asleep on the other side of the fire. He liked to sleep on his side with his long black braid draped around him. His peaceful expression made her smile.
If the sprites had seen her then, they would have giggled at her, but they were away now, flying ahead in order to try to find Aeline more quickly. Stretching herself across her bedroll, Serina inched closer to the fire and watched Lief through the flickering flames.
Morning was always chilly. Since they had left the elven lands, most mornings were free of frost. This particular morning, however, a fine layer of ice had crystallized over everything, including the edges of Serina’s clothing. She sat up and brushed it away, her fingertips numb by the time she finished. Lief had already woken. She spotted him near some tall bushes, his hands hovering near the ground where he fed from the roots. He always made her apple tarts for breakfast, and her mouth watered as she waited for him to return. Looking around, her breath caught in her throat. The world around her was white and frozen. Her breath formed feathery clouds in front of her face. The hills stretching before her were covered with thin, sandy-colored grasses now tinged with frost. A footpath was the only landmark leading her eye into the distance. Where was Aeline? Was she somewhere beyond these hills, somewhere in the distance under the cold, gray sky, her heart aching? Serina was sure her heart was aching.
Lief approached her, smiling. “Isn’t it beautiful this morning? I’ll get the fire going again so we don’t freeze more than we already have.” He knelt on the ground and dropped a handful of cut roots into a shallow bowl. Once he had created the tarts, he gave one to Serina. She nibbled on the edges as he stoked the dying coals and urged them into a roaring fire with his words. Within seconds, heat drifted around them.
“You added something different to the tarts,” she said after a few bites. “It’s delicious.”
“Nutmeg,” he said, sitting on his bedroll to eat his own tart. “I’m getting better at this magical food thing.”
“Yes, you are.” She lowered her tart and leaned forward. “Thank you, Lief.”
“For what? The food?”
“No. I mean, yes, the food... and everything else. I don’t understand why you’re still helping me. It’s bound to get you in trouble, and I know you don’t agree with what I want to do.”
He swallowed a mouthful of food. He was on the other side of the fire, his eyes reflecting the flames. Smoke curled into the still air. Serina listened for any sound at all beyond the crackling fire, but there was nothing.
Lief brushed a strand of hair away from his face. His braid looked as if it needed to be undone and brushed out, just like her own tangled hair. “I think I understand why you want to find Aeline,” he said. “She’s your only family and something very strong binds you to her.”
She nodded and felt her heart picking up pace. It felt good to hear such words from his lips. If he understood this one thing about her, she felt the rest of their journey would go more smoothly.
“Do you remember how I told you I was a sort of experiment for Verath?” Lief asked as he looked into the fire.
“Yes.” As if she could possibly forget.
“I’m so much an experiment, apparently, that Verath has never told me who my parents are. He has raised me as his own son, but I am not his son by blood.”
This didn’t surprise Serina. She shrugged. “I wouldn’t expect any less from him.”
“It means I don’t have a connection like you do. It means I’ve felt a huge part of myself has been missing my entire life. You must know how that feels since you have not met your own father yet.”
Whispering a short, “Yes,” she looked down at the half-eaten tart in her hands. Usually there were pricks in the crust in the shape of a leaf. Today there was a heart. She wanted to ask Lief why he had shaped a heart on her breakfast. She wanted to ask him where he was going with this conversation, but she already knew. Her fingers began to tremble.
“Serina,” he said in a voice that pierced right through her chest. She looked up. Her stomach felt hollow, like a taut piece of skin stretched over a drum. Her heart beat against it. Th-wump, th-wump, th-wump.
“I’ve told you more than once that I care for you. It’s obvious, isn’t it? I’d take you to the ends of the earth if you asked me to. That’s why I’m doing all of this, why I’ll risk upsetting and possibly destroying the balance that exists around us. I finally understand why you’ll do anything for Aeline, even though she killed your mother. I understand why Aeline has risked everything for one man, why she wanted to come to this realm where all emotions are allowed.” He looked into the colorless sky, unblinking.
The trembling in her fingers finally subsided and Serina looked up at the sky with him. “What is it you understand?” she asked.
A long silence stretched between them. Serina finally looked away from the sky to see him watching her.
“Love,” he said.
Years ago, she had seen her mother talking to a male fairy at one of the concerts. He was tall with blond hair—an earth fairy like her mother, so he would not have been either Serina’s father or Aeline’s. Still, Serina watched him closely in his interactions with Ellendia, the way he leaned closer to her and touched her arm every time she laughed. She had wondered then what love was and if that fairy was in love with her mother. Then she remembered the exchange between Ellendia and Verath the day of her punishment. Had that been love? Were fairies ever meant to love only one other fairy, or were they supposed to love many? In her mother’s case, it was many. Love. Such a small word, but it opened a door to let in a universe. She whisked away her tears before they could spill down her cheeks.
Bonded: Three Fairy Tales, One Bond Page 34