Certified Disaster (Beautiful Mess Book 2)

by Preston, Jennifer

  “What are you talking about?” he asked, exasperated.

  “I’m talking about you punching Matt. I’m talking about you…,” she couldn’t make herself say it, “and Jillian.”

  “You heard about that?” Cole’s face paled slightly, and Bri felt a flare of satisfaction.

  “Jillian was bragging about it when I walked into dance tonight.”

  “That was fast,” he ran a hand through his hair, but otherwise looked unconcerned. “So?”

  Something in Bri’s heart snapped.

  “How could you?” She couldn’t hide the pain in her voice. She felt tears threatening and closed her eyes to force them back. She opened them again, and found Cole glaring at her.

  “Oh, like you’re one to talk. I haven’t done anything that you haven't already. The only difference is that I haven’t done anything wrong. We broke up. I can see whoever I want.”

  “But Jillian? You said yourself that she was completely repulsive. You don’t care about her, you don’t even like her. So why would you do it?” She looked at him, pleading with him to tell her she was wrong, that this was just a misunderstanding.

  “Why do you think, Bri,” he scoffed.

  “I told you, I didn’t sleep with Seb. He’s been trying to tell you that, too, but you won’t let either of us explain. Besides, that was weeks ago. Why Jillian, why now?”

  “I know, Bri,” he stated flatly. His eyes held her with such intensity she couldn’t look away. What she saw there rocked her to her core.

  “You know what?” she asked, completely confused.

  “I know about Matt,” his voice rose angrily. “I caught you sneaking out of his room yesterday morning. I know you spent the night with him. So, I figured that if you were going to sleep with all of my friends to hurt me, the least I could do was return the favor. Only, I knew that the best way to hurt you was through Jillian. So, I did.” He gave her a satisfied smirk, but his eyes were cold orbs, full of anger and pain and…

  Bri gasped and took an involuntary step back at the hate in Cole’s eyes. She never in her life expected him to look at her like that, like he totally despised her. Seeing it, she felt something in her heart die.

  “You think I slept with Matt, so you slept with Jillian to get back at me? And then you punched Matt, because you thought…” She shook her head sadly, everything finally making sense. She swallowed back all of the painful emotions trying to force their way to the surface. She couldn’t’t deal with them yet. If she did, she’d break apart right there, and there’d be no pulling herself back together.

  Cole didn’t love her, not really. If he really loved her, he never would’ve been able to do something so horrible. If he really loved her, he would’ve given her at least a little bit of trust and worked to find the truth. But he didn’t. And he must not have thought that she really loved him, either. If he knew that she loved him, he wouldn’t even have to question her fidelity. He never would have believed her capable of betraying him. Her stomach dropped as she realized that their whole relationship had been built on an illusion.

  She forced herself to look up at him, to meet his eyes. She hoped that he could see the honesty in hers, though she knew it wouldn’t make any difference now.

  “I didn’t sleep with Matt. Stacie broke up with him Saturday night, and he was devastated. He was in really bad shape, and I was too worried to leave him alone. I was worried he’d do something stupid, or dangerous. So, yes, I spent the night at his place, but I slept on the couch. Nothing happened between us.”

  “Right,” Cole laughed harshly. “Like I’m supposed to believe that Matt, the campus man-whore, was that upset about yet another break up? No, I think it’s much more likely that he was trying to stick it to Stacie with a little pay-back, rebound sex. And you were all too willing to help him out.”

  “Is that what you think of me? That I’d just go hop into bed with whoever offers?” Bri was outraged. How could he think so little of her.

  “If the shoe fits,” he shrugged. “But don’t worry, I’m over it. You can do whoever you want. I don’t care anymore. We had our fun, and now it’s over. It’s time for both of us to move on with our lives.”

  His apathy and total disregard for her made her bristle. This didn’t sound like the Cole she loved, but it did sound familiar.

  “How fast you fall back into it. How did I not see it sooner?” She shook her head, disgusted with Cole, and angry at herself for being so blind.

  “What are you even talking about?” he threw up his hands in frustration.

