by Lee Wardlow
A low moan of pleasure escaped her pretty pink lips and I groaned. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t stand here and listen to Skylar pleasure herself if that is what she was doing. My sweats were already a little tighter in the crotch area just listening to her. I went outside and slid into one of the lounge chairs staring out over the woods surrounding the cabin.
**
I was so humiliated. The words just popped out of my mouth. I wanted him all right. Living with him might be harder to control these growing feelings. Maybe I should move back home? I splashed water across my chest and watched the droplets trickle down my breasts. Then I laid my palms flat against them and ran my hands over my nipples. I groaned softly. I wanted Ronan to want me. I wanted the passion to ignite the way it had the night we created Luke.
I ran my hand over my belly. How attractive was I right now? My big belly. Stretch marks on the lower part. I had seen them. Not many but I had seen them. I sighed and moved around splashing water over the side of the tub onto the floor. I peeked over. Hell, all over the floor. I’ll clean it after my bath. Then I ran my hands back over my belly and was rewarded with several hard kicks by my son. I chuckled at him.
I loved this boy. Couldn’t wait to hold him in my arms but I didn’t think he was real to Ronan yet. I scrubbed myself clean and groaned at the feel of the loofah on my skin. I was a noise-maker in the bathtub. I loved me some bubbles. This was my meditation. My peacemaker when my mind was racing a million miles a minute. We couldn’t go on with the silence. Should I apologize for wanting to have sex with Ronan? I sighed again. I don’t think that I wanted to. There was nothing wrong with wanting him. Why couldn’t he want me too?
I let the water drain from the tub and climbed out carefully to avoid the water on the floor. I dried myself and then the floor where I splashed over the side. Then I slipped into my pajama shorts and a matching tank. The top wasn’t going to fit me much longer. Ryan gave it to me. It was one she wore early in her pregnancy. I tossed the towels into the laundry basket in my room. My hair was still in a messy bun on my head as I went in search of Ronan.
I could see his feet on the chaise lounge outside. I went through the doors and he turned his head and smiled. “Enjoy your bath?” He asked me. The deep richness of his voice sent a shiver of my spine. Just his words could do that to me.
“I always enjoy my bath.”
His eyes grew wider and his eyebrows rose in surprise. “Come here,” he said. I walked to the lounge and he pulled me down into his lap. “I don’t want things to become awkward between us,” he said.
I didn’t want that either. Luke should be most important. I needed to put my libido on a shelf as hard as it was sometimes. “I agree.”
He held me against his bare chest. My arm was snug against his warm skin. “You know it isn’t that I’m not tempted to take you to bed but with me only being clean six weeks I don’t think it is a good idea. I want to be sure that everything I do for you and Luke is exactly the right thing.”
Then he needed to stop rubbing his fingers across my bare shoulder. Luke was kicking. Ronan scooted my top up over my belly and I glanced at him with irritation. He laid his hand flat across my bare stomach. His fingers caressed me waiting to see if Luke would kick again. I knew he just wanted to feel his son kick not that he wanted to touch me. “He doesn’t seem real to you yet, does he?” I asked trying to relax in his arms.
He shook his head no. “I keep feeling him move inside you and I’m trying to convince myself he’s real.”
“He’s real Ronan. I have the stretch marks to prove it.”
He looked at me and he frowned. “I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, I think you look beautiful.”
I just rolled my eyes at him. We were quiet after that. I continued to sit on his lap with his hand on my bare skin. My hair tickling his face. “How’s football practice going?” I had to talk. I just couldn’t take the silence any longer.
“There’s this kid, quiet like Fionn was.” I nodded waiting for him to finish. “I want to reach out to him.”
I leaned out a little so I could see his face. “So do it.”
“I’m just not sure how. You know, I don’t want to come across as weird.”
I asked him what he meant. He puzzled over it for a moment. Something about him. He wasn’t sure if he was troubled or just trying to keep people out like Fionn did.
“What position does he play?” I asked him.
“Wide receiver,” Ronan told me.
