Sela had to admire Kiki for standing up to their parents. They’d been trying to control every aspect of their daughters’ lives for far too long.
“Did you ever think to ask your sister how she feels about this?” Andrea gestured toward Sela. “That man broke her heart, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“Of course I haven’t forgotten,” Kiki said, frowning when she looked at Sela. “Anyone who hurts my sister is automatically public enemy number one in my books.”
“If that were true, you wouldn’t be trying to cause trouble for Sela,” Andrea said. “She’s found a man who makes her happy. Why can’t you be happy for her instead of trying to throw that awful man back into the mix?”
The way Andrea referred to Jaxon made Sela realize that if they hadn’t been in public, her mother would have found another word to describe her ex.
“Kiki didn’t do anything wrong,” Sela said. Her kid sister deserved the wedding of her dreams, and if that meant including Jaxon, Sela wouldn’t stand in her way. “She has a right to invite anyone she wants to her wedding. It’s her decision, Mother. We just have to respect that.”
Andrea hated when Sela called her Mother, which she only did when she was annoyed with her. “How does Sheldon feel about this? I can’t imagine he’s okay with it.”
“Sheldon is a mature man. He realizes this is Chad and Kiki’s decision, not his.” Truth be told, Sela wasn’t certain her boyfriend would care one way or the other.
Andrea looked from one daughter to the other before releasing an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you girls. Your father and I have done everything in our power to lead you down the right path and try to protect you when you go astray, yet you fight us at every turn.”
Sela knew her parents loved them, but they sometimes had a funny way of showing it. She suspected they cared more about keeping up appearances than whether their daughters were content. “I loved Jaxon. If he felt the same way about me, I’d like to believe we’d still be together.”
“Why?” Andrea asked, her expression pained. “He’s crude and abrasive, probably from spending so much time with all those athletes. Not to mention his family history.” She shuddered. “God punishes people who take matters into their own hands the way his father did.”
Her mother sat in the front pew every Sunday, acting holier than thou, but that was more about the need for propriety than faith. Andrea had been mortified when she’d learned the circumstances surrounding Jaxon’s father’s death, and she’d tried to convince Sela Jaxon was likely cut from the same cloth.
“I don’t want to discuss that with you,” Sela warned. “I regret even telling you about that. I thought if you knew what Jaxon had been through, you’d be more compassionate toward him, but you couldn’t cut him any slack, could you? Even knowing what he’d been through?”
“I’m a mother first and foremost,” Andrea said. “My job is to protect my children, and when I see them setting themselves up for hurt or disappointment, it’s my job to do something about it.” She reached for Kiki and Sela’s hands. “You don’t understand this now, girls, but you will when you have babies of your own to protect.”
“But dating him was my decision to make,” Sela said, withdrawing her hand from her mother’s grasp. Andrea’s heart was usually in the right place, but forgiving or forgetting the way her parents had treated Jaxon, especially since they considered Chad the son they’d always wanted, was difficult for Sela. “I wanted to be with Jaxon. I loved him. Maybe if you hadn’t been so judgmental, he would have made more of an effort to make things work.” She wasn’t being fair, blaming her parents for the demise of their relationship. Jaxon had made his own decisions and was rarely intimidated by anyone, including her parents.
Andrea sank back in her chair. “Oh, please. Anyone could see that relationship wasn’t going anywhere. You may have loved him, but any fool could tell he didn’t feel the same way about you.”
Sela couldn’t remember the last time her mother’s words had cut so deep. “You don’t know how he felt about me. You’re making all kinds of assumptions.”
“No, I’m not!” Andrea looked around before lowering her voice. “You told me the things he said when he broke up with you. He never loved you. He didn’t need you and no longer wanted you. What more can a man say to get through to you, Sela?”
Sela was mortified when she felt the hot burn of tears stinging her eyes. How could her own mother be so cruel?
“Mama,” Kiki said, “that’s enough. I don’t think Sela needs to be reminded of the things Jaxon said to her that night. I’m pretty sure they’re etched in her memory forever.”
“If that were true, she wouldn’t be inviting him back into her life.” Andrea’s posture was stiff as she looked down her nose at Sela. “I didn’t raise you to be some man’s doormat. You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman with the potential to do anything you set your mind to. You have a good man now, one who honors and respects you. Let go of the past.”
Pain rendered Sela speechless as she got up and stormed out of the restaurant. Her mother had the audacity to imply she was some man’s doormat? It was time for Sela to show her parents who called the shots in her life.
Chapter Five
Jaxon felt a modicum of guilt for eavesdropping on Sela’s phone conversation with her boyfriend, but when he heard his name, he couldn’t resist finding out what she was saying.
“I got into it with my mother over Jaxon today,” Sela said. “She found out my sister invited him to the wedding, and she was livid. No, she didn’t blame me. She knew it was Kiki’s decision, but my little sister was trying to stir things up, and she told my mother I’m working at High Rollers now. Needless to say, Mama wasn’t impressed.” Sela sighed. “I know I shouldn’t let her get to me, but she had the nerve to imply I’d been Jaxon’s doormat. Can you believe she actually said that? His doormat?”