  “How fast you fall back into your old patterns. How fast you’ve regressed back to the old selfish Cole, who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. The apathetic Cole who doesn’t let anyone close enough to hurt him. The douche bag Cole who breezes into and out of relationships that don’t mean anything to him, because he refuses to let himself care. I thought that Cole was gone for good. Unfortunately, it looks like I was wrong, like I was wrong about so many other things. I see now how blind I was. You lied to me, and I believed you. But even worse, I lied to myself.”

  Cole had frozen, shock and something like shame on his face. She half expected him to deny her accusations, but he didn’t even attempt to. Her illusions were crumbling around her, and she only had a few more minutes before her emotions pushed through her barrier of numbness to consume her.

  “I loved you, Cole. I loved you so wholly and completely that I couldn’t see that you never really loved me back, at least not the way that I loved you. I would’ve done anything for you, given you anything, given up everything for you. But you were never willing to do that for me. You were my first and my only, in every sense of the word. If you really loved me, you would know that. There’s never been anyone but you. I thought you could give that back to me, but I was wrong.”

  He opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him. She didn’t want to hear any more.

  “I can’t forgive you for what you’ve done. Not just for sleeping with Jillian, but for making me believe that I was special, that you were different, that what we had was precious, and beautiful, and unbreakable. I can’t forgive you for making me believe that you loved me, that you felt about me the way I felt about you. I can’t ever forgive you for offering me a future that was nothing but a lie.”

  “Bri, that’s not… You have to know that I…” Cole stuttered.

  She turned away, unable to hear anything over the pounding of her heart. The ramifications of what was happening were going to catch up to her any minute, and she needed to leave before she broke down.

  “No, Cole. I don’t know anything anymore,” she replied sadly and moved to the door. “One of these days you’ll realize the truth. And when you do, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself for how things have turned out. We could’ve taken on the world together. I believed that. I believed in you, and in us. I never would’ve stopped fighting for you. But, I see now that I was fighting for something that never existed in the first place. And I was fighting alone. I never stood a chance.”

  “Bri,” he moved to her.

  “Goodbye, Cole.” She stepped out the door and closed it behind her, not even allowing herself a last glance at the boy she had loved like no one else.

  As she stumbled home, she was devastated that her heart wasn’t demanding that she go back to Cole and try to salvage what they had. Her heart, which usually begged and pleaded for him, was dead. It was consigned to the fact that it was truly over between them. Tears fell down her cheeks as she felt herself crumble into a million irreparable pieces. She fell onto her bed, grief and pain taking her breath away. She couldn’t even cry, only gasp desperately for relief that was not going to come.

  Vaguely, she heard knocking on her door, heard voices speaking to her, felt arms wrap around her. But she couldn’t process anything but the huge chasm where her heart used to be, and the constant stream of anguish that poured from it. She knew that she would carry this gaping void in her chest for the
rest of her life; nothing would be able to fill it, or repair the damage that had been done. She knew that from that day on she would never be whole again. She would only be half of herself, the other half hopelessly lost to a boy who couldn’t give her half of himself back. She’d been a fool to think that he could. Now she would forever pay for her dire lack of judgment.

  Cole was the biggest mistake she had ever made. And the fallout from that mistake would be nothing short of complete and utter devastation.

  Hours, or days, later a new voice finally managed to pierce through the fog of pain that surrounded her. A warm hand slid soothingly up and down her arm. She rolled over, blinking her eyes into focus, and saw warm, light blue eyes looking down at her.

  “There you are,” Matt smiled sadly. “For a while there, I wasn’t sure you’d be able to pull yourself back.”

  Bri just looked up at him, confused. “Matt? What are you doing here?”

  “Stacie called me. She was frantic. She and Steph and Addi couldn’t get you out of your comatose state. They knew that something horrible had happened, but they didn’t know what, or how to help. So Stace called me, hoping I might be able to snap you out of it.”

  “Oh. Um, thanks?”

  Matt laughed and helped her sit up. Bri knew she must look like a train wreck, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

  “You going to be okay now? You’re not going to go all catatonic on me again, are you?” Matt gave her a pointed, worried look.

