by J. K Harper
Not only did I leave after our very first time, but I didn’t even say goodbye. In the end I’d let her down and abandoned her. I’d be lucky if she didn’t slam the door in my face. I cringed, dreading our first meeting since my departure. She had every right to hate me. I had no idea what her reaction was to my disappearance, but if it was her that had run, I would have been devastated.
“It’s your birthday baby.”
Megan’s smile lit up all her features and she nodded. She ran her hand down my chest and kissed my cheek. Her touch ignited something inside of me. I’d wanted her for so long, but I wanted her to be ready, to be done with high school, and not have our first time in the back of my truck. She deserved the best.
I’d been working like crazy trying to save up for our special night. I planned the perfect romantic dinner and then a night alone in the hotel. City prices were high, but my girl deserved the best. She wanted to give me the greatest gift, and I wanted her to know that tonight would be just as special for me as it was for her.
I shook my head and directed myself back to the present. Reliving that night was too painful; the best and worst night of my life—the night Megan Ross truly became mine. I hadn’t understood it then, but Marcus later explained it to me. We’d taken the first steps to bonding. The only reason why I hadn’t come back sooner was because the bond wasn’t completed.
As a shifter I craved her every single day, no other woman would satisfy me, but as a human, I wasn’t sure to what extent she would feel the beginning of the bond. Marcus also made sure to let me know that the only way it could be broken is if I completed the bond fully with someone else. In my case, since she was my true mate, that couldn’t happen unless one of us died.
I sat in my car enjoying the silence. This neighborhood had always been quiet. I’d spent a lot of time at Megan’s house. Her mom worked long hours, and that was the only time we got time alone. My house, on the other hand, had children, lots of them. I already planned to go see them—but not until I saw Megan, talked to her. I waited for them to return.
I didn’t need news of my arrival to reach her before I had a chance to explain myself.
* * *
My body stiff, I jerked up in my seat as Megan’s car made its way down the tree-lined street and parked in the driveway. The sun had started its descent with pink and orange filling the sky. With my sight, I could see the stars peeking out into the growing darkness, but that wasn’t as important as what I’d been waiting for all day. Megan stepped out of the car. The little girl waited on the sidewalk before grabbing her mother’s hand.
Instead of holding her hand, Megan picked her up and the girl squealed in delight. My heart picked up as the sound found me. The smile, the laughter between mother and child was beautiful … and I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to be a part of it. That was my family.
Megan looked over her shoulder in my direction as if she could feel my stare, but then she turned, preoccupied with our girl and walked towards the house. I let out a breath. Maybe, after all, she could feel me close? Could feel our precarious bond?
Megan
Someone was watching me. I’d felt their stare this morning and now again as I made my way inside with Alexis. I hated leaving her all day, but I needed this job. My daughter was my light, even though with each passing day she looked so much like her father. It amazed me how much her smile actually hurt. But I didn’t dare let it show.
For some unknown reason I’d been thinking about Lee for the past month. Old wounds reopened, salt being poured into them over and over again. And each night I’d wake up in tears. He’d left five years ago, but sometimes it felt like it was just yesterday. No one knew what happened to him or where he went. His parents were as surprised as me when they came home to find his room empty. People thought he could be dead … but I knew better. Lee wouldn’t have left me without good reason, and these nightly reoccurring dreams that rattled me only further reinforced my stubborn belief that he was alive … somewhere out there.
“Mommy, Grammie made dinner. She said it’s your favorite.”
“Okay sweetie, I’ll go clean up then.” I brushed a curl from her eyes. “Did you wash your hands?”
She held up two small hands and beamed. “Of course, Mommy.”
I let out a laugh and guided her towards the kitchen. She was the sweetest little girl in the world, but sometimes I was so tired. Even with my mother’s help it was hard being a single parent.
I trudged my way upstairs and went into my room, closing the door quietly behind me. I stripped off my pants and fell onto my bed. I closed my eyes and tried to shake off my bad feeling. All day I felt something wasn’t right. I couldn’t exactly explain it, but I was uneasy. Alexis’ laugh drifted up the stairs and I pushed off the bed.
After slipping into some sweats, I stood by the window and opened the curtain. The nagging feeling ate at me. My eyes widened when I spotted a car, the same one I noticed this morning, on the other side of the street. I gulped. Maybe someone was really watching me?
“Who would want to watch me?” I said to myself, the still room giving up no answers.
My life was dull for the most part. I worked and spent time with my kid. There were no men in my life, and of my past relationships, apart from Lee disappearing, none had gone very far or ended badly, so there was no cause for me to believe a jealous ex would be stalking me. Apart from that, I had a few girlfriends that I hung out with every few months when Mom watched Alexis, and they were my only real social circle. I paid my bills and never did anything illegal. My stomach growled, interrupting me, and I sighed before shoving off my paranoid thoughts. I left my room and headed downstairs to the kitchen.