Jaxon fisted his hands as he skimmed the menu he knew by heart. He had been hungry, but Andrea’s comments drove his appetite away. How dare she claim Sela had been less than an equal partner in their relationship? He may not have given her the emotional support she’d needed, but he’d never treated her with less than respect and admiration. Except for their last night together…
“I’m tired. I think I’ll just go home and crash tonight. Yeah, my shift just ended. I’m kind of hungry. I didn’t eat much at lunch, so I might grab a snack and head home. Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you too, Sheldon. Bye.”
Those four little words nearly brought Jaxon to his knees. I love you too. When he thought of all the times he could have said those words to Sela, it made him physically sick. She’d just confirmed his worst fear: She was in love with another man. Did that mean his time had run out? Was he too late to get her back?
Sela spun straight into Jaxon’s chest and put up her hands. “Oh God! I’m sorry. I didn’t see you standing there. I guess I was kind of distracted.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jaxon said, gripping her arms to steady her. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she said, sighing. “It’s just been a long day. I’m tired.”
“I can relate.” Fear superseded fatigue as adrenaline coursed through his body though. “I was just going to grab a quick bite in the V.I.P. lounge. Do you want to join me?”
She glanced around as if looking for an answer. “I probably shouldn’t, but you know I hate to eat alone, and I’m famished. Okay, let’s do it.”
Let’s do it. He smirked at her choice of words, and his hand moved to the small of her back so he could guide her through the crowd. What he wouldn’t give to hear those three little words in a different context.
“What do you feel like?” Jaxon asked, once they were seated across from each other. He was dying to delve deeper into the conversation she’d had with her mother. He wanted her to know he’d always admired and respected her, and her mother was way off-base in her assessment of the situation. But to do that, he would have to
admit he’d been eavesdropping, which wasn’t an option if he wanted them to remain on speaking terms.
“I don’t know,” she said, scanning the menu. “What do you recommend?”
“Depends how hungry you are. The nachos are good. So is the fajita platter, but it’s a little big for one.”
“The chicken fajitas sound good to me.” She closed her menu. “Would you mind sharing?”
Jaxon smiled as he thought of all the times she used to steal food off his plate. She’d always order a healthy, low-fat option, but when his decadent entrée arrived, she couldn’t resist the urge to indulge. “Some things never change.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“I was just thinking about the way things used to be.” He closed his menu and set it aside. “I didn’t realize how happy I was with you until you were gone.”
“Jaxon, please.” She raised her hand. “It’s been a long day, and I’m not up for a trip down memory lane.”
“I understand, but I have to say this.” He was finally getting the face time he’d craved with her, and he couldn’t resist the urge to tell her what he’d been thinking and feeling in the months they’d been apart. “You made me smile.”
A hint of a smile crossed her face. “You made me smile too. A lot.”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is you made me happy. I don’t know why I took that for granted, because I’d never been particularly happy before you came into my life.” Jaxon would take advantage of every opportunity to give her what she’d been asking for throughout their relationship: full disclosure.
She looked saddened by his admission. “Don’t say that. You had your work and your friends. You dated a lot. You had a full life before you met me.”
“I was going through the motions. I worked my ass off to build this business, mainly because I felt the need to prove I was worthy.” He’d had a few sessions with a shrink in the past six months, but he’d never been so open with him. “I wanted to give my life something it had never had before: meaning. That’s why I started High Rollers. I wanted people to look at me and see that I’d accomplished something big, that my life meant something, that I’d left my mark.” He stopped talking when he realized she was staring at him.
“Why do you feel you needed High Rollers to give your life meaning?”
“My old man went out feeling like no one gave a damn about him.” He lowered his head and ran a hand over his hair. “He was a middle school science teacher. Most kids hate science at that age. When they had a substitute teacher instead of him, they were always thrilled.”
“That’s kind of the way it is for pre-teens, isn’t it?” Sela asked. “The real teacher’s away, and the kids think it’s party time?”
“Yeah, but my dad felt like his life didn’t matter. He went into teaching to make a difference in those kid’s lives, but most days, he felt like he was more of a hindrance than a help. Most of them didn’t like the subject, so they didn’t like him. After ten years, the feeling was mutual. He said dragging his butt out of bed most mornings was a chore.”
“You’ve never talked much about your father,” Sela said. “Did he suffer from depression?”
“I don’t know,” Jaxon admitted. “As a kid, I just assumed that’s the way he was. He’d spend a lot of time in his workshop, and when he was inside, he’d have his nose buried in a newspaper or grading papers.” Jaxon could still picture him at the dining room table with his glasses sliding down his nose, reading the evening paper from cover to cover and never interacting with anyone.
“Did you ever ask your mother if he had a history of depression?”
“Yeah.” Jaxon sneered. “You know what she said? That he’d been a basket case for as long as she could remember.”
Sela laid her hand over his. “I’m sorry, Jax. That’s really harsh.”
“Yeah, but that’s my mom for ya. She doesn’t think about how her words might impact people. She just says whatever’s on her mind.”
Sela flinched. “I know the feeling. My mother’s the same way.”
