Losing Faith (Surfers Way)

by Jennifer Ryder

  He’s definitely pissed. He didn’t even say hi.

  “’Kay,” I mumble as I tie my apron on, my hands shaking. “I’m sorry, Dad, I just—”

  “Lost track of time, no?” he says. His thin lips to curl into a grin.

  A rush of air spills from my mouth. He’s okay. He’s not gonna give me the guilts all night.

  “Something like that. I’d say it won’t happen again, but you know. I wouldn’t want to lie to you.” I give him a soft smile.

  “And I’d prefer it dat way, but one of dese days, Peppi, when you get a real job, you’ll ’ave to be on time. Yes?”

  “Hate to tell you, Dad, but this is a real job.”

  He chuckles and moves out back, mumbling something about “believing” and “high hopes”.

  I stroll out to the counter where Lily stares with wide bug eyes at me. “What the hell happened to you?” she whisper-growls.

  A hell of a tongue lashing followed by bedroom gymnastics which resulted in two cataclysmic orgasms and aching muscles all over. That’s what happened.

  I clear my throat and fan my face with my hand. My skin feels as if it’s on fire.

  “Traffic,” I blurt out, and then mentally face-palm myself. No traffic hotspots remotely near here. Who am I trying to kid?

  Lily takes a look out front. We both watch as Quade puts down his phone and then pulls away in his truck, his tanned forearm waving from his open window as he cruises back down The Strip.

  “Ah, I bet you experienced some traffic.” I don’t miss the sarcastic tone to her voice. She looks all around her. I’m not sure why, and then she leans in so close I get a good whiff of her cherry-scented lips which are perched right beside my ear. “How’s the vag holding up? By the colour in your cheeks, you look like you’ve been dicked to within an inch of your life.”

  I choke. Thank God my father didn’t just hear that. I can see the tombstone now … Died From Embarrassment. “W-what?” I smooth my hand over my face, confirming it’s as scorching as it feels. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m right next to a wood-fire oven. I’m gonna get hot.”

  She purses her lips together and nods. “You already looked all glowy and shit when you got out of hot stuff’s car.”

  “I was late,” I say with a nod. “I was rushed. Shut up.” I bite down on my lip, because I’m torn between laughing at how pathetic I am at lying and spilling every detail of being “dicked half to death”.

  She tilts her head to the side. “Oh, and I wonder why?” she says, nudging her elbow into my side several times and winking in such an exaggerated way. “Don’t worry, girl. I’m just happy he’s putting a smile on your face.”

  My shoulders sag as I huff out a breath. “He does make me smile.” Among other glorious things.

  “Then I’m glad, because boys generally suck at that.”

  Hopefully one day that will change for my new friend. I’ll have to be on the look out for a decent guy to prove that to her.

  “Not all boys suck,” I assure her. A vision of Quade sucking my nipple until I screamed his name flashes before my eyes. “Well, they do, just in a different way that has you lose your senses … oh God.” A desperate whimper escapes my mouth. “Shit, I need to stop talking.”

  Lily laughs and pokes me in the side of my ribs. “Girl, you have it bad. Don’t worry. I’ll keep it on the down low from Daddy-O.” She winks.

  The phone rings, and I giggle to myself as I make my way there. I think I’m still love drunk.

  ---

  Once we’ve got through the worst of the rush, I tell Lily I’m heading out back for some water. I scull down a full glass, rejoicing as the cool liquid soothes my throat and quenches my thirst.

  I peer around the corner and check on my new friend. Lily catches me and gives me another suggestive look. All shift she flashes me dumb doey-eyed looks, and every now and then she’s felt the need to thrust her hips towards the counter, thankfully when Dad has been pre-occupied and out of view of the customers in the waiting area. It’s certainly made for a fun shift, taking my mind off Quade and the aching muscles in my body, which have over-exerted themselves during the last twenty-four hours.

  Speaking of muscles, I need to check my phone.

  When I pull it out of my bag, there’s a message waiting for me from an hour after he dropped me off. I grin to myself at knowing that he messaged so soon.