“Meg, are you okay?” Mom asked as soon as I sat down at the table.
Alexis, already eating her food, concentrated hard on spearing her green beans with her fork. She had the biggest appetite in the world and could eat six meals a day and still beg for dessert every night before bed. She was as thin as a rail and I couldn’t figure out where she put it. I took a bite of my chicken and nodded. “I’m just tired.”
Mom glanced at Alexis and then me before she frowned. She always knew when something was wrong. She was an amazing woman, and if it weren’t for her I didn’t know what I’d do.
“Really, Mom.”
I tried to smile and must have managed because she let it go. Alexis was done with her dinner well before us, but she sat quietly at the table and waited. Mom had taught her some manners, saving me the hassle.
“There’s a car outside Mommy, the same one as before.”
I froze with the fork halfway to my mouth. “Have you seen it before?”
Alexis shrugged. “No, but I noticed it because it sparkled pretty in the sun this morning.”
“What car?” Mom asked, eyeing me.
“It’s just some fancy car. I noticed it too. Maybe the neighbors got a new one. You know what Elsie and Jack are like, always trying to show off.” I didn’t believe that they had but I didn’t need anyone worrying. I planned to go out later and take down the plate … just in case.
I scarfed my food down almost as fast as my daughter and then cleared the table. The sooner I put Alexis to bed, the sooner I could get ready for my night job, but then I remembered it was Thursday and relief washed over me. I didn’t have to work, and for the first time all day, my body relaxed. Working two jobs wasn’t fun, but I was saving to move out and finally take care of my daughter on my own. It was time my mom enjoyed some peace.
* * *
I tucked Alexis up in bed—it had taken three renditions of Pete the Cat—but finally she fell asleep. Mom retired to her room, so it was just me pacing around the front room, occasionally peeking around the curtains to see if the car still lurked outside. It was, and I’d had enough.
After rummaging around in the messy kitchen drawer, I slipped outside into the dark with a flashlight in hand. I needed to know whose car that was. For a brief moment, as the door ease
d shut, I stood on the porch and took a deep breath of the cooling night’s air. It was a perfect October’s night. Another year was nearly done—it made me think about how fast Alexis was growing up—and how it would be Thanksgiving and Christmas before we knew it. First though, Halloween had to come. Even though I longed for time to slow down, I couldn’t wait to see my daughter all dressed up in her costume.
Letting my eyes adjust, I peered out into the darkness. The car was still there. My body involuntarily shuddered as if someone had dropped a pebble of ice down the length of my back. It probably wasn’t the sanest idea to skulk out in the dark during the spookiest time of the year, but curiosity got the best of me. And the pull I felt towards whatever was out there, in that car, could not, and would not, be denied.
I could have sworn I saw someone in the car earlier and looking again now, a distinct shadow moved behind the wheel. I took the steps with my shoulders back and stomped along the sidewalk. I crossed the street and tightened my hand on the flashlight. The closer I got, the more my stomach knotted. Something wasn’t right.
The window on the driver’s side came down and my breath stopped. My mouth fell open at who was in the car. As much as I wanted to move or to speak, all I could do was stare at the man staring back. It couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be real. He’d left so long ago. That had been the worst night of my life.
Lee didn’t say anything, but his gaze penetrated mine. My palms began to sweat.
“I love you, Lee.” It was the first time I’d said it and knew for certain how true it was. He had been telling me he loved me for months, but I couldn’t believe it.
He ran his fingers through my crazy curls and smiled. Not just your average smile, but one that lit up his whole face. He pulled me into his arms and squeezed. “It’s about damn time woman. I knew you loved me, but hearing it is so much better than I ever imagined.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “I love you too, so much.”
“Megs, please listen before you run off.”
His voice sounded so deep and manly, the same as before yet gruffer. He still knew me so well. I would have spun around right then and there, but he froze me in place. I’d never expected to see him again. Not with the way he left—without a word to anyone. Tears glistened in my eyes. All of the pain rushed back and I gasped, doubling over. I couldn’t breathe, and lights swarmed in front of my eyes. The flashlight slipped from my hand and my body swayed. Something was terribly wrong.
Lee
I had no idea what was going on, but there was something wrong with her. A panic attack? Was she choking? What?!
Bolting out of the car I reached out to grab Meg; a shock of electricity shot through my body as I touched her. She convulsed and would have fallen to the ground, but I wrapped my arms around her ignoring the pain that surged through our bodies. Not just mine but hers too. The bond. We’d been away from each other for five years. I guess I knew now how affected she was by it.
With Megan limp in my arms, I glanced up at the house. I wasn’t ready to face anyone besides her, so I carried her to the passenger seat and slid her inside, shutting the door quietly. I tried not to focus on how she felt in my arms, or how my bear paced inside my head. Every glance at her lips made me believe I would go insane if I didn’t kiss her. But even though my distressed bear was trying to break free, I needed to focus. Our mate needed us; as best as I could I soothed him. She was with us now. For now.
