Seeing Her

by Maria Jackson

  “I don’t know,” she said, trying to stay calm. This whole thing was a shock. She tried not to let it shake her. “I think I need to talk to her about this. There must be another side to the story.”

  “Oh yeah, that’s the best part,” Paula said, shaking her head. “She had the nerve to claim that Tony asked her to do it. As if Tony would ever do something like that! That was when I got pissed off for real. I might’ve looked more kindly on it if Jennie had taken responsibility for what she did.”

  “Maybe Tony did ask her,” Chloe said timidly. “I can see him doing it. He wants the restaurant to succeed so badly.”

  “No, Chloe. I trust Tony. I don’t trust Jennie.”

  “Jennie treats me better than anyone else,” Chloe said. “She’s made such an effort to get to know me. I feel like she really cares about me.”

  It was only the truth… or it had been until yesterday. Chloe still wondered why Jennie had been so cold on the phone. They were bound to see each other at the restaurant soon enough anyway. Wouldn’t it be better to at least clear the air beforehand?

  Could Jennie be ashamed of herself for what she had done? The lack of enthusiasm on her part certainly could be evidence for Paula’s assertion. She wouldn’t believe it until she heard it from Jennie’s own lips, though. The idea of Tony asking her to sell to the customers would excuse what she had done.

  “Why do you need someone to treat you well?” Paula said. “You seem fine without a girlfriend.”

  “Why would I not want one? Why can’t I have the same desires as everyone else? Do I have to be alone forever because I’m different?”

  “No, but don’t go for someone like Jennie. If you want a girlfriend, you can find one. You’re good-looking. Lots of other girls could treat you well. Just don’t make it Jennie, Chloe. I want better for you than that.”

  Chloe sighed, knowing that Paula was telling the truth, but knowing that Jennie was also a good person. She had it bad for Jennie, and no other girl could take her place, even if they were interested.

  “No one else at work has made the effort to get to know me,” Chloe said. “Jennie made me feel more welcome in the group than anyone else… even you. She got me into the conversations, and she took me around and showed me things. She helped me function without being condescending to me or even making me feel like I was different. That’s what hurts the most, when people act like I’m a freak. I just want to be normal. And Jennie makes me feel normal.”

  Jennie made her feel… loved.

  Paula started to say something, but Chloe was already talking. “You’ve been in relationships. I would think you’d be more sympathetic to other people who want to find love. I would never try to take a shot at happiness away from you. All I want is for you to do the same for me.”

  “Chloe, I only want what’s best for you.”

  “Then you need to accept that I’m with Jennie,” Chloe said. “I won’t let you take her away from me.”

  EIGHTEEN

  Reclining on her bed, Jennie exhaled a puff of smoke slowly. The weed tickled at her throat. It would only take the edge off how she was feeling. She needed to smoke more than most people to get the same kind of effect. Still, it dulled her emotions a little while she watched makeup tutorials on her laptop.

  The phone rang, and she stared at it lazily. She had no desire to see who was calling. There was nobody that she wanted to talk to. Not family, not Tony, not… not anyone.

  While she wanted to hear from Chloe, she couldn’t face actually talking to her. Chloe would never forgive her now that she’d seen Jennie’s bad side. And who knew what Paula had said to her? Chloe was going to get scared and run away from her eventually. She just knew it.

  After the call earlier, she doubted that Chloe would contact her again. Driving her off had been easy. With a few short words, she’d destroyed all the hope that had previously been in Chloe’s voice.

  When the phone rang yet again, she hauled herself off the bed and hit “mute” on the computer. Whoever it was must be dying to talk to her. She grabbed the phone, her heart jumping a little when she saw the name Chloe. She was still calling her.

  Jennie couldn’t bring herself to pick it up. What would she say to Chloe right now – that she was a piece of shit who didn’t deserve her? Jennie knew that was the only possible thing she could say. For Chloe’s own sake, she let the call ring. After it stopped, a wave of guilt made her go back. She picked up the phone again, this time dialing.

