“Have I said something wrong?” Lief asked.
She shook her head and focused on him. Perhaps the love he felt for her was similar to what beat so strongly through her own veins. It seemed beyond her comprehension to interpret such things. Love was not a negative emotion, was it? Why did it seem so dark, like an unknown void that could suck her in and never let her out? It was in that instant as Lief stood and walked around the fire to her that she understood the moment between Verath and her mother. The darkness there, the sacred bond not performed, the void of things forbidden. She was certain that standing up to rush into Lief’s arms was forbidden. She was sure looking into his eyes and losing herself in them was forbidden. She was sure kissing him meant death. But he was as warm as a song and she could not help herself. His arms surrounded her and pulled her close, and he kissed her so deeply she thought she might evaporate into a million tiny pieces. He tasted like rain and fire and sunshine. He made her senses pull every drop of water from the air and circle it around them. The frost on the grass lifted like snow. She had no control, it seemed. Here in the human realm, she felt more powerful, and as she kissed Lief, that sensation doubled. She could not get enough of him. She could not—
“Serina, stop.”
Lief pulled away.
“Wh-what?” she asked, longing for his lips against hers once more. Frost drifted in the air like feathers. Some of it fizzled in the fire. She was no longer cold. Every fiber of her being was a spark setting off another spark, one after the other until she imagined herself as an entire sky full of burning stars. “Lief, I need you,” she whispered, touching her mouth. “I had no idea—”
“I know, I know.” He gently nudged her away, fear crossing his face. “But if we go any further, we will bond. Unless you’re prepared... unless you want... ”
Backing away, she kept her fingers on her lips. Frost fell around her, catching on her eyelashes and dissolving on her fingers. She watched it settle on the ground near the fire, melting immediately. Inside, a part of her melted too.
She wanted Lief. Forever.
“This is what she feels, isn’t it?” she said, looking up at Lief. “Aeline feels this every moment for the man she met in the woods.”
“I think so,” Lief answered. “The sprites warned me this would happen quickly. I didn’t know they meant like this.”
“Like what?”
He took three steps back and raised a hand toward the fire. A soft song left his lips, and the flames cracked and flowed toward him, just as Aeline used to do. His power over them didn’t seem nearly as forceful as Aeline’s, however. He let them dance around him, and then he raised both arms and sent them spiraling into the air. Serina wrinkled her brow in confusion, watching as he separated the flames into tiny points of light. Hundreds. Thousands. Before she knew what had happened, she was surrounded by what looked exactly like the night sky. A whole galaxy of stars. Some were bigger, some smaller, all twinkling.
“I want to make you happy forever,” Lief said, lowering his arms. The fire-stars remained suspended in the air, their heat flowing in tiny ripples over Serina’s skin. She couldn’t stop smiling. Stars are fire.
“Bonding will tie me to you forever?” she asked as he stepped closer.
“Yes, if we create a strong enough bond—one intended solely to keep us together.”
“Are we too young?” Doubts flooded her mind. Everything she had been taught chipped away at the hope stirring in her heart.
“What do you think?”
Was Aeline too young to escape into the human realm? Was Innocence too young to leave the elves? Yes and no. It was never black and white like the elder fairies wanted her to believe. There was always a middle ground, a place for choice, the place Aeline had seen long before she was supposed to see it. Now Serina saw it shining like a beacon before her. It was Lief. It was her future.
“I think we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be,” she said as Lief put his arms around her again. When he kissed her, the stars around them burned brighter.
Bonding was nothing like Serina had imagined. It was frost meeting flames, hot and cold and all sensation coiling into a sphere existing somewhere outside of time. Lief cradled her in his arms and whispered things that made her shiver with pleasure and happiness. She forgot about the sky. She became the sky. She opened her mind and Lief’s thoughts melded with her own. She was no longer a separate being. She was Serina. She was Lief. She saw Verath holding him as a child, raising him as his own, keeping his true identity a secret from the other elders except for Oberon.
Lief loved Verath as a father—more than Serina had realized. It ran deep and fast, like an eagle diving for a fish but never reaching its target. Since Verath was not Lief’s true father, he had forbidden Lief to love him in that way. Serina did not understand this, and neither did Lief. Their confusion melded.
Curious, Serina delved deeper into what was now part of her own mind, memories intertwining with hers. With Lief’s mouth kissing her, the sensation of becoming one with him, both physically and emotionally, was too much. A part of her felt like it might disintegrate. An exploding star. Too much. Too much. Too much.
Hold on, Lief whispered in her mind. His voice was different than when others had spoken in her mind. It was more connected, a part of herself, not like words at all. This is as intense for you as it is for me, but we must hold on to complete the bond....
She saw Verath introducing Lief to the elves. There was anger on their faces. Hate. Words were hissed at Verath—accusations about endless servitude to the fairies and humans. They wanted to grow and evolve, but their very nature and bond to the earth prevented it. They relied on their few bonds with humans to keep them in any state of growth at all, and that was simply not enough. It was too slow. They wanted more. The fairies were allowed to explore and choose life and death at will. They could procreate on their own. Why were the elves not allowed such privileges when even the humans could do so? Verath’s anger brought them to their knees.
