by Hart, Eve R.
“Oh, awesome,” I said as I snapped myself out of the weird vortex I’d slipped into. “I know you and Chris will be happy to have her and Chry home.”
“Yeah. Which is what I want to talk to you about. She wants to surprise Chris. So I have to plan a party and shit. All the while trying to keep it a secret.”
I let out a laugh.
“What you’re saying is that you desperately need help, huh?” I joked.
“I have no clue how to do this,” he said looking a little lost. “I want it to be big but still personal. I, um. Well, it’s going to be a big night.”
There was something he wasn’t telling me.
I looked at him with a raised brow but I could tell he wasn’t going to let it slip.
There were so many questions floating around in my head but I held back for some unknown reason.
Ingram was coming back— coming home. And it was shitty that I didn’t know how I felt about it. I shouldn’t have really been feeling anything at all. She was Ky’s sister and I should have been excited for him. And while I was, there was this little nagging feeling eating me up inside.
“Well,” I said and let out a deep breath. “Tell me what you need.”
So then he launched into some ideas that he had. I suggested that he have Chris cook dinner and a bunch of us come over like it’s a normal night at their house. He seemed to like that idea then asked what the hell should he tell Chris to cook.
“Her favorites,” I said like it should have been that simple to figure out.
I knew Ingram liked Chris’ cooking. She’d mentioned to me once and in one of her letters she told me she missed his tacos.
“So, it’s set. You’ll be there? Tuesday?” he asked, sounding more excited than I was used to.
“Me?” I asked and the shock was clear in my tone.
“Yeah, brother. Need you there.”
“Okay. Yeah.” My head nodded even though I felt a little unsure about it.
“Bring Amber too.”
“Oh, sure, I’ll see if she’s free,” I told him.
My mind spun out of control as he clapped me on the back and walked away.
I knew I wouldn’t be asking Amber to come with me. In fact, as shitty as it was, I had no plans of even mentioning it to her.
What did that make me?
I honestly, didn’t have an answer for that but I was pretty sure it wasn’t anything good.
The rest of the day passed by in a haze. I ended up at the bar. Surrounded by my brothers laughing and having a good time, I could only think about one thing. My mind was a mess. I was a fucking mess.
I hadn’t seen Ingram in two years. I hadn’t heard her voice in two years. And while it shouldn’t have really mattered, somehow it did.
She had said in her last letter that she would be leaving that place soon. I hadn’t heard anything from her since and I didn’t know what that meant. I suppose I was waiting for that next letter to come in. The one where she told me she was ready to fly. But it never came and it looked like in a few short days, she’d be here.
I’d always wondered where she would end up when she left. But then again, it shouldn’t have surprised me that she was coming back here. I knew she felt like this place was her home in her heart. When she was here, she talked as if it was. Maybe I was a little worried that her feelings of here had changed while she was away. And though I wouldn’t ever admit it, I was afraid she would find a new direction to spread her wings in. Someplace I wouldn’t be around to watch out for her.
I should have been able to breathe easier knowing she was coming back here.
Except there was something weird that slithered through my body and clenched my heart tight.
When she left, I hadn’t thought too much about it. I was sad to see her go and I was worried about her and little Chry but that was because she felt like part of this big, mixed-up family we had going on here. She was Ky’s sister and she was a kid lost in the world. I wanted to protect her same as I did my brothers and their loves. Only as I sat there with her in the hospital and she spilled all her fears to me, I knew that I had to find a way to help her. I had to get her what she needed. So, my thoughts turned to wanting to get her the help she craved instead of trying to hold her back. I knew Ky would be pissed, and he was. But eventually, I made him see that it was the best thing for Ingram and Chry.
Turned out that place was just what she needed.
As I downed another drink I thought back to those letters. The many she’d sent me while she had been gone. Through them, I saw her blossom. I saw her grow and change. I thought of how she shared so many things with me. How she seemed to open up so easily to me in those written words.
And maybe that was starting to fuck with my head. Especially, since I knew she’d be here soon.
But even as the minutes ticked on, I refused to let myself think about it, as in, dive deeper into why it was messing with my head.
So, I drank. Just like I’d done before. To forget. To block out what was trying to come forth. To run.
When Amber’s face came crashing into my view, I shook away all thoughts of Ingram as best as I could.
“You been here long?” she asked with a slight hint of humor in her voice.
My head seemed like it weighed a hundred pounds as it bobbed on my neck, which felt like it was too weak to support it.
“Not sure,” I answered because I had no clue how long I’d been lost to the drink and my thoughts.
“Come on,” she said as she took my hand and pulled me off the bar stool. “Let’s go to bed.”
I nodded blindly, my eyes locked on our blurry joined hands.
And not for the first time, I couldn’t explain how I’d gotten here.
We made it back to the compound and up to my room. I opened the door and she quickly pulled me inside.
“Mouse,” she said softly, looking up into my eyes. There was a hint of mischief and a knowing twinkle there. But knowing what? I had no clue.