We talked about the kid and what was bothering Ronan. He couldn’t put it to words. Something about him. He had seen this behavior with Fionn who kept his walls up high protecting his secrets. His Dyslexia so no one would know that he struggled with reading. Protecting his rituals so no one would know how hard it was for him to go out on the field and play football in front of hundreds of people on a Friday night under the bright lights. Ronan was sure there was something the kid didn’t want anyone else to know.
“Be patient Ro. He’ll open up if he trusts you,” I told him.
Suddenly he looked at me as if I had struck him. “I think that is what hurts me most about this situation Skybug.”
“Will you stop calling me that,” I snapped at him. I had to turn because my arm was going to sleep. They all called me that from the time I was a baby. He helped me get situated so that my back was against his front. My head rested perfectly in the curve of his shoulder. He put both arms around me and held me and it felt like the most natural thing to me. Why couldn’t he see it?
“I’ve always called you that,” he said. I could hear the hurt in his voice. I turned my head just a little and kissed his cheek. Also a natural move.
“I’m sorry Ronan but I’m going to be a Mommy soon. I’m not a Skybug anymore. I’m grown up or haven’t you noticed?” He made a sound somewhat like a grunt. I turned and looked at him. “What?”
“You aren’t wearing much,” he grumbled. “I have noticed. I’m not dead, you know.”
I rolled my eyes at him and settled back against him. His hands were still against my bare skin again. Neither of us pulled my shirt down. “What did you mean about trust Ronan?”
“I broke that trust by taking you to my bed.” I snorted at that statement. “You don’t think so?”
“Hell no. I was perfectly capable of saying no. You even gave me the option to say no but I didn’t. Hell Ronan, I wanted you,” I declared. It was easy to say these things when he couldn’t see my face. Maybe he needed to hear them so he would stop feeling guilty.
I laid my hands over his. My body was getting warm with his soft caresses even though there was nothing sexual about them. He just wanted to feel his son move inside me. He was trying to make sense of all this.
“I feel like I have,” he whispered then he pressed his lips to my temple and was quiet again.
A girl could fall in love with Ronan Moore if she wasn’t careful especially since she already had a crush on him. I sighed and closed my eyes. I decided to just enjoy the intimacy of him holding me and have fun while the fun lasted. We couldn’t do this forever. One of us would eventually want to move on most likely Ronan since I had already given him my heart.
Chapter 10
On Friday, I was at practice watching the wide receivers run plays with the quarterback. It was getting warm even in the mornings. The kid ran his routes like he was supposed to but kept to himself otherwise. He didn’t kid around like the other guys did.
He was almost as tall as me at sixteen. He had some growing to do still most likely. He was still gangly, all arms and legs. He could stretch and catch a ball one-handed. I watched him a time or two make catches that were amazing. This kid had big hands. Hands that were made to be a wide receiver. Maybe even in college on a full scholarship. A way to get an education paid for and who knew after that. Everyone dreamt of the pros but Fionn.
Coach walked up behind me and patted my shoulder. “How’s it going?” He asked.
“That kid, Do
m LaBenito, damn he’s good.”
Coach’s eyes traveled to the field where they were running a single setback formation, two wide receivers to the left and one to the right. Dom ran his route and the right, wide receiver caught the pass from John Mays the quarterback. The boys were wearing pads with their practice jerseys and shorts. A few bruises and scuffed knees were obvious in their practice attire.
“He is good,” Coach agreed. “He has a tough life Ronan.”
“I thought there was something about him.”
“What did you think?”
“He’s hiding behind his walls like Fionn used to do.”
“You would be right,” Coach told me.
I watched them setup for another formation. This play was a running play with the tight ends and the running backs who had just joined them on the field. The WR’s were standing to the side. The kid removed his helmet and took a sip from a water bottle. He kept his eyes downcast to the ground. “What is it?”
“A father who skipped town when he was a kid. Left him and two other kids alone with a mother who is a drug addict. He takes care of them all besides playing football and going to school. He keeps things together.”
