Cast Me Gently

by Caren J. Werlinger

  Ellie’s eyes raked Teresa’s features as if searching for something. “Before we’re with your family, I have to know.” Her cheeks burned scarlet as she lowered her gaze, but then she was staring at Teresa’s chest, which only made her blush a deeper red. Flustered, she stared instead at Teresa’s knees. “I need to know how you’re feeling. About last night.”

  Here it was. Ellie was going to force the issue. No pretending it didn’t happen, no wondering where things stood. Teresa’s heart was thumping as she considered how honest to be.

  “I’ve never been happier than I was last night,” Teresa heard herself say. For a moment, she wasn’t sure if she’d only said it in her head and not out loud, because Ellie just stood there, silent and unmoving.

  When at last she lifted her face to Teresa’s, Ellie’s eyes were shining with tears. “Really?”

  Dumbly, Teresa nodded. She opened her mouth, but no sound would come out. She tried again. “How about you?”

  Ellie bit her lip. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for ages.”

  Teresa stood, dumbfounded. “Why?”

  Ellie smiled. “Because I think you’re beautiful, silly.”

  Teresa couldn’t think of anything to say. She stepped near and, keeping her eyes open, pressed her lips to Ellie’s. Ellie’s lips, warm and soft, returned the kiss, her free arm wrapped around Teresa’s neck.

  “I had to be sure it wasn’t just a dream,” she said to Ellie a moment later. She held Ellie tightly. I love you. It nearly burst from her mouth, but she bit it back just in time. She could hear Bernie saying, “You’re ready to tell someone you love them after a kiss? Jesus Christ!”

  They stepped apart and Ellie asked, “Are you sure about this? With your family?”

  “Not really,” Teresa admitted. “I think it’ll be okay, but we’ve got to be careful.”

  Ellie nodded, her expression hardening just a bit. “We will be.”

  When they got to the aunts’ house, Ellie pulled a wrapped present out of her bag and left the bag in the car. Anita was waiting for them. She took Ellie under her wing as soon as Teresa introduced her.

  “Merry Christmas, Miss Martelli. I wasn’t sure what to bring.” Ellie held out the parcel. “So I brought you and your sisters a Johnny Mathis Christmas album. Let me know if you already have it and I’ll exchange it for another.”

  “This is so thoughtful, Ellie,” Anita said, giving her a hug. “And you call me Anita.”

  Teresa hung up Ellie’s coat as Anita took her by the arm and herded her into the kitchen. She watched from the dining room as Anita introduced Ellie to the other aunts and put her to work rolling meatballs. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Ellie was chatting animatedly with them while she worked.

  “I didn’t know you were bringing that hot little thing with you today,” said Gianni, pointing with his chin toward the kitchen.

  Teresa smiled. She wants me, not you, she so badly wanted to boast, but instead said, “That hot little thing handed you your ass the last time you tangled with her. But feel free to try again.” Looking over his shoulder, she said more loudly, “Hi, Angelina.”

  Gianni jumped, and Teresa walked away chuckling.

  Where normally she would have been in the kitchen helping prepare dinner, Teresa busied herself setting the tables and arranging chairs while she kept an eye on the kitchen. When Sylvia went into the kitchen and saw Ellie there, she turned and looked sharply at Teresa, but Anita must have been watching as well, because she bustled over and led Sylvia to the stove to check something. Later, Ellie was talking to Francesca when she must have felt the baby kick. Teresa watched her sister place Ellie’s hand on her bulging abdomen, and she smiled as she watched Ellie and Francesca laugh together when Ellie felt it, too.

  Louise was right. Ellie had a way of changing people. Teresa thought about Dogman and Lucy. If it weren’t for Ellie, would I have looked twice at them? Ellie had no idea of the impact she had on people—including me, Teresa mused, no longer surprised at the way her stomach tingled as she thought about her.

