In Too Deep

by Dani Collins

  “The best sex you’ve ever had?”

  He lifted his nose from nuzzling her skin. “That sounds like a trick question. But, yes. It was.”

  She exhaled in a puff of humorless laughter. “That’s what you told my sister, too.”

  Ah. It was a freight train he should have seen coming, but Rolf was the one who allowed for every contingency. They both understood the value in practice and strength training and muscle memory, but Rolf plotted and prepared and harvested every scrap of information before he finally shot out of the gate at a hundred and thirty miles an hour, nailing what he had wanted for years in a matter of seconds.

  Trigg couldn’t think about the backside double cork ten-eighty nose grab that was coming while he was still trying to land his eighteen hundred quadruple cork. He broke things down and dealt with them in the moment, as they happened.

  “I don’t remember saying that,” he admitted and felt her flinch. He held her closer, tempted to say something dismissive about Mandy, but she was the one lover he could never claim was unimportant. Not to Wren. Not to himself, either. “It sounds like something I would have said under those circumstances. You know we were both virgins? Did she tell you that?”

  “It was in her diary. We never talked about it directly.”

  Her diary. He had forgotten about that. Oh, hell. “What else did she say?”

  “It’s not a play-by-play. Don’t worry.”

  He blew out a half-chuckle of relief, making her shiver.

  “I wasn’t exactly at the top of my game.” He dropped the weight of his forehead into the crook of her neck, wincing at the boy he’d been. “I was nervous as hell, afraid it would be over before we got to the good part. That had happened once already, with a different girl. That’s why I was still a virgin. I was terrified of humiliating myself again.”

  Had he felt as though he had something to prove ever since? Maybe. At least to himself. He wasn’t all about having power over women, but he liked to prove he had power over himself. The way this woman had climaxed with such greed had made him feel like a fucking sex god, bestowing that pleasure upon her.

  She turned her head so her cheek touched his hair. “I humiliated myself in the office a week ago.”

  “That was hot as hell.” He lifted his head to kiss the corner of her mouth. “Don’t you dare be embarrassed by that.”

  “Pretty sure that’s a sexist double standard.”

  He shifted so his junk was more comfortable against the cheeks of her ass and snuggled her deeper into the hollow of his chest, liking that she relaxed into him. He nibbled her earlobe, sucked it until she made a little noise in her throat that made his scalp tingle.

  She sighed shakily and played her fingers over his forearm. “I know I shouldn’t be sensitive about you and Mandy. It’s not something that can be changed. But it’s not something I can pretend didn’t happen, either. Not with the twelve-year-old gorilla to remind me.”

  “What happened with Mandy just happened. Please don’t think I went after her with the intention of getting her into bed. I wasn’t that confident. Seriously,” he protested when he heard her snort. “I thought she was pretty and sweet and yeah, I wanted to kiss her and fool around, but I didn’t expect to have sex with her. After I did, then yes, I became the cocky son of a bitch you know and love today.”

  She didn’t laugh.

  Had he gone too far with his casual use of the L-word? She had said she only wanted to marry when she fell in love. He wondered if that was the real reason she was sitting on the edge of this bed, trying to bolt.

  He tried to read her profile, but it was made of porcelain.

  Which made him nervous. He was used to getting what he wanted by hammering at something with all his strength. He couldn’t do that with her, though. He would break her. And that would kill him.

  He touched the point of her shoulder with his lips, the nape of her neck, almost as if he was healing whatever future hurt he might deliver.

  She quivered in response and he knew he would never be able to get enough of that. The word mine was beating through him like a pulse.

  He wished he could say he loved her, but he barely knew what that was. He’d done his best to avoid it all his life.

  “You know, the people I feel strongest about are people who drive me crazy,” he tried to explain. “My mom. My brother. They get in my face and tell me what to do. I can already see Sky will give me a run for my money. Even my dog, bless his uncomplicated, furry little ass, rolls in dead things and makes me pick up his shit. I don’t resent it, but I don’t know how to be comfortable with deep emotions so I push back on them. I get the sense you swim in them, though.”

