Kiss Me at Midnight (Entangled Flaunt)

by Alberts, Diane

  “Us.” She moved her finger back and forth between them. “This.”

  His jaw flexed, and his nostrils flared. “We’re friends. Beyond that, we were just an extended one-night stand.” His voice was hard. “Just like you wanted. Like I wanted.”

  She nodded, even though she wanted nothing more than to scream at him for making her feel as if they didn’t have anything between them when she knew they did.

  “Exactly.” She sat back down. “Are you going to sit back down and eat? Or are you going to run away again?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s your thing.” She shrugged. “You run. I get it. I tend to push people away until they run, so we make a good team.”

  He sat down and picked up his fork. “I’m not fucking running anywhere.”

  She raised a brow but didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to.

  He was running…he just hadn’t left yet.

  …

  Ethan swallowed the bite of meatball, but he didn’t even taste it. This whole thing was becoming a big, fucking mess. This weekend was supposed to be a carefree fling with a woman he used to care for, but now she was looking at him as if she wanted more.

  And he wasn’t sure he had more to give.

  He knew what he wanted out of life, and living in Rehoboth Beach wasn’t it. As a matter of fact, it might be the last thing on this world he wanted out of life. There was nothing to be done for it.

  She didn’t want to leave, and he didn’t want to stay. If that wasn’t answer enough as to how this weekend would end, then he was a pink-footed elephant with wings.

  She took another bite and watched him closely, her face calm and impassive. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.” He took another sip of wine. He had a feeling he was going to need it by the time she opened her mouth, from the way this night had been going so far. “Go for it.”

  She set her fork down. “Why don’t you ever want to get married?”

  “I don’t want kids.” He tightened his hand on his fork. “Wives want kids.”

  “Why don’t you want kids anymore?” she asked softly, her eyes on him. “You wanted them before. When we were kids.”

  “Exactly. When I was a kid myself. I didn’t know what I wanted any more than you did.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “And if you must know, I don’t want kids because I don’t want to watch my child go through what I went through and not be able to change it.”

  She sucked in a deep breath and reared back, her mouth in a perfect O shape. “Seriously?”

  “Yes, seriously.”

  She shook her head and grabbed her wineglass with a trembling hand. “That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. You’d be an excellent father, and I’m sure you could handle the bullying and tears, if it came to that.”

  He fisted his hands in his lap. It might sound sad to her, but it’s how he’d planned his life. And he wasn’t changing it just because she thought he could be better than he thought. It’s not as if she was going to be in his life. No, she hadn’t given any indication of wanting that at all.

  Which was good. Right?

  He forced himself to shrug nonchalantly. “Yeah, well, it’s all part of my life plan.”

  She nodded. “So, then, your plan is to be alone for the rest of your life?”

  “Pretty much.”

  She flinched and studied him. He saw concern in her eyes, loud and clear. “But does that make you happy?”

  “I’ve been happy since I left, Ash. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. I like the life I’ve built in California. I like my job. My friends. And I like not getting attached or caring about who I’m with. It’s how I am now.”

  At least he had, up until finding Ashley again.

  Right this second? With her sitting across the table looking at him as if…as if she cared for him? Hell yeah, he was happy. He shifted in his chair, realizing that she was a huge contributor to his current happiness.

  “You know what I think?” She set her glass down. “I think you’re scared.”

  He motioned her onward, even though he didn’t really want to hear what she had to say. “Don’t stop there. Tell me. What am I scared of?”

  “I think you’re scared of feeling anything because you’re scared to get hurt. I think you don’t know what you want out of life, so you hide behind your plans. You use them like a shield, not letting anyone get too close. Not letting yourself care. But you do care. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me.” She tapped her fingers on the table. “You care, whether you want to or not.”

  She hit way too close to home with that. The fact that she could read him so easily scared the shit out of him. He forced a laugh. “Are you taking a class in phycology or something?”

  “I have before, but not now.” She lifted her hand and then let it fall back to the table. “Why? Was I right?”

  He took a shaky breath, not quite meeting her gaze. “Nope.”

  “If you say so.” She canted her head and offered him a small smile. “Do me.”

  “Excuse me?” He cocked a brow. “I thought I just did.”

  She waved a hand. “You know what I mean. Analyze me. It’s only fair since I did you, right?”

  He didn’t want to analyze her. But then he opened his mouth, and the words came flying out uncontrollably. “I think you’re a little bit bitter that you’re being forced to move back home, but you’re doing it anyway because that’s how you are. And I think you want me to come back so you’re not here all alone, and so we can be friends just like in the old days, but you also know me well enough to know that I won’t, so you haven’t asked.” He swallowed. “And I think you’re scared, too, of what you’re going to do now that you’re stuck back in this town. I know I would be, too.”

  “Wow.” She blinked at him. “That’s pretty damn correct. Did you take a class in phycology?”

  He let out an uneasy laugh. “I might have taken a course for fun in senior year.”

  “Well, then, let me ask you another question.” She leaned forward. “Does part of you want to stay for me, even though you never would? Even though I would never ask you to?”