  Teresa made sure she was seated next to Ellie at dinner, but to her annoyance, Gianni positioned himself on Ellie’s other side. She smiled as Ellie ignored his attempts at conversation and spoke instead to Francesca, across the table. She was startled to feel the pressure of Ellie’s thigh against hers, and tried to look nonchalant as she returned the pressure. As usual, Sylvia and all of the aunts milled around, making sure everyone had everything they needed, so that, by the time they sat, the men had finished eating and moved back out to the living room to watch television, while the kids went down to the basement.

  Ellie leaned toward Teresa and whispered, “Is it always like that?”

  Teresa nodded, but as she looked around the table, she listened to the women laughing and talking without any men or children clamoring to be fed. Maybe there’s a certain wisdom to this, she realized.

  “You stay here and keep Francesca company,” Teresa insisted to Ellie when it was time to clean up. “She needs to stay off her feet anyway.”

  Francesca rolled her eyes. “I don’t think this baby is going to wait one more month.”

  Ellie leaned forward. “What names have you picked out?”

  Teresa gathered plates, leaving Ellie at the table. She filled the sink with hot, soapy water and began washing dishes. She paused once to look back out to the dining room and saw Ellie looking over Francesca’s shoulder, watching her. She turned back to the dishes, filled with a warmth that had nothing to do with the hot water.

  “She’s sweet,” Francesca whispered to Teresa, and “You be sure and come back again,” Anita said, giving Ellie a big hug as she thanked the aunts for having her over.

  “I think they liked you,” Teresa said happily as she started the car.

  “I liked them, too. Thank you for inviting me,” Ellie said. She reached over for Teresa’s hand. “Could we stop by Rob and Karen’s for a minute?”

  “Sure,” Teresa said. “But we have to make a stop first.”

  She drove down the alley and parked behind the store. “Here,” she said, opening the VW’s hood and handing Ellie a wrapped plate of food. “Set that on the trash can, will you?” She scooped dog food into Lucy’s bowl and set it next to the plate.

  “For Dogman and Lucy,” Teresa explained when Ellie looked at her questioningly.

  “Dogman?”

  Teresa shrugged. “I don’t know his name.”

  Ellie looked from the food to Teresa. “Is this the man you told me about weeks ago? You do this every night?”

  Teresa nodded. “Lately. They usually sleep here.”

  “You are such a good person,” Ellie said.

  Teresa swallowed. “If I am, you made me that way,” she managed to say.

  Ellie shook her head. “You just are.”

  Teresa looked at Ellie in the gathering dusk and wished she could kiss her there. Ellie must have been thinking the same thing, because she stepped closer. A noise from the alley startled them, and they jumped apart.

  “We should go,” Teresa said. She drove them over to Rob and Karen’s house, where the two of them were watching television. Rob answered the door and invited them in.

  “We don’t mean to barge in on you.” Ellie offered the bag she’d brought with her. “I just wanted to give you this. I don’t know anything about wine. I hope these are good.”

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Karen said as she took out one of the bottles to inspect it.

  “I know,” said Ellie. “But y’uns had us over. Just wanted to give you a little something.”

  “Oh, it’s so nice and quiet here,” Teresa said, closing her eyes.

  “Yes, it is,” Rob agreed, but there was a tightness to his voice as he said it.

  Teresa watched him as he threw another log on the fire. “Do you want me to
talk to Ma? She might be able to convince Pop it’s time to let this go.”

  Rob snorted. “I don’t want someone to talk him into it.”

  Karen’s lips pursed. “Who is his father’s son?”

  Ellie laughed, but Teresa turned away frowning.

  Lying in bed later, Teresa stared at the ceiling. She’d just spent the best Christmas of her life —no, the best day of her life—with the woman she loved. “Who would have thought I’d ever utter such a thing?” she could have laughed out loud, but if her parents could never get to the point of accepting Karen, there was no hope that they would ever accept Ellie.

  As what, exactly?

  Teresa couldn’t answer that. She wasn’t able to picture what a life with Ellie might look like; she only knew she no longer wanted to face the future without Ellie in it.

  CHAPTER 16

  Friday morning, the day after Christmas, the bus chattered to a halt at the stop where Ellie and three others were waiting.

  “Hey, Ellie,” said the driver. “Have a good Christmas?”

