Cast Me Gently

by Caren J. Werlinger

In the car, Anita talked about nothing important—Luisa’s gout in her big toe, was Gianni ever going to get engaged to Angelina, what a stinker little Rickie was—and Teresa was again grateful to her aunt for not expecting her to talk. She couldn’t have talked right now, not without bursting into tears.

  She pulled up at the curb. “I’ll walk you up.” She accompanied Anita up to the front door where Anita turned to her.

  “Good night, my angel.”

  “You haven’t said that since I was little,” Teresa said, her voice cracking.

  Anita laid a loving hand on Teresa’s cheek. “I know.”

  She went inside, and Teresa walked slowly back to her VW. As she drove, Teresa felt a slow upwelling of emotion, a tidal wave of things she’d kept in, walled up, ever since the terror of that night in the alley. She stumbled through her front door, dropped into her chair, and wrapped her arms around herself as she sobbed.

  It was still dark when Ellie woke. For a moment, she lay there, trying to hold on to her dream… It had been a good one, about the Christmas when she’d been five. She’d crept downstairs first to check out what Santa left and then had run back upstairs to get Daniel, who groggily followed her downstairs.

  “This pile is yours,” she said excitedly.

  Daniel was fully awake by then and turned on the kitchen light so the illumination wouldn’t reach upstairs and wake their parents. “Hey, I got a new guitar!”

  “And I got drawing pencils and new books,” Ellie whispered.

  They froze as they heard footsteps upstairs, and, a moment later, their parents came down.

  “Merry Christmas,” Michael said.

  “Merry Christmas, Daddy,” said Ellie, running to give him a hug.

  “Play us some music,” Ellen said.

  Daniel lifted the guitar out of its case, adjusted the tuning, and played “Silent Night”.

  Ellie smiled now, remembering how he had loved that guitar. It had broken her heart to have to let it be sold when her mom died, but she could only take a few things with her to foster care. She rolled over and hugged KC. The holidays were edging closer. This had been one thing she hadn’t been looking forward to. She still hadn’t made any friends here in Baltimore. Hard to meet people when you’re always working.

  Last year at this time, she and Teresa had been dancing around their attraction to each other, neither confident enough to say or do anything… until that magical New Year’s Eve.

  Has it really been a year since I met her? She tried to think back. It had been fall, just before the holidays because she helped decorate the store window. How could so much good and bad happen in one year?

  She felt homesick for Pittsburgh, for Louise, for Teresa. Getting to spend Christmas with Teresa last year had felt so special. For a little while, she had thought she might never have to spend another holiday alone. Stupid you.

  She got out of bed and padded into the bathroom. She had a rare day off and had booked a spot on a lunch cruise of the harbor. She glanced out the window. The sky was cloudless. It looked as if it was going to be a gorgeous day.

  She showered, and then she and KC had breakfast. “What do you think about this cruise, little one?” Ellie asked as she ate her Shredded Wheat. “On a boat for three hours with a bunch of strangers.” KC looked up and gave a tiny meow. “But if I don’t do things like this, I’ll never meet people, will I?” KC meowed again. Ellie nodded. “That’s exactly what I thought. Thanks.”

  She gave KC’s head a pat and carried her bowl to the sink.

  An hour later, she was on a dock at the Inner Harbor, lining up with about twenty other people to board a boat. A group of three women a few places in front of her in line caught her attention, all of them stocky with short hair and baseball caps. They had to be family. She smiled to herself as the crewmembers started letting people board. Ellie found a place on the upper deck that gave her an unobstructed view. The sun was warm, but the air was still chilly, and she zipped her jacket as she stood at the rail. She heard voices and turned to see the three women climbing the metal steps to the upper deck. They said hello, and Ellie nodded in return before turning her attention to the crew making preparations to begin the cruise. Someone’s amplified voice came over a loudspeaker, explaining their route and inviting them to wander the boat freely.