  He stiffened. He couldn’t see what good would possibly come of him answering that question. “Ashley…”

  “Yeah?” When he didn’t continue, she cocked her head. “You going to answer, or what?”

  “There’s no point in answering that question at all,” he gritted out. Telling her that he was tempted would do no good. Temptation or not, he wasn’t going to stay. End of story. “So, no, I’m not.”

  “Why not? I want to know.”

  “Because you won’t like the answer I give.”

  She cocked a brow. “Try me. I think I can handle it.”

  She was pushing too hard—too fast. His fight or flight instinct kicked it, and he didn’t know which was stronger. “No, I don’t even think about staying here at all.”

  “Fair enough,” she said, not even flinching at his denial.

  He ran his hands down his face. “Okay, that’s not entirely true. If I was going to do it for anyone, it would be for you.”

  Why had he said that?

  He looked her in the eye and opened his mouth to take it back. To deny everything he was feeling for her—even if he didn’t know what the hell that was. To keep his heart safe.

  But when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. Nothing at all.

  She bit her lower lip. “When you walk away from me in the morning—and don’t worry, I won’t try to stop you—I’ll miss you. I just thought you should know.”

  “We can keep in touch.”

  She gave a little laugh. “I know. But still. It’s not the same as…” She motioned at the table and twisted her lips in a poor imitation of a smile. “This. I’ll miss this.”

  Somewhere in the middle of this meal, something inside of him had shifted, leaving his heart vulnerable to attack. And, man, she attacked mercile
ssly without even trying.

  He made a broken sound he couldn’t believe came from his own fucking mouth, stood up, came around the table, and cupped her behind the nape of the neck. He kissed her, not even bothering to offer a reply. It wasn’t a kiss of dominance or even passion. It felt more like an admission of sorts. And knowing she felt the same…something…that he felt, well, that made this all the more difficult to accept.

  He wanted to stay here, with her, but he couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

  So he kissed her instead.

  “I’ll miss this, too, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not staying.”

  “I know.” She bit down on her lip. “I didn’t ask you to stay.”

  And she hadn’t. She got him, and he liked that about her.

  He started for her bedroom, and she laid her head on his chest. He closed his eyes for a second, memorizing the way she felt in his arms, then laid her down on the bed. Her hair flowed over the pillow, and she looked up at him with equal parts sadness and acceptance in her eyes.

  She knew, just as much as he did, that this would be their last time together. That come tomorrow, he’d go back to his safe world in California.

  And she’d be stuck here.

  He laid his body on top of hers, his lips touching hers gently. This time it wouldn’t be about the thrill or the rush. This time, it would be about memories. About two people who cared about one another, even if they weren’t right for each other. About moving on.

  How long would it be before some smart man claimed her as his own?

  Her lips opened under his, and she wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, holding him in place. As if she was scared he was going to leave, and the worst part was he was. In the morning, before she woke up, he’d be gone.

  It would be better that way. After all, what could be sweeter than this?

  And once he left, she’d move on without him.

  Maybe find a man who wasn’t as averse to living in Rehoboth as he was.

  Chapter Ten

  Ashley woke up the next morning, her thighs sore and her heart aching. She rolled over, reaching out for him with her hand. All she felt was empty sheets. She knew, without even opening her eyes, that he’d left her while she was asleep. He’d run from her again, but this time she wasn’t chasing him down. He was free.

  It’s not as if she hadn’t known it was coming. But still, it was slightly disappointing. Part of her had hoped he would stick around to say goodbye.

  Maybe a lingering kiss and a promise to never forget her…

  But, yeah, she hadn’t even gotten that. Had he even spent the night, or had he crept away in the dark of the night, not willing to spend the night in her bed?

  She sat up, hugging the sheets to her chest. Her eyes skimmed over the room, looking for his shoes or something that would tell her he hadn’t just walked away from her. Something that told her he at least cared enough to say goodbye. All she saw was the empty chair where his coat had been and her own clothes scattered about.

  He was gone—and she was alone.

  The door to her condo shut, and she jumped out of the bed the second she heard it, picking up her nightie and pulling it over her head. She could chase after him. Get that last kiss she’d so fiercely desired.

  But then what? He would still go away, and she would still left behind in Rehoboth instead of living her big city dreams, taking care of her mother. She didn’t mind doing it so much. It was part of being an only child.

  But she needed a man by her side that wouldn’t run away. One that didn’t require chasing. And Ethan? He wasn’t it. It was time to let him go. So…she let him go.

  She sat down and stared at her empty, rumpled bed.

  What the heck was she supposed to do next?

  …

  She hadn’t chased after him.

  Ethan shoved his last shirt into his suitcase and closed it. When he went to zip it up, he realized he would never get the damn thing closed unless he actually folded the clothes. Man, he was horrible at packing.

  Just like relationships.

  He felt like screaming. Hell, he missed her already, and he hadn’t even left yet. He couldn’t help replaying that conversation over and over again in his head. How long would it be before she moved on with a guy who wouldn’t push her away? How long before she was getting married and having little Ashley’s that he’d never get to help raise?

  Damn it, he was going crazy. He didn’t even want kids.