  Bri tried to smile, to reassure him. “I can’t guarantee anything right now, but I think I’m okay.” She didn’t feel okay. She didn’t feel anything remotely close to okay. But she didn’t want to worry her friends any more than she already had.

  “Okay.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Just, please, don’t scare me like that again. She’s okay now,” he turned and called out into the hall behind him. “You guys can come in.”

  Bri gave him a confused look, but then Stacie, Stephanie, and Addison came swarming into her room. They surrounded her on the bed, pushing a chuckling Matt out of the way, and embraced her.

  “We were so worried,” Stephanie had tears shining in her eyes. “Don’t ever do that again.”

  Bri nodded and smiled.

  “I see you’re in good hands now, so I’ll leave you to them,” Matt waved goodbye to her.

  His eyes fell on Stacie for a moment before he ducked out of the door. Bri watched as Stacie kept looking at the spot where Matt had left, long after he’d disappeared. Snapping herself out of whatever she was thinking, she turned back to Bri.

  Leaning heavily on the comfort of her friends, Bri managed to make it through the next couple of days. A couple of days after that, she actually managed to leave her dorm room. Getting back into her regular routine took a lot of effort, all her effort, since all she really wanted to do was stay curled up in her bed forever, but she pushed her way through. She managed to avoid Cole, though she still caught glimpses of him every once in a while. She was hoping that he would be as devastated as she was, but he barely looked affected at all. It made her hate him.

  Matt, who’d been waiting patiently for her to pull herself together, stopped by to finally find out what had sent her spiraling into depression. And she was depressed, more deeply than she could ever remember being. She told him what had happened, the reason Cole had punched him that day, and what she’d finally realized. By the time she finished, he was angry and outraged. He promised he’d try to talk to Cole, to get him to believe the truth, but Bri didn’t hold out any hope that Cole would change his mind. It wouldn’t change things between them even if he did.

  Friday night was a home game for the basketball team, and Bri was on the verge of another emotional breakdown. Not only would it be impossible to avoid Cole when she cheered, Jillian had seen to it that Bri would be cheering right next to the team’s bench, only a few feet away from him. She didn’t know if she could do it.

  The second thing she noticed as she entered the stadium was Lynette and Carl sitting a few rows behind the Duke bench. The first thing she noticed, of course, was Cole, doing his best to pretend that she wasn’t there. Lynette saw her and a vicious smirk crossed her lips. She wasn’t holding back the fact that she was thrilled that Bri was out of Cole’s life. It was something Lynette had been pushing for since the day Bri had met her. Unwilling to let that foul woman get to her, Bri steeled her nerves, pasted a cheerful smile on her face, and did her best to ignore Cole’s glowering and Lynette’s smirking.

  Bri fought through the game, doing her best to pretend that nothing was wrong. But at the end of the game, Jillian came bouncing up to Cole and threw her arms around him. He stiffened, but didn’t pull away. She smiled up at him and said something to him, then leaned over the bench to shake Lynette’s and Carl’s hands. Bri saw Lynette smile at Jillian, the first genuine smile she had seen from that woman, and her stomach bottomed out. Cole just stood there as Jillian schmoozed his parents, and then gave him a long kiss. Bri’s blood turned to ice, and for a moment she couldn't breathe.

  “Hey, you okay?” Matt came up and stood beside her, his eyes on Cole and Jillian.

  “I want to hurt him. I want to hurt them both,” she hissed between her teeth.

  Matt glanced over at her and raised an eye brow. “Are we talking hurt as in dismembering them, or hurt as in getting some pay back. Because,” he flashed her a wicked grin, “I’m always good for revenge sex.”

  “Shut up,” she shoved him, but couldn’t help her smile. “I’m not using sex to get back at him. I’m not a slut, and I refuse to stoop to his level. But, I think I know a way to cause him a little pain and anguish of his own.” The corner of her mouth lifted and her eyes gleamed wickedly. She rather liked the idea of making Cole suffer.