  Ellie put on her sunglasses and settled in a chair, her face lifted to the sun, enjoying the rolling motion of the boat as it moved away from the dock. She could feel the vibration of the boat’s engines as they rumbled. Over the rumble, she became aware of the women’s voices off to her side. Two of them were telling the third she was better off without her cheating girlfriend, but the third woman, Darlene, was apparently still lamenting the breakup. Ellie rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. It had never occurred to her that she’d had no one to confide in when she and Teresa broke up. Louise seemed to know, but they’d never talked about it. She probably could have talked to Bernie, but she was Teresa’s friend. And Sullivan was just…Sullivan. I never even thought of it as a breakup, she realized. It was just another thing ending. Like everything else in my life.

  The amplified voice returned, pointing out landmarks as they traveled south through the harbor. Ellie sat up, ignoring the continued conversation near her, taking in the views as the boat churned along at a leisurely pace. Before long, the crew was inviting people to head toward the dining room.

  Now, for the awkward part. Ellie took a deep breath, reminding herself that she’d chosen this cruise to meet people. She followed the other women down the stairs to the main deck and inside to the dining room, where most of the passengers were already seated at tables. She stood there for a moment, looking around.

  “Won’t you join us?”

  She turned to find one of the three women from the upper deck standing near her, indicating their table. “Thank you.”

  “I’m Olivia,” said the woman who had invited her. “This is Sue, and this is Darlene.”

  Ellie nodded to each of them, introducing herself. “Are y’uns from Baltimore?” she asked as she placed her napkin in her lap.

  They glanced at each other. “Sorry, what?” said Sue.

  Ellie smiled. “I forgot. That’s Pittsburgh. Are you guys all from Baltimore?”

  “We are,” Olivia said, indicating herself and Darlene. “Sue is from Frederick.”

  Ellie had no idea where that was, but she nodded politely.

  The crew began serving lunches. The four women chatted through lunch, and Ellie told them about the job that had brought her to Baltimore. She learned that Sue and Darlene were guidance counselors for Baltimore schools, and Olivia was a legal assistant.

  The boat made a wide, sweeping turn and began the return trip to the dock. They finished lunch and went back to the upper deck, where the day had warmed enough to take their jackets off.

  “Would you mind giving us your phone number?” Olivia asked, pulling a business card from her wallet. She asked a crewmember for a pen and jotted a couple of numbers down. “This is us, and that’s Darlene,” she said. “We’ve never been to your restaurant. Maybe we can come by some night. Are you allowed to join us?”

  “Probably not,” Ellie said. “But I’ll make sure you have a great dinner.”

  The boat docked and all the passengers got off. Ellie stood there for a moment.

  “It was nice to meet all of you,” she said.

  “You, too,” said Darlene, looking at Ellie as if she wanted to say something more.

  “Well, I have to get going,” Ellie said before Darlene could say anything else. “Bye.”

  She turned and walked away with a wave. “You wanted to meet people,” she said with a wry smile as she turned a corner.

  A hard frost had descended overnight, covering Teresa’s car windows, and making the bushes and trees glitter in the early morning light. She scraped her windshiel
d clean and gave the side windows a cursory scrape, and then got in and headed toward the store. As she turned into the alley, her eyes automatically scanned for Dogman and Lucy. Even after all these months, she still hoped she might see them.

  Inside the store, she busied herself putting out the boxes of Halloween candy that had been delivered yesterday. Ellie’s idea, she recalled. And right after Halloween, it would be time to decorate the window for Thanksgiving. She went to the storeroom and found the box labeled “Macy’s Parade”. Inside were all of the miniatures Ellie had made for the display last year, with the toy soldiers holding the strings attached to their Popeye and Superman balloons. She fingered one of the figures, biting her lip for a moment before setting the box down and going to the telephone.

  She dialed and waited impatiently for someone to answer. “Hi, Mrs. D’Armelio? Has Bernie left for school yet?” She waited, listening to the voices coming over the phone. “Hey,” she said when Bernie picked up. “You doing anything tonight?”

  “No,” said Bernie. “Why?”