“We allow you to create other beings!” he hissed, but the elves only replied that the beings they created, like sprites, were lesser and so different from elves and fairies that they had never once found the nature of their existence and creation fulfilling. The elves didn’t want to simply create other magical creatures. They wanted their own offspring—pure elves.
“I have listened to these arguments since I was a child,” Verath said with a growl in his throat. “And I know there is truth in what you say, so I have taken it upon myself to change what must be changed.” He pointed to Lief. “Peace exists in this boy. He is the perfect blend of fairy and elf—something that has never been attempted successfully until now, to my knowledge. Because of this boy’s existence, it’s clear that elves can reproduce with other elves and fairies, and not just humans. When the time is right, you will be allowed to do so. This boy will bring balance to our races when he is older. We fairies create you, but we also rely on you to keep balance in the human realm. That balance is fading, and Lief will strengthen it. If he succeeds, we will continue to mix our blood with yours. There will be no more animosity between us.”
Serina’s thoughts came quickly, and she felt Lief absorbing them almost immediately. I didn’t know such hate existed.
It is possibly the largest flaw in the balance, Lief answered.
And you are the solution.
Yes.
The solution to a problem that has existed forever.
Yes.
That’s... that’s..
I know.
She tried to catch her breath as Lief’s thoughts and memories raced through her mind. Her very soul was stitching itself to him, and she wondered if this was why her mother could speak so easily with Verath. Had they bonded? Lief did not think so, but it was a possibility. Her fingertips were on fire. Her entire body ached, and Lief felt the same way. It was almost too much for him. He thought about letting her go, stopping the bond, but knew it was too late. She held onto
him so tightly she felt his entire being might dissolve into her. She was sure a part of him already had.
The sprites returned two weeks later. Their hair was tangled and tiny scratches on their skin hinted at flying quickly through forests and brushing against branches. Innocence had a small tear in her wing, which she insisted did not hurt and would heal on its own.
“We found her!” they said in unison as soon as they arrived at the new camp Serina and Lief had made after many days’ journey. “She is near her castle, but will not approach it. She is well-hidden. We must hurry if you wish to get to her before she moves again.”
Serina’s heart leapt into her throat. “How far?” she asked as the sprites flitted around her. Their dainty little bodies glowed in the morning light.
“Two weeks by foot if you are quick.”
Serina looked at Lief. Since they had bonded, his thoughts were as accessible and intimate as her own. It was possible to keep out of each other’s heads, but so far they hadn’t bothered, just as they hadn’t bothered keeping their hands off each other. He urged her to pack up her things so they could leave as soon as possible. He would do everything he could to get her to Aeline.
“Thank you,” she said, and started rolling up her bedroll.
The sprites looked at each other and smiled.
“It is done,” Orla said as her wings beat faster. “You have bonded.”
Lief’s cheeks brightened. Bonding was such an intimate experience that it felt wrong to announce it to anyone. Her own face turned hot.
“Yes, and that is all you need to know,” she said with a curt nod to the sprites. “Now help us pack so we can leave.”
Two days into their journey, Serina began to realize that her bond with Lief might be intimate, but it was by no means all-inclusive. Their minds were in harmony, but as she dug deeper inside his thoughts and memories, she found dark spaces humming with life. There were thoughts in those spaces. Memories. Things Lief had closed to her. He looked at her as they hiked through valleys and forests. I’m sorry, he whispered inside her mind. There are similar dark spaces in your own mind. I have a feeling they are about Aeline.
She adjusted the pack on her shoulders and concentrated on the sprites’ wings fluttering ahead of them. The little creatures were intent on hurrying as fast as they could to find Aeline before she disappeared again. Serina had to admit she felt the same urgency.
There are promises I made to Aeline, she explained to Lief. You’ve felt my passion for this. But the details of those promises—they are private. As much as I want to share them, I can’t. My mind seems to have locked them.
I understand.
He took her hand and squeezed. They stopped later to eat, and then to sleep. Day after day, she spent more time inside Lief’s mind. He was so much a part of her that she knew she would die without him. The feel of him inside her own thoughts, her own existence, was like wrapping herself in comfort. Nothing could hurt her, not even Aeline. Not even Verath. As long as she had Lief. He was kind and cared for others in a way she had never understood before. His thoughts were constantly centered on her above himself, and beyond her, he focused on the sprites. Beyond them, he focused on creatures that crossed their paths. Outside of anything immediate, he cared deeply for Aeline and what might happen to her. He ached to see Verath again, and he wished to help the fairies and elves find their balance and peace with each other. This was perhaps his deepest rooted ambition.
As they set up camp on the fifth night after the sprites had arrived, she unrolled her bedroll and watched him roll his out next to hers. He had taken to sleeping by her, his arm wrapped around her to keep her warm. She couldn’t imagine sleeping any other way now. She smiled when he straightened and touched her cheek.