  He guessed part of his uncertainty was the doubt. Every other time they separated, she was always the first one to tell him to come back. To stop being such a runner.

  But she hadn’t texted him at all. Had he really expected her to?

  He sat down next to the suitcase and rubbed his forehead. His head felt like it was ready to explode at the slightest provocation and the pain pulling at his heart every time he thought of Ashley, and leaving her behind wasn’t helping.

  He swallowed hard and flopped back on the bed, glowering up at the ceiling. He was in his old bedroom, and hanging over his bed was the picture Ashley had made for him when he stopped talking to her. It was a collage made from different pictures of them through the years. She had slipped it into his locker toward the end of the school year after he’d spent months avoiding her.

  Even after he’d been a complete jerk to her, she’d come after him.

  But not anymore.

  Had he really expected any different?

  Such a tangled web he had gotten himself into. He eyed the picture, which said friends forever under their smiling faces. Though he hadn’t said a word to her about it, when he’d gotten home he had hung it up on his wall. After telling himself it was part of his past, he hadn’t packed it among his things when he moved away from Delaware.

  But he’d never been able to take it down, even after all of this time.

  Probably never would.

  A knock sounded at the door. Ethan turned, expecting to see Alex, but it was his mom. “Oh, hi, Mom.”

  She came in and eyed his mess of a suitcase. “You packing up already?”

  “Yeah. I do have a flight to catch in a few hours, after all.”

  “Yeah, I know.” She sat down on his bed. “I thought you might decide to stay this time, though.”

  “Why would I do that?” Ethan asked.

  “Ashley. I heard you two spent a lot of time together.” His mom reached out and squeezed his hand. “I always thought you two would end up getting married, you know.”

  Ethan swallowed hard. He didn’t want that. But even so…he could see it. It made his heart speed up, the thought of her walking down the aisle toward him. “Mom, we’re just friends.”

  “If you say so,” she said, dropping his hand. “When will you be back?”

  “I don’t know.” Ethan picked up a shirt off of the floor and turned back to her. Normally, he would say next Christmas, but he wanted to come back sooner than that. Maybe see what Ashley was up to. How she was adjusting to being her mom’s caretaker. Just check in on her, like any good friend would. “Maybe Easter?”

  “That’s better than Christmas, which is what I was expecting to hear, but still months away.” She nibbled on her lower lip and tugged on a piece of her graying hair. “Can’t you come home more often?”

  She asked him this every time he came back, and every time…his answer was the same. “Mom, I live in California.” He tossed the shirt in to his suitcase. “Don’t worry. The time will go by fast.”

  “That’s not why you don’t come home,” she said, picking up the shirt he’d just tossed into the suitcase and folding it in her lap. “It’s because you hate this town.”

  He hesitated. “Well, can you blame me?”

  “No, and I’m so sorry.” She sighed and set his shirt down, then raised her dark brown eyes to his. “I wish we could have protected you from your childhood. You know that, right?”

  “I do.” Ethan sat down and threw his arm over her frail shoulders. �
�You took care of me, Mom. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I know, but still.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “I just wish you could come back home. People change, you know. It’s not so bad anymore.”

  Ethan stiffened. Everyone kept telling him that, and maybe they were right. But he hadn’t changed enough to accept this town. It just wasn’t possible. “I know, but I’m still leaving.”

  His mom nodded. “I know. But I still wish you wouldn’t.” She kissed him on his cheek and then stood. “I’ll let you pack, though.”

  “Thanks. You know I love you, right, Mom?”

  “Of course.” She smiled at him, but it was a sad smile. “I’ve never doubted that.”

  She left the room, passing Alex as he came in. “Everything okay in here?” Alex asked, hesitating at the doorway. “Mom looks sad. What did you do?”

  “Nothing.” Ethan rubbed his forehead again and then rolled to his feet. “I’m just trying to pack since my flight leaves in a few hours, but I can’t get my damn clothes to fit in the suitcase.”

  “Hey, here’s a suggestion. It might sound a little bit off the wall, but maybe you should try folding them.” Alex stepped inside and picked up a shirt. “I’ll help you, but I’m not doing it alone.”

  Ethan grabbed another shirt. “Thanks.”

  “Want to talk about it?” Alex asked, his voice light.

  Ethan froze, a half folded shirt in his hands. “About what?”

  “The weather.” Alex rolled his eyes. “Ashley, dumbass.”

  Normally, this was the part where Ethan refused to talk about his feelings. Refused to come clean. But for once? Hell yeah, he wanted to talk about it. “I left, and she didn’t come after me. She always comes after me. She just let me go this time.”

  “Would that have made a difference?”

  “What do you mean?”

  His brother ran a hand through his hair. “In whether you stayed or went?”

  No. Yes. Maybe. He cleared his throat. “You know what she called me last night?”

  Alex raised a brow. “What?”

  “A runner. She said it so matter-of-factly, as if she knew and accepted this about me. I didn’t realize it before, but that’s what I am.” He stared at the crack in his bedroom wall, where he’d punched it after finding Roger and Ashley together. “I’m a fucking runner.”