Mouse: A Steel Paragons MC Novel (The Coast: Book 7)

by Hart, Eve R.

  There wasn’t any kind of explanation given and I found myself wanting to go to him to find out what had been going on. Maybe it was that last line that really tugged on my heart and had me giving in.

  His words did so many things to me at once. I was still a little mad and his vague, odd words did little to douse the fire inside of me.

  But then I also felt relieved to hear from him. I even felt a little happy that he’d reached out. Oh, and I was also concerned because there was obviously something going on that he didn’t want to explain to me just yet.

  I knew the instant I finished reading his text message that I was going to go to him. He needed me for whatever reason and though he hadn’t been there for me the last few days, I had a feeling like he was dealing with something much bigger than my little problems.

  I went to Ky and asked if they didn’t mind watching Chry for a while. I knew he’d do it no problem but I felt like I was always asking so much from him and Chris.

  “Mouse reached out to me. Is there anything I should know before I go over there?” I asked boldly.

  I didn’t miss the thick swallow that slid down his throat.

  “Not my place, Ingram. But you should prepare yourself. All I ask is that you think about you while you’re there.”

  His words had me even more confused and I knew it showed on my face.

  Then he was hugging me which was a little strange because I knew Ky loved me, but he didn’t hug me all that often.

  “I think you’re strong, kid,” he said in a serious tone. “I admire so many things about you. Not a day goes by where I don’t look at you and feel proud of how far you’ve come. And I think that if your heart is telling you to go in one direction, then don’t let your head confuse you because you are strong enough to handle anything.”

  “Alright, well, I have no clue what you’re talking about, but thank you,” I told him playfully. “I’m going to go before you say something else that I need a decoder key to figure out.”

  “A fuckin’ decoder key? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “You know, like on the back of that cereal box. It’s… oh, never mind. Love you. Thank you for watching him.”

  I was extremely nervous on the drive to the compound.

  After I parked in the front lot, I took a moment to calm myself down. Mouse needed me and I had a feeling that I was going to have to summon some of that strength that Ky kept saying I had.

  That was the thing though. The spine that I’d recently found, wasn’t wanting to sag right now. As much as I tried to calm myself down, the closer I stepped to his door, the more the flames rose. It shouldn’t have mattered what was going on and what happened, if he really wanted to make this work then he should have come to me. He should have at least called and told me that he needed some time to figure out whatever he needed to.

  My knuckles met the hard surface of his door repeatedly. The knock wasn’t exactly hard, but it wasn’t all that soft either.

  “Hi,” he whispered once he opened the door and there was a tentative smile playing on his lips.

  “Hi?” I matched his whispered voice as I stepped into his room, forcing him back inside. “All you can say is hi?”

  His face instantly fell, losing the little happy light that he had in his eyes at the sight of me.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered and for some reason, our faces were too close for me to be able to think straight. “I know that doesn’t—”

  “No,” I said, cutting him off. “Why are we whispering?” I asked but shook my head and went on before he had a chance to answer. I needed to get all of it out right now. So I went on, still keeping my voice soft but somehow I was still able to pull off an edge to it. “I thought we shared something. I gave you a part of me that night. A big part. It wasn’t easy and sure, it wasn’t like it was my first time, but it kind of was. Do you understand that?”

  “Ingram,” he said trying to stop my rant but I wasn’t having it.

  “I’m serious, Mouse. I gave you something that I thought was special. I chose you because I feel deeply for you and when you took it, I thought you felt the same. Then you just like turn ghost on me and leave me feeling hurt and angry and confused.”

  He tried to hold back a chuckle but the tail end of it slipped out. It only made me madder. How could he laugh at me at a time like this? I was laying my heart out here for him.

  “I think you mean ghosted?”

  “What?” I asked him, my face going from harsh to confused.

  “I ghosted you— you know what, that’s not the point.” He shook his head. “May I talk now? I would like to explain a bunch of things to you.”

  “Fine,” I blew out softly. I figured I’d gotten most everything out for now.

  It was then that I saw the dark circles under his eyes. I couldn’t help but to reach out and brush my thumbs over them while I cupped his tired and sad looking face.

  It didn’t go unnoticed by me how his body relaxed under my touch as he let out a deep breath almost as if he’d been holding it in forever.

  “Let’s sit.” I continued to whisper, for some strange reason. He was doing it, so I guessed my mind thought I needed to as well.

  As I stepped around him, I noticed that his room looked very different than the last time I’d seen it.

  There were a bunch of things that hadn’t been there before.

  I was pretty sure I gasped as I saw the playpen sitting next to the bed. And with the diapers and big boxes of formula sitting next to it, I knew these things weren’t for Chry. Not that he used a playpen anymore.

  “Yeah,” he said and I felt his body right behind mine. I spun to face him again. “My life has kind of been turned upside down.”

  “I-is there a baby in there?” I asked dumbly and my voice was shaky even to my own ears.

  He slipped his hand into mine and hesitantly pulled me across the room. I didn’t have to go far before the little tiny bundle appeared.

