by J. K Harper
Lee took both my hands in his. They were shaking a little. His lips trembled, sweat slid down his neck, and he just blurted it out, “There’s no easy way to say this. I’m not human, Megan. I went through a change, but before that happened I started to bond with you. It’s why I can’t let you go—and neither can you. It’s also why even if you never take me back I have to be around. For our daughter. She is like me, or she will be.” He squeezed gently. “Will you at least tell me her name?”
“Wait, what?”
He couldn’t be serious. Why would he try to scare me like this? I yanked my hands from his and stood up. A rage I’d never felt before took over. I stalked towards Lee and went to hit him. Anything to make him go away. “Why would you do this to me? You’re freaking crazy. Now you’re trying to tell me my baby girl is crazy too? Is this some sort of cruel Halloween trick?” I swung my fists on his chest hard hoping to hurt him as much as he’d hurt me. But he didn’t even flinch. He grabbed my fists and pulled me into his warm body.
“Megs.”
I fought to push him off, but he didn’t let go. “Leave me alone. I have to go. You have to leave town!”
“I’m never leaving again, Megs. I love you and I need you. I wish you would believe that.”
“Stop calling me that! You have no right to call me that ever again. And you just told me you’re not human, but yet you want me to love you? I don’t even think you understand how crazy you sound right now.”
“I’m not crazy. I’m a shifter. I change into a giant bear. He’s half of who I am. When I get closer to you it triggers changes in my body. I found out that between the ages of seventeen and twenty-one is when a shifter bear hits maturity. They can begin their transformation much younger, sometimes when they’re toddlers or later … when they’re our daughter’s age. Or sometimes it doesn’t happen at all when they’re kids, like me.”
A laugh bubbled up and I let it out. Oh man, he was delusional; he’d hopped onboard the crazy train right out of town, then barged back into my life like an insane man who’d escaped the asylum.
“So let me get this straight. You turn into an animal and now I have to worry about it happening to Alexis?” This couldn’t be real. It had to be some fucked up dream or he had really lost it … and yet those alarm bells still hadn’t begun to chime.
“Her name is Alexis?”
Shit, I hadn’t meant to tell him, now he probably thought I was the crazy obsessive one. I hadn’t planned to give her his middle name, but at the time, delirious on meds after hours of labor, it felt right.
I’d never stopped loving him and even though he hurt me, I still wanted him. Although knowing he was this crazy, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I didn’t like being lied to.
I shook my head and backed away. “I can’t do this, Lee.”
“Megs, don’t go … don’t make me do this.”
Ignoring his words, I let the tears fall and ran, finding my way easily out of somewhere I knew like the back of my hand. Even now with tears blinding me, my feet found their way out of the place I loved—the clearing that I returned to time and time again when I needed to think, or mourn the past. It was the place where I’d fallen head over heels in love with the boy I’d secretly yearned for since I was eight years old. He was always the one.
Lee didn’t follow, for which I was grateful, but as I reached my car, a thunderous roar shook the treetops, scattering nesting birds into the sky.
* * *
I ran into the house and slammed the door behind me.
“Megs? Is that you?” Mom walked in front of me and the tears flooded my eyes. She closed the distance and immediately pulled me into a hug. “What’s going on? Is Lexi okay?”
I nodded and sobbed into my mother’s neck. She held me and rubbed my back in silence, waiting. She knew I was too panicked to answer questions, and right then I fell apart. Mom was the one who helped me through everything, the one who took care of me, stayed up all night when the morning sickness was too bad, the one in the delivery room.
My tears slowed and I pulled back and wiped my eyes. It had been a long time since I’d had a good cry. “Lee’s back.”
I felt her tense up and I shrunk back. It came as no surprise that Mom wasn’t his biggest fan. Over the years as our friendship blossomed, she’d gotten to know him too, treating him like a son for the most part, feeding him and watching him grow up. When he disappeared, I wasn’t the only one that had been hurt.
“You’ve seen him?”
“He says he’s back. He wants to be with me, and that he left because he found out some things about himself, and needed to find answers.”
“For five years? With no communication?”
I shrugged. I didn’t understand either.
“He can’t have my grandbaby.”
“He won’t, but I think she needs to meet him.”
“No.”
I sighed. “Mom, that isn’t your choice. I’m not happy with him either. And I don’t understand a whole load of what he says … and yes he left me the day after he took my virginity. But it’s not just about the feelings of loss we both felt when he left. Alexis is his too, and he didn’t even know about her. Oh, God. I just don’t know anymore. My head is spinning.”
“Well he would have known if he hadn’t—”
“Let it go, Mom. I want your support on this, I need it. But even if he can’t have me back, he wants to be there for his child. It’s his right.” As long as he doesn’t turn out to be a crazy person, I silently added to myself.
Mom sighed and nodded. “He hurt you so bad. And I know you’ve never gotten over him. But I don’t know that he deserves another chance. What if he leaves again, and this time it’s not only you that’s hurt, but Lexi too?”
