In Too Deep

by Dani Collins

  “I know.” She picked at the triangle of cheese poking out the side of her sandwich and ate the little morsel. “How did he react to that? Sky, I mean.” Rolf wasn’t the warmest of men, but he’d never been anything less than polite to both of them. Sky spent time with him at the base and didn’t seem to dislike or fear him.

  “I thought he’d lay into me, but he never has. I said I should probably retire and he agreed. Didn’t rub it in. Which isn’t to say he’s not hard on me in other ways. He dumps some of the crappiest, most challenging tasks on me, but I’m starting to realize he knows I have to operate at crisis level so I don’t dwell on what I’m missing. Otherwise, I’ll take an axe to my desk.”

  “Your big brother is being supportive? That’s sweet.”

  He made a face of pithy disdain that was so much like Sky’s, Wren burst out laughing.

  “I guess you showed him a good time at his bachelor party to thank him?”

  His lip curled and she felt his gaze like a laser from behind the mirrored finish on his sunglasses. “You heard it was a bust? I knew Nanny Nate was texting Ilke the whole time. Those two.”

  “They’re cute.”

  “So sweet I need insulin shots.” He bunched the wrapper from his sandwich and set the balled paper into a cup holder. “Nah, they’re all right. They spend more time apart than together so I didn’t expect him to go no-contact. And I knew Rolf wouldn’t be into the strippers. The rest of the party expected it, though. I paid a lot of money for two minutes of sequined bikinis. Never even saw the tops come off.”

  “That’s too bad. The male strippers who came to the lodge stayed until midnight and they went full monty. I’m kidding!” She laughed heartily at the outraged way he snapped his head around.

  “You’re a brat.”

  Still chuckling, she shrugged, hot enough to want to take off her blouse, but not wanting to sit here half-naked in her borrowed bikini. She already felt exposed enough around him. This was such a strange tension. Alluring, yet terrifying. She didn’t want him to know how she felt, but yearned for him to reciprocate this wonderful, petrifying excitement. Wanted to bask in his presence like he was the sun.

  Refusing to look at his mouth, despite desperately wanting to, she made herself fix her gaze on the far shore. Her heart thumped, though. Her skin tingled and she swore she could feel the glide of her blood in her veins, silky as a caress.

  “Are we going to talk about it?” he asked quietly. “Or just keep ignoring it?”

  Her scalp tightened and she had to suppress a shiver. Her throat flexed and her breasts grew heavy and hard. Her nipples pressed up against the thin pads of her suit and swirls of anxious excitement fluttered through her abdomen.

  She started to ask what he was talking about, but her voice was caught in her throat. She could see her own face, distorted in miniature, gaze trying to pierce those silvery lenses to read his eyes behind them. So close, and yet impossibly out of reach.

  If she asked him what he was talking about, he might shatter her illusions and reveal he knew exactly what she was struggling against. She didn’t want to know this was all on her side. If she didn’t acknowledge it, she wouldn’t feel rejected.

  On the other hand, if she said nothing, she was making a huge admission. She nipped her bottom lip between her teeth, cheeks stinging with mortification.

  “Ignore, I guess,” he murmured.

  Did he sound disappointed? Rueful? She tried to swallow past the rod of hot tension in the back of her throat.

  Their boat picked up speed and the wind felt good against her hot cheeks.

  He leaned to open the cushion under her feet, forcing her to shift and draw her knees up. “Can I ask you about something else?”

  He showed her a can of iced tea. She nodded and he cracked it for her, then opened one for himself.

  “What?” She sipped cautiously as he settled back into the space beside her.

  He thumbed the tab on his can, tilting his head so he side-eyed her from behind the arm of his sunglasses.

  “That day you were in my room… Did you think I was going to hurt you? Because I never would.”

  Oh God.

  She swiveled so she faced the driver again, searched the horizon, searched for Sky as if she could somehow hide behind her. Rolf’s boat was so far away, she wasn’t even sure if that was Sky riding the wake or someone else.