  Quade: What time do you think you’ll finish up?

  I type a quick reply.

  Me: It’s already dying off, so maybe nine-thirty. Why?

  The phone on the far wall rings. God, I need a minute here!

  My heart speeds up, anticipating his reply. The wall phone continues to ring. Gah!

  “Pepperoni Palace, can I take your order?” Lily says in a sweet tone.

  I mouth thank you to her. She rolls her eyes and places a hand on her hip. I love you, I mime in response.

  My phone beeps in my hand. My feet almost leave the ground as I jump.

  Quade: I wanna wake up with you

  My fingers shake as I type, daydreaming of the sun streaming in on us tomorrow morning. Because it’s a Saturday, we’ll both have nowhere to be. My heart soars at the possibilities.

  Me: I want that too. Pick me up then?

  Quade: I’ll be waiting x

  The back door opens and Dad gives me a nod. “Good news, no?” he says, looking between the phone and me. I clutch the device to my chest before he can see the most romantic words I’ve ever received electronically.

  “Um, yeah,” I garble out.

  Dad turns his back on me and washes his hands in the sink. “Planning on telling your old man what’s got you so … ’appy?” he asks, focusing on the wall in front of him.

  “I think you know why, Dad.”

  My father snatches the handtowel from the rail beside the tap. With each passing second as he dries his hands, the teeny hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

  He eventually turns around and stares right into my eyes. “You stayed with ’im last night?”

  “Aha,” I say with a slow nod and swallow the lump itching in my throat. “Maybe tonight too.”

  My father steps closer to me and rests his hands on my shoulders. He clears his throat and his nose whistles as he drags in a long breath. “Dat boy ’as broken your ’eart before, Peppi, and in doing dat, ’e broke mine.” He clenches his hand and holds his fist over his heart.

  Tears spring to my eyes, reacting to his powerful words. It’s a reminder of the many times this beautiful man has been there for me. He did the best a father could do to mend his daughter’s broken spirit.

  “Dad, it’s not like that. This time it’s for real.” I love him.

  Dad wipes at the crow’s feet at the corner of his eye and sniffs back.

  “Don’t you dare,” I warn him. He’s always been a softy.

  “Just promise me dat you’ll guard your ’eart, Peppi. It’s too precious.”

  How am I supposed to do that when I’ve just opened it up again and let Quade come rushing in?

  I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hug him until my arms grow weary from the tension. Dad pulls back. “If you feel ready to stay wit ’im, if you two are serious, den I won’t stand in your way.”

  “Thank you, Dad,” I whisper and kiss his cheek.

  “But,” he says, a sting in the pronunciation of the letter T. “Young Quade should know dis. Dat boy ’ad better take care of you, otherwise ’is balls will be carved nice and fine and served up to ’im on a Peppi Special, smothered wit ghost chillies. And I will watch ’im finish every last bite, even if it kills ’im.”

  I gulp down, and giggle nervously. Time to change the subject. I guess now is the time to bring up what I’ve been thinking about today.

  “I’ll be sure to tell him. So, um, there was something I wanted to talk to you about?”

  “What’s dat, love?”

  “You know how you help out with the raffles with
the fishing club every Christmas?”

  “Yes.”

  “Just a suggestion, but I’ve got an idea for something else. Something which will make a difference … long-term.”

  “I like de sounds of it already.” Dad grips the doorframe beside him and closes his eyes.

  I move my hands to his shoulder as he sways. “You okay, Dad?”

  He opens his eyes and gives me a slow nod. “Just ’aven’t eaten much today.”

  “Dad, you need to look after yourself,” I say and scoff.

  He slips his weathered hand into mine. “I’m fine. Come, tell me all about dis idea while we cook,” he says with a crooked smile.

  “Sure, but only if that involves you cooking something for yourself and you take a break out back.”

  “Persistent, just like your mother,” he says through a soft laugh.

  Lily grins when we return. When her gaze rests on mine and Dad’s hands joined together, her smile falters. I drop my hold and Dad keeps walking towards the oven.

