Cast Me Gently

by Caren J. Werlinger

  “Sorry,” Ellie said. “I guess I’m just restless.”

  She made a conscious effort to stay still at her window, but the afternoon dragged on. It can’t be just five minutes later, she said to herself as she looked at the antique wall clock for the thousandth time. As the hands ticked toward four o’clock, she had her drawer counted and ready for the next day. At the first chime of the hour, she was already depositing her tray in the vault. From there, she hurried to the staff room, dragged her coat from her locker, and was out the door almost before the fourth chime had faded away.

  On the bus, she gritted her teeth in exasperation as it seemed someone needed to get on or off at every single stop. She was on her feet, standing behind the driver as the bus approached her stop.

  “Got a big date, Ellie?” asked the driver.

  “Yup,” Ellie said with a grin. “See you tomorrow, Larry.”

  She laughed to herself as she nearly skipped down the sidewalk. “I do have a date.”

  She hurried upstairs to her apartment and tidied up the kitchen from the morning’s dishes. “You be on your best behavior,” she said as she scooped some food for KC who replied with a small squeak. She left the cat eating while she glanced around the apartment, straightening up the living room and running a dust rag over the coffee table. She peeked into her bedroom just to make sure it was in order. “Shoot,” she said, remembering to go check the bathroom. Sullivan was usually pretty neat, but every now and then, he left the toilet seat up or the sink was littered with hair from his beard. Everything looked fine. Secretly, she hoped Sullivan would be working late in his lab. She didn’t want him interrupting this evening.

  Her bedroom window gave her a view of the street. She and KC both perched on the windowsill, waiting. Ellie’s heart leapt when she saw Teresa’s VW pull up to the curb. After pausing to check her reflection one more time in the mirror, she went to the kitchen and opened the door as Teresa came up the stairs.

  “Hi,” Ellie said breathlessly.

  “Hi.” Teresa stood there holding a grocery bag.

  Ellie noticed how flushed Teresa’s cheeks were. “Come in. Cold, isn’t it?”

  “Makes it feel like Christmas,” Teresa said. She set her bag on the counter with a heavy clunk.

  “What did you bring?”

  “Well, we can go out if you’d like, but I brought ravioli, a container of sauce, a loaf of bread, and…” Teresa reached into the bag. “A bottle of wine.”

  Ellie stared. “You brought the whole dinner.”

  “Unless you’d rather go somewhere.”

  “No. I’d rather stay here with you.” Ellie lowered her gaze. “Let me take your coat.” She paused as Teresa slid her coat from her shoulders. “Wow,” Ellie said, taking in Teresa’s white V-neck sweater—was that cashmere?—and gray slacks. She suddenly felt underdressed in her khakis and black sweater from the bank. “You dressed up. You look really nice.”

  Teresa snorted as she looked down at herself. “Huh. White. Figures. I don’t think I own anything that doesn’t have sauce stains on it. You are dressed much more sensibly.”

  “Don’t worry,” Ellie said with a smile. “We can fix that.” She hung up Teresa’s coat and reached over to another peg. “See?” She held up an apron. “Got you covered.”

  “Very funny,” Teresa said, but her smile was frozen on her face a moment later as Ellie reached up over Teresa’s head to hang the apron around her neck.

  For a second—it felt much longer—Ellie’s face was just inches from Teresa’s. Ellie stood there looking up into Teresa’s eyes. This close, she could see her own reflection in them, but there was so much more there….

  Ellie caught herself and backed away. “How’s that?”

  “Better. Thanks.” Teresa turned away, fumbling with the apron strings.

  “Here. Let me.” Ellie took the strings from her, her fingers brushing Teresa’s as she did, and she had to stop herself leaning against Teresa’s back as she tied the apron. She stepped away. “Okay. Tell me what to do.”

  “I’ll need a big pot for the water and a smaller pan for the sauce. And do you have a baking sheet?”

  As Teresa got started, she pointed to the bag. “I brought a corkscrew. For the wine. I wasn’t sure you had one.”

  “I don’t,” Ellie said, reaching into the shopping bag. “I don’t have wine glasses, either.”