  Wren brought her feet in closer to her bum, knees up as she faced forward, not looking at him. She took a gulp and wound up coughing against the astringency in the authentic green tea. She sipped again, trying to ease the scraped feeling in the back of her throat. It didn’t help.

  Her voice strained past it, even though she tried to sound as dispassionate as possible. “I didn’t mean to react like that. My dad believed in corporal punishment. When I get in a confrontation, I get defensive.”

  He swore under his breath.

  She jerked her shoulder, wound up bumping into his, which made her shift abruptly so there was as much space as possible between them without her having to turn and face him.

  “That’s not right, Wren.”

  “He didn’t do it after Mandy left,” she hurried to assure him. “I wouldn’t have let Sky come live with us if I thought he would hurt her. I—” Her breaths backed up, making her whole torso feel pressurized.

  If she hadn’t just been through this with Sky, she probably wouldn’t have been able to do this. If she and Sky had still been at terrible odds, she wouldn’t have been able to do it. If she and Trigg weren’t finding something like friendship, there was no way she could have done this.

  But they had been sharing a lot of really intimate stuff. She felt like it was safe to let this unwind out of her.

  “When he realized Mandy was pregnant, he was going to take his belt to her. I stopped him, but he said I should have known she left our room. He thought I knew your name. At the time, I didn’t.”

  “Jesus Christ. Where were the authorities?”

  In her periphery, he was a statue, frozen as he stared at her.

  She touched where a drop of condensation had fallen off her can to dribble down the front of her bare thigh.

  “When Mandy left, her friend’s mom brought the police, but I would have gone to foster care. Our mom was freaking out. Her church friends intervened, said they would make sure my father got help. He went to group classes, went on medication. He was like a zombie after that. When Mandy died…the social workers wanted to leave Sky with us.”

  “Didn’t he have a record or something?”

  “Spanking isn’t always seen as child abuse. They were told to ‘watch’ him, but that was it.” She shrugged. “Mom and I both wanted her, but I was scared for her. I remember standing at the grave, watching my dad, trying to decide if I should try to get hold of you. He didn’t even cry. He just looked old and shriveled and broken. I realized I wasn’t scared of him anymore. Living there was just something to be endured. If he had so much as raised his voice to her, though, I would have got her out of there. I swear.”

  His stare was hot enough to melt the sunscreen off her face.

  “Was that another reason you didn’t tell me? Were you worried I would be that kind of father? Because I wouldn’t.”

  She didn’t say, I know. She wanted to believe it and hearing the words made it feel a lot more certain. “Good.”

  She watched his cousin appear and disappear behind their boat. For a few minutes, the blaring music and the whirr of the motor were the only sounds.

  “Where is he?” His voice was so lethal, the hairs stood up on her arms and scalp.

  “Utah. My number is on his fridge, but he never uses it. I call the neighbor every few weeks. They check on him. I haven’t seen him since my mom died.”

  *

  Not good enough, Trigg was thinking. She damned well should have contacted him. Surely he was a better bet than that?

  “Please don’t tell me I should have done things differently. I know that, but
we all make decisions, good, bad and ugly, that bring us to today. And today is a great day.”

  He had a feeling he’d enjoyed more good days than she had. It made his chest ache. He wanted to scoop his arm across her shoulders and tuck her in to his side. Shelter her.

  She sat up to fix her ponytail, putting space between them. Then she applied fresh sunscreen to her face and throat, down onto her chest, pretty as a mermaid, but vulnerable as hell with only that thin sheen of ointment against a fucking belt.

  “Look.” She nodded, mouth curving into a smile.

  Sky went flying past behind Rolf’s boat, Bruno beside her. They were doing their best to soak each other with rooster tails.

  The ache in his chest deepened and expanded, but in a good way.