  I poke her in the ribs to try and lighten the mood, which just took a nosedive. “Come on, Lil. I think the counter’s feeling a little unloved. He hasn’t been dry-humped in a while.”

  A forced laugh bubbles from her mouth, yet her smile doesn’t meet her eyes.

  ---

  The next morning, I wake up in Quade’s arms. If I could, I would spend every waking moment with him … and sleeping moments for that matter.

  As much as it pains us, on Saturday afternoon we go our separate ways. I have work at the Palace and Quade has Mrs Prescott’s lawn to mow and work of his own to do. So grown-up of us.

  With a takeaway coffee from Willow’s in hand, I walk down the street towards the Palace.

  I take a look across the road, watching the seagulls floating in the breeze, just waiting for someone to offer a stray chip.

  That’s when I see her. Her auburn hair floats in the breeze as she pushes off from the railing. I’m going crazy. Not again.

  I squint at her. “Mackenzie?” I call out.

  She lifts her head. Her bluey-green eyes lock on me.

  My jaw drops. It is her. “M-Mack? Is that really you?”

  My heart pounds at the sight. I can’t stop the smile stretching across my face. She’s back in Runaway. I’m not crazy.

  Her mouth opens, but I can’t hear if she says anything.

  I look both ways and then cross the road. It’s been three years. She’s barely changed, although she looks tired. Her birthday is tomorrow, so she must be back to see her family. I’m going to have to get her a present.

  “I hoped I’d see you again. Your mum said you and Byron—” I let out a heavy breath.

  “Lacey, I …” Mack shakes her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

  Oh, Mack.

  Before I get a chance to hug her, Mack runs to a white Volkswagen van with ‘Carter Dairy’ in black letters printed on the side. The tyres squeal as she rips down the road.

  What just happened? Why did she run? Was it something I said?

  I pull out my phone and call Quade.

  “Hey,” he yells, the roar of the lawnmower muffling his voice.

  “I saw Mack,” I choke out.

  “Huh?” The engine dies.

  “Quade, I didn’t imagine it. I saw her for real this time. She’s back in Runaway.”

  “So you had a chat then?”

  “Before I got the chance, she ran. Why would she run from me?” Tears prick at my eyes. I should be elated to finally see her, but it’s the total opposite. My heart has sunk in my chest.

  “I dunno. Maybe she didn’t see you?”

  If only that were true. “She did. She looked me right in the eye. I just don’t get it.”

  “I’m sure there’s some explanation. Maybe she just wasn’t ready. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen each other. Maybe she feels bad about not being in contact.”

  “I guess you’re right.” What else can I say? “I’ll let you get back to mowing the lawn, then.”

  “Don’t stress over it, Lace. I’ll pick you up after work.”

  We say our goodbyes, but I can’t let the issue go. I search through the contacts in my phone. A heavy breath shoots from my mouth when I find Byron’s number still in there. Thank God. I need to make sure Mack’s okay. Surely if they’re dating now he can help me get back in touch with her? I flick him a text, hoping that this number is still current.

  Me: Hey Byron. It’s Lacey. I just saw Mack in Runaway. Need to make sure she’s okay but I don’t have her new number. Can you please send it to me? Thanks

  A moment later, I get a response. It’s a contact from Byron labelled “M”.

  I could call her. I should, but if she couldn’t talk to me on the street, I think a text should be my first attempt. She can take it or leave it. If she was to hang up on me, I don’t think I could handle it.

  Me: Hey. It’s Lacey. I got your number from Byron. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.

  With a shaking hand I put my phone away.

  I stare back out at the railing where she was standing just moments before, wishing I knew the truth.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Thursday afternoon, I get to the school a few minutes before half past three. Much better for my anxiety levels. Quade and I have barely seen each other since the weekend because he’s been crazy busy doing something with the school’s Personal Development and Health syllabus. It was about time I finally cleaned my room anyhow. Mum said that the cockroaches would be disappointed they no longer had so many places to hide. Just the thought of cockroaches makes me gag. Surely she was kidding?