  “I don’t care if we drink it out of coffee cups.”

  Ellie opened her cupboard. “How about juice glasses?”

  “As long as they’re big juice glasses.”

  Ellie laughed. She uncorked the wine and poured two glasses. She set one down next to the stove where Teresa was stirring the sauce. She took a sip from her own glass. “Oh, this is good. Too much of this on an empty stomach and it’ll go straight to my head.”

  Teresa turned to look at her. “Maybe I should have brought a second bottle.”

  Ellie laughed again, feeling giddy in a way that had nothing to do with the wine. Teresa chopped a clove of garlic and mixed it with some butter melting in another pan.

  “Here,” she said a few minutes later, handing the pan to Ellie. “Brush this on the slices of bread and we’ll put it in the oven.”

  Standing next to Teresa as they prepared the meal, their shoulders touching occasionally, Ellie couldn’t help a fleeting wish that they could always do this together. Don’t be stupid, she told herself harshly. It’s just dinner, but it felt like much more than just dinner.

  KC sat in the middle of the kitchen supervising. When the food was ready, Ellie fed KC a bit more wet food and re-filled their glasses with wine as Teresa carried the plates to the table.

  “So what are we celebrating?” Ellie asked.

  Teresa raised her glass and looked into Ellie’s eyes. “Friends?”

  For a long moment, they sat there. Ellie could see the pulsing shadow of Teresa’s heartbeat in her neck. She longed to reach out and touch that place, to feel the life coursing under her fingers. “Friends,” she forced herself to say at last.

  KC reached up on her hind legs and prodded Ellie’s thigh with a soft paw. They chuckled as they looked down at her.

  “No, you’re not getting any people food,” Ellie said firmly. “And we’d better eat while it’s hot.” She took a bite of ravioli. “Oh, this is so good. Did you make everything from scratch?”

  Teresa grinned. “Are you kidding? In the Benedetto house, that’s the only way.”

  They ate for a few minutes in silence. Ellie, more curious than she would admit, said, “When you called, you sounded like there was something specific you wanted to talk about.”

  “Well, not so much talk about,” Teresa said vaguely. “I just wanted to see you. You’ve been on my mind. A lot. You seemed so sad at Thanksgiving, and we’ve both been so busy working extra hours. I’ve wanted to call, but it was always too late.”

  Ellie gave an embarrassed little laugh. “I know. I’m sorry I was in such a bad mood on Thanksgiving. Your visit meant so much to me. I’m surprised you even wanted to come back after I was such poor company.”

  “You’re never poor company,” Teresa said.

  Another tense silence followed as they ate a bit more. Finally, Ellie said, “I’ve thought about calling you on my breaks, but I hate to call at the store in case you’re busy with customers or your mom’s there with you.” She looked up with a smile. “It was so nice to run into you and Bernie at the diner that night.”

  Teresa laughed sarcastically. “Oh, yes. Bernie. She won’t let it drop that you and I had dinner with Rob and Karen.”

  “Why didn’t you tell her?”

  “I’m not sure,” Teresa said, frowning into her wine. “Sometimes she can get ideas and then she runs away with them.”

  “Ideas about what?”

  Teresa didn’t answer right
away. She took another bite before saying, “Like, why I would want to introduce you to my brother and sister-in-law.”

  “Why did you?”

  Teresa glanced up at her. “I wanted them to meet you.”

  “I really liked them.”

  “I think they liked you, too,” Teresa said.

  Ellie took another slice of bread. “I’m glad. Karen seems very perceptive. I don’t think much gets by her.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Teresa said. “And she pretty much says what she thinks. I like that about her, but it wouldn’t go over so well with my family if they ever start spending time together.”

  “I thought your family yelled and got over it?” Ellie asked.

  “They do, when it’s them,” Teresa said. “There’s some kind of unwritten rule. They’ll take an insult from a family member, and yell and argue, but if anyone outside says anything, they bunch together and heaven help that other person.”

  Ellie started giggling.

  “What?” Teresa asked.

  “I just had this image of one of those wildlife documentaries where the herd bunches up and stomps their feet to scare away the lions,” Ellie said, laughing.

