Community

by Peter Block

  In community building, rather than focusing on our deficiencies and weaknesses, which will most likely not go away, we gain more leverage when we focus on the gifts we bring, and seek ways to capitalize on them. Instead of problematizing people and work, the conversation that searches for the mystery of our gifts brings the greatest change and results. This is especially true when caring for or acting with people who live in exile. The other. Low-performing employees, low-income people, people with disabilities, people with the law against their side, family members who are hard to reach and show up late at Thanksgiving and are vegetarians.

  The focus on gifts confronts people with their essential core, that which has the potential to make the difference and change lives for good. This resolves the unnatural separation between work and life. Who we are at work is our life. Who we are in life is our work. The leadership task—indeed the task of every citizen—is to bring the gifts of those on the margin into the center. This applies to each of us as an individual, for our life work is to bring our gifts into the world. This is a core quality of a hospitable community, whose work is to bring into play the gifts of all its members, especially strangers.

  The Gifts Distinctions

  Authentically acknowledging our gifts is what it means to be inclusive or to value diversity. Judith Snow, a powerful voice in the disabilities world, declared that the purpose of her life was to eliminate the language of disabilities from our vocabulary. She stated in an email to me, “My deepest desire is to make the world safe for people whose abilities and contributions are generally unrecognized.” She created a world where no one is known by, is labeled with, or takes his identity from his disabilities, only from his gifts. This is in no way a denial of our limitations, just a recognition that they are not who we are. I am not what I am not able to do. I am what I am able to do—my gifts and capacities. Judith was a person who had control of her mind, her voice, and her fingers. She was supposed to die as a teenager, but chose to go in her sixties. Still too soon.

  The point is that an alternative future, and the community that ushers it in, come into being when we capitalize on our gifts and capacities. Bringing the gifts of those on the margin into the center is a primary task of leadership and citizenship.

  The distinction here is straightforward, between gifts and deficiencies.

  When we look at deficiencies, we strengthen them. What you see is what you get. When you label or name me arrogant or quietly aggressive, or remote and homeless, which I am, that is what you are going to get. In this way, the focus on gifts is a practical stance, not a moral one. What do you want from me—my deficiencies or my capacities?

  The Gifts Questions

  The gifts conversation boils down to our willingness to stop telling people about

  What they need to improve

  What didn’t go well

  How they should do it differently next time

  Instead, confront them with their gifts. Talk to others about

  The gifts you’ve received from them

  The unique strength that you see in them

  The capacities they have that bring something unique and needed in the world

  What they did in the last ten minutes that made a difference

  Gifts of This Gathering

  Every time we gather, there needs to be space for a discussion of what gifts have been exchanged. This question needs to be asked of the community:

  What gift have you received from another in this room? Tell the person in specific terms.

  We focus on gifts because what we focus on, we strengthen. The gifts-of-this-gathering question can be asked this way:

  What has someone in your small group done today that has touched you or moved you or been of value to you?

  or

  In what way did a particular person engage you in a way that had meaning?

  In practical terms, this means that in each small group, one person at a time tells the others what they have received and appreciated from others.

  Because we are so awkward about this kind of discussion, the conversation needs to be set up in a special way. We ask the person who hears about what they have given another to say, “Thank you; I like hearing that.” We want to let the statements of gifts have a chance to sink in. Help people put aside the routine of deflecting the appreciation and denying their gifts. Encourage them not to say that others brought it out of them, or what a great group this is, or how they got lucky for once and will try to not let it happen again.

  Among all the things which God created in His universe, He created nothing that is useless. He created the snail as a cure for a wound, the fly as a cure for the sting of the wasp, the gnat as a cure for the bite of the serpent, the serpent as a cure for a sore, and the spider as a cure for the sting of a scorpion.

  Shabbat 77b, Babylonian Talmud, from Judaism and Social Justice, by Harriet Kaufman

  This means we enforce a complete ban on denying gifts and discussing weaknesses and what is missing. No human problem solving allowed. Often, because they have been so conditioned by the retributive culture that we have experienced, people want negative feedback. This is packaged in the name of learning and growth.

  Don’t buy the packaging. The longing for feedback that we can “work on” is really a defense against the terrible burden of acknowledging our gifts and getting about the work of living into them, which we can call “fulfilling our destiny”—language so demanding and imposing, no wonder I would rather keep swimming in the morass of my needs and incompleteness. Save me from constructive feedback. I can stand most of the time; I don’t need reconstruction. Eye contact will do.

