Seeing Her

by Maria Jackson

  It only took a moment before Chloe began to shudder and shake. Her cheeks were flushed, and the thinnest sheen of sweat had appeared on her forehead. Jennie liked that. She wanted to see Chloe like this much more often.

  “That was amazing,” she said.

  She wasn’t sure if this encounter was a good idea. What Paula said, and how she felt… but she hadn’t been able to stop herself. She wanted Chloe too badly to let her go.

  NINE

  Sunlight streamed in through the open window, illuminating a small room. The bed was unfamiliar, the body in it even more so. Chloe looked down at the clothes strewn across the floor. It took a moment for her to realize the bare limbs beside her were Jennie’s.

  She quickly reflected back on the night before. Everything had happened so fast, even if they hadn’t actually done that much. They’d only fingered each other, when it came down to it. It was nothing. So why did it feel like they’d taken such a huge step?

  Glancing at the alarm clock on the night table, she extricated herself from Jennie’s arms. 2:05 – she never slept this late in the afternoon. Stretching, she considered what to do next. Jennie looked to be fast asleep, and it would be rude to wake her up.

  More than that, it would ruin everything. Her heart beat harder as she thought about what would happen when Jennie got up and saw her here. Jennie couldn’t possibly want more than sex from her. They were much too different. Chloe knew they would probably go to work tonight and pretend that nothing had ever happened.

  It was just, as she grabbed her pants off the ground, that wasn’t what she wanted. Leaving Jennie asleep would preserve this moment, at least for a little while.

  She pulled on her underwear first. As she hunted for her shirt, Jennie’s eyes opened. “Morning,” she murmured from the bed.

  Chloe gave her a strained smile. “Hey. I hope I didn’t wake you. I wasn’t sure how long you were going to sleep.” She whipped on her bra and her shirt, figuring she would leave as soon as she was dressed. Jennie wouldn’t want her to stick around.

  “You could have woken me up,” Jennie said. “I don’t mind.”

  Jennie had no right to look that good, especially this soon after waking up. This made it harder for Chloe. Jennie’s sleepy eyes and bedhead suited her as well as a full face of makeup.

  “Well, I wanted to let you sleep.”

  “Forget sleep. Come here.” Jennie held her arms out.

  Chloe shyly got back on the bed. After a second, she relaxed into Jennie’s embrace. This actually felt… nice.

  “I wasn’t planning to sleep over with anyone,” she said. “My parents must be wondering where I am. And Bjorn must be starving.”

  “Forget your parents. Forget your cat, too.”

  Poor kitty. Well, Chloe’s parents would feed him if he meowed enough. Chloe was too focused on Jennie holding her to go anywhere.

  “You know,” Jennie said, “I would have thought you’d have hooked up with one of the other girls by now. I’m assuming you didn’t, considering that you said this was new for you.”

  Remembering her “not at all a virgin” comment, Chloe blushed. Her voice softened to a whisper with her embarrassment. “Well, I’ve done things. Usually with girls at clubs. I was very curious about sex when I was younger. I was as horny as the next girl, but I wanted to get it without having to talk to anybody. In the end I still had to talk to them, and it was even more stressful because I didn’t know them. After a few tries, I stopped.”

  “Fair enough,” Jennie said. “I would’ve figured one of the other waitresses would seduce you, though. What with all of us being LGBT…”

  Chloe could only shrug. “Yeah, well, it never happened.”

  “It should have. You’re the best-looking of all those girls. You must know that, don’t you?”

  Now Chloe was definitely blushing. She would’ve put Jennie at the top of the list, but this wasn’t the time to argue over that. “I wouldn’t say so, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I could be the best-looking girl on earth, and I would still be too weird for most girls to be attracted to me.”

  “Well…”

  Jennie couldn’t possibly argue with her. Chloe knew fully well that what she said was true. She waited, morbidly curious to see what Jennie could possibly come up with.

  “Why do you act so weird if you know that it turns people off and you don’t like it?”

  “I don’t know,” Chloe said. “It’s just the way I am.”

