Running Northwest

by Michael Melville

  After about an hour of Stephanie opening up to Ann and being more honest about her feelings than she had been with anyone even to herself in a long time she finally stopped. She was breathing hard and tears had stained her already rain soaked face. After taking a few minutes to calm down, she looked at Ann and said, “So that’s it, that’s all of it, now you know more than almost anyone. But I have one question for you Ann, how did you know”.

  “Well my dear you were somewhat of a mystery to some people around here that have seen you. Most folks…when they come to Cannon Beach are on vacations and have a significant other with them and occasionally annoying kids that they do not control. Personally, I would prefer they bring their dogs and not their kids, since the dogs have better manners but that is just me. They do the normal tourist things and are always in a hurry because they think they have to rush around these parts. When they do that they end up missing a lot, ignoring the best parts of life around here. They do not see the real reasons why people like Ben and I, Jack and Beth or that crazy Pockets and many others live here year round and why we stay. To most tourists the people that live here are part of the surroundings; they don’t see us as individuals or take the time to get to know us on their visit. Let me tell you one thing honey this town is more than that big rock out there in the water and the cute shops; its heart is deeper than that”

  Stephanie nodded a little and smiled but then said, “I guess I don’t understand though, you said I was a mystery”.

  Ann smiled her wicked knowing smile and then said “you are dear you are. The reason why you are a mystery is that you do not seem interested in too many of those things. You’re not here doing most of the typical touristy stuff, you’re not in a rush and a hurry to get and be somewhere and do something”, Ann said then adding, “Ben and I watch you at night you know…walking up and down the beach down there alone and talking to yourself. We see you sitting on that deck late at night alone with a glass of wine just looking out over the ocean and thinking to yourself. I suppose most people come to these parts to see things and do something out of their normal day-to-day lives that is different. However, you came here to find something I am thinking and we see that and that…is the mystery. You are not the first person that has come here trying to find something that is missing in them and their lives. You may not know what that is yet or how to find it but you will.”

  Stephanie smiled, in some ways she felt like she was talking to her grandmother and in another way; it felt she was talking to her mother. Ann was dead on about her thoughts though and Stephanie was surprised that her actions and what she was doing on the coast were that much out of the ordinary. “So how did you know it had something to do with a man?” Stephanie asked.

  Ann slapped her leg and laughed, “Well I wondered about that anyway since I met you on your first day here. Figured you had just broken up with someone or been broken up with, or gotten a divorce and these things happen. Sometimes this place out here is the best place to start fixing a broken heart and mending a lost soul. That’s why big Tom came out here bout five years ago now, but you know that already,” the old woman said as she waved her arm and pointed towards the sea as she spoke.

  Stephanie felt awkward for a moment and was not sure if Ann was judging her but then she thought better of it. She managed out a thin smile and said, “Yeah, well now you know what was behind it I guess for both of us”

  “Don’t worry Sweetie I don’t think less you, I don’t believe doors close forever, sometimes we just forget how to unlock them that’s all. Oh and I’ll answer your original question better, last night at dinner was a big give away. When Tom and his boy were brought up in the conversation after we saw his shop on the TV and you dropped your wine glass…well I figured there was something there. After we all went home and I checked on you I sat in my lumpy-ass chair at home and thought about it and I put most of it together or pretty sure I did at least” Ann said.

  Stephanie laughed a little “I was afraid I was too obvious about that whole thing.”

  “Yeah well…what are the chances of two people from the same town in Michigan being here at the same time, not very big I’d say Sweetie. Ann said then adding I’m hungry are you hungry?”

  “Yes I’m a little hungry,” Stephanie, answered quietly with more on her mind than food but she did need to eat.

  “Sounds good, I think that little pizza place up the sidewalk there is open and I’m pretty sure they serve liquor and I could use a stiff drink” Ann said looking at Stephanie. Then she wiped a tear off the young lady’s face and added, “hell I think we both could use a drink or two, we can talk more once we get liquored up, you look like hell Sweetie” she finished with an evil laugh.

  Stephanie and Ann got up and started walking up the path past the café and towards the restaurant. When Stephanie stopped and grabbed Ann by the hand. “Ann” she said softly.

  “What’s up dear,” Ann replied smiling.

  “Thank you; I really needed this more than you know. I’m not sure why you came into my life but I’m glad you did” Stephanie said as she reached her arms around the old woman and hugged her.

  “Oh Sweetie, I just hope this old woman can help you out a little bit” Ann said as they stopped hugging and walked into the restaurant for lunch.

  . . .

  Thomas was sitting in the office when he heard the front door open up and the little bell above it jingle. Harley and Layla who had been lying on two large pillows on the floor next to his desk lifted their heads quickly and growled lightly. Then there tails began to wag ever so slowly as an apparently familiar smell entered their noses. He flipped on his TV monitor for the cameras and saw it was Tracie. Looking at his phone he saw it was just after noon; she was late. His heart began beating faster as she made her way thru the shop. She walked into the back storage room and set her coat and purse down not even realizing Thomas was right behind her in his office. He squinted his eyes tightly, cocked his head and watched her; she looked like she was in rough shape.