  Teresa grinned, too. “That’s kind of what they’re like. Benedetto bison.”

  Ellie took a drink of her wine. “Do you think they could ever accept an outsider?” She raised her eyes to Teresa’s. “Karen, I mean. Do you think they’ll ever welcome her so she and Rob can be part of the family?”

  Teresa shrugged. “I’m not sure. I keep hoping they will. I miss not having Rob around more. Sometimes, I think my mom is on the verge of asking them over, but my dad’s not ready. For him, it’s a bunch of things. Rob didn’t want to go into the stores, so my father took that as a personal insult. Then there was the divorce and then him marrying Karen. He’s his own man. I think my dad admires that and hates it all at the same time.” She gave Ellie an apologetic look. “It’s complicated.”

  “It sounds complicated.”

  They finished their dinner. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring dessert,” Teresa said, carrying her plate to the sink.

  “I’m stuffed,” Ellie said. “I do have some ice cream in the freezer if you want some.” She ran some soapy water in the sink.

  “No. I don’t need ice cream.” Teresa placed her plate in the sink and pushed up the sleeves of her sweater.

  “Oh no. You cooked,” Ellie said, stepping in. “You sit and relax.”

  “I’m not leaving you to do all these dishes. You wash. I’ll dry.”

  “Deal.” Ellie looked at her again. “You’ve lost weight.”

  She watched with some amusement as Teresa blushed, looking embarrassed and pleased at the same time.

  “I have. A little.”

  “Are you on a diet?”

  To her surprise, Teresa scoffed. “You could say that.” She glanced at Ellie as she plucked a plate from the dish drainer and began drying it. “I’ve just been eating less in the evenings, that’s all.”

  They were done with the dishes and pans in just a short time—a time that Ellie wished could have lasted longer. Teresa held up the wine bottle.

  “Just enough for a half glass more.”

  Ellie smiled. “Can’t let it go to waste.”

  “My thoughts exactly.” Teresa poured, and then reached back to untie her apron. “I think I’m safe to take this off now.” She took it back over to the wall pegs and fumbled with her coat. For a second, Ellie thought she was taking it down to leave, but she turned around. “Thanks for the apron,” she said, tucking something into her pants pocket. “You saved me from myself. I’m usually such a klutz.”

  “No, you’re not,” Ellie said. She led the way out to the living room. “I think sometimes your family makes you feel that way, but—” She stopped abruptly. “Sorry.”

  “For what?” Teresa sat beside her on the couch.

  “I don’t want to say anything against your family, but…” She looked at Teresa. “I don’t think they see how wonderful you are. You’re kind and generous. I think you’d do anything for anyone.” She stopped, embarrassed. She lowered her eyes. “You’ve been more than kind to me.”

  Teresa didn’t say anything, but Ellie was afraid to look up. She’ll see. She’ll know how you feel.

  Time seemed to stretch on and still Teresa said nothing. She reached out and set a small wrapped package in Ellie’s lap.

  “I know Christmas isn’t for a couple of weeks yet,” Teresa said softly. “But I wanted to give you this.”

  Ellie looked up in wonder. “For me?”

  Teresa nodded. “Open it.”

  Ellie’s fingers fumbled clumsily with the ribbon. She tore the wrapping paper away to reveal a velvet jewel box. Prying the top open, she gasped. Her own heart thudded wildly as she stared at the gold heart lying on the velvet. Does she—? She couldn’t bring herself to finish the thought.

  “Do you…do you like it?”

  “Oh, it’s beautiful, Teresa.” She looked up. “But it’s too expensive.”

  “Don’t. Please.” Teresa’s voice was a plea. “Don’t tell me you can’t accept it.” She sounded as if she was having a hard time breathing. “You don’t have to wear it. You can leave it in a drawer and never tell me. But please accept it.”

  Ellie searched her eyes. “I love it. Yes, I’ll accept it.” She fought the impulse to fling her arms around Teresa’s neck and kiss her. Instead, she held the box out. “Would you put it on me?”

  She turned her back so that Teresa could slip the necklace over her head. She felt the trembling of Teresa’s fingers as she fastened the clasp, and she shivered at the lingering touch of warm hands against her neck as Teresa lifted her hair free of the chain.