“How old are the kids?”
“Fourteen, and eight.” Coach was watching him too. “The eight-year-old was a baby when their father left. He isn’t sure if the youngest even belongs to his father.”
“Are they neglected?”
“Sure they are,” Coach said. “But Dom manages to keep it together with funds that his grandparents give him. They live in Florida. Otherwise they probably all would have ended up in foster care. He doesn’t want that.”
“How do you know this?”
“I’ve talked to him. He carries a lot of weight on his shoulders. The kids are at the games with him every Friday night.”
“How does he handle away games?”
“I let him drive to the away games so the kids can go with him. He doesn’t want to leave them home alone with her. He has no one else.”
I didn’t understand. Why didn’t the grandparents just take the kids? Coach shook his head. “They are older. They don’t want the responsibility. It’s a shame. The money is all they are willing to give. It keeps a roof over their head and food on the table.”
“He won’t go to college then.”
Coach glanced up at me. “No, he won’t leave them.”
“Damn, he would be looking at a full scholarship. He’s that good.”
“He is. I’ve had some colleges want to talk to him but he won’t consider it.”
I put my hands on my hips and watched the kid put his helmet back on. There had to be a way to help this kid. “Where are the other kids now?” I asked.
Coach pointed to the bleachers behind him. Where Dom went, the kids went. The girl was coloring in a book with an open box of crayons beside her. Her long dark hair reminded him of Dom. The other kid had a buzz cut. He wore glasses and had a book open in his lap that he was reading from.
“Not an athlete?” I asked Coach.
“Nope, smart as hell though. He’s going to be a freshman.”
“Mind if I go talk to them?”
Coach’s eyes showed his surprise. “Got something in mind?”
“I don’t know yet. I just feel like someone has to help them.”
“Sure go to talk to them.”
I jogged across the field and up the bleachers. I was obviously out of shape when I sat down next to the girl. She turned her pale, blue eyes up to me. Eyes that were like Dom’s. Her brother sitting next to her slowly closed his book.
I was a combination of Dom and his brother. Smart as hell, a 4.0 all through high school. Never missed a day of school. I recognized that in the kid I was looking at but I was an athlete like Dom. “My name is Ronan Moore. I coach your brother Dominick.”
“I’m Nickolas LaBenito,” the brother said politely then extended his hand. I shook it and was surprised by his firm grip.
“No sports for you?” I asked him.
“I’m not nearly as coordinated as my brother. I hope that I can maybe get an academic scholarship then I can get an education that will allow me to work while Dom goes to school so I can support him and Madeline.”
It seemed that the weight of the world sat on both brothers’ shoulders. “You must be Madeline?” I asked.
She stuck her hand out to me and nodded. I took it gently in mine and I shook it. Luckily I was wearing sunglasses because emotion was welling up in me. These kids needed my help. Grams words stuck in my brain. I could change. I could make a difference in my life and I could start with them.
“Madeline, do you like animals?” I asked her.
She nodded eagerly.
“Ask Dom to bring you to my grandfather’s farm.” I wrote the address in her coloring book. “We have lots of farm animals. I would be happy to show you around.” And introduce you to Skylar. I didn’t know why but I felt I needed her help.
**
When I arrived at the farm there was still no baby but they were at the hospital now and Skylar was watching Gracie so I headed out to work on the farm. She called me on my phone at four. I was in the field checking on the cows. We were keeping an eye on the baby calf still who seemed to be eating much better.
“I’ll head up to the house right away.”
I had company.
Dominick LaBenito was standing by his car with his younger siblings when I arrived. Skylar was standing beside them getting introductions with Gracie on her hip. I stopped by Skylar and took Gracie from her. She was too heavy for her to be carrying around now.
“Thanks for coming,” I told Dom.
One of his thick, dark eyebrows shot up over his pale eyes. “I didn’t really have a choice. Maddie wouldn’t shut up about seeing your animals.” I didn’t miss his sardonic tone.
