I Need You

by Mercy Amare

  “Who had sex?” I hear Ty’s voice.

  “Kihanna and Gabe,” Toby answers.

  Oh my God.

  Somebody, please, hide me.

  “We didn’t have sex,” I say, defending myself. I can’t keep the blush from my cheeks.

  “If you didn’t have sex, then why is your face red?” Ty asks.

  Gabe walks through the front door right then, making the situation that much more awkward. “Are we ready?”

  “Gabe,” I walk over to him. “Please tell them we didn’t have sex.”

  He looks behind me, at Ty, Toby, Jack, and my dad. “We…” he looks at me. “I don’t want to lie.”

  I groan. “I mean Friday night. Tell them we didn’t have sex Friday night.”

  “We didn’t have sex Friday night,” Gabe says.

  Ty laughs hard. “Well, this has been thoroughly awkward.”

  “Can we please just go?” I ask, feeling like at any second I could die of humiliation.

  Toby walks over to me and puts his arm around me. “I bet you’ll never almost have sex in my bed again.”

  I glare at him. “I will get you back.”

  “Good luck with that.”

  8 a.m.

  You’re worth waiting for.

  We stop by the country club for an early breakfast. Libby and Veronica ended up staying at our house because Veronica didn’t feel like walking around all day. I can’t blame her. Being pregnant has got to be miserable. But now, I’m the only girl.

  I take a seat at the table between Gabe and Toby. Ty sits on the other side of Gabe, my dad sits beside Toby, and Jack sits between Ty and my dad.

  “So you’re really turning down Stanford for Berkeley,” Ty asks, as soon as we sit down.

  “I don’t know,” I answer. “Maybe. If they even let me. I already turned down Berkeley. I’m going to call their admissions office on Monday to see if they will make an exception.”

  “Why don’t you want to go to Stanford anymore?”

  Because when I think of Stanford, I think of Brian. I remember all the plans we had. Then I remember what he did to me. How he used me. How every word he ever said was a lie, and I can’t stomach the thought of going there.

  “I don’t want to go there because I don’t know anybody there,” I lie. “At least at Berkeley I will know you and Gabe.”

  “That’s also where I plan on going next year,” Toby says.

  “I think it’ll be great. The last thing I want is to show up at a frat party alone.”

  “I’ll be too busy getting laid to babysit you,” Ty informs me, as if I didn’t already know. “Unless you’re the one I’m doing it with. I’d definitely be okay with that.”

  I choke on my drink.

  My dad clears his throat. “You know, I’m really not okay with this conversation.”

  “Sorry,” Ty says, but as soon as Dad turns his head he mouths, “Not sorry.”

  I roll my eyes and throw an ice cube at his head.

  “I will hang out with you at frat parties,” Gabe says quietly. “There’s nobody else I want to have sex with anyway.”

  My heart melts at his words.

  I feel something cold hit my face, and watch as an ice cube goes down my tank top. I reach between my boobs and pull it out, throwing it back at Ty. But I don’t stop thinking about Gabe’s words. I know that eventually he will move on. Probably sooner rather than later.

  The thought of seeing Gabe with another girl makes me want to cut somebody.

  “You look so angry,” Ty says, putting the ice cube in his mouth.

  “Gross,” I say.

  He shrugs. “Why are you mad?”

  “Just thinking about all those sorority girls,” I answer.

  “Jealous?” he asks.

  “Of you? No way. Been there. Could’ve done it, but thankfully didn’t.”

  Ty puts his hands against his chest. “That hurt.”

  “Save some sorority girls for me,” Toby says to Ty. “I’d rather not have your sloppy seconds.”

  I turn to Gabe. “Don’t you think that you’ll eventually want to be with somebody else?”

  “No. I think that someday you and I will be together again,” he says. “Only this time, I don’t plan on ever letting you go. Letting you leave Maui was the biggest mistake of my life. When I came after you, it was too late. I’ve learned my lesson.”