  “Were you always quiet?”

  “Pretty quiet,” Chloe said. “I was a little louder when I was a kid, but I got bullied so much it made me want to not talk at all.”

  Jennie frowned. “What could anyone bully you for?”

  What could they not bully her for? That would’ve been a better question. Chloe kept her answer short. “I was chubby and wore glasses, and I wasn’t good in school. Quiet kids with glasses are supposed to be smart. I didn’t fit in with the nerds, and I sure as heck didn’t fit in with the cool kids. Every time I raised my hand, I got laughed at. If I tried to join in with a group on the playground, they all turned away.”

  She could still hear the taunts. Hey, fatty! Weirdo! Loser! The bullying had gone on for years. She’d started working out and dieting in junior year, but the damage to her self-esteem was already done.

  “So you stopped talking to anyone?” Jennie asked.

  “I guess,” Chloe said softly. “It kind of kept me safe. If I didn’t put myself out there, no one could push me away.”

  At primary school summer camp, she’d picked up the nickname of The Girl Who Never Talks – two years in a row. In high school, she’d eaten lunch in the bathroom to avoid sitting with anyone at lunch. That was just her life. She had little hope that a normal person like Jennie would understand it.

  “But you like talking to people,” Jennie said, sounding as if she was straining to understand. “You like having fun. And you do want sex.”

  “I do,” Chloe said. “I guess I’m just scared. If I don’t talk, I have no chance of getting hurt.”

  “That’s a depressing way to look at it,” Jennie said. “What about talking to the customers? You must speak to them a little bit.”

  “Yeah, I came up with a few questions that they seem to like. You know, ‘are you having a good time tonight,’ that sort of stuff. It’s so much easier when I know exactly what the other person expects of me.”

  “I guess that makes sense,” Jennie said. “The girls like it when you talk, though. None of our coworkers trying to reject you. They would love you if you gave them the chance to get to know you.”

  Chloe shrugged. Jennie was unrealistically optimistic. She got rejected pretty much every time she opened her mouth. “I don’t know how much they like me,” she said quietly.

  “Why wouldn’t they?”

  After hesitating, Chloe sighed. Fine. She’d give her one example. “Look how awkward they all got when I came in. If it had been anyone else, they would’ve been excited instead.”

  “They were just surprised because you’ve never come to one of the parties before. You never talk, so they don’t know if you like them.”

  It might have been partially true. Chloe slumped, suddenly disheartened. “I do my best. I’ve always been like this, though. I’ve tried to be like other people, and it doesn’t work. I don’t think I could ever change.”

  She waited for Jennie to argue with her. People always told her that she needed to be different. They said she had to change the way she was to suit other people. No one ever simply accepted her as she was.

  Instead of criticizing her, Jennie just nodded. “I guess I see where you’re coming from.”

  The sentiment was refreshing. “Thank you for understanding.”

  Jennie trailed her fingers across her back. “I don’t think you’re too weird for other girls to be attracted to you, though. You’re definitely not a loser anymore, and no one gives a fuck how well you did in school.”

  “Of cou
rse I’m too weird,” Chloe said. “You overlooked me until the other night, didn’t you? You can’t tell me that you didn’t.”

  “Fine,” Jennie said. “I knew you were there, and that you were good-looking. It just didn’t really click in my mind. I didn’t think I’d have the chance to go out with you.”

  Chloe wasn’t sure if it was true, but she liked the way Jennie spoke. It felt comfortable to lie here like this. She wasn’t sure why she had assumed it would be awkward. Chloe was enjoying Jennie’s company more and more. And that didn’t happen often for her.

  “I definitely won’t overlook you anymore,” Jennie said, putting her hand on Chloe’s waist. “I know you’re there now, and I’m not about to forget about it.”

  “Well, good.” Chloe gave her a small smile. “I don’t think I could forget about this if I tried.”