  The Gift Each Brings to the World

  Beyond the conversation about what gifts occurred in this gathering, we each have to deal with the extent that we are bringing the gifts given to us at birth or beyond into the world. We are aware of our deficiencies beyond belief or utility. What we are blind to are our gifts, the ones unique to us. These are qualities we have not earned but that have come to us as an act of grace. Our work in life is to know and accept these gifts, for acceptance is what is required to bring them forth.

  The questions to ask are the following:

  What is the gift you currently hold in exile?

  What is it about you that no one knows about?

  What are you grateful for that has gone unspoken?

  What is the positive feedback you receive that still surprises you?

  What is the gift you have that you do not fully acknowledge?

  As with all the conversations, there may be no immediate and clear answers to these questions. That doesn’t matter. The questions themselves work on us, and when they are asked, this work is activated. In the asking, we are creating space for gifts, which are central to restoration, restoration that wants to occur at this moment. In this way, the questions are the transformation, simply by being named.

  The Questions at a Glance

  The heart of the conversations emerging from all of these questions is to create a sense of belonging with others and also a sense of accountability for oneself and care for the commons.

  Here is a summary of the core questions associated with each conversation:

  What is the choice you made by being here? (Invitation)

  How much risk do you plan to take, and how participative do you plan to be in this gathering or project? (Ownership)

  What are the crossroads you/we are at that are appropriate to the purpose of the gathering? (Possibilities)

  What declarations are you prepared to make about the possibilities for the future? (Possibilities)

  To what extent do you see yourself as cause of the problem you are trying to fix? (Ownership)

  What is the story you hold about this community or this issue, and what are the payoffs and costs of this story? (Ownership)

  What are your doubts and reservations? (Dissent)

  What is the yes you no longer mean? (Dissent)

  What promises are you w
illing to make to your peers? (Commitment)

  What gifts have you received from each other? (Gifts)

  When a child is born, they are bringing a gift from the spirit world that the community needs.

  Sobonfu

  The important thing about these questions is that they name the agenda that can shift the nature of the future. They are a curriculum for restorative community. The power is in the asking, not in the answers. And we do not have to get it just right. There are many ways to frame the questions, as long as we do not make the way too easy. The work is to invent questions that fit the business you are up to and the conditions you are attempting to shift.

  A final caveat. These ideas and methodology depend on a certain amount of goodwill. When individuals or communities are more committed to being right than to creating an alternative future, then nothing we do can make much of a difference. There are those times and places where the cynicism, despair, and resignation run so deep that all that we attempt seems to fall on deaf ears. In the long run, I do not believe this is ever the case. But there are moments, specific gatherings, that just do not go well. At these times, all we can do is forgive ourselves for how little difference we seem to have made and then perhaps have a conversation with God.

  CHAPTER 13

  Bringing Hospitality into the World

  We usually associate hospitality with a culture, a social practice, a more personal quality to be admired. In Western culture, where individualism and security seem to be priorities, we need to be more thoughtful about how to bring the welcoming of strangers into our daily way of being together.

  • • •

  The six conversations have power when they occur in a context of hospitality. Here are the design elements for structuring hospitality into our gatherings.

  Welcome and Greeting

  Everything counts. We take our cues from the hospitality industry, especially from good restaurants and hotels. Greet people at the door; welcome them personally and help them get seated. Introduce them to some people whom they do not know. People enter in isolation. Reduce the isolation they came with; let them know they came to the right place and are not alone.

  Example: Carlsbad, California

  When Ray Patchett, city manager of Carlsbad, California, decided to involve the community in determining its future, he and his staff placed a red carpet from the street to the front door of the meeting place. They had people at the door to welcome people and escort them to the meeting room. In the meeting room, each citizen was personally introduced to other citizens. A local group was playing music; light food was offered. Photos taken by children were on the wall. Get the picture? When you came to this meeting, you knew you had come to the right place. Of course this took some time and effort on the part of the city manager team, but what a message of care and inclusion for the citizens of Carlsbad.

  Restate the Invitation

  After the welcome, begin with a statement of why you are there. Declare the possibility that led to the invitation. Use everyday language and speak from the heart, without PowerPoint presentations, slides, video, and so on. Use words and phrases that express choice, faith, willingness to act, commitment to persevere, and the fact that the leaders came to listen, not just to speak.

  Connection Before Content

  Before diving into the agenda, citizens need to be connected to one another. Whenever we enter a room, we do so with doubt and still attached to wherever we just came from. Connecting citizens to each other is not intended to be just an icebreaker, which is fun yet does little to break the isolation or create community. Icebreakers will achieve contact, but not connection. Connection occurs when we speak of what matters about this moment. This is done most easily through questions (surprise!).