When I got back inside the car Megan was sitting up and alert. Her blue eyes, wide and round, stared back at me as if I were her worst nightmare. I reached out to take her hand in mine, but she jerked back and glared at me. Hurt that she feared me, my shoulders slumped.
“What the hell was that shit?” she yelled.
“I’m not sure, but you would have landed on the pavement if I hadn’t caught you.”
“You should have let me fall then,” she said, her voice tinged with anger.
Her beautiful icy blues glared at me. They were mixed with hurt so deep I felt it, like a dagger to my heart. When she turned in the seat to open the door, my own panic set in. I couldn’t let her go without hearing me. God I loved her so much. Being this close to her was as close to perfect as I could imagine and yet at the same time, her pain, her anger, turned my fantasy into a nightmare. My body was hot and hard, I’d never been this aroused in my life, and nothing sexy was even happening. This was not the time or the place. If I was lucky, maybe, someday.
“Please,” I begged.
“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Her voice was on edge and nervous.
“I’ve already seen her, and I know she’s mine.”
Megan spun on me and slapped me before I even knew what she had planned. The sting didn’t hurt but the meaning behind it did. She hated me.
“You bastard. She isn’t yours; she’s mine! And if you come near her, I will kill you.”
I stared at her in shock. Megan had always been fiery, but as a mother she was just plain scary. “Whoa,” I said, holding up my hands. “I didn’t mean anything by that.”
“Yes, you did. You wanted me to know that you saw her.”
“I just meant exactly that. I saw her, and I’m her father. She does need me Meg, more than you realize.”
“She hasn’t needed you for five years and neither have I!”
My shoulders sagged. I couldn’t explain it now, not really, she was too upset, she wouldn’t let herself listen. But I still needed her to give me a chance. “I had my reasons for leaving—and I promise you I didn’t want to go, but I had to.”
She glanced up at me with tears in her eyes. “Right, you had to leave without saying goodbye or calling—there’s been nothing for five years, Lee. You don’t do that to someone you love. Was I that bad? Did you need someone more experienced than me?”
She choked on her words and then I understood. She thought I left because the sex hadn’t been good enough? I was so stupid. “Oh Meg, that wasn’t why I left. You were more than I’d ever imagined having. The reason I left was all because of me … I didn’t want to hurt you.”
She kept her head down. “You didn’t want to hurt me? You did just that! But if you needed to leave why didn’t you take me with you? I would have followed you anywhere.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not explaining this right … I couldn’t. Please give me a chance to properly explain. It’s a lot but you deserve to know. I want you back. I want our daughter. I want to be a family.”
Megan looked at me, then wiped her tears from her cheeks. “Well, we don’t always get what we want, now do we.”
She shoved open the door and jumped out before slamming it. I was too stunned to stop her as I watched her run across the street and back into her house.
* * *
My bear growled at me, furious that I hadn’t gone after her, and he might as well have been calling me a stupid idiot because that’s what I was. But a showdown in the middle of the street would have done neither of us any good if we wanted her and our little girl back. But still I cursed myself too; Megan had been so close and instead of just driving off with her to make sure she wouldn’t run away while I told her the truth, I’d trusted our past too much, letting her dictate most of the conversation.
Stuck in my car again, I watched as she disappeared into the house without even a look over her shoulder. There was no way I was ready to face her mother, or to meet the daughter I never knew about … it was too late anyhow. And as much as I longed to hold my sweet little girl, I needed her mother’s forgiveness first if we had any chance of becoming the family I’d dreamed and longed for during all those years apart. The girl changed everything. My heart wrenched at all those years she’d gone without a father. What on earth did she think of me? And now, I didn’t just have to make it up to Megan, there was a whole other life I had to consider and beg forgiveness from. So, I needed to be ready to explain to them why I’d left for so long.
To have any chance, some sleep and a better plan would be required. Be
tter yet, the perfect surprise to throw Meg off. She always was so happy, in a shy way, when I bought her something—no matter what it was. Back then she hadn’t cared whether or not I was able to spoil her. Then I had just been able to buy her favorite chocolate or pick flowers for her, which I didn’t think would work now.
The car purred as I brought her to life. Driving away tonight, after seeing them both, was going to be excruciating, but I’d be in no shape to win them back if I didn’t get any sleep. I was always cranky when I was tired, but once the first shift of the month happened—just before the full moon—I was even worse; a literal bear with a sore head. Edgy and snappish. And by my internal instinctive calculations, I only had a week left to prove to Megan that she should give me another chance—and to tell her the truth.
But I had to come up with a better line than: Oh, by the way, Megs, I shift into a bear whenever I want, and you’re my true mate. That, would not go down well, and I’d never get to meet the daughter I’d only just learned about.
I slammed my foot on the brake and turned the car around. I wasn’t ever going to be prepared. Driving away was the coward’s way out. And I wasn’t a fucking coward and neither would I give up so easily.
Megan