Bri stood motionless, captured by the intensity in his eyes. She couldn’t have made herself step away from him even if she’d wanted to. And in that moment, she wasn’t sure she did. His pain and anguish called to her, mirroring the turmoil in her own soul. She wanted nothing more than to sooth away both of their pain. She desperately needed a small moment of reprieve from her heartache, even if it was only temporary. She wanted to feel that she mattered to someone again. She wanted to feel loved.
And so, when Seb leaned down to kiss her, she didn’t pull away.
His lips brushed hers softly, seeking permission. When she didn’t stop him, they became more insistent, and she found herself kissing him back. All of the emotions that had been swirling around inside of her for the past week came pouring out, and she was caught up in the whirlwind. Her arms wrapped up around his neck and he pulled her tighter against him. Their kissing intensified, and for a moment, she forgot about everything else.
Then her brain woke up, and started screaming at her that this was wrong. She didn’t feel this way about Seb, and she was only hurting him more by making him think that she did. And what about Cole? Reality came crashing down as she realized what she was doing. She couldn't betray him like this. Even though he might not want her anymore, she still wanted him, and she couldn’t jeopardize that.
“Seb, wait.” She finally managed to push back from him, and stepped out of his arms. “We can’t, this is wrong. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” She chanced a glance at him, and the confusion and disappointment on his face broke her heart, again. But he quickly recovered, shaking it off.
“No, it’s my fault. I know you don’t feel that way about me, but I had to take a chance. Just once.” He gave her a sad smile.
“I care about you, Seb. I really do. You’re my best…”
“Don’t say it,” he interrupted her. “I don’t think I can handle the “F” word right now.”
“But you are,” she pressed. “And more importantly, you’re Cole’s best friend. I would never want to compromise that. You two are like brothers, and I can’t come between you. I won’t. I don’t know how I’d live with myself if I caused a falling out between the two of you. So, even if Cole and I are no more, I can’t offer you anything more than my friendship.” Her eyes begged him to understand.
Finally Seb let out a sigh, and the tension in his shoulders released.
“I know,” he relented. “And I promise, I won’t ask for anything more than that. So,” he looked away uncomfortably, “can we just pretend this never happened?”
“No,” she reached out and took his hand. “I don’t want to pretend it never happened. It would just make things really awkward between us, and right now I can’t handle that.” She couldn’t. She needed him right now, needed his support, and concern, and comfort. She didn’t think she’d be able to survive this uncertainty with Cole without Seb’s help. She couldn’t lose both of them. “We can agree to move past it, though; acknowledge it and move on. Do you think you could do that?”
“I think so,” he nodded. “It’s not like I have a whole lot of options, anyway.” He stepped back, pulling his hand from hers. “So, you look tired.”
“Yeah,” she gave a humorless laugh. “I’m exhausted.”
“Why don’t you take the bed, then, and I’ll go crash downstairs on the couch.”
Suddenly, the thought of being left all alone with her thoughts and emotions had her panicking.
“Seb, wait,” she stopped him at the door. “I know I don’t have any right to ask this, and if I’m overstepping my bounds, I’m sorry, but…” She took a deep breath. “Would you stay with me tonight? I really don’t want to be alone right now.”
She held her breath and waited for him to answer.
“You want me to stay?” He gave her a half smile.
“If you want to,” she shrugged timidly. “And if you don’t mind sleeping on the floor.” Then she thought about what she was asking, and realized how selfish she sounded. “You know what, never mind. Why would you want to sleep on the floor when there are a lot more comfortable places to sleep. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Bri,” he stopped her. “It’s okay. I want to stay.”
“Really?” she asked with a hopeful smile.
“Really.”
Bri threw Seb a couple of pillows and blankets from the bed, before she climbed under the sheets. After they had each settled in, Bri rolled over to look at him.
“Thank you, for everything,” she said softy.
“You’re welcome,” he smiled back at her. “Bri?”
“Hmm?”
“I know how much Cole loves you, and I know how much you love him. You two will work this out.”
“Thanks, Seb. I’m really glad you're here. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Bri rolled over, putting her back to Seb, and her mind rolled over his words as she drifted off to sleep. She just hoped he was right.
The next morning Bri woke early, the sun trying to peek its way through the curtains. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her lack of sleep, and she felt stiff all over. What she really needed was a long, hot shower.
She slipped out of bed as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake Seb, who was breathing gently on the floor. She tiptoed out the door, closing it behind her as softly as possible. She stood for a moment, her hand still on the nob, trying to summon the courage and energy to face another day. She turned away from Seb’s door, just as Claire stepped out of the room they were sharing down the hall. Claire froze as she saw Bri, her eyes darting between her and Seb’s door.
Stunned, Bri’s mind went blank. She stood there frozen, not knowing how to explain to Claire what had happened last night. Then, she heard the door open, and Seb stepped into the hall, sleep ruffled and very, very shirtless.
“Bri, I found these on the floor. I thought you might need them.” He smiled as he held out her shoes and cardigan.
Bri’s heart began pounding in earnest, and panic gripped her. Her eyes shot to Claire, who was watching the two of them with wide, round eyes. Bri could only just stand there, feeling very much like a deer caught in headlights.
