Ask No Tomorrows

by Hestand, Rita

  But even though his mouth opened and his tongue sought hers, she leisurely let him have her tongue to play with, but she wasn’t eager. In fact, she was passive; either she knew nothing about making love, or she just felt nothing. She could have been chopping wood as far as he was concerned. There was no passion. He tried a little harder, letting his tongue slide between her lips and mating it with hers, but it did no good. She might have flirted wildly, but her kisses told him either she had no feelings at all, or none for him.

  He tried harder for a moment, letting his hands roam over her curves and delving where she let him. His hands came over her breast and she sighed against him. Her big nipples pebbled hard against his hand and for an instant it gave him pleasure to touch her. Just the womanly feel of nipples responding to his touch stirred him some. Mavis didn’t mind, in fact she seemed to enjoy that, but she had no feelings for him…just his touches.

  It was like she only wanted him to take the advantage.

  He finally let her go when he heard the kids coming back. All of them had seen them and he was satisfied that he put on a good show for Riley.

  He saw how pale Riley had gone, how a tear threatened to fall. Now he was sorry he permitted Mavis to help him in his scheme. For he’d hurt Riley and he knew it. But he learned something, when he hurt Riley he hurt himself even more.

  Best to hurt her now than wait and hurt her later, when things might get out of hand. But he remembered the differences in the kisses too and he wondered if he really wanted to hurt Riley this way. When he kissed Riley, she emitted fire and passion like a hot stove that comforted all the right places. If only she weren’t white, he wouldn’t hesitate making her his. Yet in the back of his mind, he wondered if he’d already made her his. Because Riley was hurt from the looks of her, but she tried to disguise it for everyone else’s sake. And her hurt was his. Either that or the feelings shared with Riley were real ones.

  He had to forget those kisses, somehow. But it wouldn’t be easy, and especially since Mavis hadn’t been a bit of good at kissing. He’d never known that there was such a thing as a good kisser and a bad one. But there was.

  He hitched the horses and nodded to Riley. “We’ll be movin’ out now.”

  Riley nodded, but said nothing.

  The deed was done. Riley thought he loved Mavis and he should have been happy, but he felt such a loss and couldn’t understand why.

  After that, Riley barely spoke to Sam. She kept her distance, and Sam kept telling himself he was glad. But it bothered him greatly.

  He kissed Mavis several times in front of them all, each time trying harder to get a real reaction out of her. It didn’t happen. He didn’t understand why. He touched her, fondling her to some extent, and she reacted with a moan of pleasure, but there still was no fire for him. The kids giggled and harassed Riley that they would soon have a new daddy. Riley bit her lip and quelled her tears.

  Riley became more withdrawn than ever, Sam noticed. He hated hurting her, but it was for her own good. She’d never know that every time Mavis’ kisses were so bland he wanted to shove the woman away. Why she had no fire confused Sam. She was black, she offered him everything, but he didn’t want it. What was wrong with him? Maybe she really did love her husband that died and just needed a man around. Or maybe she was cold and unfeeling as she felt. Sam didn’t know, but he sure had noticed the difference in Mavis and Riley quickly.

  He kept trying to persuade himself that Mavis just didn’t fool around as much as she seemed. But most whores were better than this. He tried to romance her a little, but when he touched her it was always the same, bland and unfeeling. She flirted endlessly with Sam, and yet there was no feeling behind those flirts. Sam honestly wished there was. It would make it simple to leave Riley, but deep down he was shaking his head. There would be nothing simple about leaving Riley and he knew it.

  As they were about to reach Dallas though, Mavis came up to him. “So…you really gonna take him to the lawyer about his land?”

  “Yeah, I am…” Sam nodded. “I gave him my word I’d help. He’s too wet behind the ears to know what to do or say.”

