So he let his anger fuel him. Letting his rage run free kept the other, less desirable emotions at bay. If he was angry, he didn’t have to feel devastated, or uncertain, or worst of all, guilty. He didn’t have to deal with the small but vocal part of himself that believed that Bri would never betray him like that, that she was in fact telling the truth, and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and he needed to rush over and beg her to take him back. He didn’t have to deal with the fact that he was completely miserable, and he felt like half of his soul was missing, and the better half at that. He didn’t have to admit that she was still constantly in his thoughts, and in his dreams every night.
And he didn’t have to deal with the piece of him that believed that he was partly responsible for what had happened, that believed he had pushed Bri away.
No, being angry was much easier than having to deal with all of that.
And even if he did bear part of the blame, he didn’t know if he’d be able to repair the damage he’d already caused. So it was easier to keep believing that Bri was a cheater and a liar, and Seb was a grade-A douche bag.
But his anger and betrayal could only carry him so far. He needed distractions to keep those other unsavory emotions from rearing their ugly heads. Luckily, Jordan was an expert at providing distractions, and thanks to his ADD, he always had something planned and was more than happy to include Cole. So between parties, bars, and clubs, Cole had managed to relegate Bri to the periphery of his thoughts at least. He hadn’t been able to banish her completely.
There was only one place where he had no choice but to face her. She was there, front and center, cheering at each of his home games. She usually cheered under the basket next to his team, but she’d managed to move to the opposite side of the court, which helped… a little. Unfortunately, she was still impossible to ignore. When she wasn’t taunting him with her body in those tight, sexy outfits, she was following him with her eyes, which he could feel from across the court. It was torture. It got so bad, he began praying for more away games; they were his only reprieve.
Despite his personal life going to hell, he somehow managed to remain focused enough on the basketball court to keep the team winning. If anyone had noticed a slip in his performance, they hadn’t said anything. Everyone was preoccupied with the season, which was shaping up to be one of Duke’s best.
One cold Sunday morning, Cole was up early. He hadn’t been able to sleep and was feeling restless. Deciding a good long run would help sort himself out, he bundled up against the brisk North Carolina air, and stepped out into the first rays of morning sunshine.
Before he could close the door, he heard a noise that made him pause. Two doors down, Matt’s door opened and Bri stepped out. Cole’s heart stopped as Matt followed her. They were both disheveled and sleep rumpled. Bri smiled up at Matt, wrapped her arms around him, and Cole’s stomach bottomed out. She pulled back and said something that Cole couldn’t hear, then went up on her tiptoes to give Matt a kiss on the cheek.
Having seen enough, and not wanting to be seen, Cole forced himself out of his paralysis, and slipped soundlessly back inside his room. He stood, rooted to his spot inside the door, until he saw Bri walk past his window. She paused and looked his way, before she tightened her coat and continued by.
Cole’s mind started spinning, and he stumbled to the couch. Bri had spent the night with Matt. His heart began pounding in disbelief and rage. Not only had she slept with Seb, she’d apparently moved on to Matt, too. He felt a roar of anger tear through him, and he was glad Jordan wasn’t there to wake up. How could she do this to him? Was she trying to prove some kind of sick, sadistic point? Was she deliberately trying to hurt him?
He doubled over as anguish engulfed him. His heart felt like it was being torn from his chest, and he was left there to slowly, bleed out. He had never felt such acute pain before. Bri, the only girl he’d ever loved, the girl who professed to love him so completely, had just proven that she really didn’t give a shit about him. How could she, if she was sleeping with his friends just to shove it in his face.
No, he’d been stupid to believe her, stupid to so blindly give her his heart like he had. Well, he’d learned that painful lesson, and it wasn’t a mistake he’d ever make again.
Two could play at this game. Burying his pain under his mounting anger, he smiled a mirthless grin. She was being deliberately hurtful. Well, he could hurt her back. And he knew just how to do it.
