Exposure

by Avril Osborne

  “Are we heading for major finds, then, Jane?” asks Linda down the table.

  “We sure stand to,” Jane comes back. “Certainly, we can’t fully explore the tomb in the time we’ve got left. It may be better to wait a season, apply for more funding and come back next year. Publicity wouldn’t go amiss. It could increase the likelihood of funding.”

  “Sounds good to me,” affirms Linda, watching the nods of agreement round the table. “Let’s have a first look tomorrow and decide what we do over dinner tomorrow night.”

  Careful not to take over Jane’s well-established leadership, she makes it clear to the others that she and Jane will confer after the tomb is open. Jane will continue to lead the dig and she will ask for Jane’s help in working at the political and public interface of the project. This is going to involve meetings with the local authority and the tourist agency, potential funding negotiations and, of course, meeting the press. They agree that this could be a national story. An open day for local people and summer tourists should draw the local press.

  Hector stays by Jane’s side all evening, helps clear up and accompanies Jane when she suggests that Linda might like to see the nearby beach before dark. Linda is happy to do so and is relieved, if anything, that Hector is with them. The beach is a quarter hour’s walk away during which Hector entertains them both to a running commentary on the flora and fauna of the island. This keeps the conversation light and Hector seems quietly pleased when, on their return, Linda makes her goodnights and he has Jane to himself. Linda leaves them settling to a final glass of wine in the dining room where they are the team of two responsible for laying out the following day’s breakfast plates. As she glances back from the door, she sees Jane staring in her direction, a serious expression in her usually smiling eyes.

  In her narrow bed that night, Linda lies awake listening, she knows, for the sound of Jane returning to her own cubicle next to hers, wanting to be sure that she is there.

  The first evening sets the pattern for the work and days ahead. Linda sees the site and works with the team the following day. She is impressed by the thoroughness of the team’s efforts and recording under Jane’s leadership. Jane introduces her to the farmer and his wife on whose ground the site lies. They prove to be a pleasant and gentle couple, concerned only that their usual profit from their ground should not be lost to the interests of ancient history. They can cope with another season of the dig if an arrangement can be arrived at. Fair enough, Linda feels, and says so; farming is no longer the profitable world of just a few years ago.

  The evenings follow a rhythm of returning to the hostel, showering, sitting over wine and discussing the finds and the events of the day. Jane and Linda also report back on negotiations going on regarding continuing the excavations and relay back the support of the tourist agency that they should hold an open day for the public, at the site, so that people can see the houses and the artefacts discovered and talk to the young archaeologists at first hand. The idea is a useful one for them. Anything that heightens interest is likely to lead to improved chances of funding. It could also improve local cooperation.

  Late evenings always involve a walk of some sort – and one evening Jane and Linda walk alone, conscious of enjoying each other’s company and saying so. But they say nothing else of import. On the beach they sit in silence and watch the sun go down. Linda avoids Jane’s eyes as they enjoy the last shafts of the rays from the sun as it falls below the horizons. But she feels intensely the presence of the younger woman intensely and knows that she wants to reach out and just touch her. She does not.

  On the Friday of the first week, one of the team, Tom, volunteers to be the driver and to take everyone to the hotel in town for a pub meal and an evening of music. It proves a good rowdy evening of beers, chilli-con-carnes, fish and chips and indifferent curries – standard pub fare which assumes the proportions of a feast after more modest meals in the week. The loud jukebox music and the smoky atmosphere take Linda back in her thoughts to her own student days. She feels momentarily young again, a million miles away from family life. They all laugh and talk as much as they can against the volume of music. Hector makes his move to be with Jane and to walk her to the harbour. Linda sees her decline, indicating that she is listening to the music and is amused to watch Hector go into a mild sulk for the rest of the evening. Linda keeps her distance and chats to a couple of the group who have obviously recently become an item.