  “Why? It ain’t your concern. He’s white. What can you gain from helping a white kid? I just don’t understand you. You know what I’m offerin’ you. You’ve so much more with me,” Mavis insisted. “Let him go his own way and come with me. We can make a fine family. I want more children and we could make a bunch together. I like the way you kiss me and I’m sure you’re lovin’ would be even better. You shore know how to feel up my breasts, kinda slow like, enjoying both of them. I can almost feel your lips on my nipples when you touch me like that. I imagine your lips there, supping on me. I like how you kiss me, so gentle. I don’t want to lose you, Sam. I know we could make a good life together. I shore don’t want to let you get away. You’re a fine man.”

  Sam studied Mavis, trying to figure out how a woman could flirt so and be so cold. How she could think on having children with a man when there was no feeling for that man. He didn’t want that kind of relationship, or that kind of woman. He wanted what Hattie had…true love.

  The fact that he had struck on what he wanted startled him. What Hattie had…real love.

  Sam stared at Mavis for a long time. “You offer me a lot, Mavis, and it is tempting, but I gave my word. And I don’t go back on it.” Then he looked over at Riley. “He’s just a kid. That’s why. He needs help. They practically stole the place out from under him, and it’s his place. He needs to learn to fight for what is his, that’s all. I’m tryin’ to show him how. It ain’t right for them to just steal it out from under him.”

  “And you’re going to teach him? What are you gonna get out of this? Nothing! That’s what!” Mavis said flatly. “You ain’t his daddy. Why do you care what happens to him? It’s a waste of time. And he won’t appreciate it. I’m offering you so much more, can’t you see that? You could run my sister’s farm, we could be a family. I have so much more to offer than that silly white kid. You gotta admit I sure could keep your bed warm. We could be together all the time, make love, have kids. I wouldn’t even expect you to work too hard. Why, sometimes me and my husband would lay up in bed all day, just so he could kiss me and touch me and make love with me. He loved my body.”

  Yeah, but did he love you, Mavis?

  “Mavis, you are a fine woman. And a fine figure of a woman. But I sense that you still love your husband. There just ain’t no fire when we touch. You can’t help that, neither can I,” Sam admitted.

  “You’re a fool…” she mouthed and walked away. “Fire! You could have me, all of me, ain’t it enough? Look at me! I’m a fine figure of a woman, just like you said. You could feel me up anytime you wanted, I wouldn’t care. I told you how much I enjoy it. I’ve shared my deepest secrets with you, offered you all I have. What more can I do?” She turned to face him once more. “Fire, you sound like a crazy man. Fire, who needs fire? Life ain’t about fire, Sam. It’s about scratchin’ out a livin’ in this God forsaken land, havin’ younins’ and makin’ it. But I’ve offered you everything I have. You must be nine kinds of fool.”

  The kids had gone to fetch water once more and given them some time alone, time Tate had said they needed. Riley nodded numbly and followed him.

  “Look Mavis, I’m afraid you loved your husband and trying to replace him with the first fella that comes along ain’t gonna work. It ain’t fair to the man, Mavis. You obviously had something between you,” Sam informed her as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “And to tell the truth, that’s as it should be. But just because I’m a Negro man, and you’re a Negro woman don’t mean we can team up and marry. I wouldn’t cheat you, nor myself.”

  “‘Course I loved him,” she snapped with a tear in her eye. “He was my man. He loved me, all of me. I’m loyal as I can be. And I can’t forget him no matter how hard I try. He was lazy and no account, but when we made love I forgot all those things about him. He tried to defend us the best he could. He helped me bri
ng those kids into the world. He was a good man. But I’d still let you have your way as often as you pleased. I’d stay in the bed if you wanted me there. I’d kiss you mornin’, noon and night. We could make love all you wanted. I’m offerin’ you that. All of me. And in time I’m sure I’d learn to love you.”

  “But you don’t love me…”

  “I could learn to. Takes time sometimes,” Mavis cried. Then glancing at him, she firmed her lips. “A man talkin’ about love. I don’t believe it. There’s someone else somewhere for ya, isn’t there?”

  “I don’t know about that, but there just ain’t nothin’ between you and me. And believe me, I wish there was. I really do. But I can’t lie to myself. Besides, there’s nothing in your kisses, Mavis. It’s like you died with him. There’s just no fire. And I sure tried to light one.”