That night he declined Jordan’s offer to go hang out with some friends. Instead, he walked down to the dance team’s dorms. He climbed the stairs, strode right past Bri’s room, forcing himself not to care whether or not she was home, and stopped outside Jillian’s door.
Jillian had been working her way through the basketball team, and Cole didn’t know who she was currently dating, nor did he care. She’d made it obvious that she would be available if he ever decided he wanted to start something. Well, he didn’t exactly want to start something, but he definitely wanted to prove something.
Ignoring the part of him screaming that this was the worst thing he could possibly do, that there would be no coming back from this, that he needed to turn around right now and walk away, he lifted his hand and knocked on the door.
A moment later Jillian opened it, surprise flashing on her face before a knowing grin appeared.
“Cole. I must say, I wasn’t expecting you to be knocking on my door. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Her eyes drank him in greedily, and he forced himself to repress a shudder. Steeling his nerves and his resolve, he gave her a lazy grin.
“I was in the neighborhood,” he shrugged. “Can I come in, or is this a bad time?” He looked past her, trying to see if anyone else was there.
“Lacey,” Jillian called, not taking her eyes off Cole. “Go find something to do.”
“What?” Jillian’s roommate answered from inside. “What am I supposed to do on a Sunday night?”
“I really don’t care. You just can’t be here.” She finally turned her attention from Cole to glare at Lacey. “Get out. Now.”
“Fine,” Lacey huffed angrily, and stormed to the door. She froze when she saw Cole, her mouth dropping open.
Jillian pushed her out the door. “And don’t come back any time soon.”
Lacey walked down the walkway, her eyes wide and confused as she watched Cole. He gave her an indifferent smile, then turned back to Jillian, who was also watching him. She moved aside, and motioned for him to come in.
“So,” she began, shutting the door and leaning against it. “What brings Cole Marra to my door? Surely your girlfriend would object if she knew you were here. Does she know you’re here?” Jillian’s eyes gleamed wickedly.
“I’d have to have a girlfriend to care.” He turned and looked at Jillian meaningfully. A slow, satisfied smile spread across her face, and for a moment he felt sick. That pesky part of him was still begging him to leave, before things went any further. He silenced that nagging voice with a surge of righteous anger. He wasn’t doing anything that Bri hadn’t already done herself, multiple times. They weren’t together anymore, so what he was doing wasn’t technically wrong. He quickly silenced that part that was yelling that this was wrong, for many, many reasons.
“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” Jillian stepped closer. “I knew you’d get tired of her eventually. I mean, she’s just so bland, and boring, and so dammed condescending. I knew she wouldn’t hold your attention for long. I just had to wait out the inevitable.”
Ire spike through him at the way Jillian was talking about Bri, but he tamped it down. One thing was clear though, if he was going to do this, he had to get Bri out of his head.
“Yes, well apparently you didn’t have to wait long. You wouldn’t happen to have anything to drink, would you?” He gave her a charming smile.
“Sure. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, and I’ll be right back.” She walked back to her bedroom, and reappeared a moment later with a
large bottle of liquor. Grabbing a couple of glasses, she sat down next to him, offering him the bottle. He poured himself a large glass, and tipped it at her before chugging the whole thing down. Jillian eyed him, but didn’t say anything as she poured and sipped her own.
“So, you and Bri really broke up?”
“Does it matter? I’m here aren’t I?” He poured himself another.
“No, it doesn’t matter. I just love the idea that Bri’s perfect little world has come crumbling down around her. She was so certain that nothing would ever come between you two. It was really quite annoying, listening to her go on and on about it. There were times I wanted to smack her just to shut her up.”
Cole felt his anger at Jillian spiking again, and finished off his second glass.
“You know what,” he looked at her. “Let’s not talk about Bri anymore. In fact, I don’t want to ever hear her name again, okay?”
“Okay,” Jillian smiled and finished her drink. “So, what do you want to talk about?”