  The sleeping accommodation at the hostel is basic but provides the only privacy that there is for reflection. Linda lies for several evenings in the dark, fully aware now of her feelings and with the words of her conversation with Susan ringing in her head. Her calls to Ken and to the children in Europe ground her, though, and hold her steady in her resolve to say and do nothing.

  On Sunday, the party agree not to work, and give themselves a day’s walking, followed by a beach barbecue. Some of the men, the rejected Hector included, brave the sea for a swim. A bonfire on the beach warms them afterwards and keeps everyone on the shore till long after sunset. Those who have become couples sit together but the majority are just content with the good spirit of people happy at work and at play. Linda and Jane catch each other’s eye from time to time across the fire and across the group. Linda has a sense that each of them is waiting.

  CHAPTER 15

  The second week passes in a whirl of practical last minute activity and a rush to expose as much as possible of the site right up to the very last moment. The knowledge that the site could close for the foreseeable future places an excited imperative on the group to dig as deep as the can in the time that remains.

  Linda is both present on site and away at meetings during the course of the week. So often, she stops to watch the slim frame of Jane as she labours over a piece of ground or concentrates with a frown on her notes, her face usually streaked with mud where she has absent-mindedly swept her hand over her brow. Linda aches each moment when she is in the young woman’s company. She aches worse when she is not.

  The open day is on Wednesday, half day closing for the shops and therefore likely to attract locals and tourists with little opportunity to spend money. A trickle of people turn up; enough, the group feel, to warrant the effort they put into the preparations. The local newspaper does an interview and the local TV station shoots some footage.

  On Friday, they leave the hostel to move into the hotel, looking forward to a comfortable weekend but with sadness for a time well shared. In the event, the whole team has booked into the hotel. Most are sharing rooms. Jane and Linda have a room each. The weekend is part work, part leisure. On Friday evening, they eat pub food in the lounge as before. Now the place is alive with folk music for the Folk Festival.

  Jane and Linda agree on a walk round the town and back to the hotel late in the evening. Jane suggests the walk at a moment when Hector is waylaid by one of the girls in the party, Sophie, who wants Hector to partner her in a game of pool. The two women enjoy the stroll to the harbour, awkward, almost, in each other’s company. At the end of the pier they stop, and instead of looking at the moon shadows dancing over the sea, stand and hold each other’s eyes. But neither of them says anything, Jane breaking the moment with a smile and a quiet, “let’s go back”.

  At the hotel, they are each of them reluctant to separate from the other. Jane suggests a last drink in the bar and Linda thinks that the wine that she has in her room would be better – the hotel house wine is on the rough side. She has said this before she thinks about the ramifications. She digs herself in deeper – the noise is still unabated in the lounge whereas their rooms will at least allow them to talk. What is she doing, she asks herself.

  They are somehow awkward as they enter Linda’s room. Linda pours the wine; gives Jane a glass. She accepts it with a smile, takes it to the bay window and sits in the armchair, sipping it and saying little. Linda sits on the bed and they talk about the evenings they have walked and the sunsets they have seen over the last ten days. J
ane says how sorry she is that the time is coming to an end. With the ability of the American to express herself, she says it has been one of the most important times she has spent in her life. Linda looks at her, searching for the meaning in Jane’s words that she thinks might be there.

  “Yes,” Linda comes back, cautiously. “It’s been an enormously significant project.”

  Jane smiles, says that she wasn’t just thinking of the project but that it is getting late and she had perhaps better let Linda get some sleep.

  She rises to go and Linda comes with her to the door. They stand silent, looking at each other once again before Jane comes to her. A charge of nervous emotion runs through Linda as she realizes that Jane is going to hug her to say goodnight. Linda holds her for the first time in her arms and does not let her go. She is aware that Jane is not pulling away. They stand together like this, slowly pulling back their heads to look at each other, close up, for the first time.

  It is Jane who kisses Linda, stretching to her lips an inch or two above her own. It is tender, it is slow and it seems to last a very long time. And it is Jane who whispers, a few moments later, “I love you, Linda.”

  “And I love you.”