  Mavis looked down now, not facing him. “I guess you’re right. I don’t like that you’re right, but I guess you are. ‘Cause I just know you’d be so gentle with me. And a woman wants gentle as she gets older. But Sam, I know you are a good man. Or you wouldn’t be helping that poor white kid. I could learn to love you…someday. And in the meantime I could give you what you need. All of what you need, Sam. You should think on that. You know that. I got a set of breasts you could lay your head on every night and I know you’d enjoy that. I seen you lookin’ at me, from the moment you met me you been lookin’. I take care of myself; I’m a right good lookin’ woman, Sam. You couldn’t do much better.”

  Sam shook his head. “I would enjoy it, Mavis. Just thinkin’ on it is somethin’. But, it ain’t enough. Not for me. I want it all, Mavis. Love and family. I don’t want a woman who will learn to love me, I want one who does. I want her to feel for me, like I feel for her.”

  “I’ll give you my body now if you stay, ain’t that enough? It sure would be for most men I’ve known. You can have me anytime you want. We don’t even have to get married if you don’t want. I got a fine body ‘neath these clothes and I think you’ve noticed that, already. I seen you lookin’ at me. Why…I’d pull the wagon over and make love all day if you wanted me to. Even in front of these kids. They knows all about that. Just help me bring up them kids and make a few more along the way. Maybe after we made a kid, you’d want to stay with me. Maybe I could love you then…”

  Sam looked away. “I guess I should appreciate that kind of offer, and as lonely as it gets, that’s a tempting offer to have a woman any time I want. But I want more than that. I want a woman’s heart and soul. And Mavis…if I had that, even one time would be enough.”

  Sam shook his head again, and smiled coming up to her, his hand going to her cheek now where a single tear rolled down. “When a man takes a woman, he wants to know she feels somethin’ for him. And cold kisses don’t make up for warm hearts. It wouldn’t work with you and me, Mavis, and I think deep down you know that.”

  Mavis stared at him. “I guess you’re right. People can’t fall in love that easily, can they? Although I am trying, for my kid’s sake. They need a daddy, and in this unforgiving land a man to take care of them. I’d do just about anything for that.”

  Sam squirmed for he’d been asking that same question for himself. “Yeah, but it ain’t a thing you can force, Mavis, remember that. Any man that comes along isn’t good enough. He’s got to be for you.”

  “You’re right, I guess you can’t. I did try, but I guess it was too soon…But runnin’ off with that white kid, helpin’ him. What good does that do ya? I don’t understand that at all. Let some white man help him.”

  “You’re a tempting woman, Mavis, but my mind is made up.” Sam smiled at her. “If that’s any consolation.”

  “Am I…tempting?” She smiled. “Then if you change your mind, you know where to find me…”

  “I do…and thanks for the open offer.” Sam laughed as the children came back. “I’ll remember the invite.”

  He kissed her on the cheek. She smiled. “You won’t forget?”

  “Not likely. A man don’t forget somethin’ like that.”

  Riley walked past Sam without a word.

  “Well Riley, I guess we’d best be on our way now,” Sam said as he looked at her in the distance.

  Riley’s head came up and her eyes locked on Sam. Color rushed to her cheeks and Sam’s insides lit up like a firecracker. He knew he shouldn’t feel like this about Riley, but he knew now…he did.

  Chapter Nine

  Yet even as they pulled away from the wagon and headed for Dallas, the strain between Sam and Riley grew tighter. What he felt for Riley was deeper, more solid than anything he could ever feel for a woman like Mavis. Yet telling Riley was something he knew he shouldn’t do. Complicating her life with feelings and emotions might set things off that needed tending to. No, he’d have to wait and see if there was ever room for such an admission.

  Nodog seemed to finally relax for the first time in days. In some ways Sam wanted to tell her how he felt, but if he could prevent himself he would, for her sake. After all, loving a black man would be ever so hard on a white lady.

  Still in the still of the night, hearing her breathing and resting he so wanted to turn her over, pull her close and join his lips to hers, confirming what she seemed to already know about them.