  Chloe picked up a moment later. “Jennie, I was trying to call you.”

  “Yeah.” Jennie’s voice was weak. “I just realized that. What’s up?”

  “What’s up? Maybe you should tell me.”

  Jennie almost smiled. Chloe sounded cute when she was mad. She could hardly believe that the mild-mannered girl was talking to her like that. Still, she had to keep her away. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “BS.” Chloe sounded genuinely annoyed now. Jennie could picture her cheeks reddening. “You know exactly what I mean. I wasn’t going to hassle you before, but I changed my mind.”

  She was getting downright assertive. Jennie wouldn’t have suspected she was capable of this tone of voice. Toying with her joint, she contemplated whether or not she liked it. It was a new side of Chloe.

  And Chloe wasn’t done. “You need to give me your side of the story, and do it now.”

  That pushed Jennie into irritation. “What do you want to know?” she snapped. “I did what Paula says. I’m sure she’s been putting ideas in your head about me, and I’m ready for you to break things off.”

  Jennie braced herself for Chloe to agree. She should never have hoped for anything more than this. Now she would have to see her ex every night at the restaurant. That was, if she even still had a job.

  Chloe said nothing, so Jennie continued. “I’m a degenerate, Chloe. A shitty, small-time drug dealer who’s barely able to hold down a job waiting tables. I’m no good for you. I’m no good for anyone. You should probably stay away from me.”

  If some part of her had hoped for Chloe to disagree, Jennie’s hopes were shattered when Chloe remained silent. She could hear the sound of her breathing, and she imagined her biting her lip. She was never going to see her do that in bed again. She had killed any possibility of that.

  “Well, I guess that’s my answer,” Jennie said flatly. “We can be mature about this. It doesn’t have to be awkward. We’ll just keep our distance at work. You go in and change early, and I’ll change late. It’s not like I can get in any more trouble with Tony.”

  “Wait, Jennie, that isn’t what I was saying.”

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend.”

  A note of panic came into Chloe’s voice. “I don’t want to break things off. I want to be with you.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Jennie said. “You only want that because you don’t know any better. If you had any experience with girls, you’d know you could get someone closer to your level. I’m breaking it off now for your own sake.”

  “But…”

  Jennie didn’t want to hear it. Whatever Chloe had to say wouldn’t change how she felt. One day, Chloe would understand.

  With a heavy heart, Jennie pressed the “end” button. Dropping the phone on the desk again, she went back to her bed and lit up the joint she had just stubbed out. Hopefully the weed would dull this pain. If she smoked enough, she might even go numb.

  The phone rang a moment later. She closed her eyes and ignored it. After five rings, it went silent. Jennie blew smoke into the air. The knowledge that Chloe had given up settled over her, and she rolled onto her side.

  She lay there picturing a life without Chloe. Why was it so hard to do? They had only been seeing each other for a few days. They hadn’t even had sex. Somehow, Chloe had burrowed into Jennie’s deepest hopes. But things were better this way.

  When the phone rang again, anger filled Jennie. Chloe couldn’t take no for an answer. She just had to go and
make things harder for Jennie. Couldn’t she see this was already hard enough? Jennie got up and switched the phone off completely.

  Eventually, Chloe would forget about whatever she was calling about. She was much better off without Jennie. Jennie should have known better than to go anywhere near her. Jennie was toxic, and whatever she touched turned to shit.

  Rolling onto her side, Jennie pulled the covers over her face. Chloe could do so much better than her. She had serious potential. With her looks, she was probably making tons of tips from waitressing. And living at home with no major vices, she had to be saving nearly all of it. Finding another girl should be no problem for her, either. She’d live happily ever after… as long as Jennie stayed the hell away from her.

  When the time came, Jennie forced herself out of bed. As she got ready, she wished she didn’t have to go to work. She wasn’t completely sure if she’d have a job when she showed up, anyway. A large part of her hoped she would just get fired.