  “Good morning,” Thomas finally said in his deep bass voice, which caused Tracie to jump nearly out of her boots, reaching for something to use as a weapon before seeing that is was Thomas sitting there.

  “Jesus Christ Thomas you scared the shit out of me” She said then adding “I didn’t even know you were here, I didn’t see your truck outside”

  “Yeah I parked behind the shop today, you’re late, everything okay today,” he asked noticing she made no effort to hug or kiss him and was evading eye contact.

  “Yeah I’m fine, I’m gunna go get to work” She said as she turned to walk away.

  “Hold that thought and have a seat in here” Thomas said not showing any emotion at all.

  Tracie paused at the corner, her back still to Thomas. He could see her sigh deeply and assumed she was rolling her eyes. She turned around and sat in the chair in Thomas’ office.

  After sitting down she petted the head of Layla who was closest to her looked at Thomas and said, “Okay, what’s up” as she glanced around the room.

  “Well for one, we are closed today. Because of the storm and everything going on in town, I don’t see a point in staying open for the day. I have some things here I have to fix here anyway” he said pointing to the busted window.

  “So I drove here for nothing, that’s awesome,” she said sarcastically.

  Thomas was livid inside but did not show it and said, “Tracie, I called you twice over an hour ago and you sent me to voice mail. IF you had answered your phone or at least called me back you would have known not to come in today, but since you haven’t answered any of my phone calls for the last four or five days I wasn’t surprised to get sent to voicemail again”

  She said nothing and just sat there biting her nails. Thomas could not tell what if anything was going on in her head. The chip on her shoulder was already showing and was taking up space in the room that was obvious and Thomas wasn’t gunna just take it.

  “Yeah about
that sorry I was busy and stuff,” Tracie stammered out.

  Obviously, Tracie was acting her age today instead of a grownup, which was not going to make things any easier.

  “Okay fine you were busy sure, all right then Tracie let’s just cut to the chase here so we can get this figured out now and not later; what’s going on with us. Do you want there to be an ‘us’ or what? I am a little old for the head games and drama. You told me you wanted to try this and see what could happen. For some reason that nobody, especially me, understands, you seemed to have flipped on me; now it feels like you’ve changed your mind,” he said looking his supposed girlfriend square in the eye.

  Her face grew redder as the seconds went by and she could feel it. As was her nervous habit, she began tapping her nails on Thomas’ desk. She did not say anything for nearly two minutes as she tried to avoid her boyfriend’s question and glare. In her mind she was hoping for anything; a phone call, a stray customer, even Derrick…anything to put off this whole conversation. Nothing came.

  “What do you want me to say, Thomas? That I’m sorry I didn’t answer calls? That I’m sorry I was being a bitch and ignoring you?” she finally said with a condescending tone.

  Thomas looked at her blankly and said, “Tracie, I’m not expecting an apology. I know who I’m dealing with. I am expecting the decency of some answers, however. It’s rather simple; I just want to know what’s going on and if this relationship is something you want to pursue or not. And if not, I want to know why. I think I deserve that much don’t you? Considering everything that has gone on between us as friends and otherwise. Or is that asking too much?”

  Tracie looked at the man in confronting her, sighed and said, “No, Thomas – this isn’t something I want anymore.”

  “I’m not gunna lie, got that impression. I have been around for a while, and I know what being blown off feels like. So just why exactly do you not want this?”

  Tracie wanted to be careful; she knew she had already upset Thomas with her actions. She loved him as a friend and did not want to lose that, but she was not happy with things. The selfish part of her was also worried about her job; she had seen Thomas fire people for basically looking at him the wrong way. She needed the work. Still, Thomas wanted honesty, so she was as honest as she could be.

  “You’re just…you’re old, Thomas,” she sputtered out. As soon as she did so, she knew it was the wrong thing to say; worded badly at the very least. Either way, it sounded far worse than how she had meant it.

  Twenty Seven

  As he sat in front of Tracie in his cramped office at Sunset Café, Thomas could feel his heart beat faster with what had just came out of Tracie’s mouth.

  Then he thundered out in his deep voice “What does that even mean, what the hell do you mean I’m too old, I’m not too damn old Tracie I’m only 35.”

  “Thomas I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry really,” she replied as she could already see her last paycheck already coming in the mail.

  “Okay then what did you mean?” Thomas asked trying to control his hurt and confusion since only a month or so prior, his age was not an issue for her.

  Tracie made a sort of growling noise that she did while she was trying to think when she was flustered. “Thomas” she began and paused then continuing, “Okay listen; I love being around you and with you, you’re sweet and smart, gentle, protective, good looking and probably the best kisser I have ever met. You are probably one of the most romantic men I have ever known in my life so far Tommy, and maybe ever will. You have a great son and I love watching Daniel and being around him, you are an amazing father.