Jaxon assumed Sela was thinking about what her mother had said about their relationship. He waited until the waitress stopped by to take their order and left before he said, “Would you think I was a terrible person if I admitted that I overheard your conversation with Sheldon? I know what your mother said about our relationship.”
Her face tightened as spots of color appeared on her cheeks. “I wish you hadn’t heard that.”
“It wasn’t true.” He reached for her hand. “You were always so strong and independent. That’s why I was attracted to you. That’s what made it so hard for me to walk away.”
“I didn’t feel strong when we were together,” she said, averting his gaze. “I’m not proud of how vulnerable and needy I felt then.”
“What are you talking about?” He wanted to pull her into his arms when he saw her shoulders slump.
“I loved you so much.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I just wanted you to love me back. I feel like I wasted so much time obsessing over how I could get you to say it, or more importantly, how I could make you fall in love with me.”
“Sweetheart…” He hesitated when she pulled her hand away. “I was an idiot for not appreciating what I had with you—”
“Sorry, guys,” their waitress, Jean, said. “I meant to give you this earlier, Sela.” She handed Sela a folded slip of paper.
Sela read the note, her lips forming an O. “Oh wow, it’s from Riley. I haven’t thought about him in ages.”
“I mentioned to him that you’re working here now,” Jean said with a grin. “He seemed really excited about it. Did y’all have a thing?”
The manager had just hired Jean a few months ago, so she didn’t know about Jaxon’s history with Sela. He tried to remind himself it wasn’t her fault as he fought the urge to lash out at her.
Sela glanced at Jaxon, looking uneasy. “We went out on a few dates about a year ago. After that, we kind of lost touch.”
So Sela had gone out with the goalie as soon as they’d ended things? That was knowledge Jaxon could have lived without.
“Well, it looks like he’d like to reconnect.” Jean pointed at the slip of paper. “He said for you to call him anytime.”
“I’ll have to let him know I have a boyfriend.” Sela cleared her throat as she stared at the paper.
“Can you go check on our food, Jean?” Jaxon asked, trying to control his jealousy and anger. He’d seen Riley in the bar quite a few times since he and Sela broke up, but he’d made it a point to keep his distance. Next time, he’d make sure their paths crossed.
“Sure thing, boss,” she said, scurrying away.
“So you went out with that piece of—”
“Easy, Jaxon. Riley happens to be a good guy.” She pushed her shoulders back.
“Good guys don’t take advantage of women.”
“He didn’t take advantage of me.”
“So he didn’t try to sleep with you?” Jaxon clenched his fists. When she didn’t respond, he said, “He did! I’m going to kill him.”
“No, you’re not,” she whispered, leaning forward. “You’re going to leave him alone. What may or may not have happened between us is none of your business. We were through, remember?”
Jaxon knew he should let it go, but he couldn’t. “Do you know what it does to me to think of you making love to someone else?”
“Then don’t think about it,” she said, crossing her arms.
“I can’t help it.” He was at a loss. There was so much he wanted to say, but he was afraid of driving her away. So much for his plan to pretend he was moving on with Sabrina. Sela had to know he was desperate to get her back. “I heard what you said to him tonight.”
She looked up, piercing him with her light blue eyes. “Who?”
“Your boyfriend. I heard you tell him you love him. Is it true? Do you?”
“You have no right to ask me that.”
<
br /> “That doesn’t answer my question.” She probably had one foot out the door, but he’d never been very good at censoring his thoughts, especially when there was so much at stake. “If you do, it shouldn’t be too difficult to tell me the truth.”
“There are different kinds of love,” she said, her face and voice devoid of emotion. “There’s passionate love that makes you feel like you’d die without that person, and there’s easy, comfortable love that makes you feel as though that person contributes something of value to your life, but you wouldn’t die without them.”
“You deserve a love you can’t live without.”
“I don’t want that.” Her veneer cracked as her eyes filled with tears. “I had that once with you, and I don’t want to go there again. What I have with Sheldon is safer. It’s easier. It doesn’t scare me.”
Jaxon hated knowing he’d instilled fear in her, made her believe life would be better if she stayed on the safe side of the street. The woman he’d met, the one who fell in love with him, had been fun-loving and impetuous and embraced life with both hands. This woman was different, more introverted and uncertain.
He leaned in. “I hate myself for making you feel that way. I hate that I made you question everything.”
“Maybe I should be thanking you,” she said, shrugging. “Before you, I was naïve. I believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. I’m much more practical now. I know that relationships take a lot of work and compromise.”
“Loving someone should be easy.” Jaxon wished he could say or do something to erase the shadows lurking in her eyes. “I know that now. I didn’t know that then.”
“Maybe you’re the one who needs a reality check.” Her voice cracked. “It sounds like you’ve got some pretty far-fetched notions about relationships.”
“When did you become so cynical?” He already knew the answer. Maybe he felt he needed to punish himself.
“When I realized I would never have the love I’d always dreamed about.”
“But you can have that.” He wished more than anything he could pull her into his lap and kiss away her doubt and fear. “We can still have that.”
Cheap Shot Page 6