by Cary Hart
I’m not sure if he’s joking or not. I mean are we even serious enough to have this talk? Maybe he’s joking. Turning in his arms, I examine his face for any sign of how he really is feeling.
“I mean, I know we basically just met, but I can see—”
“Yes, I’ve always wanted more. I just didn’t know if it was in the cards for me,” I blurt out. I’m not sure what I’m doing or saying, but I know this time I don’t want to hide.
“Good. Me too.” He smiles. “Glad we got that out of the way.”
“Drew?”
“Hmm?”
“I never thought in a million years I could ever feel this way,” I confess, hoping he feels the same way.
“Babe...” he nuzzles my neck, breathing me in. “You are what I have been searching for my whole life. I never knew I wasn’t complete until you.”
His words wash over me, cleansing my soul.
Fulfillment.
Drew
TODAY HAS TO BE the perfect day. After our little confessional, Aubrey laid out a blanket under a shade tree by the playground equipment, opting for a traditional picnic, and surprised me with my favorite, strawberry shortcake.
The girls tell me how they each had a part to play in it. Aubrey took Reece to the strawberry patch to gather a couple quarts. Andie, who Sarah finally let spend the night, cored them and together they mixed the ingredients to bake a shortbread — the best I’ve ever had.
Now, I’m lying with a woman I met by chance. Someone who has filled my life with so much happiness. Someone I could see spending the rest of my life with, and hearing her tell me that she feels the same way has me wanting to go out and buy a ring today.
The only problem is I’m still married. Each day I tell myself that today is the day I tell her. I’m not intentionally keeping it from her, but the moment I try, she does something so amazing, so Aubrey, that in that split second I panic. I can’t lose her over something so trivial.
Until recently, each time I’ve tried to talk to Sarah she has shot me down, telling me if I want a divorce, I needed to bypass her. She still refuses to sign the papers.
Then just this week, we had a really nice talk about the past, the future and Andie. We argued, cried and shared memories, then closed the doors to the past.
This weekend, Andie asked her mom if she could spend the night at Reece’s. It was my weekend and I had every right to let her, but I didn’t want to rock the boat considering the divorce isn’t final and custody isn’t set in stone. But when Andie asked her mom, this time she said “yes” and surprised us all.
Friday night, Andie and I had a date night, but Saturday the girls stayed in the pool house with Aubrey and I worked in the B&B trying to hurry the process along. Not wanting to go home, I stayed upstairs in the new bed, tossing and turning, wishing Aubrey was with me.
“Mmmm, that feels so good,” Aubrey purrs as I run my fingers through her hair, feeling the silky strands.
I’m propped up against the tree, watching the girls run around playing with their new bubbles. Aubrey is lying crossways with her head in my lap, reading.
“You like that?”
“I do.” She tilts her head up, making a kissy face.
“You want this?” I pucker up.
She nods, which rubs up against my dick causing me to groan.
I lean down and she gives me a quick peck on the lips, but I hold her head in place, taking more of her taste.
“Mommy, Drew!” Reece comes running up. “Andie fell off the monkey bars!” She stops and runs back toward Andie. “Hurry!”
“SHIT!”
Aubrey is up before I even had to tell her to move. “Go! I’ll get the first aid kit.” She takes off for the truck.
“Wait!” I holler for her. “You’ll need these.” I toss her the keys and take off for Andie.
“Daddy, my head hurts so bad.”
“I told her not to play on them, but those kids over there,” Reece points in their direction and they scatter, “they dared her to, they said they didn’t think she could do the whole thing.”
I examine Andie and everything seems fine, but I worry that she may have a concussion. “Where did you hit your head?”
“Right here.” Reece speaks up for her. “She made it all the way over and was trying to climb down, but her shoelace was untied and when she stepped down she slipped off the step and fell backwards.”
“I have the magical Band-Aids.” Aubrey comes running up. Our roles are reversed this time. “Oh no! Not the monkey bars.”