  As they came in sight of Dallas, Riley glanced over at him; she seemed to think about her words before she spoke. “I got money for us to get some rooms and stay at a hotel ‘til this is over, if you like.”

  “Alright, that’s a good idea. Now, have you figured out what you are gonna tell them?”

  Riley lowered her head, got off the horse and took the saddle off, as though making camp one last night. “Just the truth.”

  “Sometimes these court things don’t work out real quick like. Sometimes they go on forever. Is it worth it to you to wait?” Sam asked.

  “The ranch is where I belong, Sam. I know that now. Maybe it won’t take as long as you figure,” she insisted.

  “Just tryin’ to get you to understand,” Sam said. “There could be disappointments ahead.”

  Riley turned quickly on him. “Why did you leave her?”

  “What? What are you talkin’ about?”

  “I said why did you leave Mavis?” Riley asked coming up to face him, her irritation growing with every word. “You seemed pretty fond of her. I was wondering why you would even consider leaving her. I heard her offering herself to ya. Sounded like something any man like you would want.”

  Sam wanted to put this off for a while, but he figured he’d have to give her an explanation as he had chosen to go with Riley instead.

  “I didn’t want to go with her,” Sam insisted. “Poor Mavis was looking for one thing: someone to replace her husband, and it didn’t matter who. Do you understand? It was the not mattering that turned me away.”

  “Don’t tell me that. I saw you kissing her. She had you wrapped around her finger. So why didn’t you just go off with her?” Riley’s voice sounded near tears.

  Sam shrugged. “Man gets cornered by a woman too quick, he kinda tends to back off a bit.”

  Riley considered his words. “She sure did latch onto you quick, but you seemed to enjoy it.”

  “Maybe I would have…but she was still in love with her husband.”

  “Still in love…” Riley practically shouted. “And kissing you like she did?”

  “Yeah, that was a show, Riley. She didn’t kiss like she meant it. A man can tell.” Sam laughed. “Maybe when you are older, more experienced in the matter, you can tell too.”

  Riley was silent for a minute. “Oh…”

  “Now that we settled that, let’s get into town and get cleaned up,” Sam instructed, watching her try to make camp.

  “Cleaned up…for what?” Riley asked innocently.

  “Well Riley, you gotta talk to them lawyers tomorrow, and if you walk in their office smellin’ like a bear from a cave, they ain’t gonna be as willin’ to listen to ya,” Sam said. “You’ll need some lady clothes.�
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  “I took a bath at the creek. That’s why I came back after everyone else. Besides, I wasn’t sure I should let them know I’m a female.” Riley shrugged.

  “It would be to your advantage in every way to do so. First because it’s the truth and they’d find that out fast enough, and second because you could play up the fact that you’re a woman and being taken advantage of.”

  “I guess you’re right.” She nodded with a smile. “The truth is always better, isn’t it?”

  It was the first time she’d smiled in days and it lit Sam up to see her pleased once more, although he knew he shouldn’t care.

  “I don’t know how we’re going to do this, Sam. I go in looking like a boy, and I come out as a woman. How’s that gonna work out?”

  “That’s a good question. But I won’t go to the lawyer’s office with you,” Sam said. “We’ll get a room with double beds first night, then I’ll take you out; if anyone asks, I took you to your folks. End of the boy. You’ll go get a fresh bath and lady clothes again and then you can come and get a room for yourself.”

  “You’re not going with me to talk to them?” Riley looked alarmed.

  “No, I can’t. They see a woman with a black man, that would never do. How could you explain it? People where you come from would know I wasn’t from around there. It wouldn’t look good. No, this is one time you have to go it alone, Riley.”

  “I guess you’re right.” She shrugged. “I just hope I don’t slip up and say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.”

  “Don’t fret about it, Riley. All you gotta do is tell the truth. Just tell the truth and you’ll be fine. You gotta remember Riley, you’re the victim. They tried to steal your place. You gotta fight for what is yours in life or you don’t keep it.”