  Thomas shifted in his chair; he has heard the breakup speech start this way before, many times. He looked down and returned his gaze towards Tracie and said simply “and”.

  “And you’re looking for the whole thing Thomas, someone to be there day in and day out I think. You want someone that wants to be there and see Daniel grow up right there with you. You have this whole structure to your life, a whole way of doing things, which is fine, and there is nothing wrong with that because that is what you and Daniel need. It is what he needs most of all I think considering everything you two have been through. Your life is all about your son and business and that’s how it should be” She said then pausing to collect her thoughts before continuing.

  “But I am 22, and for as much as I care about you and have feelings for you Tommy, I need to be young. I need to do exciting things and I need to go and stay out all night drinking with friends and have fun and make stupid mistakes. That is just not something that you can do and I get that. I could not ever ask you to do those things because it is not who you are and what your life is now. For you walking up and down the beach, in the woods, drinking coffee and sitting in your office here or at the bar with Derrick is how you have fun and relax. I just want more than that, right now at least. I’m just not ready for what you’re looking for and need, I thought I was but I’m not.”

  Thomas looked at her and did not say anything. He understood what she was saying, after talking to Derrick he knew this was her mindset lately he was not surprised hearing it from her. He did appreciate her honesty about it though.

  “There are other things too, I guess but that’s the big thing Tommy,” she said then adding, “We are just looking for two different things I think and that happens. We tried and I’m glad we tried but, I just don’t think it’s something that would last a real long time,” Tracie said as a tear went down her face.

  “So that’s why you have been avoiding talking to me and been so distant the last few weeks?” he asked.

  “Yeah, it was. I wasn’t even sure about it at first. I thought it was just a phase, nervousness or something that I had to work through but it never went away. So I thought about it for a while, I just needed some time to figure things out,” She replied.

  “Well I’ve known you long enough to know I can’t change your mind Tracie. But I have to ask, are you really sure this is what you want and how you want things” Thomas asked as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk.

  “Yeah, I think it’s the way it has to be Tommy” Tracie replied.

  Thomas was quiet for a moment then shook his head up and down a little and said, “I suppose I understand. My situation is not the easiest and the way I live my life is not easy to get used to either I guess” he said then adding, “Well for what it’s worth I’m glad we tried at least”

  Tracie smiled and grabbed Thomas by the hand and said “So I am I Tommy, I really am. You really are a great guy.”

  Thomas stood up and gave Tracie a hug, it was not exactly easy to hear but it was what it was and he knew that, he’s been here before a few times.

  “So we’re good then, we can still be friends and work together?” Tracie asked.

  “I think we will be fine Tracie. Daniel will be happy about this maybe, he will have his girlfriend back all to himself” Thomas said with a laugh.

  However, in his mind he knew things were going to be awkward and weird for a while between the Tracie and him. Thomas learned the hard way many years ago with a girl named Jade that it is never easy to go back to normal after dating someone who had been a close friend and it not working out. Stephanie was another example of that sort of situation gone badly.

  Tracie turned to walk out of the office but spun around and said, “by the way I have question I’ve wanted to ask for like three weeks now and I was reminded about it the other day.”

  “Yeah what’s up” Thomas said as he was looking at an order form he picked up trying to get his mind off what just happened.

  “That woman in the picture you keep in your room. Not Daniel’s mother but the other one, the one you were on the beach with. Who is she?” Tracie asked with an inquisitive tone.

  Thomas was quiet; he assumed that at some point in time Tracie saw the picture of him and Stephanie since she was there often. However, she never brought it up before surprisingly enough. He tho
ught for a moment for the best way to answer.

  “Oh she’s…an old friend I suppose. Someone from my past she’s sort of the reason I came back to the Oregon Coast in the first place I guess you could say,” He answered nervously then following up with his own question, “Why, what’s up?”

  “Well I noticed the picture like I said a few weeks back. I didn’t go in your room that often if ever until we started dating and didn’t pay much attention to it. Does she live out here in Oregon?” Tracie asked.

  Thomas was looking down at the same paper and calmly said, “Umm no, she lives back in Michigan I assume. We sort of lost touch I guess you could say, why?”

  “Well the other morning when I was working this woman came in and she was all chatty and crap about your Sinatra music, but she looked just like her. It was weird but probably just one of those random things. So I just wondered if she lived here and who she was. Not a big deal I guess she probably wasn’t even the same person if she lives in Michigan,” Tracie said.

  Thomas set the paper down and got lost in thought looking at his white office wall. He was thinking about what Tracie had just told him. Between the woman on the beach, the perfume he smelled outside the coffee shop up and in Cannon Beach and now this, he did not know what was going on.

  “Thomas, you okay?” She asked genuinely concerned.

  He snapped back into it and said, “Sorry Hun, my mind just went somewhere else I guess. Go ahead and get out of here for the day, I can take care of stuff here. I will probably go over to The Whaleback and check on Derrick in a bit when I go to the hardware store.”

  “Okay as long as you’re sure you don’t need help, I don’t mind” Tracie said.