She began to strip my clothing as her lips met mine. I kissed her back blindly. It was all I could do right now.
My body moved as if I didn’t have any control over it, my limbs working to wriggle out of my clothes one at a time.
“This isn’t about me, is it?” she asked as if she already knew the answer. There was no anger there. No irritation at all. In fact, I might have even said there was a soft hint of cocky reassurance.
I hated myself right now, and I almost hated her for knowing the answer. I wanted to hate her for seeing right through me and not even seeming to have any sort of defiance against it.
“No,” I answered thickly but I wouldn’t allow myself to admit anything further than that. Not to her. Not to myself.
I wanted to blame it on the alcohol coursing through my veins. I wanted to curse myself for having all those drinks. But I knew the blackness would be consuming me soon, making me forget everything I’d been trying so hard to hide from.
And as she spread herself out for me on the bed, I closed my eyes and gave in.
CHAPTER THREE
Mouse
It was time. Ingram was going to arrive tonight and as I rode my bike over the bridge to the beach, I felt an itchiness crawling all over my skin.
Chris and Ky’s house was already full when I walked in. The smell of so many different foods filled the air while happy chatter floated into my ears.
I tucked away the strange feeling that was clouding my mind.
“Hey, man,” Ky said as he clapped my shoulder. “Glad you could make it. Thanks for all the help.” He was talking to me but his eyes were on the man on the other side of the room.
“No problem.” I plastered on a smile and clapped his shoulder back.
Ky was happy. The smile on his face was small but the light in his eyes was blinding. I think he’d been waiting for this moment since Ingram went away.
I thought back to the day that Ky came after me when Ingram had talk to him about going away. Ky got i
n a few good punches and so did I. In the end, I helped him to see that this was what she wanted. He took the big brother role pretty seriously even if they hadn’t seen each other in ten years then. I could see how having her back in his life made him feel more whole. Well, it wasn’t only her. Chris was definitely his other half. I was just glad that Ky seemed to be more settled now. And happy. I considered him a close brother. We’d spent a lot of time together since making the move to start up this chapter.
I may have grown up in the Gray Fort chapter but this place felt like home.
Growing up, my mom tried so damn hard to shelter me from the club and that way of life. But I wasn’t dumb, I knew the things my dad and his brothers did. I think if my dad hadn’t loved my mom so fiercely she would have left him. She would have taken me far, far away from the club. But my dad was a good man and she knew that. Hell, she shunned his lifestyle and he bent over backward to keep her happy as well as the club. Eventually, I grew old enough to make my own decisions, and I began to spend more and more time at the compound. I liked what I saw and I knew I wanted to be a part of it too.
That didn’t make my mom happy, but she loved me all the same.
And my dad was so damn proud despite my mom’s anger.
Ky let out a long shaky breath, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“You good?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Just a big night,” he replied as he rubbed the back of his neck.
There was more going on but I knew he wouldn’t spill.
We headed to the kitchen and I grabbed a beer.
I had no idea what time Ingram was set to get here but I knew it wouldn’t be that much longer. I found Brand and Lake with their women. The moment they saw me I was instantly swept up into their conversation.
My shoulders relaxed and the strange feeling eased as I chatted with them.
Then the chime of the doorbell rang out right as a timer went off somewhere in the area of the kitchen. We all went deadly silent as Ky told Chris to get the door while he made a move to get something out of the oven.
We all shuffled closer to the front of the house almost as one.
The moment Ingram walked into the house time seemed to stand still and I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t tell you the look on Chris’ face as he got his big surprise. I couldn’t tell you what the cheers sounded like all round me. I couldn’t tell you a damn thing except that Ingram stole something from me right then.
But I couldn’t even begin to tell you what it was.
She was stunning. Older but still the same in a way. Her hair was dark and hung in loose, thick waves around her shoulders. Her eyes the same hazel I remembered but now they seemed to hold more of a spark in them. Her face was a little thinner and her features a little more expressive. None of her happiness in this moment was forced.
She was the same, but different. She was older. She wasn’t that wide-eyed girl that left two years ago, that was for sure. In fact, though I wouldn’t want to admit it, she wasn’t a girl at all now.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her no matter how hard I tried.
When I finally did, I took in the little boy that wasn’t so little now. I watched as he got passed around and introduced and stole all the kisses from all the girls.
I wanted to leave.
I needed to leave.
I couldn’t explain anything at that moment and so I sat there at the edge of everything like a broody, creepy lump.
Ky got everyone’s attention a little later on and as he stood there looking a little nervous, it hit me. This was the thing that he didn’t tell me about. Of course it was the perfect night for this, he had his sister and his nephew here to share in the joy.
So yeah, Ky proposed to Chris and I felt a little bad that they only had part of my attention. It was a big moment. A happy moment. One that I was sure most of us in the room had been waiting for. And it was no surprise that Chris said yes.