Seb followed Bri’s gaze and he took a startled step back as he saw Claire.
“Claire, hey,” he tried to smile at her. Claire’s eyes narrowed angrily. “Wait,” he held up his free hand. “I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t what it looks like. Tell her, Bri.” He turned imploring eyes on her.
“Um…” That was all Bri’s shock ridden, paralyzed mind could come up with. She could only look helplessly back and forth between Claire and Seb.
“Right,” Claire scoffed angrily, holding up her phone and snapping a quick picture of Bri and Seb. “It’s not what it looks like. Except that Bri was gone all night, and I find her in the morning stumbling out of your room, where she obviously spent the night. If it’s not what it looks like, what exactly is it?” Claire crossed her arms challengingly.
Seb looked at Bri.
“Uh…” Damn her stupid brain. It was going to ruin everything.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Claire stormed past them and stomped down the stairs. Far too late, Bri finally recovered her ability to speak.
“Claire, wait!” she called, and chased her down the stairs. She caught Claire just before she’d made it to the kitchen. “Stop, I can explain.” Claire spun on her, fury burning in her eyes.
“Explain what? How you cheated on Cole and slept with my brother; who also happens the be the closest thing to a brother Cole has? Yes, please Bri, explain that to me.” The disgust and anger in Claire’s eyes had Bri backing up a step. She’d never seen Claire even get mad, let alone this furious.
“Claire, I promise, this is just a big misunderstanding. I didn’t… sleep with Seb.” Bri almost choked on the words, they were so wrong.
“I’m not stupid, Bri. I know what I saw. How could you?” Tears glistened in Claire’s eye
s. “How could you do that to Cole? I didn’t think you were the kind of person who would do something like this. Obviously, I was wrong” She shook her head, glaring disgustedly at Bri.
“Claire, wait, you’ve got it all wrong,” she started desperately. “Cole and I… we…”
“Save it, Bri,” Claire interjected. “I’m not the one you owe an explanation to.”
Claire turned on her heel and stormed away, leaving Bri gaping after her.
Chapter 22
Bri was a nervous wreck, unable to enjoy the rest of her week with her family. Claire had refused to talk to her or Seb, even though they both had tried numerous times to explain what had really happened. Claire was having none of it. And what was worse, Bri was practically certain that Claire had told Cole what she’d walked in on that morning. Even though she knew she was innocent, fear of Cole’s reaction was drilling a hole into her stomach. Her dad had tried to find out what was bothering her, but she couldn’t bear to talk about it, and her emotional turmoil tainted the rest of her time with her family.
As her plane got closer to Durham, a vice began tightening around her heart. Her mind kept spinning through the different reactions Cole could have, and most didn’t end well. Stacie picked her up from the airport, and drove her home. Bri didn’t trust herself to speak, and Stacie seemed to be in a pensive mood too, so the drive back to Duke was mostly silent.
It wasn’t very late when she got home, and she was fairly sure Cole would still be up. Unable to bear the uncertainty any more, she dropped off her bags and immediately headed over to Cole’s. She hadn’t talked to him for over two weeks, and she was scared to death to knock on his door, not knowing what would happen when he answered. A huge part of her really hoped he wouldn’t be home. But she knew she had to talk to him, no matter how much she dreaded it. She needed to know if he’d heard from Claire. And if he had, she needed to set things straight, get him to listen to her before he got too upset.
Plus, she was still angry at him for brushing her off and ignoring her for two weeks. She needed to vent all of her hurt feelings, and he needed to know that it wasn’t okay for him to treat her that way.
They both had a lot to answer for. She just hoped that they could get it all worked out tonight. She didn’t know how much longer she could keep living like this.
Her heart was pounding by the time she reached his door. She knocked lightly, her hand shaking. When no one answered she tried again, pounding more insistently this time. A moment later the door opened, and Cole glowered at her from the doorway. She had expected him to be upset, but she wasn’t prepared for the animosity in his glare as he looked her over. Yep, he was well beyond angry. This wasn’t a good sign. But she was too desperate to explain things to him to let that deter her.
“Hi,” she said hesitantly. “I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”
He turned without a word and sat on the couch. Taking that as permission, she closed the door behind her. She went to sit on the couch next to him, but the look on his face told her that would be a very bad idea. Instead, she stayed standing where she was, unsure how to proceed.
“So, talk,” Cole said curtly.
“Um,” she laughed nervously. “Now that I’m here, I don’t know where to start.”
“Why don’t I start things off, then. I got a very interesting call from Claire the other day.” He eyed her pointedly.
“You talked to Claire?” She felt all color drain from her face.
“Yes, and she preceded to tell me a very interesting story about how she caught you sneaking out of Seb’s room one morning. Why don’t you start there.” He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes cold and hard.
“Okay, you have to listen to me…”
“Oh, I’m all ears over here,” he broke in.
“No, I mean you have to really listen. What I’m going to tell you is the absolute truth, I swear it.”
“Oh, this should be good.” He made himself more comfortable, then gave her a sarcastic wave. “Please, go on.”