  “Drown,” she murmured. “I think that’s what I miss most about Mandy. When I was with her, I could let myself feel. With everyone else, I have to hold all of that back. Pretend I feel nothing. It’s tiring.”

  Her words rattled something loose inside him. His chest ached as though a cold breeze fluttered through it.

  “You can tell me what you’re feeling. Yell. Swear. I don’t want to leave you drowning while I stand on dry land, dumb as my fucking dog, thinking you’re fine. Tell me what’s going on, okay? Especially if I’m being ignorant. I can take it.”

  “I’m not good at confronting people who hurt my feelings. The way I’ve always punched back is small and mean.” She turned her head to look at him from the corner of her eye. “I sent a clip about Sky being your daughter to my dentist office, knowing they’d pin it on their bulletin board in the waiting area. Her old principal goes there, the one who implied I was a lousy guardian and she wouldn’t amount to much.”

  “And what is this man’s name?” he inquired pleasantly, already packing his shovel and a sack of quicklime.

  “Woman.” She leaned in to him. “It’s my fault that I take criticism to heart. I’m terrified of making mistakes.” Her voice faded. “And right now, I fear I’ve made a huge one.”

  “Because once isn’t enough.” A twist of agony went through him. He didn’t know how to hold her close enough. “Not for me, either.”

  “I’m scared,” she whispered, lifting his hand to her neck so he felt her pulse racing like a terrified bird’s. “More scared than I was as we were going into that meeting today. More than going to the lodge that first time.”

  “It’ll be okay.” He wasn’t a there, there type of guy. He was more of a blunt truth with a side of sarcasm, but he picked her up and slid her into the bed with him, shuddering with pleasure as her cool, soft curves squashed beneath him. “We’ll be fine. All of us,” he promised.

  And hoped like hell he could deliver.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Wren thought she was missing Sky, but the sight of the Rocky Mountains from the plane window brought such a rush of emotion to her, she realized she had been homesick, too. Which was silly. They’d been away forty-eight hours, most of them taken up by travel and sleep. She hadn’t had time to miss this place, let alone develop such an attachment to jagged gray peaks jabbing against stark blue sky. Not in the short time she’d lived here.

  Nevertheless, she relaxed as they wound from the airport onto the twisting highway. Trigg opened his window and sweet mountain air swirled around them. She closed her eyes to savor it while her brain second-guessed a decision she had already made.

  Maybe if they had hung around Berlin, reinforcing their relationship with more naked contact, she wouldn’t feel so bereft, but they had both wanted to get back. They’d been up before dawn, catching a charter he had arranged to return them.

  He’d slept some on the flight. She had mostly brooded.

  “Have you been into Rolf and Glory’s rooms?” Trigg asked, dragging her to awareness that they were coming into Haven.

  “Briefly. Glory wanted to give me a book. Why?”

  “What did you think of the layout? Nate and Ilke have a center room with a door into the next room for Aiden, but he’s only there once a week. The top floor center room h
as a better view, but if we mirrored Rolf and Glory’s setup, we’d have a kitchenette between us and Sky. A little more privacy, is what I’m saying.”

  Oh, she hated when shit got real.

  Thankfully, coming into range made his phone ping with a text. She glanced at it. “Nate is asking when you’ll arrive. He wants to talk soon as you’re available.”

  “He’s first on my speed-dial.” He closed his window while she made the connection. The call went through the console and Nate answered.

  “Go for Nate.”

  “Stop texting me. My wife is getting jealous.”

  Wren wanted to shrink into a ball every time he called her that—it made her feel like such a fraud. How was she his wife? The wife of Trigg Johansson? She had stupidly glanced online while they’d been in the air and found her own name in headline stories on sports and entertainment sites.

  Another McTwisty as Johansson Ties the Knot

  Trigg Johansson, America’s adorably unpredictable snowboard champion, pulled off a surprise elopement at a courthouse in Montana days after his brother Rolf’s extravagant wedding on July Fourth. Johansson’s bride, Wren Snow, is the aunt and guardian of his recently discovered daughter, Skylar.