  Waitressing was bullshit. She was so done with it, and she had been for a long time. But she needed to go. She needed the money, and she needed this job. What other options were there? She didn’t have qualifications, and no one out there was about to give her a helping hand. All her life, she’d only gotten kicked when she was down. Things would be no different this time.

  When she arrived at the restaurant, she sighed. Tony glared at her, and she withered internally. She almost expected the manager to tell her to go home. Since he didn’t, Jennie went in.

  She seriously needed to get out of here, she thought as she walked toward the change room. She needed to do something more meaningful with her life. Serving customers night after night was way past getting old. She wished she could do something different. Make something of herself… Become worthy of a girl like Chloe.

  Then she caught herself. I’m being lame.

  It would never happen. She would ruin it all anyway if she tried.

  NINETEEN

  The atmosphere in the change room was already strained when Chloe walked in. The tension between the waitresses was palpable. Paula was changing in front of her locker, facing outward rather than in. Her eyes never left Jennie.

  For her part, Jennie was glaring back at Paula. She put on her outfit with almost violent movements. Given the tight gold booty shorts that she was wearing, it was almost laughable. But Chloe wasn’t about to laugh. She walked straight to her usual corner, looking anywhere but at Jennie.

  Just seeing her in her peripheral vision shot arrows through Chloe’s heart. If things had been different, she could have been hugging or kissing Jennie right now. They could have been letting the others know about their relationship.

  Jennie had made it more than obvious that she didn’t want that. Chloe still hoped she would let her ask for another chance, but she wasn’t counting on it. Jennie seemed like she was done with every aspect of this place… including Chloe.

  “Cute shoes,” Kylie said to Alyssa.

  Chloe glanced at Alyssa’s sneakers, which were plain white Nikes. They didn’t even look new. Kylie was probably trying to ease the awkwardness in the room. It didn’t work. After Alyssa mumbled her thanks, everyone went silent again.

  Hidden away where no one would look at her, Chloe glanced around freely. Everyone still looked serious. She had never seen the group with this kind of pallor over them. Compared to the usual rowdiness, it was like night and day.

  Although she did her best not to look at Jennie, she was almost compelled to take a peek. As her eyes traveled around the room, Jennie drew her in like a magnet. Their eyes met. Chloe lost her breath, her jaw dropping slightly open. She stared for a long moment.

  Then, dipping her head, she covered her face with the locker door. She fought to breathe. If she couldn’t see Jennie, she could pretend she wasn’t there. There was no need to keep picturing Jennie standing there shirtless, her eyes dark and her lips set. Chloe would be better off forgetting it had even happened.

  She had decided not to bother Jennie anymore. If the girl didn’t want to talk to her, she couldn’t force her. Chloe had already called her so many times, and being pushy was completely against her nature. After so much effort, she was ready to give up.

  “I’m about to head out there,” Kylie said.

  The girls nodded, except for Paula. “Me too,” she said. “I’m going to be keeping an eye out tonight. Watching out for suspicious activity. Apparently there’s a lot of that at the restaurant these days.”

  “Suspicious activity that’s requested by the restaurant’s owner,” Jennie muttered.

  All the other girls looked at them. Chloe herself only wanted to get out of there, away from the fighting. Normal people’s best friends got along with whoever they dated. Why couldn’t she just be normal?

  Kylie and Paula left, and the conversation went back to normal. Chloe stayed quiet in her corner the way she always had. At least… the way she had up to a few days ago.

  She missed the way Jennie used to draw her into the conversation. It had only been for a couple days, but she had started to get used to it. She enjoyed it when the girls reacted to her positively. She wished she could convince herself that it would happen again without Jennie’s help.

  Jennie was so much more a part of this group than she was. Even if she fought with the others or if they didn’t approve of her, she was one of the group. Chloe was only close to Paula, and Paula obviously saw her as more of a little sister than a friend.