“Nothing happened between me and Seb that night,” she began desperately. “We didn’t do anything.”
“So you’re telling me you didn’t spend the night with him?” He arched an eyebrow.
“Well, no…”
“So you admit it. You did spend the night with him.”
“No! I mean, yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.” She was getting frustrated. This was not going well.
“Oh? And what am I thinking?” He raised a daring brow at her.
“I didn’t sleep with him,” she stated emphatically. “I stayed in his room, but we didn’t…”
Cole barked out a laugh. “You expect me to believe that you two shared a room, but nothing at all happened?” He looked at her incredulously.
She knew she needed to tell him everything, but dang it, this was not going to help her case at all.
“Okay, something did happen.” She swallowed nervously. “We kissed, but that’s all, I swear.”
“You kissed him?” Cole roared.
“But I didn’t sleep with him!” she defended. “I know what Claire thought she saw, but that wasn’t what happened.”
Cole didn’t seem to have heard her.
“You kissed Seb? While we were still together?” Pain broke through his voice for a moment, but he covered it quickly. “I know he’s had a thing for you for a while now. I just never knew you were so generous with your affections,” he finished harshly.
“Wait a minute,” Bri’s anger flared, putting her on the defensive. “You broke up with me. We weren’t together anymore. Technically, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
That was so the wrong thing to say. Cole’s eyes widened with disbelief, and fury colored his cheeks.
“You didn’t do anything wrong?” he fumed. “And I did not break up with you. I said we needed to take a break, and that we would talk when you got back.”
“How was I supposed to know what that meant? You wouldn’t talk to me. You didn’t call or text. For over two weeks you refused to even acknowledge my existence.”
“I needed some space to think through some things. That’s not breaking up with you.”
“Well, it sure as hell felt like it to me! You have no idea what you’ve put me through these past two weeks.” Her eyes glistened with tears, but she angrily refused to let them fall. “You broke my heart, Cole.”
“So you felt justified in sleeping with my best friend,” he growled.
“I told you, I didn’t sleep with him!” She was on the verge of losing control. She just wasn’t sure which emotion, anger or grief, would take over when she did.
“Claire sent me a picture, Bri.” He held up his phone. Sure enough, the picture Claire had taken was on his screen. “You two look guilty as sin. You’ve already been lying to me about your latent feelings for him. Why would I be stupid enough to believe you about this?”
“I don’t have latent feelings for Seb,” she protested.
“You kissed him! You have to have some pretty strong feelings to kiss another guy when you are with someone you claim to love.” His chest rose and fell with his quickening breath.
Things were spiraling out of control. Bri pleaded with her eyes for him to believe her, but she was shocked and saddened to find that the love that she was so used to seeing in those beautiful gray eyes was nowhere to be found. She saw only anger and betrayal, and what was left of her heart shattered.
“Please, Cole, you have to believe me,” she whispered desperately, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“I can’t,” he replied, and his mask of anger cracked. Beneath it, she saw his grief and pain. She moved towards him, desperate to sooth and reassure him, but he held up a hand, stopping her in place. “I’m done, Bri. It’s over.”
“What? No!” She rushed over to him. “No, Cole, we can work through this. I know we can. Once we both calm down…”
“Bri, you slept with another man!” he yelled, sile
ncing her. “And not just any other man, but Seb. My best friend. This isn’t something you come back from. I can’t… I can’t ever forgive you for this.”
“This is just a big misunderstanding,” she pleaded desperately. “You’ll see that when you can think clearly. Please, don’t do something we’ll both regret.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t even look at you anymore. It’s time for you to go.” He stood and walked over to the door.
“So, that’s it?” she half laughed, half sobbed. “You’re giving up? You’re just done?” She refused to believe it.
“You gave up on us first,” he replied wearily, opening the door.
Having no other options, she stood and walked to the door. She stopped on the threshold and turned to him, tears streaming down her face. Fierce determination was the only thing holding her together.
“No. We both know that you are the one who gave up on us first. But I’m not giving in that easily. One of these days you are going to see that I am telling the truth, and you’ll realize what a huge mistake you’ve made. You’d better pray that day comes soon, because I can wait for you, but I won’t wait forever.” She turned away and walked out the door. She refused to let him watch her crumble as he tore her world apart.
Two weeks had passed since he’d broken up with her, but the intensity of Cole’s anger and betrayal hadn’t faded.
He tried his best not to run into Bri on campus, but he couldn’t avoid her entirely. And every time he saw her, the combination of sadness and hope on her face was like a punch to the gut. She hadn’t tried to talk to him again, but she would watch him, her eyes begging him to come back to her.
He couldn’t though. He couldn’t forgive her for sleeping with Seb. He would never forgive her for it. Nor would he forgive Seb for stabbing him in the back like that. He refused to talk to Seb, even though Seb had been phone stalking him for the past two weeks. He hadn’t responded, and had deleted every message Seb left. He had no desire to listen to Seb lie and try to deny what happened, or worse, justify it. Bri and Seb could continue to plead innocence until they were blue in the face, but Cole wasn’t buying it for a minute.
Certified Disaster (Beautiful Mess Book 2) Page 22