  Ellie smiled as she climbed the steps of the bus and handed her card to be punched. “I had a very nice Christmas, Larry. How about you? Did you get your wife those fancy shoes she wanted?”

  Larry chuckled as he closed the bus door and released the brake. “I took your advice and bought ’em. Don’t know when she’ll ever wear ’em, but she’s got ’em.”

  “That’s all that matters,” Ellie said, sliding into the seat behind him. “Even if she never gets to wear them anywhere special, she’ll always remember that you remembered.”

  Larry glanced at her in his overhead mirror. “Thanks to you. I thought it was crazy, but that woman’s put up with me all these years.”

  Ellie laughed. The bus lurched to a halt at the next stop, letting a few more people on.

  “You know, you could take her out dancing for New Year’s,” Ellie said thoughtfully.

  He looked up at the mirror again. “You think?”

  Ellie nodded. “Take her somewhere she can dress up, wear those new shoes. And you dress up, too. Like you used to when you were dating.”

  Larry guffawed. “I used to cut a fine figure. Not no more.” He patted his bulging belly, barely constrained by his uniform buttons. “Too much o’ her good cookin’.” He stopped the bus to let some passengers off. “Dancin’, huh?”

  Larry was clearly still thinking about that when Ellie got to her stop.

  “See you Monday, Fred Astaire,” Ellie said as she hopped down the bus steps. She could still hear Larry laughing as the door shut and the bus pulled away with a belch of diesel smoke.

  It was bitterly cold as Ellie walked the remaining blocks to the bank, each breath hanging in a cloud of vapor for a moment. She looked around as she walked, but she didn’t see any street people. I hope they’re all in shelters, but she knew that wasn’t likely. There were just too many of them lately. Sometimes, it was hard not to get discouraged about the poverty and unemployment in this city. She was lucky to have a job and she knew it.

  Suzanne was already in the staff locker room when Ellie came in. “Good Christmas, Suzanne?” Ellie asked, pushing her coat into her locker.

  “Hmmph.” Suzanne sat nearby, changing from boots to shoes. “Not much of a Christmas with his new job. Barely making half of what he made in the mill. We only had a few presents each for the kids.”

  Ellie unwound her scarf and hung it in the locker as well. It was going to be an eggshell day. Linda had taken the rest of the week off, so it was only the two of them working the windows today.

  “Hello, ladies.”

  Ellie jumped. “Mr. Myers,” she said.

  He smiled. “I think it’s time you called me Aaron, Ellie.”

  “I don’t think so, Mr. Myers.” She turned back to her locker, pretending to be searching for something in her backpack as she waited for him to go away, but he didn’t. Suzanne pushed heavily to her feet and Ellie quickly closed her locker so that they could walk together past him.

  “What was that about?” Suzanne asked with a scowl.

  “No idea,” Ellie said in a low voice.

  “Stay away from him. He’s done this before, with other young tellers.” Suzanne glanced at Ellie and did a double take. “What’s that?” she asked, reaching out to Ellie’s chest where the heart necklace lay on her sweater.

  Ellie’s hand flew to it. It must have caught on her scarf and pulled free.

  Suzanne’s sharp gaze locked on Ellie. “And who is that from?”

  “No one,” Ellie said, but she could feel her face coloring. They went to the vault to retrieve their trays and take them to their windows.

  “No one, my foot,” Suzanne said, and Ellie knew she wouldn’t let this go. “You don’t get a heart from no one.”

  “It’s just a friend,” Ellie insisted, tucking the necklace back under her sweater. “So, what happened with your Christmas?” She knew from experience that the best way to distract Suzanne was to get her focused on her own troubles.

  She half-listened as Suzanne went on about no one appreciating all the time she took to buy and wrap presents, and how her husband and kids only gave her token gifts of perfume and stockings—“Stockings!” As Ellie listened, she felt an odd tingle running up her spine. She turned and looked. From up on the second floor, Aaron Myers was standing at the balcony, watching her. She turned back to her drawer, refusing to look up again.