  “I don’t even mind if you don’t talk much to other people. I take it as a compliment that you’re comfortable with me. It’s like you’re sharing a secret with me, only the secret is your personality.” Jennie kissed her on the forehead. “I still think you should share that secret with other people, though. Not for your sake, but for theirs. They’re missing out.”

  Chloe sighed with happiness. She’d never imagined she would be into a drug dealer. She supposed she had judged Jennie without knowing her, exactly like Jennie had done to her. Jennie was actually very sweet. She should’ve tried harder to be friendly to her from the start.

  The fact that Jennie sold drugs didn’t mean she was all bad. She was still a little selfish, but maybe she had her reasons for that. Her meanness had limits, like when she had given Chloe back the money she had tried to rip off.

  On the other hand, she had tried to rip her off. Could Chloe really trust her? They barely knew each other, and she had no way to know if Jennie wanted more than her body. Maybe Jennie would try to get money out of her again.

  She doubted it, though. Jennie had been sweet to her for a while. She didn’t appear to be hiding anything. Ever since they had started to talk, she had been forthright and honest. Chloe had no issues with anything Jennie had done in that time.

  Lying there, Chloe thought about all the things she wanted to know about Jennie. The girl still hadn’t shared much about herself. Chloe knew she was into drugs, and she’d heard a little of Jennie’s relationship history. That was about it.

  “So, tell me more about you,” she said, turning onto her side to press herself against Jennie’s chest. “How did you end up at Jubblies?”

  “I came for the money, like most of the girls,” Jennie said.

  “What were you doing before that?”

  “Same thing I’m doing now,” Jennie said. “Hustling. I’ve always been a hustler, and I always will be. Just like you’ve always been who you are.”

  Chloe couldn’t say that she understood that, but she could respect it. Everyone had to make a living.

  “When did you start selling drugs?” she asked.

  “When I was sixteen,” Jennie said. “My mom and I didn’t have much to our name after she and my dad divorced. I wanted to make some pocket money so that I could leave the rest for her.”

  It wasn’t quite the answer Chloe had expected. Rather than judging Jennie, she found herself pitying her. “I see,” she said. “So your parents split up?”

  Jennie shrugged, which Chloe took as an affirmative answer.

  Chloe could sense that she didn’t want to talk about her parents’ divorce. It was probably a touchy subject, even after all this time. She left it alone. “If you were sixteen, couldn’t you have gotten a job?”

  Now Jennie looked perplexed. “It didn’t actually occur to me. I didn’t come from a great neighborhood, you know. In the crowd I ran with, you were either dealing or not making money at all.”

  Hmm… Chloe could make no moral judgments one way or the other. She didn’t know much about illegal drugs. She was just glad the path Jennie’s life had taken had brought them together. “So you made some pocket money?”

  Jennie’s mood seemed to lighten. “Yeah, then I started wanting name brand makeup or designer clothes or whatever. I kept selling more and more.”

  “You never got caught?” It was unthinkable to Chloe. Living that way would be dangerous, even if the money was good.

  “No. Came close a couple times, but the cops don’t care too much about small-time dealers like me. I kept my nose clean, too. I tried what I was selling a few times, but I realized pretty fast that the best dealers don’t partake of what they sell.”

  “Wait… you don’t actually do drugs?”

  “Only weed,” Jennie said. “Probably more than I should, but nothing else. I used to do coke a couple times a year, and I’ve tried pretty much everything out there. But I haven’t done anything harder than weed since I was, oh, maybe nineteen.”

  Chloe nodded as if she understood, even though the concept was completely foreign to her. When she was nineteen, she was hiding in her room because she didn’t have any friends and no one would call her back after a job interview.

  “And you don’t want to get out of selling?” she asked.

  “Not really. I barely do it these days anyway, I just pick some up for friends if they need it. No reason not to. They’re not going to get me in trouble, and it gives me a little extra cash.”

  Although Chloe was doubtful, the mood shifted as she rolled onto her back. Jennie touched her lightly around the collar of her shirt. Chloe regretted having put it back on. She wanted to feel Jennie’s fingers on her skin again.

  “Your body is amazing,” Jennie said worshipfully. “I can’t get over it.”