  Some examples of connection questions:

  What led you to accept the invitation?

  Why was it important for you to be here today?

  What is the price others paid for you to be here?

  If you could invite someone from your life, past or present, to sit beside you and support you in making this meeting successful, who would that be?

  Since connection occurs most easily in small face-to-face groupings, create circles of three or six. Request that people sit with those they know the least; this gives each person the freedom to be who they truly are and not who their colleagues think they should be. It also symbolizes the intent to have people move beyond the boundaries of their own history and alliance.

  Certain groupings are better for learning and connection; others are better for closure and problem solving. Use a diverse mix of people, people who know each other the least, early in the gathering. This “maximum mix” is good for opening questions and raising doubts. Use affinity groupings, composed of those who are most familiar with each other, for planning actions and making promises.

  One structural sequence for creating community is to start with the individuals reflecting on the question and then have them talk in trios, next in groups of six, and then to the whole community. Shorthand is 1-3-6-all. If you are short on time, groups of three are ideal. No place to hide in a threesome.

  Late Arrivals

  Someone always comes late, especially in community work. This does not mean we do not start on time, but the fact that a person showed up needs to be acknowledged. Welcome them without humiliation and connect them with the group. Restored community is created when every gathering is a demonstration of the future we came to create, so we need to take a moment to include those who come late. This is a defining feature of a culture of hospitality, and taking the time to welcome a latecomer sets the tone for what we consider to be important, which is relatedness.

  Early Departure

  When a participant leaves early, there is a hole and a kind of emptiness left behind. The early exit leaves a void in the community. It hurts the community; there is a cost, a consequence to the community. This takes energy and resources from the gathering and represents a cost to the experience of community and belonging.

  People will leave early, usually for good reason, so no need to take it personally, but good reason to take this seriously. Loss is an element of engagement. The way we treat the loss of a member is as important as the way we treat the welcome and the conclusion of the gathering. Here is a way to handle early departures that reflects that spirit:

  Ask in the beginning for people to give notice of leaving. Ask them to leave in public, not to sneak out in the dark of night or in silence or during a break.

  Acknowledge their leaving in a deliberate way.

  Have them announce to the group that they are leaving and where they are going. This will create some discomfort, but that is the nature of separation.

  When they get up to leave, have three people from the group say, “Here’s what you’ve given us . . .” This is a moment for the gifts conversation.

  Ask the soon-to-be-departed, “What are you taking with you? What shifted for you, became clearer? What value have you received as a result of being here? Is there anything else you’d like to say to the community?”

  Thank them for coming.

  Remove their chairs—if the chairs remain empty, we are only reminded of our loss.

  All of this takes time, but we are choosing depth over speed. Plus, how we treat these people today is how we will be treated tomorrow.

  Breaking Bread Together

  In creating the conversation and social space that support community, we need to address another dimension of welcome, one that has traditionally defined culture: food. It brings the sacred into the room. It is the symbol of hospitality. Providing food is as direct as we can be in performing a life-giving act. When we take it seriously, we know how to do this right. What is needed is consciousness about having food and about what kind of food fits our intention.

  One small request: Most food served in meetings is about satiation, not health. Even in health care settings or meetings about creating healthy communities, we serve pastries, cooki
es, fast food, chips, pretzels. This is not food; it is fuel and habit that are nutritionally and environmentally unconscious.

  Let there be apples so that we have some way of moving beyond the illusion of paradise; grapes for the sake of pleasure; bread, unleavened if you can find it, a reminder of the Sabbath . . . you get the point. Natural, healthy food, prepared by local merchants. Food that reflects the diversity of the world we are embracing. Grown within fifty miles of our gathering place to reduce the carbon footprint.

  Some people will complain. Let them.

  CHAPTER 14

  Designing Physical Space That Supports Community

  Physical space is more decisive in creating community than we realize. Most meeting spaces are designed for control, negotiation, and persuasion. Although the room itself is not going to change, we always have a choice about how we rearrange and occupy whatever room we are handed. Community is built when we sit in circles, when there are windows and the walls have signs of life, when every voice can be equally heard and amplified, when we all are on one level— and the chairs have wheels and swivel.

  When we have an opportunity to design new space, the same communal consciousness applies. We need reception areas that tell us we are in the right place and are welcome, hallways wide enough for intimate seating and casual contact, eating spaces that refresh us and encourage relatedness, rooms designed with nature, art, conviviality, and citizen-to-citizen interaction in mind. And we need large community spaces that have those qualities of great communal intimacy.