  Every time the door opened, she looked up hopefully, but Teresa didn’t come in. She knew that Mr. Benedetto brought the deposit more often than Teresa did, but she’d hoped Teresa would find an excuse to come by. At lunch, she considered walking to the drug store, but you just spent all day with her yesterday, she reminded herself, sitting in the staff room with Suzanne as they ate their lunch. Ellie picked at her sandwich as Suzanne continued her complaints about all the time she’d spent preparing Christmas dinner with no one offering to help her.

  The afternoon dragged on, and finally, at closing time, she said good night to Suzanne and hopped a bus headed downtown. She was scheduled to work her last holiday hours at Kaufman’s over the weekend, helping with the after-Christmas rush, “and then I’ll be home more,” she’d promised KC, who had sat looking forlorn and lonely just that morning as Ellie rushed out the door.

  The evening passed quickly. The store was packed with people exchanging presents or trying to use gift certificates. “It’s been like this all day,” Ellie’s manager said in a harassed tone. She was grateful when Ellie took over the floor in the men’s department, rushing about, helping people find the size or color they needed. By the time the clock ticked nine o’clock, Ellie was exhausted.

  She punched out, grabbed her things and hurried to the diner.

  “I’m not here to eat,” she said as Louise looked up. “I know you’re trying to close up. I just wanted to thank you for my atlas. It’s wonderful!”

  Louise beamed at her. “So you can start planning those trips to all those places you’re going to see. And thank you for my silk scarf. Silk! And that blue. It looks like it came from a peacock.”

  “It’ll look beautiful on you,” Ellie said with a fond smile.

  Louise looked at her more closely. “You look wiped out.”

  Ellie nodded. “I am. I think I’m getting too old for fourteen-hour days. I don’t know how you do it.”

  Louise waved a hand. “It’s different when it’s your own place and you’re doing what you love.” She leaned her elbows on the counter as Ellie hopped onto one of the stools. “So how was your Christmas with Teresa’s family?”

  Ellie’s face lit up. “It was so nice. Her aunts, especially her godmother, they were great.” She reached out for Louise’s hand. “I’ve never had a Christmas like that.”

  “Teresa seems like a nice girl.”

  “She is,” Ellie said
. “She’s become a good friend.”

  Louise squeezed her hand. “I’m so glad, Ellie.” Her expression sobered. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never had a friend.” She waved a hand as Ellie opened her mouth to protest. “I don’t mean the people from the store or the bank. You get along with everyone. I mean a real friend. Someone you can count on to be there, no matter what. Teresa seems like that kind of person.”

  To Ellie’s embarrassment, her eyes stung with sudden tears. “I think she is,” she said, blinking rapidly. “Between you and Teresa, I’m set.”

  Louise laughed. “You know you got me, baby girl. Forever.” She went to ring up a customer.

  “See you soon, Louise,” Ellie called as she went back out into the night.

  The low winter sun pushed its way through the blinds of Ellie’s bedroom window, burnishing the edges of the petals of a single white rose propped in a small vase on the bedside table. KC made tiny snoring noises as she lay curled up against Ellie’s side while Ellie stared at the rose. It had been left outside her door at the top of the stairs sometime yesterday. She’d nearly tripped over it coming home. No note. None was needed. It was like having a bit of Teresa with her.

  She rolled over and stretched, luxuriating in being able to sleep in, just a bit. She had to be at Kaufman’s at noon, but there was something she had to do first.

  She got up and scrambled some eggs, mixing a little egg into KC’s dry food. When they were done eating, Ellie showered and got dressed for work.

  “I’ll be home later, little one,” she said as she pulled on a coat, hat, boots, and mittens.

  On the unheated landing, two wrapped bundles of flowers sat where she’d left them the day before. She gathered them up and headed outside, where the refreshingly cold air helped blow the cobwebs from her mind. She walked for about a half an hour, climbing over a few remaining snow piles pushed up by the plows at the intersections. Presently, she found herself at the cemetery, the grave markers standing like sentinels rising from the untouched snow still covering many of the gravesites. Ellie stood listening to the hush of the place.