  While a press release quotes Johansson’s mother as stating, “Our entire family is delighted and warmly welcomes Wren into the fold,” the marriage is rumored to be a strategic move on Johansson’s part to grasp more power within the Wikinger empire. Stay tuned for the next episode in this unscripted reality drama.

  She hated drama!

  “Hey, Wren,” Nate greeted in his easygoing tone. “I should have said on Friday, thank you for helping all of us keep our jobs.”

  “Oh, gosh, no,” she insisted. “I didn’t do anything.”

  Trigg sent her a look. “Yeah, you did.”

  “Heck, yes, you did,” Nate said. “You think anyone else would marry that piece of art? But it worked and we’re thrilled we don’t have to worry about the board dropping the axe anymore. I’ll buy you a coffee when you get back. I’ll buy you coffee for the rest of your life.”

  “If you’re just going to flirt with her in front of me, I’m going to cut you off,” Trigg warned.

  “So needy,” Nate said. “But don’t hang up. I have news you want to hear. I got a call from Mr. Petersen.”

  “Of Petersen’s Gravel?”

  “Yeah, he likes that we have Basco under investigation. He’s willing to sell, but brace yourself, Bridget.” Nate named a figure.

  Trigg laughed. “That’s some kind of revenge porn deviant act he’s trying to perform, isn’t it?”

  “It’s still zoned and approved for pulling gravel. We’re going to need a lot of it if we’re putting in a road from that side. I’m running the numbers and, on a related note, there’s a fire sale at Basco Construction. Apparently, the owner needs cash, fast, as he mounts a defense against unsubstantiated charges that have been leveled against him.”

  “Charges recently substantiated by Wikinger’s former treasurer, but we’ll let Kurt work out which one of them is most guilty. You think we might be able to buy some equipment and put in our own road?”

  “I do,” Nate confirmed.

  “This is why I can’t keep my hands off you, you sexy son of a bitch. You get me so fucking excited.”

  “Seriously, Wren,” Nate drawled. “I’m putting your name in for a medal of valor. No one else would show the kind of bravery and sacrifice you have demonstrated.”

  “Just went through town,” Trigg warned. “We’re going to lose you. See you in an hour.”

  “Over and out.” They ended the call.

  “This is a big deal, what you’ve done,” Trigg said. “Take a victory lap.”

  “For threatening to sue you and Wikinger? I’d rather that wasn’t common knowledge, if you don’t mind.”

  He took a beat to absorb that. “Okay, but you still married me, which got us what we wanted out of that meeting.”

  “I’m still not convinced—”

  He reached across and took her hand. Her voice dried up as the warmth of his touch went up her arm and misfired the beat of her heart.

  “The thing about doubt is, you can’t have any. Once it takes hold, it’s like a fungus. Spreads rot over everything.”

  “Lovely image.”

  “Assume success and you’ll succeed.”

  “It’s just that easy.”

  “Always has been for me.”

  She rolled her eyes at his confidence, but had to admire it. Had to hope that it was strong enough to carry them both since she had so little of it.

  She kept thinking of him asking her if she was really going to wait six years to do something for herself. She had lied to him when she had said Sky had been her only focus for ten years. Keeping Sky had been a selfish act. She hadn’t fully recognized it as such then, but she did now and felt guilty as hell. Staying married to him was also selfish. She wasn’t doing it for Sky. She was doing it for herself.

  Which filled her with dread for the day he realized he didn’t want her after all.

  *

  Sky timed Murphy’s afternoon walk around the pond so she was coming off the path when her dad’s truck came into the staff parking lot. Murphy recognized it and jerked on his leash. She trotted behind him as he bounced and bounded like a lunatic, dragging her up to them as they stepped out.

  She let go of the leash and heard her dad say, “What’s up, you little nut sack?”

  She hugged Auntie Wren, feeling a lot of feels. “Did you have fun? Did you bring me anything?” she asked, joking to hide that she had genuinely missed her.