  It all happens so simply in the event. Nothing more is said. Nothing needs to be said. They sit down together on the bed for a long time, holding each other, kissing, just experiencing this emotion and the feel of the other in her arms. The feel of a woman is new to Linda but because it is Jane, it is also perfect. There is nothing strange about it. Her closeness is almost overwhelming. In the minutes they laugh quietly in recognition of what they are feeling, Linda knowing that no words could convey her feelings.

  Eventually, Jane, usually the more vocal of the two anyway, says, “I have loved you for a very long time, Linda.”

  Linda is taken aback, genuinely surprised. “Have you? But we didn’t really know each other before this fortnight.”

  Jane thinks before replying.

  “I suppose the fortnight just confirmed it for me.”

  Linda muses, “I don’t know when it dawned on me. It was gradual, I think. I was very conscious of you at your supper party. Yes, I suppose I knew definitely then, if I’m honest with myself. I spent the evening of the lecture wanting just to speak to you. And then at the garden party, I very nearly said something.” Then she freezes, momentarily. “ I nearly didn’t come here, you know.”

  Jane looks amused and stays silent. Then, “Shall we sleep together?”

  Linda draws back. “Jane, I’ve never done this. I wouldn’t know what to do. Maybe we need to think. I’m, well, not free. Are you? What about Terry, and Hector – and heaven knows who else?”

  “There’s no one. No one I want, anyway. And as far as you not being free – I know what I’ll be letting myself in for. I have had a good while to think about things. Linda, I still want to be with you, even if there is Ken, as best we can.”

  Linda hesitates before saying again, “I wouldn’t know what to do. Anyway, as you say, there’s Ken.”

  Jane just smiles, looks at Linda, kisses her softly, and says, “I’ll be back shortly.”

  Alone, Linda sits on her bed, facing the decision of her life. Susan’s pragmatic advice comes back to her.

  When Jane returns back ten minutes later, Linda is as Jane left her, wine untouched. Jane brought pyjamas that Linda recognises from the hostel and a wrap-round. Linda comes to meet her at the door, her decision all but taken, but still anxious. Jane holds her, kisses her. At this moment, Linda is too frozen to respond. Then Jane releases her, goes round to the other side of the bed and, looking at her, takes off her denims and shirt. She stands for a second in bra and pants, a sight Linda has not thought of before now as arousing, and then slips in between the sheets to sit and wait for her. She turns the bed lights off and the room glows oranges from the street lamps.

  Slowly, nervously, Linda does the same, and for a moment they lie on elbows, looking awkwardly at each other. Jane laughs gently and draws Linda to her to kiss her. Linda lets her take the lead as Jane kisses her again, then runs her fingers over Linda’s shoulders and arms and down to the cleavage between her breasts. She undoes Linda’s bra and looks at her breasts before running her lips over her nipples. Linda gasps slightly. Slowly, gently the caressing moves down over Linda’s hips, Linda clinging to Jane, afraid to touch her in turn as silently Jane kisses her. As she does so, she holds eye contact with Linda and then, easing away from her, gently pulls Linda’s pants off. Linda lets her and, excited now, reaches in turn for Jane’s bra and then her pants. They half lie, half sit, naked and looking at each other. A strange mix of contentment and vulnerability to the other woman comes over Linda. She feels shy as she smiles uncertainly at Jane. Jane’s body is wonderful, she thinks – round but not overweight and shining in the half-light. Linda is roused quickly as Jane gently puts her on to her back and gazes down at her, her silhouette outlined in the soft semi-light. As Jane kisses her, Linda’s tongue finds its way, urgently now, into Jane’s mouth. Now she is exploring Jane’s breasts and nipples with her hand, then her tongue. Jane leads again now as Linda’s breathing deepens and she runs her fingers over Linda’s thighs. Jane does not touch Linda where she now aches to be touched and she waits for Linda to follow her lead. Linda does. Excited and soon exploring the intimate areas of Jane’s body and emotions for the first time, Linda’s natural passion and desire for this woman lead to slow, overwhelming lovemaking and to different emotions from anything she has experienced before.