“I’m glad you came Dom.” I smiled at him then looked at Sky. I hadn’t talked to her about them yet so she was clearly puzzled. “I guess you guys have introduced yourselves.”
“We have,” she replied.
“Is she your wife?” Nickolas asked. Dom smacked him in the back of the head.
“Skylar and I are having a baby in a few months.” I glanced down at her. I had things I wanted to talk to her about. I wasn’t sure what her response would be.
“She’s your girlfriend then,” Nickolas declared.
I chuckled when he got whacked in the back of the head again by Dom. “I’m sorry Coach Moore.” He shook his head at his younger brother, embarrassed by his forwardness.
“It’s fine,” I said but it wasn’t. I could see the hurt in Skylar’s face. She held out her hand to Maddie and the little girl took it trusting her completely but Sky had that way about her.
“Come on Maddie. Let’s start with the horses. They are beautiful.”
“I like horses,” Maddie told her. Maddie hadn’t talked to me yet but she opened up to Skylar right away.
I followed behind carrying Gracie who was being shy. She kept hiding her face in my neck. “This is Gracie, our niece,” I explained to Nickolas and Dom when they kept looking at me and the kid. No, I hadn’t knocked her up twice, I wanted to tell the two boys. “Grace’s Mom is Sky’s sister and her Dad is my brother.”
“You’re Fionn Moore’s brother, aren’t you?” Dom asked pointing at me with a look of sudden recognition on his face.
I laughed. Everyone who played football for Pointe Royal high school knew Fionn. “I am. This is his daughter Gracie Lou.”
“Man, he was an amazing player. Coach Gatlin shows us tapes of him playing in high school sometimes. Your brother Ciaran was QB then.”
“He was,” I said.
“What position did you play?” Dom asked.
I was crushed. I was pretty damn good too. If he saw the tapes he most likely saw me play in them. Skylar glanced over her shoulder at me knowing my ego had taken a hit. She smiled at me. I winked at her. “I played wide receiver.”
The
little girl was in awe of the horses. Dom picked her up and let her touch their noses. She was small like the O’Halloran girls were. Nickolas stood back and looked at them from a distance. I gave Maddie a carrot to feed one of them and she laughed at the tickle their big tongue gave her palm.
We fed the chickens at the side of the barn. Maddie and Skylar collected eggs that we were going to let Maddie take home.
We were walking out the chicken coup when she asked Skylar, “I can eat these?” Skylar smiled at her while Nickolas laughed out loud calling her stupid. Dom was ready to wallop him again.
“Yes, you can. We eat them all the time,” Skylar reassured the little girl.
We headed down the lane to the pasture where the cows were. A few were walking along the fence where Dom and Maddie could touch their noses and sides. Nickolas seemed to always hang back. Walking back Maddie took Skylar’s hand. She was telling her about her third grade class. Skylar brushed her hand across her face to get the hair out of her eyes. She nodded and talked animatedly to the little girl. Maddie didn’t want to leave. She had eggs in the basket that Skylar found for her to carry them in.
“You can come back anytime Dom will bring you. I work here every day after practice,” I told her.
“You do?” Dom seemed surprised.
“I do. Skylar is here most days as well. At least until school starts. She’s teaching English at the high school when the new year begins.” I thought it would be good for Maddie to have positive female companionship. Skylar smiled and nodded at me. She liked the idea of the kids returning.
“Can I come back?” Maddie asked Skylar.
She squatted down and I was sure I would have to help her up again. “Of course you can Maddie. We can do fun girl stuff.”
“I would like that. Maybe Grace would like to do fun girl stuff with us.”
“I bet she would,” Skylar replied.
“Can we Dom?” Maddie looked to Dom for confirmation.
He nodded. “We have to go now though.”
Skylar extended her hand to me so I could help her to a standing position. Then we said goodbye to the kids and watched them get into Dom’s car. He backed carefully around my truck. Soon they were at the end of the lane. I squeezed my niece a little tighter. Gracie looked at me at the same time that Skylar was looking at me too but I couldn’t read her expression. Then Sky turned and headed towards the house.