“They dared her.” I nod over to the group of the kids. “Said she couldn’t make it across.”
“Well, then. Andie, did you show them?” She bends down, checking out Andie’s head as they talk.
“I sure did.” Andie’s smile is weak.
“Mommy, she is a superhero!”
“That’s my girls.” Aubrey holds out her hands, high-fiving them both. “Drew, you better call Sarah and let her know what happened, but tell her she is fine. If she wants her to come home I will totally understand.”
Damn it. So much for Andie spending the night.
“Daddy, NOOOO!” Andie cries. “She’ll make me go home.”
“Maybe not munchkin. Let’s just see what she has to say.”
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out my phone and dial Sarah’s number, walking away so the girls can’t hear. I’m not sure what she will say or how I’ll react.
Instead of picking up it goes straight to voicemail.
Instantly, I receive a text.
Sarah: I can’t talk right now.
Me: Andie fell off the monkey bars. She’s fine.
Sarah: Does she need to go to the ER?
Me: I think she’s good. Just need to watch her.
Sarah: OK. Just keep me updated.
Me: Seriously?
Sarah: What?
Me: Nothing, I just thought you would want her to come home.
Sarah: I do want her to come home, but you are her dad. You’re capable.
Me: Remember she is staying with her friend tonight.
Sarah: She’s a mom. I’m sure she is capable of watching our child. If you don’t feel she is, then take her back to your house.
Me: Alrighty then.
Sarah: Thank you for letting me know.
Me: YW. TY for trusting me.
“Is everything OK?” Aubrey comes up, placing her hand on my lower back.
“Yeah.” I just stare at the phone. “She was OK with it.”
“Well, that’s good...right?”
“She said she was OK with Andie still spending the night with you.”
“Really?” She seems shocked.
“Really.” I hold up the phone letting her read the text exchange.
“WOW. This is a step in the right direction.” She hands the phone back to me. “I may have promised the girls ice cream.”
“Well, we better get going then.” I take her hand in mine, bringing it up for a kiss before we head back toward the girls.
“Who’s ready for ice cream?” I shout.
Drew
IT’S NOT MY NORMAL day to have Andie, but today is Sarah’s birthday and since her co-workers wanted to take her out for drinks I volunteered to pick up Andie and take her to buy a gift. Now we are headed back to the house to quickly decorate before Sarah gets home.
“Daddy, she’s going to love this. Isn’t she? Do you think she will feel like a princess?” She hands me the glitter bows she’s putting everywhere. “All princesses love glitter, don’t they Daddy?”
“Munchkin, I think she will love anything you do,” I try to reassure her.
“But Daaaaddy! This has to be extra special.” She digs around in a bag. “Daddy! I can’t find the candles. Where are the candles?”
“Honey, it will be fine.” I double-check all the bags to make sure she didn’t miss anything.
“Daddy! They’re gone!” She starts to panic.
“Munch, don’t worry.
There are plenty of candles floating around here somewhere.” I start opening all the cabinets looking for the spares left over from past parties. I finally come upon the cabinet that has them all. “Look what I found!” I dangle the blue and purple candles left over from her Frozen-themed birthday.
“DADDY! THOSE ARE PERFECT!” She jumps with excitement. “Mommy is going to love love love these!” She runs over, grabs them from me and hurries to put them on the cake. “We have to hurry. Mommy is going to be home any minute. Right Daddy?”
“Yes.” I pull my phone out, looking at the time. “I think we have about...five minutes.”
“Did you order the pizza? Mommy’s favorite. The one with the puffy cheese and leaves on it?”
“Not yet.” I bring up the app on my phone. “I’ll do that right now while I keep watch.”
“Ohhh! Watch out. Good call.” She nods.
I place the order, and just in the nick of time. Sarah is pulling in now.
“HIDE! Mommy’s home!” I run into the kitchen and turn out the lights.
“Daddy? Can she see me? It’s dark, right?” She holds her hand out in front of her face. “Daddy, I can see my hand.”