  “Want to go to the diner?”

  There was a long pause. “Sure. We can do that. Want me to pick you up?”

  “No,” said Teresa. “I’ll come get you. Five o’clock?”

  “Sounds good. See you then.”

  Teresa hung up and went outside to sweep and pass out bread for Mrs. Schiavo. She’d have to figure out how to get her mother to close the store for her.

  “Just tell her you have something to do,” she muttered. “It’s not like you do this every night. You’re allowed to have an evening off.”

  If Sylvia wondered what Teresa wanted with her evening off, she didn’t ask. Teresa kept an eye on the clock, wondering a few times if it was broken, as it seemed to have stopped. At last, four-thirty rolled by, and she went to get her jacket and purse from the office.

  “Bye, Ma,” she said as she hurried out the back door.

  She drove to Bernie’s house and beeped. Bernie appeared immediately and got in.

  “So, what’s up?” Bernie asked.

  “Nothing,” said Teresa. “I just got hungry for one of Louise’s burgers.”

  “Jesus, Bennie, it’s me. Stop with the bullshit.”

  Teresa sighed. “All right. I want to get her address. I figure Louise will have it.”

  Bernie grinned. “It’s about fucking time.” She chatted about school and the nun who was their new principal as Teresa drove through downtown traffic.

  When they got to the diner, Teresa’s heart fell as she saw Patty at the register. “Damn. She’s not here.”

  They slid into a booth and picked up menus. A waitress Teresa didn’t recognize came to take their drink orders.

  “Is Louise here tonight?” Bernie asked.

  The waitress glanced up at them. “Yes. She’s in the office. May I tell her who’s asking?”

  “Friends of Ellie’s.”

  “I’ll tell her right away.”

  Louise appeared a couple of minutes later and sat beside Teresa, giving her a hug. “How are you two?”

  “We’re good,” Teresa said. “How are you feeling?”

  Louise laughed. “I couldn’t be better. Patty is here at least half-time now, so I can take some time off. Something I never thought I’d say.” She eyed both of them. “So what brings you down here?”

  “Your burgers and shakes,” Teresa said quickly. “What else?”

  Louise nodded. “What else, indeed.” She slid out of the booth. “I’ll let you enjoy your meal. Good to see you.”

  Bernie leaned across the table. “Why didn’t you ask?”

  “I just couldn’t,” Teresa said miserably. “Then she’d know Ellie and I haven’t talked or written.”

  Bernie shook her head. “You are so fucked. Do you think she doesn’t know that already?”

  Teresa sat there, her appetite gone, when Louise reappeared.

  “I don’t know if you need this,” she said, laying a slip of paper on the table. “Oh, and I’m driving down there in a couple of weeks, if you’d like to go with me.”

  She left, and Teresa stared after her.

  “Close your mouth,” Bernie said reaching for the paper. “You look like an imbecile.” Her face broke into a big grin, and she held the paper up. “Ellie’s address.”

  “Why are you doing that?”

  Marion had entered the restaurant on a busy Friday night, unannounced as she often did, to find Ellie hurrying through the dining room, carrying a tub of dirty dishes.

  “One of the bus boys didn’t show tonight,” Ellie said in a harassed voice. It wasn’t just the missing bus boy—it was the bus boy, a squabble between two of the waitresses over a bartender, and Darlene. She could feel Darlene’s gaze following her from the bar, though she refused to look over. Ever since the cruise, Darlene had been coming to the restaurant two or three nights a week. She sat at the bar, ate a little, drank quite a bit, but mostly tried to engage Ellie in conversation. Ellie had quickly figured out that maybe Darlene’s girlfriend had her reasons for leaving. Ellie made her apologies, but kept moving, grateful on the nights the restaurant was busy.

  “I want to check on the new guy,” Marion said, heading to the kitchen where they had a new cook, whose only experience was cooking in his family’s Chinese restaurant. Marion hadn’t been so sure about hiring him, but Ellie had talked her into giving him a chance.