  Chloe had to laugh. “You must be joking. Your body’s incredible. You look better than any of the other girls at the restaurant.”

  “Not as good as you,” Jennie said flirtatiously. “You have such amazing curves.”

  “I’d rather be a tiny bit smaller,” Chloe said. “You’re toned and curvy all at once. How does that even work?”

  Jennie laughed. “I like my body, but my butt is practically a pancake. I’d love to have a bigger butt. I’d get much better tips.”

  “Have you ever been tempted to get surgery?”

  “No,” Jennie said. “You can’t tell yet, but I’m working on putting on some muscle back there. I tend to do things the hard way.”

  Chloe gazed up and down Jennie’s body. She couldn’t see a single problem with it.

  And Jennie liked to work out? Finally, some common ground. Even though their lives were completely different, they had this one thing in common. There might even be more areas that they could connect on. Chloe was certainly willing to look for them.

  “You’re doing fine doing it the hard way,” she said. “Do you spend a lot of time at the gym?”

  “I’m usually there every day before work,” Jennie said. “It helps me relax.”

  “I only work out three or four times a week,” Chloe said. “I’d probably look more like you if I went more often.”

  “Nothing wrong with how you look now,” Jennie said, stroking Chloe’s arm. “Which gym do you go to? I haven’t seen you in mine.”

  “I just exercise in my parents’ basement,” Chloe said. It was serviceable enough for a home gym. Both of them worked out a little, and they let Chloe buy whatever kind of equipment she wanted. At this point, it was overflowing the allotted space.

  “Not a real gym? Do they have much stuff there?”

  “Well, there’s enough. We have a treadmill and few weights. It’d be nice to have an elliptical or a stationery bike, though. I feel like I’d get so much more fit if we had space for more equipment.”

  “Well, you should come to the gym with me sometime.” Jennie gave her a kiss on the cheek. Her lips were velvety soft against Chloe’s skin. “Even today, if you want. I’m not doing anything else before work.”

  Chloe blinked, flattered by the offer. Was it supposed to be a date? It was definitely more than platonic. At this point, that much
was obvious.

  “I would love to,” she said, giving Jennie a kiss as well.

  Her heart beat a little faster. She was both nervous and excited. “All right,” Jennie said. “Give me a minute to get ready. I’ll take you to your place so you can shower and get your gym clothes before we go.”

  Jennie got up and headed to the shower. A moment later, Chloe heard the water running. Chloe lay back on the bed, trying to figure out exactly how she had gotten so lucky. Jennie was nothing like she had believed. She was better than she could have imagined.

  Chloe looked around the room, soaking in her surroundings. Only when she was at her most grateful did she notice the bag of white powder on the nightstand.

  A little shiver went through her body, and she wondered if this could ever work.

  TEN

  After coming out of the shower, Jennie changed into tight capris and a tank top before going back into her room. For some strange reason, she was shy to let Chloe look at her naked. They had seen each other in skimpy clothes at the restaurant, not to mention how they’d been completely naked last night, but this felt different. It was strangely intimate when it was daylight.

  When she did go back, Chloe gave her something of a strange look. Jennie tried to write it off as her imagination. From all the evidence so far, Chloe was into her. She’d even opened up to her, which Jennie was sure she didn’t do often. Nothing had changed between them in the last ten minutes.

  “Let’s get going,” she said cheerfully.

  Although Chloe didn’t smile, she nodded. Even if something was going on, she was still willing to go to the gym.

  Jennie took her to her place, this time without feeling guilty about how she got turned on during the motorcycle ride. If they were both into each other, she was allowed to enjoy this close contact.

  She let Chloe get off, and Chloe went inside. Someone looked at Jennie from the window. It must have been Chloe’s mom. She gave her a dirty look. Jennie waved back at her with a sneer. Her motorcycle didn’t make her a bad person. She might have taken their daughter away for a night, and she could guess Chloe didn’t spend many nights away from home. But Chloe was a grown-up, and she could go where she wanted.