“Shhhh, she’ll hear you.”
“OK Daddy as soon as she comes in we jump up and scream—” The door opens and Andie is up before she can finish. “SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY!” she shouts, bopping up and down. “Daddy? Where are you?” She turns around and peeks under the table, seeing me on the other side.
I slowly stand up. “Happy birthday, Sarah.”
“WOW! Guys this is such a surprise. Thank you so much.” She holds out her arms for Andie to give her a hug.
“Really?” Andie runs to her. “It was Daddy’s idea. He said surprises are your favorite.”
“Your daddy’s right. They are.” She gives me a sad smile. “I’m surprised he remembered.” She says it for my benefit, and Andie doesn’t understand.
“How could I forget? You used to leave me lists and email me ideas for your surprise parties, not really giving me a chance to pull one off by myself.”
“Yeah, I guess I should have listened. This one right here.” She bends down, face to face with Andie. “Is pretty darn cool and I was very much surprised.”
“That’s not all.” Andie giggles. “We got you your favorite kind of pizza. It should be here soon. Right Daddy?” she asks, looking back at me.
“Yep.” I pull up the tracker app. “Looks like it’s on the way.” I grab my keys and call Andie over for a hug. “Munchkin, I better get going.”
“Daddy, can’t you stay? You haven’t even had cake yet.”
“Honey, this is your mommy’s birthday. I’m sure she would love it to just be you guys.”
“Actually, I’m not really hungry and that is a whole lotta cake for two people. Why don’t you stay?”
“YAY!” Andie runs over to Sarah, giving her a hug, then back to me. “See, Mommy doesn’t care. Now we can be a family again.”
Shit!
“Andie, sweetie, we will always be a family.”
“I know Daddy, but I mean for tonight like we used to be. I know you aren’t staying the night, but you can eat pizza.”
Right now, I’m mentally fighting a war. Tonight, I was supposed to meet Aubrey for a late dinner since Doug had Reece. If I stay, what does that mean? I’m choosing Sarah over Aubrey? Would she understand that I just wanted my daughter to be happy?
“I’m not sure if this is a good idea.”
“I have Coors Light in the fridge. Your favorite,” Sarah pipes in.
“Since when did you start drinking Coors Light?” I question her, knowing she hates the stuff. If it didn’t come in a bottle with a cork she wouldn’t drink it.
“I had a few friends over last weekend. Seriously, it’s not a problem. Just stay for dinner and cake.”
“Fine. Let me make a call and I’ll be right back.”
Stepping outside, I dial Aubrey to make sure she hasn’t made any big plans.
“Hey there! I was just about to give you a shout.” She sounds excited when she answers the phone.
“Someone sounds happy to hear from me?” I tease her.
“I’m always happy to hear your voice.”
“Really, is it because it’s sexy?” I deepen my voice, searching for a laugh.
“Oh yeah! Totally sexy!” she teases back.
“I’m going to have to cancel our dinner plans,” I blurt out, not wanting to beat around the bush.
“Oh? OK.” Her voice changes an octave, a tell-tale sign she is upset.
“Babe, I’m so sorry. I helped Andie plan a surprise party for Sarah and she is begging me to stay.”
“Ohhhh. Well, sure, I get it,” she says, trying to bring her voice back down to mask her disappointment.
“Aubrey, I promise I’ll make it up to you later tonight. Is Doug still keeping Reece all night?”
“Yep,” she says casually.
“You mad?” I ask bluntly. There is no way in hell I want to piss her off. We haven’t had a real argument yet, but I got a feeling if we did, she is just feisty enough to take me down.
“I’m not mad. Disappointed yes, but Drew, I have a daughter and am recently divorced. I know how carefully you have to handle everything.” She pauses and I’m wondering if I really did make the right decision. “But right now, I’m not sure if this is the right thing. I think it is sending mixed messages. You’re divorced.” I wince. “There is a fine line with reassuring Andie you are still a family without pretending you still are.”