“I love you,” he said.
A breeze picked up as the sun sank below the horizon. Pink light melted away, some of it reflected in Lief’s eyes. The flames of the fire replaced it. She reached up to touch his hand on her cheek. “I love you too,” she said, knowing she had no need to say the words aloud. They each knew in their hearts the emotions of the other. Still, saying the words aloud seemed to strengthen the sentiment.
“The stars will be out soon.” Lief lowered his hand and turned to the fire to make sure it would keep going strong. Then he went to find a plant to feed from so he could make food. Later, when he was asleep beside her, Serina watched the sprites fall asleep near the fire. They had wrapped their wings around themselves like little cocoons, and she thought of butterflies and how they transformed from fat caterpillars to beautiful winged creatures able to fly at a moment’s notice. What must it be like? More than that, she wondered how such a thing was even possible. It seemed more miraculous than anything fairies could conjure. The stars seemed that way too.
Twisting in Lief’s embrace, she looked up at the stars and took a deep breath. They were so beautiful. So out of her reach. The darkness surrounding her seemed like it should frighten her after she had lived in a world filled with nothing but light, but it didn’t. Instead, it filled her with gladness for the stars, each bright point a ray of hope. It reminded her of her mother and the warmth and love she had given her daughters. Now she was gone, and coldness seeped into Serina’s limbs. Rubbing her fingers, she felt their iciness. It seemed no fire or amount of light would warm them. This made her shiver, and Lief tightened his hold. He did not wake, so she snuggled closer to him and continued to watch the stars. Was it possible she was viewing the world through the wrong perspective? Was darkness a bad thing, or was it necessary, as Aeline seemed to believe? It seemed nobody could see the stars without darkness. Lief’s arms tightened even more around her as he pressed his lips against her neck.
“I hear your thoughts, Serina, and they trouble me.”
“I’m sorry I woke you.” She tried to sit up so she could leave him to rest, but he gently held her down and sat up to look at her. The fire had died down considerably since nightfall, but she could still see his expression. His forehead wrinkled.
“I’ve been wondering,” he began while brushing some hair away from his face, “if this is the way things are supposed to happen.”
“What do you mean?” She focused on the stars shining above his head, confused as to why she and Lief were wasting words when they could think their way through the conversation.
“We’re too tired to bond our thoughts at the moment,” he laughed. “I can hear yours, but only a faint echo. Besides, these are thoughts I have been keeping from you. I must communicate aloud so I don’t upset you.”
“Upset me?” Again, she tried to sit up, but his touch kept her down. Was he afraid she might run away?
“Aeline’s child,” he said, looking away. “I wonder if it could bring more balance than I am able to bring.”
That didn’t make much sense. She worried he was second-guessing his importance. Verath must have meant well by creating him for such a purpose, and as much as she questioned Verath’s intentions, seeing them from Lief’s point of view had rapidly altered her feelings for the fairy. She put a hand to her forehead. “How would a half-human child help bring balance to the elves and fairies?”
“Not balance for us. Balance for them—the humans. If they were left on their own without our interference, what do you think would happen?”
“Our race would die off. All magical creatures would fade away.”
“Slowly, yes. It might take thousands of years, but yes.”
“We... we cannot allow that.”
“Why not?”
Her attention snapped to him. How could he think such a thing?
You have thought it yourself.
She heard this in her mind and realized it wasn’t Lief’s thoughts, but her own. Aeline had planted a dangerous seed.
“These are the ideas I have been entertaining since I bonded with you,” Lief explained. “These are the things I have hidden from you. I wonder if we are meant to fade away, if the humans are meant to govern their own balance, if fair
ies are holding them back.”
“But they could never reach the same kind of balance as the fairies and elves and other creatures help to maintain. Could they?”
“No, but do you think they should? Do you think that is the best way to live?”
“I-I don’t know.”
Certainly, she had thought of the fairy realm’s perfection as deeply flawed, but was the human realm more so? Aeline’s mistakes couldn’t possibly be ‘meant to happen.’
“I hear your thoughts echoing with mine,” Lief said, smiling. “Perhaps I am going too far with this, but nobody knows for certain what will happen to the magical creatures if Aeline’s child is allowed to live. Perhaps something else would happen. Perhaps fairies and everyone else would adapt and join the humans.”
“But the fairy realm... who would govern... who would...?”
She saw the stars in the sky above them, smelled the burning firewood, heard the tiny breaths of the sprites, the rustling of leaves nearby, but most of all, she felt darkness pressing down upon her, whispering, I am part of you, I am part of you, I am part of you.
She closed her eyes, remembering how sleep had never been dark in Lisadar. There had always been light beyond her closed eyelids. Here, there was none of that. The darkness let her understand what it meant to hold on to Lief and trust in his presence. It let her finally shut out everything and look inside herself deeper than she had ever looked before. There was darkness there, and it was beautiful.
Bonded: Three Fairy Tales, One Bond Page 35