  Chloe missed Jennie in general. She wished they could talk and make up. She wasn’t sure what she had done wrong, and she wanted things to be all right with her.

  As she finished changing, she thought she felt Jennie’s eyes on her. She turned and caught a glimpse of them. They held a different expression now. Some longing, perhaps. Some pain…

  She headed out to the main room and stood at the hostess station, waiting for customers to arrive. The place was relatively empty so far.

  Smiling in a way that she hoped looked natural, she scanned the room. The tables were empty so far, and the waitresses were waiting near their sections. She couldn’t spot Jennie until she felt eyes on her again. She turned to look for them and saw Jennie standing at the opposite wall. She was watching Chloe, too.

  Jennie had to be thinking about her. No matter how many times she ignored Chloe’s calls or didn’t speak to her in person, her face gave her away. Chloe felt the impulse to act. Where normally she would have shoved it back down, unwilling to even consider going out of her comfort zone, she forced her feet to move before the logical side of her brain could tell her not to.

  She hated talking to Tony. The owner was so intimidating to even look at. He was older and authoritative. He seemed attractive for his age. Chloe couldn’t really tell. But he was so brusque and blunt. He’d made his opinion of Chloe known on more than one occasion. Chloe’s worst fears of what people thought about her were true when it came to Tony.

  She flashed back to one comment Tony had made about her. The personality of a cardboard box. That was why she only spoke to Tony at times when it was strictly necessary.

  This was one of those times. Chloe had to know the truth about what had happened. She had to know if Jennie had been telling the truth. She couldn’t let her fear keep her from doing what needed to be done. This was going to affect her life, her heart, her happiness.

  So she ripped herself from Jennie’s stare and turned toward Tony’s office. The door was closed. She stopped just outside it, her heart suddenly beating in double time. Sweat beaded on her forehead. At the sound of a movement inside, she gulped and flattened herself against the wall. This wasn’t going to work. It would’ve been nice if she could’ve talked to Tony, but that was too much for her. At least she’d tried.

  She turned to go. Leaving meant she wouldn’t find out the truth about Jennie, though. She’d keep wondering, and Jennie would continue to not talk to her. Everything would go back to the way it had been before, if not worse. She had to talk to T
ony. In one wild burst of courage, she rapped once on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Heart pounding, Chloe pushed the door open.

  Tony was behind his desk, his nose buried in accounting ledgers. He held his index finger up to Chloe. “One second.”

  Chloe wavered in the door frame. She’d used so much nerve just to come here. Tony was downright terrifying. But she’d come too far to let Tony delay her any further. Her voice was barely audible as she said, “It’s urgent.”

  Rapping his pencil on the desk, Tony glared at her. “Urgent? I’m in the middle of something here. You waitresses might not get paid if I can’t crunch these numbers.”

  “I’m sorry to interrupt.” Chloe grabbed the back of the chair to stop her hand from shaking. “I wanted to talk to you about Jennie.”

  “Fine. Talk.”

  “Well, I guess you know about the fight last night. Paula was mad at Jennie for saying that you told her to sell drugs to the customers here.”

  Tony lips pinched together. “And?”

  “I need the truth about whether or not you told Jennie to do that.”

  “What’s it to you?”

  “It’s not fair if Paula is mad at Jennie for something you told her to do. She’s turning all the other girls against Jennie. If it’s not true then you should tell me. At least I would know.”

  “I still don’t see why you care.”

  “If it’s not true, I want Paula to know that she’s treating Jennie unfairly.”

  “Is that the only reason, Chloe?” Tony looked at her inquisitively.

  Chloe wondered exactly how much he knew. “Fine, I’m interested in Jennie. I’m going to be interested in her either way, but Paula is going to accept it more easily if you did tell her to sell the customers the drugs.” She was sweating now. She’d never thought she could talk to her boss like this. She braced herself for Tony to be angry with her.