  “Wow,” Matt shook his head. “Remind me never to get on your bad side. I don’t think I want to experience your kind of pay back. Good luck,” he winked at her and headed off to the locker room.

  Bri glared as Cole and Jillian laughed it up with his mom and stepdad. Cole looked so cool, so unaffected and unfazed. She’d see if she couldn’t crack that unflappable demeanor.

  And she had a pretty good idea of how to do it.

  Chapter 24

  The next Monday Bri called Daymon. She was expecting to get his voicemail, so when he actually answered, it threw her off.

  “Oh, hi Daymon. It’s me, uh, Bri,” she floundered.

  “Hi Bri! What’s up?”

  “Oh, um,” she suddenly had no idea how to ask this. “I was just calling to see if you still needed models. Um, nude models, for your class.” She felt her face flush with embarrassment, and she really hoped she didn’t sound like too much of an idiot.

  Daymon had mentioned before Christmas that he was looking for nude models for his classes, if that was something she’d be interested in. At the time she didn’t even consider it. But now… It seemed like a great way to get back at Cole without having to damage her sense of self-worth.

  “Oh. I actually managed to get all my slots filled.”

  “Oh.” Bri’s heart fell. She was oddly disappointed. “Okay, then.”

  “But,” he interjected, “I am looking for a model along those lines for a couple of personal pieces I’m doing. If you’d be interested, I’d love to use you.”

  “Really?” she smiled. “I have to warn you though. I’ve never done anything like this before. You might regret it.”

  “Are you kidding? You’re a natural. And don’t worry, we won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. You’ll have full control. You can even bring a friend with you, if you’d like. I should tell you that these pieces will be part of the portfolio I’ll be submitting for the show at the end of the semester. So, if you don’t feel comfortable with being on display, I’ll totally understand.”

  “Oh, no, that won’t be a problem at all.” In fact, Bri was hoping she would be on display. Right where Cole could see her.

  “So, you in?” She cou
ld hear the smile in Daymon’s deep voice.

  “Definitely.”

  “Great! I’ll have my assistant call to schedule at time to meet and go over my ideas. We’ll put together a plan, and go from there. Okay?”

  “Okay. I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Sounds good. Thanks, Bri. You’ll be perfect for what I have in mind.”

  Bri hung up, a smirk on her face. The playing field between her and Cole was about to get a little more even. She couldn’t wait to see his reaction. Cole would be pissed when he found out she’d be posing for Daymon. He didn’t like Daymon, and had always complained that he flirted with Bri. Unfortunately, it looked like she’d have to wait a couple months for her full revenge. Oh well. She could still cause Cole some pain by telling a few key people that she would be posing nude for Daymon, people she knew might mention it to him.

  The next month passed in a blur of avoiding Cole when she could, and glaring at him when she couldn’t. They did their best trying to one-up each other in the disgust and disdain department. It seemed like their new goal in life was to be as nasty as possible to each other.

  Bri tried not to let anyone know, but she was pathetically miserable. She had to force herself out of bed every day, and the things she used to look forward to and enjoy were now just obstacles to overcome. She felt broken and sad, the flood of grief and pain sweeping in and out like the tide, leaving her empty and hollow and raw all the time. Of course, she hid all of this from everyone around her, using her anger as a shield. She used that anger to rebuild the protective walls around her heart, walls she was determined would never come down again. Those walls kept her despair and heartache at bay for the most part, but every once in a while they would crack, and she’d be a sobbing, useless mess until she could gather up enough strength to rebuild those walls again.

  She posed for Daymon, impressed and excited about the vision he had for her. He had collaborated with some students from the drama department, and had a whole scene laid out for her. She soon realized that she wasn’t quite capable of the whole full nudity thing, so Daymon and his assistants came up with some variations that would make her feel more comfortable, while still preserving his vision. Surprisingly, she had a great time, and wasn’t as self-conscious as she thought she’d be. She wouldn’t get to see the final product until the student art show later that year, but she really hoped Daymon’s paintings of her turned out as beautifully as they’d planned.