“I don’t have all the answers, Mom. Not yet.” I’d thought about that a lot on my drive home, and the night he’d shown up. And I’d started to come to a decision about what I’d do. He would only meet Alexis as my friend first. He wouldn’t be allowed to tell her that he was her father—not yet. It wasn’t necessarily the best plan, but it was a start. I still couldn’t get over the things he’d said in the clearing.
He made it sound like he was a crazy monster. I wasn’t too sure what was worse, him actually being what he said he was—a damn bear—or him being a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. But unless he could prove to me that he was mentally stable, then he wouldn’t be allowed near me or my baby girl.
Lee
That went well. I knew it would be hard for her to take and I’d prepared myself for her reaction, but it was a bit depressing that she thought I was actually crazy. I wouldn’t let her shut me out and tonight I would show her that I wasn’t some sick man. I would prove to her that there was more than meets the eye when it came to me. She would understand why I had to leave, and she would understand why I now had to stay no matter the outcome.
But first I needed to see my parents. It didn’t matter that they were my adoptive parents. They raised me. I hadn’t kept in touch with them either, so right now I was worried about how disappointed they were with me. I abandoned everyone and I probably deserved to be turned away at the door. By Megs, by them, by the whole damn town.
I stood in front of the door and raised my fist to knock, but the door swung open. I stood frozen at the sight of my momma, beautiful even with tears falling.
“Oh Mom, I’m so sorry.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her from the ground.
“Where the hell have you been?” she said through the tears, hugging me before I set her back on the ground.
“It’s a long story, but I promise I’ll explain everything. I just came to apologize and to see everyone. I’ll be staying in town, but I have to make things right with Meg, and you and Dad, of course.”
“You’ve seen her?”
I followed her through the door and shut it behind me. The house hadn’t changed much. It was freshly painted and there were more pictures covering the hall walls, but o
therwise it was still the same cozy home I wished I’d never left. Mom led me to the disturbingly quiet kitchen. Normally there would be an unstoppable sound of chatter, like an incessant radio station that was stuck and couldn’t be turned off. Instead there was nothing but silence.
“Where is everyone? Dad?”
She sat at the table and gestured for me to sit across from her. There was no smile or offer for food. Something was very different here.
“Gone.”
“Gone where?”
“Your father left me, and our last foster child hit legal age. We didn’t take in anymore children after you left. A few were sent back to their families or adopted out.”
My eyes bugged out. All of this happened in the time I was gone? Guilt filled me. Mom was so sweet and caring. She took care of other people’s children. When I found out I was adopted I was surprised that I wasn’t their birth child. I hadn’t known she wasn’t able to have her own children at the time. “What happened?”
“After you left, I fell apart. I mean I knew it would happen eventually but then I thought you just left and forgot about me. I know it was hard on you to find out you were adopted, but I loved you like my own. You were my first foster child, my only child—it didn’t matter that we adopted you. You were mine. The rest of them were not mine the way you were. Then you left and you didn’t call or visit. There was nothing to even let me know if you were okay.” She wiped her eyes and patted my shaking hand. “Your dad left me about six months ago. He found a younger woman and is waiting for our divorce to be final so he can marry her.”
I couldn’t believe everything that happened. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I should’ve been here. I never meant to hurt anyone. It was something I had to do though. I learned so much, but now I’m back for good and I’ll explain everything properly. I promise I won’t leave again. Can you forgive me, Mom?”
After arriving home, emotions ran high. I hurt more people than I realized, and it was apparent I had a lot of making up to do. I’d never thought of leaving as a selfish thing before today. I truly believed I’d done what was right, especially after I learned what I was and the unruly bear inside of me became a danger. Thankfully, I’d been with others like me, and they knew what to do.
I looked at the woman who raised me. No matter where I came from she was my mom and if she didn’t forgive me, then I didn’t stand a chance earning Meg’s forgiveness.
“Mom?” She nibbled her bottom lip and her eyes held hope.
“Still? Even knowing I didn’t give birth to you?”
I stood up and pulled her from her chair into a tight hug. It seemed like I was watching the women I loved cry today, and it was all because of me. I was the common cause and I pondered the ways I would make it up to them both. “You’ll always be my mom.”
* * *
For the rest of the day I caught up with my mom. She didn’t even seem the least bit lonely, and though she was still upset with me, she was glad I was home and assured me that she’d always forgive me, no matter what. Cause that’s what Moms are for. I wondered how she could go from a houseful of kids to only herself in a matter of months. She just shrugged and said it was time to relax for a change.
By that evening, I ached to get back to Megan. It was time to prove I could be everything she wanted me to be plus something extra special. I hugged Mom goodnight and went outside. Call me a sucker for candy, but even without it, I still loved this time of year. The night had become chilly and the neighbors all had their Halloween decorations set up. There was a sense of potential in the air; mystical and hopeful, like anything was possible.
“Meg, hurry up or we’ll miss all the best houses. They’ll be out of the full-size bars before you know it,” I yelled up the stairs.
“I’m coming, jeez; you know they all save some for us. We’re their favorite. The whole town loves us.”
It was true they did, but that took the fun out of everything. Finally she glided down the stairs and my jaw dropped. She was supposed to be a fallen angel and her costume was perfect.