Her words hit home. It’s a struggle I fight daily. How do you balance it? How can I make what we are doing right?
“With that said, you should stay. Obviously there is something more going on with Andie and tonight is not the time to address it. Just be there for her and when you are done, if it’s not too late, come by or call. Either way I look forward to hearing from you.”
“Alright. You’re right.” I look up and see Andie at the window, excited and pointing. Turning the other direction I see the pizza man is pulling in.
“Well, the pizza guy just showed up. I gotta go.”
“Miss you. See you later.”
Hitting end, I tuck the phone back in my pocket and grab my wallet.
“Hey Mr. Williams. I didn’t know you were back home.”
Damn it. I feel like I’ve been hit with a Mack truck. Rolling over I try to hide my eyes from the sun coming in through the blinds. Feeling Aubrey on the other side of the bed, too far away for my liking, I reach over and pull her across the king size bed. Snuggling into her hair I breathe in her scent. Vanilla.
FUCK! I jump out of bed and see I’m totally naked and the person next to me wasn’t Aubrey, but Sarah. Shit! Shit! Shit!
How in the fuck did I get here? I had every intention of going to be with Aubrey.
Shit! Aubrey!
Did I call her?
Did she think I stood her up? I pace the room, wondering what in the hell happened.
Did I sleep with Sarah? I hurry back to the bed and lift up the covers and...“NO! Oh God no,” I say to myself, upset with how I let this happen.
“Hey you,” Sarah says as she stretches out. “Last night was...AMAZING.”
“Sarah,” I plead with her. “Please tell me we didn’t.” I shake my head, feeling slightly dizzy.
“Didn’t what?” She smiles. “Have the best birthday sex EVER?”
“NO! I wouldn’t have.” My voice raises almost to a shout.
“Calm down, you you’re going to wake Andie.”
Andie!
“Sarah, what happened? How did it happen?” I sit on the bed, barely able to stand up my head is pounding so hard.
“If I have to explain that to you then we have a bigger problem than what you think,” she jokes.
“SARAH! Don’t fucking joke. We are divorced! This—”
“Actually, we are still married. Remember?”
“Don’t fuck wit
h me! What in the fuck happened?” I demand.
“You know what, Drew Williams, you are really beginning to make me feel like shit.” She pulls the covers up higher and for a second I feel bad. “Andie invited you to stay for dinner and cake then begged for you to watch a movie. She fell asleep and we ended up watching old videos of when she was little. You had a few drinks, but I didn’t think you were drunk enough to not remember what happened. One thing led to another and we ended up here.”
“FUCK! Sarah, this should have never happened.” I search for my clothes and find them neatly folded up on the dresser. Sarah was always the neat freak. “I’m going to leave here today and never think about this night again. Wipe it away from my memory. YOU! Are going to sign the divorce papers and give me the divorce. If you don’t, I’ll contact my lawyer. WE ARE DONE!”
After throwing on my clothes I grab my cell phone and head out the door, never looking back.
Aubrey
I WAITED FOR DREW to come by and when he didn’t I waited for him to call.
Nothing.
I sent him a text, even called, but still...
Nothing.
So, I cried myself to sleep, wishing the feelings I felt and doubts I had were...
Nothing.
I feel like shit when I wake up, like I have the biggest hangover ever. The emotions are taking a toll on me not just mentally, but physically too.
Coffee. That’s what I need. It will make everything better and hopefully help me wash away these feelings of doubt until I can talk to Drew.
Heading to the kitchen, I opt for fixing a pot verses a cup. Given the way my head is pounding I can tell it’s going to be one of those days.
“Damn it Putter!” I step on his bone. I hop around looking for his leash, unable to find it.
He’s going crazy, turning in circles and jumping up and down at the front door wanting out.
“You know what? Have at it!” I open the door and instead of Putter running out doing his business, he runs straight to the WilliamSon Construction Co. truck and waits for Drew to get out.
“Hey, buddy. You miss me?” He gives Putter the complete rub down, something he should have been giving me last night.