  “Thank you.” Ellie felt the necklace, her fingers tracing the shape of the heart against her chest. “Is it my heart? Or yours?”

  Teresa shrugged. “Either. Both. Kind of crooked and bent.”

  “But whole.”

  Without giving herself time to think about it, Ellie reached out and wrapped her fingers around Teresa’s hand. For an instant, nothing happened. Her heart, thudding so jubilantly just a few seconds earlier, plummeted to her stomach like a rock at the realization that she’d misread Teresa’s feelings. Just as Ellie started to yank her hand back, Teresa’s fingers tightened, holding her fast. For long minutes, they sat there, staring at their intertwined fingers. Is this really happening? Ellie reveled in the warmth of Teresa’s touch, afraid to meet her eyes.

  A loud knock on the living room door startled both of them, and they jumped apart as if they’d been shocked.

  Reluctantly, Ellie got up and opened the door. “Hi, Sullivan.”

  “Hey, I smelled garlic—” He stopped short at the sight of Teresa sitting there. “Oh, hi.”

  “Hi,” Teresa said with a smile.

  Sullivan sniffed the air hopefully. “You guys had dinner?”

  From behind him, Ellie grimaced apologetically. “Yes. Teresa brought dinner over. Would you like some?”

  “Yeah.” He headed toward the kitchen and then stopped. “Hey, I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?”

  “No,” the two women said simultaneously.

  “As a matter of fact,” Teresa said, looking at her watch, “I really have to be going.”

  “I’ll walk you down.” Ellie took Teresa’s coat down off the wall and handed it to her. “Be right back,” she said to Sullivan.

  She walked with Teresa to the bottom landing. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “It’s okay,” Teresa said.

  Ellie looked at her in the dim light coming onto the landing from the outside lamp. “Thank you so much. For dinner, and for my present.” She placed her hand over the necklace. Without warning, she flung her arms around Teresa’s neck.

  Teres
a held her tightly. “You’re welcome,” she whispered back.

  Ellie kissed her on the cheek and released her. “I’ll see you soon.”

  Wordlessly, Teresa nodded and stepped outside.

  CHAPTER 13

  “I think those are burning.”

  Teresa jumped at the sound of Bernie’s voice. “Shit!”

  Smoke was just starting to rise from the pizzelle iron. She opened the lid and used a fork to lift two darkened waffle-like cookies out of the hot iron.

  Bernie sniffed. “Anise?”

  “Yes,” said Teresa in disgust. She threw the burnt pair away. “The kids all like vanilla or chocolate better, but the aunts and our old-timers prefer anise.” She glanced over. “You here to help, Beej?”

  “Sure,” Bernie said, shrugging out of her coat. “Got nothing done at school today. The goddamned kids are so squirrelly thinking about Christmas, they can’t concentrate on anything.” She noted the stacks of pizzelle cooling along the kitchen counter. “How many are you making?”

  “That was five dozen vanilla,” Teresa said. “If you can put more of the anise batter in the iron, I’ll start mixing some chocolate.”

  Bernie scooped some of the batter into the iron and closed the lid. “So what were you so preoccupied with that you let those burn?”

  Teresa didn’t answer right away as she cracked six eggs into a large bowl. “Nothing.” She stirred in the sugar and turned on the mixer. “Just trying to juggle all this and things at the store.”

  Bernie poured herself a cup of coffee. “Refill?”

  Teresa nodded and Bernie poured fresh coffee into her cup.

  “You all set for Christmas?” Teresa asked.

  “Yeah. Finally got everything bought and wrapped. Mom’s upset. Denny called and said he won’t make it home this year.”

  Teresa looked up. “Why?”

  Bernie went to check the cooking pizzelle. “Said he can’t afford to take time away from work.”

  “You’re kidding? Not even for Christmas?”

  “He’s an asshole,” said Bernie. “He knows how much it means to Mom, especially these last couple of years since Dad died, but his girlfriend’s family is all there in Philly. I’ll bet my goddamned paycheck she talked him into staying there with her. To hell with his family.”