  Her dad, too. More than she expected. Hanging out with Aunt Lydia had been nice, but they’d had some deep and meaningfuls about her mom’s childhood that had only made her want to see Auntie Wren more.

  “We brought you peace of mind,” her dad said as he squished her in a hug, then reached into the bed of his truck for their luggage. “Maybe some chocolate from the airport.”

  “Yes, please.”

  “Where’s Mom? She’s going to want a full report. No, I got it,” he said when Auntie Wren tried to take her bag from him. “Let’s put Trouble in my room.” He nodded at the dog.

  Sky picked up his leash and they all went up the outside stairs. “He stayed with Nate while you were gone. I was going to keep him, but Aunt Lydia…”

  “Allergic,” Auntie Wren said. “Did you have a good visit?”

  “Really good.” She punched in the code and they all went into her dad’s room. Sky took off the leash and hung it on the hook.

  Her dad put down the luggage and said, “Let me wash my hands.”

  “She wanted to stay and see you, but she had to work,” Sky said. “We were both freaking out at your picture. Your haircut looks super cute.” Auntie Wren hardly ever wore it down. Sky couldn’t resist touching it. It made her look… Not older or smarter, but more confident. Like she had her act together.

  “Thank you.” Auntie Wren ran her hand over it. “My ponytail is about this long now.” She showed a little space between her finger and thumb. “And has to be up here.” She pointed to her crown. “Looks dumb so I guess I’m wearing it down for a while.”

  “I like it,” her dad said, coming back to set his hand on the back of Auntie Wren’s neck. He kissed the side of her head. “Let’s find Mom and a beer.”

  Sky felt like she had walked in on Auntie Wren in the bathroom by accident. They both looked at each other with surprise and embarrassment.

  WTF?

  “No, you stay,” her dad was saying to Murphy. He was making no effort to pick up Auntie Wren’s bag and take it downstairs with them. He opened the door and looked at them. “Are we going? What’s wrong?”

  Auntie Wren was trying to pack all her emotions behind her Nothing To See Here face, but she was blushing.

  Wild thoughts were coming into Sky’s brain at the speed of light. Lasers were being shot into her skull and exploding. She suddenly fe
lt like a grown-up who had just caught her kid playing with matches.

  “Are we taking that to our room?” she challenged, waving at her aunt’s suitcase.

  “Oh.” Her dad let the door swing shut with a whoosh and a clunk that seemed really loud.

  “You told me this was a formality,” Sky said to her aunt. “Are you serious right now? He’s my dad.” How dare Auntie Wren have sex with her dad?

  “Skylar,” he warned.

  And, ew. “How many times have you warned me about letting a player take advantage of me? Huh?” She turned on her father. “What are you even doing? First you make Auntie Wren marry you and now you’re making her have sex with you? That’s gross.”

  “Hey.” He sounded genuinely mad. “There’s a line. You’re crossing it.”

  “Skylar,” Auntie Wren said. “You and I have talked about consent and slut-shaming. I’m sorry if—”

  “No, you’re not sorry,” her dad interrupted. “We’re adults. Married adults. We don’t have to apologize for sleeping together.”

  “And you’re going to keep doing it? You’re going to be married? Like married? Do you love each other? Are you going to have babies?”

  “We’ll see how this goes before we talk about children.” Auntie Wren was using her super-polite, don’t be upset tone. She didn’t answer the love question. “I realize this feels like it affects you, but it doesn’t.”

  “Yes, it does! You’re going to start ganging up on me.”

  “We talk all the time about what we think is best for you. That doesn’t change. Nothing changes except where I sleep.”

  This changed everything.

  “I don’t know which one of you I’m more mad at,” Sky said, looking back and forth from her dad’s dark frown to Auntie Wren’s stiff face.

  “Mad? Or disappointed?” Her dad smothered the question in sarcasm.

  “Both. This is unacceptable.” She was disgusted. “I’m telling Rolf.” It was the only threat she could think of that remotely came close to harsh enough.

  “Fill your boots,” her dad said.