  “I’m surprised this joint isn’t serving fried chicken and chitt’lins,” Ming, the new guy, was saying to the other cooks as they entered.

  The other cooks stopped laughing when they saw Marion and Ellie, and there was dead silence, except for the sizzle of cooking food.

  Marion put her hands on her hips, reminding Ellie forcefully of Louise, and said, “I suppose if you had your way, we’d be serving chow mein and egg rolls.” Ming whipped around to face her as a few of the other cooks smirked. “If you have a problem working for a black woman,” Marion continued, “you’d better speak up now.”

  “No, ma’am,” he said.

  “Glad to hear it. Now get back to work, all of you.”

  Marion went down the line, tasting and inspecting. “Good work, everyone.” She made for the kitchen doors, adding in a fake Southern accent, “Even if we ain’t serving fried chicken and chitt’lins.”

  They heard loud laughter follow them as the doors swung closed. Marion pulled Ellie aside. “What’s with the woman at the bar? A friend of yours?”

  Ellie felt her face get hot. “No. I mean, I know her, but I don’t know how to get rid of her.”

  “Leave that to me.” Marion went behind the bar and stood in front of Darlene. “How many have you had tonight, sweetheart?”

  “Just a couple,” Darlene said, holding her beer.

  “Well, I never let anyone leave my place three sheets to the wind,” Marion said. “And I don’t let customers interfere with my staff when they’re on the clock. So, this is your last one for tonight, all right?”

  How does she do that and not piss people off? Ellie thought, watching from a distance.

  “Sure,” Darlene said, draining her glass. She slid down from her bar stool and left with one last glance in Ellie’s direction.

  “If that happens again, you let me know,” Marion said.

  “Thanks.”

  Marion glanced at her watch. “Louise should be here soon. Let’s go to the office.”

  Ellie told the hostess where they’d be and followed Marion.

  “Close the door,” Marion said.

  Ellie closed the door and sat.

  “Are you happy here?”

  Ellie’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Marion sat back, one perfectly plucked eyebrow arched as she looked at Ellie. “I mean, are you happy here? Happy at work? Happy
in Baltimore? It’s not a hard question.”

  “Well,” Ellie stalled. “I guess I’ve been a little homesick for Pittsburgh, but I’ve been exploring more of Baltimore. It’s a nice city.”

  “Yes, it is,” Marion agreed with a hint of a smile, but only a hint. “And you still didn’t answer my question.”

  Ellie’s shoulders slumped a little. “I’m tired, I guess. Working a lot of hours.”

  At this admission, Marion leaned forward, her elbows on the desk. “Yes, it has been a lot of hours. And you’ve done a fantastic job. I would have had a hard time getting this second location up and running without you. Louise wasn’t lying when she said you were the hardest working person she knew. That’s quite a compliment coming from her.”

  Ellie felt her cheeks glow at the praise.

  “But is this what you want to do as your career?”

  Ellie thought for a moment. “I’ve worked since I was eighteen, two and three jobs. I’ve never really given any thought to a career. I guess I could go back to banking.”

  Marion sat back with a scowl. “Banking. You’re better than that. But you need more education if you’re going to have a real future.” She opened her enormous purse and pulled out a thick catalog. “From the University of Baltimore. You look through this, give some thought to what it is you really want to do, and I’ll help you get there. We can cut your hours back, let you attend classes, and I’ll help with tuition.”

  Ellie stared at her. “Why would you do that?”

  Marion threw her head back and laughed. “Louise told me that would be your reaction. I’ll tell you why, Ellie Ryan. Because the first woman I worked for did the same for me. Not a college degree, but business school, so I didn’t have to be a cook all my life. She gave me a leg up and told me to pass it on to someone else when I could. So I’m offering this to you. And when you can, you pass it on.”

  Sudden tears stung Ellie’s eyes as she accepted the course catalog. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say yes.”

  There, in the doorway, unheard by either of them, stood Louise. Ellie flew into her arms, hugging her tightly.