  “I hope you’re right,” I tell him, talking quiet so nobody else can hear. “When I think of the future, if I’m alive, I see you. A nice house in the suburbs, two point five kids. We will be happily married, inviting our families over for a cookout.”

  He smiles. “I like that. Except we could pretty much have a house anywhere. A really big one.”

  “I don’t want a big house. I want one that is the perfect size. And I definitely don’t want a chandelier. Or a butler. Or a cook. Or a nanny. I want my kids to be raised normal,” I say. “Or as normal as they can be with us as their parents.”

  “This is crazy,” he says. “Us talking about our kids when we aren’t even together.”

  I nod my head in agreement. “But it doesn’t matter. We know that we’re going to be together. Forever. There’s no rush with us, and I like that. Because I’m definitely not marrying you until we have both graduated from college.”

  “Good, because I don’t plan on it until then either.”

  I smile at him.

  This is why Brian and I never would’ve worked out… Well, besides the obvious fact that he’s a psycho… But also because he wanted more than I did. I don’t want to get married at eighteen. I need to be at least graduated from college. When I say the words “I do”, I want to know everything about the person. I want to be marrying my best friend. I’m not ready right now. Not mentally. I know that I have a lot of growing up to do before I get married… If Gabe is the one, he will still be here in four or five years when I’m ready for such a big commitment. I won’t be hesitant to say yes. And it will be perfect. Or, as perfect as life can get. I know that we’ll fight, but we will always make up… Because no matter what we fight over, nothing will be more important than the love we feel for each other.

  “I’m sorry for what I said on Saturday,” Gabe says.

  “I know,” I say. “I’m sorry too. For everything.”

  “Despite what I said, you’re worth waiting for. If I couldn’t be around you, I would be sad. The past three months have been very difficult for me. I can’t stand us not talking. I just couldn’t stand to see you with… him.”

  “I’m pretty much the worst human being on the planet.” Or at least that’s how I feel when I think about how I treated Gabe. “I don’t understand how you can still love me, or even like me after what I did to you.”

  “Me either,” he says. “But I do. No matter how hard I tried to hate you, I couldn’t. I have always been waiting for you to come to your senses and realize that you and I are meant to be together.”

  “I really am an idiot.”

  “You got scared,” he defends me. “And that is completely understandable.”

  “I got scared and practically ran into my stalker’s arms…” My voice trails off. “How could I not have known that whole time? I mean, it makes so much sense. He was able to get in and out of my house without detection because he had a reason to be there. And at the New Year’s Eve party… He was there. In plain sight. But why would he kill his sister’s boyfriend? I was there… Olivia was trying so hard to get over his death, but it was hard on her. I bet she’s having a really hard time now that she knows her own brother killed him.”

  “I don’t want to think about the past,” he says. “What you did hurt me, but I forgive you. It’s not like I was perfect either. I lied to you so much about the whole Lily thing that when you got the chance, I get why you took it. All we can do is learn from this and grow from it.”

  “You’re right.”

  Ty leans over toward us. “What are you two whispering about?”

>   I look at him and smile. “Just discussing all the ways that were going to sabotage your chances of getting laid in college.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Ha. Ha. Ha. But seriously. What were you talking about?”

  “But seriously,” I say, leaning closer. “…It’s none of your business.”

  “Fine. Whatever. Exclude me. I see how it will be when we go off to college.” Ty pouts.

  “We won’t ditch you,” I promise.

  Gabe laughs. “Most of the time, we won’t ditch you.”

  “I feel so loved,” Ty says, keeping all emotion from his voice. “So seriously, are you two back together?”

  “Close enough,” Gabe answers. “So, please, don’t hit on my future girlfriend.”

  “She was my girlfriend first,” Ty says.

  “Are we ready to go?” my dad asks.

  “Definitely,” I say, standing up. I’m so over awkward conversations.

  10 a.m.

  Freaking gorgeous.

  After the hour trip to San Francisco, I’m ready to be out of the car. Somehow, I ended up in the third row with Gabe. Toby and Ty sat in the second row, and Dad and Jack in the front.