  “Her name is Sparrow. She’s five days old and she’s… she’s my daughter.” His hand was sweaty in mine and that told me that he was nervous.

  Well, at least now I understood the whispering.

  She jerked and then her mouth fell open with a tiny squeak. Her eyes blinked open and she looked around like she was trying to focus. As her face scrunched up, I knew what was coming next. Oh, I knew it all too well. And a moment later she was crying out with discomfort.

  “Well, that’s one way to greet someone,” Mouse said trying to joke, and then he let his hand slowly slide out of mine as he moved to her.

  Stunned into shock and something else I couldn’t explain, I stood there frozen and watched as he changed her diaper like he’d been doing it all his life. When he was done, he gently picked her up and cradled her to his chest. Then he walked the couple of steps back over to me.

  “Ingram, I’d like you to meet Sparrow. Sparrow, this is the other special lady in my life,” he said looking at his little girl.

  There were tears that filled up my eyes and I wanted nothing more than to hold the cute, little baby.

  “Can I… hold her?” I asked and my arms were reaching out already.

  “Yeah?” He sounded both surprised and hopeful.

  He didn’t hesitate to hand her over and my heart melted the moment she was in my arms.

  I gently sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her. Mouse did the same, his body so close to mine that I could feel the heat radiating off of him.

  I didn’t know what this meant but I understood that it changed everything. I was still hurt, but I just didn’t have it in me to hold onto the anger any longer.

  I sat there for a long time while he told me everything.

  I mean everything.

  He started by talking about Amber, who I knew a little about. I’d seen them together enough to catch onto the fact that they had maybe been dating when I arrived. As he talked, I got the sense that it was a strange kind of relationship and that maybe
he thought he wanted more than she was ready to give.

  It was hard to hear but then again, I was smart enough to see that I didn’t really have any room to say anything. I couldn’t fault him for a life he had before this thing between us expanded.

  He went on to tell me how they ended. I suspected they had since I hadn’t seen her around for a while and I figured Mouse wasn’t the type to touch someone when he was with someone else. Then he told me that he hadn’t talked to her since that night she walked away from him. He didn’t even know that she had been carrying his child.

  I got angry inside for him when he told me that she had no plans of telling him that he had a kid and that she was going to give the baby up for adoption. But then he explained that she’d had a really bad experience with a motorcycle club when she was younger and it sort of messed her up. I could maybe understand her reason behind not wanting her daughter raised in this sort of environment, though I knew these men were nothing short of caring.

  And my heart broke when he told me that she had complications that caused them to pull the baby out early. Amber didn’t make it and Sparrow had to stay in the hospital for five days.

  All this time this was what he was going through. He did it by himself and my heart broke again.

  “I should have called you,” he said. “I wanted to, but there was so much going on and I didn’t really know how to deal with it. And I didn’t see a way that you could still care about me with all of this.”

  “Malcolm,” I said sadly, the tears were threatening to spill over as I looked into his eyes. “I am shocked but I still feel the same for you. I don’t understand how you couldn’t see that I would want to be there for you, no matter what. Isn’t that what love is? To be there for someone whether they need it or not? To care for them even when the unexpected comes along?”

  “You are truly the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, Ingram,” he breathed out and his forehead came to rest against mine while he held my eyes. I would have sworn there was a little wetness to them.

  I didn’t know how to respond to his words so I held Sparrow close and kept silent.

  “I can’t ask this of you,” he said, his breath ghosting over my mouth. “It’s not fair and it’s not right, but I love you and I don’t want my life to be without you.”

  I gasped.

  He said he loved me.

  There were butterflies in my stomach and this time a tear slipped out and rolled down my cheek. He moved to kiss it away. Then his lips hesitantly kissed a little lower. I didn’t stop him. I didn’t want to.

  Another one, and I felt my eyes drift closed.

  And then one right on the corner of my mouth.

  The wait, the anticipation, of feeling his lips on mine was all but killing me.

  Finally, his lips lightly grazed over mine and I tilted my head enough to give him the okay.

  The kiss was soft and sweet. I felt his relief the moment our lips met.

  It was short but the weight of that kiss was heavy. It meant something so deep and I knew I’d never go back.

  “Malcolm,” I said with a wide smile.

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you too.”

  He froze for a second like he wasn’t sure he’d heard me right. Then the biggest, most beautiful smile broke across his face. That smile was the best thing I’d seen in a long time and I was so happy it was me that put it there.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Mouse

  “He’s not going to like this, you know,” I told Ingram as she pulled her phone out to call Ky.

  We’d spent the last few hours talking and holding Sparrow, but now she had it in her head that she was going to stay the night. Her excuse was that I needed to get some sleep and with her here, she said she could take care of Sparrow during the night. I knew that was only part of the reason. But I could admit that her wanting to stay because of me felt good, really fucking too. This was why she needed to call her brother to ask if he didn’t mind taking care of Chry for the night.

  “Maybe I should send him a text message instead,” she said with a giggle.