The short white dress gave me teenage palpitations, not to mention the white sandals with ribbons that wrapped themselves around her calves. But the best part were the black wings that hung off her back, giving her a sexy devious look.
“Whoa, Ms. Ross you’ve out done yourself this year.” Her mom made them, slaving on them for weeks to get them just right.
Meg’s mom laughed and walked up beside me. “I did, didn’t I? Where are you guys going, the usual?”
“Yeah, same thing we did last year,” I chirped in.
“Then the midnight party, of course?” Meg asked.
“Okay then. Be home by two at the latest, or you know I’ll worry. Seriously Megan do not drink. Remember what happened last year?” I had to admit her mom was pretty awesome.
Meg smiled and hugged her mom. “I promise. I’ll see you in the morning.” Then she slid her arm through mine and tugged. “Let’s go, Romeo.”
Officially, that night marked the beginning of our actual relationship. We weren’t just best friends anymore. She’d finally admitted to liking me and I kept my mouth shut about how long I’d been pining for her. She had just turned eighteen that year, and I already knew that I was in love with her.
Megan
Alexis was in bed. I was ready to go to my room to close out the world for the night. No work, no interruptions, nothing. Just a night alone in the dark with my never-ending thoughts. But, of course, I wasn’t that lucky.
Closing the door behind me, I sighed in relief as I let the tension leave my body, but it didn’t go far before I saw a large shadow stretch across the room.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I wasn’t finished talking to you.”
“But I was done, hence me walking away.”
“I saw my mom, she’s alone,” he said, abruptly changing the subject. If he thought he could get around me that way, he had another thing coming.
“I know. I spent some time with her after everyone was gone. She had it rough for a while. But that has nothing to do with us or why you’ve broken into my room, yet again.”
“Megs, it has everything to do with us. I can’t let that happen to us—we don’t need to be alone; we can be together again. I want to make things right. I would also like to meet Alexis. I don’t have to tell her exactly who I am, but I just need to see if I can sense anything in her … to be safe.”
I sat on my bed and patted the mattress. He wasn’t wrong. If there was anything wrong with my baby girl I had to know.
“Lee, I don’t know. You’ve turned my world upside down again. Before anything can happen with Alexis, I need you to prove to me that you aren’t a crazy man that should be locked away. If people who can turn into animals are real then there are more out there right?” I wanted to see how far he would take this nonsense.
Lee didn’t waste a minute joining me on the bed, sitting too close, our thighs touching. My whole side zinged with electricity. The chemistry between us was still incredible. I licked my lips and tried to ignore the pull of his eyes, his lips, his warmth. I needed to focus on what was important. Then he ran his finger along my thigh and I jerked back.
“No touching. Only explaining.”
“The only way is to show you. Do you think you can handle seeing me turn into a giant bear without running off and screaming?”
I started to nod but stopped. “I don’t know. I mean would you still be you? You wouldn’t like— attack me or anything?” God, what was I saying? I indulged his crazy talk, practically bathed in the madness.
“Of course not. That’s what I was doing when I was gone, gaining control and learning.” He smiled. “Besides, you’re my true mate, nothing in this world could make me or the bear hurt you.”
“I’m your true what? Did you just say mate?”
“Yes, don’t you remember that first night at the car? We reconnected our bond.” He said it so matter of factly, I almost missed his littl
e move as he leaned his body in. His lips came so close, but he didn’t kiss me, not yet. I felt his breath on my lips as he lingered there, teasing me. I couldn’t resist. Literally I couldn’t ignore him that close. My heart raced as I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his. It was madness. I knew this was the worst idea and yet still I kissed him and wanted him to respond. He froze, keeping his lips light on mine, not moving or touching me anywhere else. My head was about to explode—wasn’t this what he wanted?
I muttered a curse, put my hands on his shoulders, and pressed my lips harder, kissing him for all that I missed him, the rougher I became the angrier I felt, but he didn’t pull away. Slowly his lips matched mine but never pushed further. When he put his hands on my hips, I rubbed my breasts against his chest. He rumbled deep in his throat and I swear the sound went straight to my panties.
Lee gripped my ass, pulling me against his hard body. His evident arousal poked my thigh, and I pressed myself against him trying to find my own pleasure. Lips brushed, tongues tangled together—he finally responded fully.
As we came up for air I saw the change. Not just his eyes but the slight elongation of his teeth. His arms tightened even more, not letting me go.
I stared at his now golden eyes; so different but still all Lee. They looked so sad, yet happy at the same time. Lee smiled and I saw sharp canines. I gasped and cocked my head to the side. This couldn’t be real. I was like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, waiting to hit the bottom and wake up. There was no way I was seeing this. Just as quickly as it happened, his eyes changed back to their deep chocolate brown and those long ass teeth retracted back too.
“You were telling the truth?” I whispered. It seemed Lee wasn’t so crazy after all, but I sure as hell could be.
“You saw it.”
“But you weren’t angry,” I asked, puzzled.
“Any emotion can trigger small changes. Being this close to you is heaven. Your scent, your smile, your touch, everything about you turns me on.” He trailed his fingers down my thigh and between my legs. “I want to taste you again. It nearly drove me crazy before.”