“Who says I want to talk?” The alcohol was buzzing through him, wiping away rational thought, and removing his reluctance and hesitation.
“Then, why are you here?” Jillian gave him a coy smile.
“You know why I’m here,” he gave her his cocky smirk.
“Yes, I think I do.” She gazed at him a moment, lust obvious in her eyes. She stood, and walked back to her bedroom. She turned around and raised her eyebrow. “Well, are you coming?”
This was it, this was his last chance to change his mind and walk away. Part of him wanted to. Part of him recoiled in horror over what he was about to do, to himself and to Bri. But his anger and vindictiveness were all consuming, no doubt aided by the alcohol, and the desire to hurt her like she’d hurt him won out over everything else.
He stood, and followed Jillian to her room.
Chapter 23
Bri walked into dance practice Monday night and was immediately accosted by Jillian’s shrill laughter. There were a cluster of girls around her, listening raptly as Jillian told some story. Bri walked by them, not paying Jillian any mind, but she caught sight of Lacey, Jillian’s roommate, and paused. Lacey’s eyes got big with worry when she saw Bri, and she looked back and forth between Bri and Jillian apprehensively. Something was wrong.
Bri looked back at Jillian, finally listening to what she was saying.
“I knew he couldn’t resist me forever. I knew it was just a matter of time before he got bored and came looking for me. So I wasn’t terribly surprised to find him at my door last night.”
Uninterested in Jillian’s latest conquest, and unsure what Lacey was trying to tell her, Bri turned to walk away.
“It took a little longer than I thought it would for him to get tired of Bri, but let me tell you, Cole Marra was worth the wait.”
Bri’s heart stopped, and she spun around. She had to have heard wrong. Jillian did not just say what Bri thought she’d said.
Jillian was watching her, a malicious smirk on her face. “What? You didn’t know I was banging your ex?”
Bri recoiled a step, her mind refusing to believe it. “No. That’s not possible. He would never…” she trailed off as Jillian laughed. Bri’s stomach dropped, and she couldn’t breathe.
“Oh, I assure you, it’s very possible.”
“You’re lying.” Anger spiked through Bri and she stepped into Jillian’s face. “Why? What are you trying to do?”
Jillian glared down at her smugly. “Oh, I’m not lying. Cole came to me. And he came very willingly.”
Bri’s pulse began pounding in her ears, and all rational thought left her. Fury roared through her, demanding that she finally put Jillian in her place. Instinctively she pulled back her fist, ready to wipe that satisfied smirk off Jillian’s repulsive face.
“Bri!” Stephanie yelled. She and Stacie ran up and grabbed her arms, pulling her back.
Bri fought against them, trying to get to Jillian. The girl had been asking for a beat down since the day they met, and Bri’s furious rage was begging her to give Jillian what she deserved. Addison stepped in front of her, looking into Bri’s eyes, begging her to calm down and listen.
“You can’t do this, Bri,” Addison pressed. “Yes, she deserves it, but you’ll get kicked off the team, and suspended from school. Or worse. Please,” she begged quietly, “walk away.”
Bri glared daggers at Jillian as she forced herself to calm down. After a moment, when she was sure she was in control enough not to attack the bitch, she nodded at Stacie and Stephanie, who finally released her.
Seeing that the danger was over, Jillian grinned evilly.
“So,” she turned back to her groupies. “Who wants to hear all the details? I promise that whatever you’ve imagined doesn’t come close to comparing with the real thing. Right, Bri?” She smirked and sauntered away.
Bri stood there, chest heaving, as everything shattered around her.
“Bri?” Stephanie put a hand on her arm comfortingly. “Are you okay?”
“No,” she managed to say. “I can’t stay for practice. Tell Tanya that I’m sick or something, but I have to get out of here.” She turned and bolted from the gym, trying to ignore the sad, pitying gazes of her friends. She stopped outside to catch her breath.
Cole had slept with Jillian.