  Jane shows her slowly what true lovemaking between women can be and takes her gently, through what she says and does, to closeness between them that Linda has never shared with anyone. Instinct taking over from Linda’s diffidence, the gentle teaching on Jane’s part gives way to true excitement and they come together, enveloped in passion and holding eye contact all the way.

  Arms and legs wrapped round each other, they lie wet with exertion, looking at each other. Linda feels mildly drunk with emotion. An hour has passed since Jane came back from her own room.

  Linda feels no guilt, no embarrassment and no regret. Holding Jane, kissing her and entwining their fingers, she feels only love for a woman who has shown her a part of herself she sensed was there. No one other than Jane would ever have been allowed to reveal this part of her. She tries to say something in gratitude but Jane just gently puts her fingers over Linda’s lips to hush her.

  “Nonsense. I love you and you love me. It’s as simple as that.”

  “But this makes me different.”

  “Yes and no. They say it’s the potential in every woman.” Jane laughs quietly.

  “I’m not sure Ken or Terry, or young Hector would agree with that.”

  “Let’s leave them out of our bed,” Jane laughs, “And stay with the moment. All the tomorrows will come soon enough.”

  “True.”

  They doze, make love and talk the love talk of new lovers who have known each other for some time. Just after seven o’clock, Jane leaves reluctantly, to start the day from her own room. Virtually unslept, Linda prepares to meet a new day – shocked and energised all at once.

  They meet over breakfast, tired but energised and those members of the team well enough to face food are still too jaded to notice the connection between them.

  The whole party returns by mini-bus for a final clear up of the site where the barbecue happened. They walk together to the beach where Linda and Jane strolled over the fortnight. The two women find a moment in private, now seeing the sea through the eyes of lovers, and they promise to come back here in ten years time. In that moment, they make a new commitment; one of continuity.

  In the evening, the team have a last dinner in the hotel. In the lounge bar, Hector makes a last attempt to win Jane whilst Linda sits several seats away, amused, and yet relieved when it is time to wind the evening up. She says goodnight to the group, a group in which everyone is emotional at the ending of a successful month’s work.

  Li
nda showers and is in bed when the expected tap on the door comes, half an hour later.

  The second night is as passionate and as intimate as the first, and more disinhibited for both. The depth of their emotions is only tinged by the fact that they will be separating to face their real lives on the following morning. Jane puts no pressure on Linda but does suggest her coming round to Jane’s flat on the day after her return to the city.

  They agree to spend what time they can together in the months ahead, but otherwise to go on with life as before. Both know it will be hard. It is as if they have started on something that has already taken on significance and drive that are bigger than either of them can control.

  On Sunday morning, Linda is to see the party off in their van and to spend what

  she knows will be a miserable day until Monday’s flight. On impulse, after the prospect of being on the island without Jane, she dresses quickly when her lover leaves her, Jane now looking pale and drawn at their parting. Minutes later, she is in the foyer waiting for Jane with the rest of the party.

  “Room for one more?”

  Jane’s face does not conceal her delight. They will at least be able to be in each other’s company for the long ferry crossing and minibus trail across country, and back south to the city.

  To gain hours like this is a bonus and it delays separation till late evening. They sit together up front in the minibus, Tom driving and Hector on the bench behind. Mostly, the two women talk to the men, each easy in the company of the other and with little need for conversation together. Only intimate talk and touch would satisfy their needs just now. On the crossing they all four have coffee together, Hector following Jane out on deck to watch the approaching mainland. Linda feels secure although her friend is out of sight, unsettled only at the slight tension in her friend’s face when she and Hector return. But Jane whispers “It was nothing” as they head back to the minibus – only that Hector asked her out to dinner when they get back this evening to the city. She declined, much to the young man’s irritation. Jane decides to sit by Hector on the rest of the drive to the city and Linda sees that this is by way of appeasement.