  I chuckled and shook my head at her. The fact that she always said ‘text message’ was so damn cute.

  Honestly, I didn’t care if Ky drove over here and beat my ass, I’d take it if it meant she would stay.

  Though we were sort of joking, I wasn’t all that sure what Ky would be okay with and what might send him over the edge. I had a feeling that we needed to do things slowly. You know, break Ky into this thing with delicate baby steps and all that. I realized it was ridiculous, but I cared enough about Ingram and Ky that I wanted to make this work.

  “Oh, fuck it,” I said as I pulled out my phone and a second later, it was pressed against my ear. “Hey man, what’s up?”

  “I just stood in the bathroom for twenty minutes because Chry didn’t want to be alone while he pooped. How do you think it’s going?” He didn’t sound angry at all. I could have sworn he was trying hard not to chuckle. “At least I don’t have to deal with diapers like your dumb ass.”

  I guessed Chris had filled him in. Not that I could be mad, I got it. It actually made this a little easier.

  “Yeah.” I let out a huffed laugh that was a little shaky. “I don’t mind it so much, though.”

  “You good?” he asked but it almost came out more like a statement.

  “I’m good,” I told him honestly. I was happy despite all the stress the last few days had brought. “Thanks.”

  “Ingram need to stay a bit longer?”

  My eyes went wide and snapped to look over at Ingram. She stood there looking a little antsy and nervous herself.

  “Is that okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Tell her that we got Chry for the night.”

  “Thanks, brother. I can’t tell you what this means to me.”

  “I know. Not going to throw a party and shit, but I kind of want it to work out. My sister deserves to be happy.” He sounded like he had to choke the words out. But he’d said them and I wasn’t going to let him take it back.

  “Going to try my damnedest to make that happen every day,” I told him but my eyes were pinned on Ingram’s.

  “Next time, you don’t drop her. I don’t give a fuck what you have going on in your life, but if you ever pull that shit again, I will put you in the ground.” He wasn’t joking. Not even a little bit.

  “Lesson learned, brother.” I realized that Ingram was the type of person that would be there for me through anything. Maybe I’d known that all along but I was afraid that I didn’t deserve to have it all. I had been stupid not to reach out to her and my brothers. “Thank you.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I mean it,” I told him with a hint of playfulness in my tone because I really needed to lighten the mood a little.

  “Uh huh.”

  I laughed at his response. He was trying to hold onto that gruff attitude but even I could tell that he was cracking.

  “And Mouse,” he said catching me right before I pulled the phone away from my face to end the call. “No more babies.” He sounded like he wanted to throw up with that statement. I couldn’t hold my laugher in as I pictured his face.

  “I hear you loud and clear, brother.”

  Then he was gone and I filled Ingram in on most of what she missed of the conversation. That was actually easier than I thought it might be.

  “Have you eaten?” she asked.

  “No.” I couldn’t remember the last time that I actually sat down and ate a meal.

  “Alright. I’ll run down to the kitchen and grab us something. I wonder what Abigail made for dinner.”

  She turned to leave and I snagged her wrist gently. I pulled her into me and placed a light kiss on her lips, then let her go with a smile.

  We ate and talked some more. Sparrow slept most of the time only waking to eat and get her diaper changed. Since the doctor had assured that it was normal, I tried not to worry.

  It seemed like half t
he night, Sparrow was either in my arms or in Ingram’s. It almost seemed normal. And that thought may have caused me to see how things would be great with us. Like maybe this all could work out. Of course, there was Chry to consider but one step at a time.

  “She normally sleeps for a few solid hours from midnight to five,” I told Ingram a little while later.

  It was almost nine and I was starting to feel dead on my feet. Ingram kept telling me to go to bed but I didn’t want to just yet. I wanted to enjoy every second that I had with her.

  “Don’t worry about it, Malcolm. I’m here and I will take care of her.”

  “Okay,” I said giving in. “I’m going to shower first.”

  I couldn’t remember the last time that I had.

  Ingram’s lips turned up into a sexy smirk.

  “Don’t do that,” I told her only half jokingly.

  “I have never showered with someone,” she said completely ignoring me. “And I do smell like spit-up.”

  “Ingram,” I warned knowing good and well that if we got in that shower together that I wouldn’t be able to resist taking her no matter how tired I was.

  She wasn’t fazed by my warning as she took my hand.

  “Sparrow,” I told her as one last attempt to halt this.

  “That’s why they make these things. Lucky for you, they not only thought to get one, but set it up and everything for you.”

  She snagged the baby monitor on the dresser and made sure that everything was turned on and good to go.

  My room was small and I didn’t think it was necessary, I was pretty sure I’d hear Sparrow even with the door shut and the water running. But I had that shaky, new parent thing going on, so having that extra security helped.

  I no longer had an excuse not to let Ingram pull me into the bathroom.

  Her eyes were on mine as she began to lift up my shirt. My breath sped up and I locked my knees into place so I wouldn’t close the small distance between us and take her right then and there.

  She flashed me that knowing half-smile the moment my shirt was free.