  Ty pretty much watches us the whole way to the theme park, which has my nerves on the edge.

  “Ty, you’re getting on my nerves,” I tell him, as we are getting out of Dad’s SUV.

  Jack and Dad go to the front gate to talk to some guy, probably the owner, and the rest of us wait by the car.

  “What’s new?” he asks. “I always get on your nerves.”

  True.

  Gabe grabs my hand hold it, and I don’t pull away. I probably should, but I don’t want to. I like the feeling of touching him. Even though it’s definitely not fair to him.

  “Seriously?” Ty says to the both of us. “If I’m going to spend the day with the two of you, this can’t happen.”

  “Why not?” Gabe asks, but lets go of my hand. I miss his touch the second it’s gone.

  “For the same reason you wouldn’t want to watch me hold her hand,” he answers. “And might I remind you, Kihanna and I dated three months. That’s two months longer than the two of you did. Just because you had sex doesn’t mean you had a stronger connection. I was in love with her too.”

  I want to scream. “Ty, you can hardly say you were with me for three months. We might have been dating, but you were obviously having sex with a lot of other girls during that time. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have done that.” I turn to Gabe. “Also, we shouldn’t hold hands. I need time. And I know we kissed, but we shouldn’t have. Not until I’m ready to give you all of me.”

  Toby, being the awesome brother that he is, walks in between Ty, Gabe, and me. “This day is going to be awe-some. Two guys fighting over my sister. Just like old times.”

  “Why me?” I ask them. “I mean, seriously, there is absolutely nothing special about me. And you’re both obviously hot. Why not go for somebody else?”

  Okay, I really don’t want Gabe to go for somebody else. He’s mine. And if any other girl tries to date him, I would probably hurt her.

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” Toby says. “Most guys would want to date you simply because you’re a billionaire’s daughter.”

  I look at Gabe and Ty. “But they’re rich on their own… Or their parents are.”

  “But not as rich as Mark,” he says. “But money aside, little sis, you’re freaking gorgeous. How could anybody not want you after seeing you in a bikini?”

  My face feels warm. “You know, let’s just not talk about this.”

  Ty and Toby start walking toward the gate. Gabe and I follow.

  “Toby is right,” Gabe says. “You really are freaking gorgeous. And like I said, I’m okay waiting. I’m not going to date anybody else.”

  “Thanks,” I say, biting my lip. I’m glad he’s not going to date anybody else.

  Now, here’s to hoping this awkward day is fun.

  And hopefully gets less awkward.

  The first ride we get on is a roller coaster. Once the ride takes off, the floor is dropped away and your feet dangle. We go up a huge hill slowly, and I listen to the loud click, click, click of the track as we get closer.

  I am in the front with Ty and Gabe. Behind us, Toby, Dad, and Jack are sitting. I look over at Ty and see that he has his eyes squeezed shut and his knuckles are white from hanging onto the handles so hard.

  “Ty, are you okay?” I ask him.

  “Are we almost to the top?” he asks, not opening his eyes. “Oh God, what if I fall out? I’m too young to die. Why did I agree to this?”

  “You’re going to be fine,” I promise. “We’re almost there. Then the ride will be over before you know it.”

  “He’ll be fine,” Gabe says. “He’s been scared of roller coasters since we were kids. After we get off though, he will forget that he was ever scared and get right back on.”

  “I’m not scared of roller coasters,” Ty says. “I’m scared of heights. There is a big difference.”

  Before anybody can say anything else, we reach the top. As we go down and then through a loop, I laugh. Ty screams.

  “I’m never riding again!” Ty yells over the sound of the track and the wind.

  “You are crazy!” I yell back. “This is awesome!”

  As the ride comes to an end, I look over at Ty. His eyes are still closed, but once he realizes that we’re slowing down, he slowly opens his eyes and loosens his grip on the handles. His face is super pale.

  “Never. Again,” he says.

  When we get back to the base, the guy running the ride asks us if we want to go again. Everybody except Ty yells, “YES!” He doesn’t hear Ty, so we are off again.