She was certain that Cole didn’t give a crap about Jillian, which meant that he’d only done it to hurt her. She didn’t want to believe he’d do that, that he’d be that callous and cruel, but Jillian’s smug-ass gloating proved that he had. Bri doubled over, afraid she was going to be sick. If Cole had done this to be purely vindictive, he couldn’t have been more effective.
Bri stood slowly, white hot anger shooting through her. She knew he was upset about what he thought had happened between her and Seb, but that didn’t give him any right to be this brutally hurtful. She didn’t care how angry he was, he didn’t get to treat her this way and get away with it.
The ringing of her phone pulled her out of her vengeful thoughts. She saw that Matt was calling, and after a moment of deliberation, decided to answer.
“Hey.” Matt’s voice sounded strange, like he was stuffed up with a cold or something.
“Are you alright?” she asked, concerned.
“Not exactly. Have you talked to Cole lately? Do you know what his freaking problem is?” Matt’s nasally voice rose with anger.
“No, why?”
“After Saturday night, I decided to try to talk some sense into the stupid prick. So I pulled him aside before practice tonight and asked if I could talk to him about what’s going on with you two, and the guy freaking punched me in the nose! What the hell, Bri? What did I do to piss him off?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since… since I got back from California.” Cole had been avoiding her since their confrontation. She kept hoping he would come to his senses, but he was taking his sweet time pulling his head out of his butt. “You know as much as I do.”
“Great. So Cole mysteriously has it out for me for some unknown reason. As if things couldn’t possibly get any worse.”
“I’m so sorry, Matt.” Bri’s mind was spinning. Why would Cole attack Matt like that? Matt was his closest friend here at Duke. It seemed that Cole had a lot to answer for. “I’ll talk to him. There are a few things I need to discuss with him also.”
“Bri, are you okay?” Matt didn’t miss the steel in her voice, and he sounded worried. “What happened?”
“I’ll tell you later. Right now, you don’t need anything else to worry about. How are you doing?”
“I’m… managing,” he sighed, and Bri could hear his sadness and pain. “Is Stacie at practice? Did you see her?”
“Yeah,” she replied reluctantly. “I’m not feeling well, so I’m not staying for practice, or I’d talk to her for you.”
“You don’t have to do that. She made her choice, and nothing that you or I say will change her mind. Wait,” he said suspiciously. “Y
ou don’t sound sick. Why aren’t you staying for practice? What aren’t you telling me?”
Bri smiled to herself. Leave it to Matt to be more concerned about her, when his whole world was falling apart. Although, her whole world was falling apart, too. They now had that in common. Her heart clenched at the thought.
“I promise to tell you everything later, okay? But right now, I need to talk to Cole. Is he still at practice?”
“No. After he punched me, Coach sent him home to cool off. He should be in his room. Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. This is something I need to do alone. But I’ll call you tonight and check in, okay?”
“Okay. Just be careful. He was in a really bad mood already. I don’t know what’ll happen if you provoke him.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Bri said grimly. “It’s Cole you should be worried about.”
She stormed off for Cole’s dorm, not even bothering to stop and change out of her dance clothes. As she walked, Bri stoked her anger, letting it burn away any other emotions she was feeling. She needed that anger. Without it she would be a pathetic, blubbering mess, and she could not confront Cole in that state. She let her anger and betrayal fuel her, hanging on to them like her life depended on it.
She reached Cole’s door, and knocked. When he didn’t answer after a minute, she pounded angrily until he finally cracked the door. His eyes widened in surprise, before annoyed disinterest fell back over his face.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“We need to talk.” Bri pushed by him and into his room without waiting for an invitation.
“Fine.” He shut the door and sat on the couch.
Bri remained standing, glaring at him while she tried to decided where to start.
“What?” Cole finally snipped.
“You been a busy little bee lately,” she ground out, anger lacing every syllable. “Buzzing around, leaving chaos and destruction in your wake.”
Certified Disaster (Beautiful Mess Book 2) Page 23