After the excitement settled, I dragged my ass up, slipped quietly around everyone, and grabbed a beer before ducking out the back door.
The sound of the waves crashing almost calmed me. The light breeze almost doused the raging fire inside of me. And the beer did little to chase away the shaky feelings gripping me tightly on the inside.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out half hoping it was Iron telling me to get my ass back to the compound because he needed me for whatever reason. However, I wasn’t that lucky.
Amber’s name flashed across my phone and I instantly pulled up the text.
Let me know when you’re done and I’ll meet you at the compound.
Right under that was a picture of her bare chest and a hint of the lace that was barely holding in the swell of her breasts.
As my lips pressed together, a sigh worked its way out of my nose. I made the screen go dark and then pushed my phone back into my pocket without responding.
She thought I had some club business to take care of tonight. I’d lied to her. Sure there were a million and one ways I could spin this and make it seem like it was club business, but I knew it in my heart that I’d lied to her. I couldn’t tell you why I wanted to come here alone. But there wasn’t a moment when I wanted to take back that lie.
“Hi.” Ingram’s voice came from behind me and my body locked into place.
She didn’t seem to notice as she stepped up right next to me, her eyes scanning the dark surroundings like she could somehow see the waves rolling in through the pitch black night that surrounded us.
I hadn’t seen her in two years. I hadn’t heard her voice in just as long. All I had were a few pictures and a shit load of letters that I kept hidden under my underwear in a drawer.
“Hey,” I finally said and it came out like a strained whisper.
“I’m glad to be back here,” she told me and her eyes closed as she inhaled the salty air through her nose. “I missed this place.”
“Yeah?”
The giggle got trapped in her throat and I wasn’t sure if she was laughing at me or the fact that I had questioned her.
“Yes. I missed it very much. The farm… it smelled differently than here. It wasn’t unpleasant, it was just never right.”
I’m glad you’re home, I wanted to say but it got trapped in my throat.
I hadn’t seen her in two years. And I barely knew her before that. But for some strange fucked up reason, I knew this woman. I didn’t understand that. Could you really know someone through two years of letters? Even when I hardly ever responded back to them? Only, I didn’t know her. This wasn’t the same girl that had left here with a newborn and hopes of finding a way to be normal or whatever she thought. This wasn’t the same teenager that showed up to the club pregnant, scared out of her mind, and looking for her brother.
No, I didn’t know this woman beside me. There was no way I could have.
“It’s good to see you, Mr. Mouse,” she said and her tone was both light and heavy at the same time.
Why was she doing this? Why was she trying to remind me of things from back then?
I swallowed thickly.
“Mouse, it’s just Mouse,” I said and my tone didn’t even have a hint of playfulness to it like it did back when I’d said it to her the first time. “I’m sure Ky and Chris are thrilled to have you back.”
“Yes.” The word came out sad and a little frustrated.
“We should get back in there,” I said turning to head back inside.
I didn’t look back but I held the door open until I knew she was right behind me.
As I looked up, my eyes locked onto Ky’s. His eyes narrowed and it was like he was calculating something in his head as his gaze shifted to look at his sister.
His baby sister.
I didn’t know why I felt the need to tell myself that but it scraped at my skin like a rough tag on the back of a shirt.
I headed for Ky, crossing the room like a man on a mission.
“Congratulations, brother,” I
said as my sweaty hand clapped him on the shoulder. “To both of you.” I turned my attention to Chris.
“Thanks, Mouse,” Chris replied with a happy smile as he bumped my fist.
“Heading out?” Ky asked in a tone that made it sound like it was more of a strong suggestion.
“Yeah,” I said with a chin jerk. “See you later.”
Then I made my way past them and out the front door without so much as a look back.
I rode back to the compound thankful that the night air was cool but not cold. I was used to the cold and winter here didn’t even get that cold to me but I couldn’t wait for summer to get here. It was humid and sticky on the coast but for some reason, I loved it.
Once I got back to the compound, I headed straight for my room. As I went to toss my phone on the nightstand, I thought about the text from Amber. My fingers hesitated to release the thing for just a second before it plopped onto the hard wood.
I moved to my dresser across the room, pulling off my cut as I went. As I folded my cut and placed it on top of the dresser I stared down at the top drawer. My hands were pulling it open before I even realized what I was doing. Blindly my fingers searched for the letters that were hidden away. A heavy sigh forced itself from my lungs as I pulled them out and walked over to my desk.
Why was I doing this?
I couldn’t even begin to answer that.
Certain lines jumped out at me as I reread over the words. One by one, I went through them all.
Even as I read the last words on the final letter I didn’t have any sense of clarity.
So I got up and angrily put the letters back where they belonged then pounded pavement over to my fridge. I pulled out a beer and my eyes darted around to count how many I had in there. It didn’t matter that the smarter part of my brain screamed at me that this wasn’t the answer. I didn’t give a fuck right now and just wanted to escape enough so that I could sleep.