  Poor Ty.

  6 p.m.

  I will never deserve him.

  After spending eight hours at the theme park, we head back home to Mountain View. On the way, we grab some food to eat in the car. After Toby finishes eating, he belches loud, then high-fives Ty and Gabe.

  Guys.

  I roll my eyes.

  “I seriously need to get some girl friends,” I say, wrinkling my nose.

  “What happened to your girl friends?” Ty asks, then looks at me. “Oh right. Olivia was your boyfriend’s sister. That’s got to be awkward.”

  “Thanks for reminding me… Despite what Brian did, I still miss her. I want to text her or something, but I doubt she wants to talk to me considering what happened,” I say. “I wonder how she feels knowing it was her brother who killed her boyfriend.”

  “I totally forgot her boyfriend died,” Toby says.

  “A lot of people have died because of Brian.”

  “I still can’t believe he killed Jacqueline,” Ty says. “And I don’t get why he killed her. Did he even know her?”

  “He says he didn’t kill Jacqueline,” Toby tells him. “He admitted to killing Keith and Kasbian. He admitted to kidnapping Ariana and stalking Kihanna. But he said he didn’t have anything to do with Jacqueline.”

  “But the notes…” Ty says. “He was the one who told Kihanna about her being dead. He sent her texts of the dead body.”

  “I don’t believe Brian. He’s obviously sick,” Gabe says. “But he wasn’t in it alone.”

  “Well, obviously he wouldn’t have the money. He’s a pool boy. I don’t understand who would pay somebody money to stalk Kihanna.” Ty looks at me. “You weren’t even here a whole month when you started getting notes, right? Who did you piss off that bad in that short of time?”

  “Nobody,” I say. “The only people I knew were you, Gabe, and Toby. I got my first note on my first day of school. I thought it was Jacqueline until that happened at Thanksgiving. I thought she was mad that I embarrassed her in front of everybody.”

  “You really haven’t done anything bad,” Toby says. “This can’t just be about you.”

  “I’m so sick of even thinking about it,” I tell them. “I just want my life back. I want normal.”

 
“What do you think your life here would’ve been like without a stalker?” Ty asks.

  “Wow,” I say. “I haven’t even thought about it, to be honest. I mean, I dated you before the stalker started bugging me. But you cheated on me, so we still would’ve broken up. I still would’ve dated Gabe… but on Thanksgiving night, when Toby and I came home, there wouldn’t have been anybody there. I never would’ve had to kill that intruder. Nicholas would still be alive. Gabe would have gotten there minutes after us, and I probably would’ve forgiven him immediately. And we probably would still be dating. There never would’ve been a reason for us to break up.” And I never would have met Brian.

  “That would be nice,” Gabe says.

  “Yeah, it would,” I agree.

  Ty rolls his eyes and turns back around in his seat. Toby starts talking to him.

  Gabe grabs my hand. “I hate that all this bad stuff has happened. I hate that we’ve let this person come between the two of us.”

  “I do too.”

  “We don’t have to let them keep doing this to us. We can be together now,” he says.

  “Gabe…” My voice breaks. “I told you, I need time. Everything that happened completely wrecked me… I’m not okay. I’m broken. And I have no idea if I will ever be alright again. I want to be able to give you my whole heart. Not this broken mess that I have right now.”

  “I don’t care,” he says. “I just want you. No, I need you. I don’t care about anything but being with you.”

  “Please, Gabe. Don’t,” I say. “I can promise you that someday we will be together, but I can’t promise you today.”

  He sighs and leans his head back against his seat. “Okay.”

  “Are you mad?”

  He opens his eyes and looks at me. “How could I ever be mad at you?”

  “How could you not be mad at me?”

  “Because I’m crazy in love with you,” he answers. “I never knew it was possible to love somebody as much as I love you. It’s beyond fathom.”

  That statement alone is why I will never deserve him. I don’t know how he can love me, but I’m glad he does, no matter how selfish that makes me.