  Today was a great day. He let out his breath and savored it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  When they returned to the lodge, the ‘Private Function’ signs had been set out. All the staff cars had been moved to the lower lot at the base and guest parking was filling up. A lot of the older folks had come to the lodge and checked in rather than spend the day on the water. Now the younger crowd arrived with luggage and a desire to shower off their sunscreen before eating.

  Wren jumped behind the check-in desk still wearing her boating clothes, helping get everyone their room keys. Sky showed Bruno’s family to their block of rooms and came back to help the couple whose little ones had fallen asleep in their arms.

  “Did you have fun today?” Wren asked when she and Sky got into their room and took turns using the shower and getting changed.

  “Bruno’s English isn’t very good. We’re using a translation app. It’s hilarious. I said my arms were sore and he said his were wet pasta.”

  “That is funny. But, um…” Wren scratched her cheek as she ventured into very dangerous territory. “You know he’s your cousin, right?”

  “Ugh. Really? He’s also got a boyfriend.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Oh.” Wren bit the corner of her mouth. “Okay, then.”

  They went out to the lobby. Canapés and wine were on offer in the lounge and on the patio. The dining room was full, but the menu was limited and people were getting their meals fairly quickly.

  Wren chatted briefly with all the staff, ensuring they had things under control, then joined Marvin and another server behind the bar. “I can do this if you want to visit,” she offered.

  “I am visiting.” He introduced her to some of his and Glory’s relatives from Seattle seated at the bar.

  The evening passed in convivial busyness with people circulating, sometimes carrying meals from the dining room to the patio, coming back in search of matches for the candles or a blanket against the cooling night air.

  Wren turned on the outdoor fireplace and plugged in the heat lamps, then covered a break on the coffee counter and bussed the dining room as it emptied.

  “Wren.” Trigg came to get her as she was setting out an urn of drip coffee for stragglers. “You have to see this.” He was grinning so hard, she smiled in reflex.

  “What is it?”

  Outside, on the sofa that faced the fireplace, Sky was curled into the arm at one end, fast asleep. Bruno was on the other, head back, legs straight out, limp and also dead asleep. Murphy was in a ball between them. He lifted only his eyes, keeping his tail tucked against his nose, fully aware he had no business being on the furniture.

  “They’re all played out.”

  “Did you take a photo?”

  “So fast.”

  Wren chuckled and gave Sky’s shoulder a rub. “Sky? Let’s get you to bed.”

  Sky made a noise and didn’t even swat at her hand, only flickered her fingers.

  “Come on. You have to walk or Trigg will have to carry you.” It seemed like an embarrassing enough threat that Sky would push herself to her feet.

  “’Kay,” Sky breathed, not moving.

  Wren looked at him.

  “Probably the only chance I’ll get.” Something tender and poignant moved across his shadowed expression. He nudged Sky’s knee. “You want me carry you?”

  Only her lips moved as she whispered, “Yes.”

  Wren had to wonder if there wasn’t a part of Sky that needed this as badly as Trigg did and she was playing dead to give herself this memory—which threatened to rend Wren’s heart right open.

  Trigg scooped Sky up. She suddenly looked like the little girl she hadn’t been in years. Her head drooped onto his shoulder and her hand went to the side of his neck. It was probably the sweetest thing Wren had ever seen. It made her eyes feel hot and her uterus ache.

  She hurried ahead of Trigg, unlocking their door and pulling back Sky’s covers so he could set her right into the bed. Sky wore shorts and her hoodie. Her shoes were still on the patio. Wren didn’t bother undressing her, just drew the blankets over her.

  Trigg wore such a look of rawness and regret, her heart was wrenched.

  Rather than go into the hall with him, she drew him through the connecting door to the manager’s office where they could have a moment of privacy. The lights were off, but the bulbs over the parking lot drew stripes through the blinds onto the desk and floor.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, pressing the door closed and taking advantage of the dark so her remorse was easier to bear and express. Her lungs felt like they were made of lava, suffocating and heavy and hot. “I should have called you sooner. I should have let you have more of those moments.” She nodded beyond the closed door where Sky now slept.