  “How was work?” I ask Quade as I push off the bonnet of his car. He pecks me on the lips and clicks his remote to unlock his truck.

  “I’ve been battling the affections of seven-year-old girls all day. I’m exhausted.”

  “Aw, you poor thing. Sounds like a hard job,” I tease and pout my lips at him as we get inside the vehicle.

  “You seriously have no idea, Lace. I don’t know how many times I heard ‘Mr Kelly’ today. I swear I have whiplash from turning my head every which way.”

  I laugh as we pull away from the curb and head in the direction of Quade’s place.

  “How about a little massage later, to ease the tension?” I offer.

  “Now we’re talking, but I’ve got a surprise for you first,” he says, trying his best to hide a cheeky smile as he concentrates on the road.

  “You do, huh?” Hmm, a romantic picnic on the beach perhaps? A night in? Another candle lit dinner? On second thoughts, candles and I don’t mix. I think a night in would be perfect.

  “Yup,” he says and nods.

  “Let me guess. Movie night with a big bowl of caramel popcorn, and later I’ll kick your arse in Uno?”

  “Later, definitely, but first, we’re going for a drive.”

  “Nice. Where are we driving? Not Sanders Beach, I hope.”

  He laughs. “Definitely not Sanders Beach. Anyway, I won’t be the one driving. You will.” Quade pulls up on the street out the front of my house and shuts off the engine. “Come on.” He opens his car door and jogs around and lets me out. Blue eyes sparkle as he offers me his hand. I take it and let him lead me up the driveway towards the Speed Demon.

  Gulp. How can I get out of this? It’s been years since I’ve turned the ignition. I bet it won’t even start.

  “Um, last time I drove it the brakes weren’t that good and … yeah, it’d have a flat battery for sure.”

  “Your dad had a mobile mechanic come and fix them while you were at work yesterday, and I gave the car a bit of a detail.”

  Quade had taken a few calls the other day and excused himself, mouthing work to me. I’d thought it might’ve had to do with my birthday tomorrow, but maybe they were all about the car. Would he even remember that tomorrow is my birthday?

  “You and Dad did all that for me?” I surprise myself with the high pitch to my voice.


  “Of course we did. I have to tell you though, I can handle the odd creepy-crawly but what the hell is with all the spiders around your place?”

  “They’re the creepy part of our family. We can’t seem to shake them. They like cars,” I say with a shrug.

  Quade hands me the keys, with the familiar silver L keychain.

  With shaking hands, I turn the key and unlock the vehicle, opening the door. The distinct smell of fresh pine hits me at full force. We both get inside. This is so weird. Can I really do this?

  I grip the steering wheel and turn to Quade, begging with my eyes for him to reconsider.

  “Turn the key, Lace,” he says in a firm voice.

  I turn to face him and give him a look that might as well say “last chance to reconsider”. “You know I’m putting your life at risk, right?”

  “Lace,” he groans.

  “Fine,” I whisper. I check my mirrors, put my foot on the brake and put the car in neutral. My hand shakes as I turn the key. My heart races in my chest. Can I do this? It’s been so long.

  The engine purrs, no sign of the rattle that once plagued my driving lessons.

  “Good, now just take your time reversing and remember my baby is on the street.” I don’t miss the nervous edge to his voice.

  “I’m not gonna hit your precious car, Quade,” I whine.

  I depress the clutch pedal, and slowly let it out as I accelerate. The car revs, but doesn’t move.

  “Handbrake, Lace.” Quade chuckles.

  “God,” I say, covering my blushing face with my hands. “Save yourself now, Quade. I’m a hopeless case.”

  Quade sweeps my fingers from my face. He leans over and plants his lips against mine, kissing me until the anxiety plaguing my mind starts to fade. Now I’m blushing for another reason.

  “I believe in you,” he says against my mouth. “You just have to try. I’m here, and I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

  I huff out a loud breath and peck him on the lips. I can’t believe he’s doing this for me. With a deep breath, I suck in some courage. I can do this.