  “Wren.” His hand came onto her arm and squeezed. “All I had to say was ‘Wait.’ When Mandy called, I should have said it. I could have said a lot of things. But I didn’t.” He cleared his throat, hand still tight on her arm. “What you said today is true. We can’t go back and undo anything. All we can do is try to make better decisions going forward.”

  She nodded and tightened her mouth to fight its trembling, overcome by what sounded like forgiveness. Understanding. Remorse. She swallowed. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you.” The earnestness in his tone nearly buckled her knees. “She’s perfect. You did a great job.”

  “Don’t make me cry, you idiot.” She lifted her free hand and swiped the heel of her palm beneath her eye.

  He chuckled and hooked his arm around her, drew her in and gave her a bear hug that crumpled her defenses. People didn’t usually touch her, which she always told herself she preferred, but his strong arms popped her thin shell of defenses like an egg, leaving her melty and gooey against the warmth of his chest. Her head dropped onto the hard pillow of his pec and her arms slid around his waist. She clung as waves of emotion swept over her, threatening to unmoor her completely.

  This wasn’t a pass. It was platonic and sweet. It was kindness and friendship and something she hadn’t ever experienced—a shared moment of alignment. It was a kaleidoscope of emotions that she sensed turning in him as they turned in her, reshaping into new patterns that were startling and beautiful.

  Then his hand moved to her hair and his lips touched her brow. He probably meant is as brotherly, but she instantly became aware of his heartbeat, the firmness of his chest beneath the side of her face, the scent of him in his T-shirt and the way his hard thighs brushed against hers.

  She tried to think of something light to say, lifted her head and tilted it back, but he read it as a signal. He dipped his head and halted at the last second.

  “Damn.” His breath heated her lips as he hovered with his lips so close to hers, her mouth tingled in anticipation. “We were going to ignore this, weren’t we?”

  Where she found the courage to be so honest, she didn’t know, but she said, “I thought I was the only one who had to.”

  She stayed right where she was, leaning in to him so the pressure of his chest soothed the growing ache in her breasts while her heart slammed in terror at what she had revealed.

  His choke of laughter feathered across her mouth. “No,” he said, thumb caressing her che
ekbone. “No, I’m trying like hell to pretend—”

  Before she realized what she was doing, her toes had dug into the floor and she closed the distance herself, sealing them into the kiss.

  He groaned. Then he cradled the back of her head in his wide hand and kissed her, deep and thorough. Opened his mouth across hers and explored and possessed and rubbed and captured and kissed the hell out of her. Kissed her until she couldn’t breathe.

  She didn’t care, so long as he kept up that unhurried, masterful, hungry ravaging. Her hands moved to explore his back, reveling in the dips and flex of his muscles. He tagged her tongue with his, sending a jolt of excitement through her, then deepened the kiss even more, shifting so she was against the edge of the desk.

  Her hands went up to his head, discovering stubble and silky strands, warm skin and the pound of his pulse in his throat. His mouth went down the side of her neck while his hands went down to her butt, squeezing, rubbing, getting under her cheeks and lifting so she sat on the desktop. He stroked her thighs, parting her legs as he moved between them, sending tendrils of pleasure through her abdomen and into her loins. Then he cupped her butt again and drew her to the edge, so they were eye to eye. Mouth to mouth. Sex to sex.

  She shuddered in reaction and braced her arms across his shoulders, legs reflexively twining around his waist. He lifted his head and she met his glittering gaze.

  They were going too far, but she wasn’t ready to stop. Her heart was racing and her whole body felt alive. She drew him into another kiss and this time she was the one to offer her tongue. His breath hissed in and he leaned on a hand so his hips had a better angle between her thighs. He rocked to let her feel how aroused he was.

  Oh, that felt good. Glittering sensations raced through her. She clung to him, wanting to fall on her back, but loving the feel of him so tight against her chest. She didn’t care how they rubbed against each other, so long as they kept making out, necking and grinding, growing hotter and hotter.