She squeezed my hand. “I can see you’re not the same man you were back then. The fact that you stepped up when we needed you proves that. You could have thrown money at us, but you didn’t. You invited us to stay with you because you wanted the chance to get to know your daughter better. That speaks volumes about the kind of man you’ve become.”
I’d invited Andra and Dalia to stay with me because I wanted the chance to talk to Andra, without the pressure of her husband’s influence, to see if we could find some common ground and establish a visitation arrangement we could both live with. Most importantly, I wanted Dalia to know that I was her father. I didn’t want to negate Nic’s influence in her life. I hoped he would always be there for her, and I had no issue with her thinking of him as her father. He was. But I wanted to earn that distinction too. I wanted her to know I was someone she could always count on.
“I appreciate you saying that.” I linked my hand with hers, thinking of how many years it had been since I’d held her hand. My attraction to Andra had died a long time ago, but I was beginning to feel something even more profound for her—respect. “All I want is a chance to prove that I could make a positive impact on Dalia’s life, and not just because I can make your lives easier financially. I want to show her that even though people make mistakes, they can learn from them.”
“That’s a valuable lesson, isn’t it?” Andra said, withdrawing her hand from mine. “I made a huge mistake lying to Nic about you. Do you think he’ll ever forgive me? If you were in his position, would you?”
I was happy to be the friend and confidante she clearly needed. I knew if we could form a strong bond in the days or weeks she and Dalia stayed with me, it could pave the way for an amicable co-parenting relationship in the future. “If I were in your husband’s position…” I’d thought about this a lot but wanted to choose my words carefully. “I would hate my guts.”
She laughed, obviously surprised by my take on the situation. “You would?”
“Definitely.” I shook my head. “He’s spent all these years thinking of me as a deadbeat dad who wanted nothing to do with this beautiful little girl who’s been such a blessing in his life.” I crossed my arms, tipping my head back against the cushions. “He’s obviously a hard-working guy who’s busted his ass to take care of his family, while I’ve never had to work for anything.”
Part of the work I’d done in therapy had involved taking a long, hard look in the mirror and seeing myself the way the world at large saw me. My self-image wasn’t wrapped up in what others thought of me, but I’d wanted to learn to like the man I saw in the mirror every morning.
“You can’t help the parents you’re born to. It all depends on the luck of the draw, I guess.”
I heard the sadness in her voice. “You must miss your dad, huh?”
“Every single day.”
As stubborn and ornery as Demi was, I knew there would be a huge void in my life if he weren’t a part of it. “I guess there’s a lesson there too: heal relationships while you have the chance ‘cause you never know when they’ll be gone.” I couldn’t help but think of Eleni. She’d essentially grown up without parents after her mother left. I wondered if she’d ever take her father up on the olive branch he’d extended and find a way to heal their relationship, or at least make peace with the past, before their time ran out.
“What are you thinking about?” Andra asked, nudging my leg with hers. “You seem so deep in thought.”
“I was just thinking about my girlfriend.” It felt so good, so right, to call her that. I just hoped after our blow-up that morning, I still had the right to call her mine. Only time would tell. Once she’d had a chance to calm down, I would reach out to her and try to explain why I’d asked Dalia and her mother to stay with me. “Her mother died when she was young, and she didn’t have an easy relationship with her father. He reached out to her recently, but she wants nothing to do with him. I can’t help but wonder if she won’t regret that decision someday.”
“You really care about this girl, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do.” There were no words to describe how much Eleni had come to mean to me, so I searched for the ones I knew Andra would understand. “I’m in love with her. I’d love for us to build a life together…”
“But?”
“She made it very clear from the outset that she wasn’t interested in getting married.”
“Huh.” Andra seemed to ponder that. “And how does she feel about kids?”
I knew this moment could make or break not only my relationship with Dalia but with Eleni too. If Andra believed Eleni didn’t like kids, she definitely wouldn’t want Dalia exposed to her.
“I don’t think she’s spent enough time with kids to really decide.” I believed that was true. She’d never mentioned cousins or even babysitting the neighbors’ kids. I had to believe that once Eleni met Dalia, she would realize what she’d been missing out by not welcoming children into her life.
“Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Some people decide early on they don’t want children, and they never regret that decision.”
There may have been a time when I thought I could live happily without being a parent, but meeting Dalia had changed my mind. The pain of missing out on her early years proved to me that not only was I ready to be a father, but I welcomed the opportunity. “Do you think I’m cut out to be a parent?” I asked, genuinely interested in her take on the situation. “Honestly.”
“If you’d asked me that question a year ago, I would have said no without hesitation.”
“And now?”
She smiled. “I have to acknowledge the effort you’ve made to change. The tabloid reports have died down considerably over the past year, and the only woman I’ve seen you photographed with is your model friend.”
I shifted to face her. “I made those changes because of Dalia. As soon as I found out about her, I knew I wanted to be a part of her life.” I chuckled. “Well, after the initial shock wore off, that is. I started making changes right away, changes that I thought would help me be the kind of positive influence she needed in her life.”
She turned her body to face mine. “What kind of changes? I mean, I know you don’t drink and party as much and you’ve gone to work for your father’s company, so it seems you’re finally ready to put down roots, but—”
“I went into therapy.” Admitting that used to make me feel ashamed that I’d let my life spiral so out of control that I needed professional assistance, but now I was proud of making the decision to seek help. I knew it had made me a better and stronger man.
Andra’s mouth formed a circle before she exhaled. “Wow. I didn’t see that coming.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, it was pretty out of character for me, but I knew I had to figure out how to be a dad.” I shrugged. “Since I didn’t have the best example growing up, I decided I’d have to dig deep and figure out whether I even had any paternal instincts. I swore I’d never do anything to hurt Dalia, so if therapy taught me that little girl would be better off without me, I knew I’d have to walk away.”
“That’s a tough thing to do, putting your kid’s needs before your own. You really are starting to think like a parent.”
I’d been thinking like a parent that morning when I put Dalia’s immediate needs ahead of a relationship that had come to mean the world to me. “Does that mean we can work something out so I can be a part of Dalia’s life?” I held my breath, waiting and praying that she’d give me the response I was longing to hear.
“I think we can.” She shook her head slowly. “I appreciate the fact that you haven’t dragged this into court and forced our hand.”
“I was just trying to do what was best for Dalia. I wouldn’t want to put her through an ugly custody battle.” Her head shot up at the word custody, forcing me to imagine how I would feel if someone with enough resources threatened to try to take my child away from me. “I have no interest in joint custody. I know that Dalia’s life is in B
oston, and she’s clearly happy there. I just want the opportunity to get to know her better, to spend time with her.” I sighed. “I want her to know who I am.”
“You want to tell her you’re her dad, don’t you?”
I swallowed. “I want that more than anything.”
She nodded. “You’re right. The time has come to tell her the truth. But when?”
The sooner, the better as far as I was concerned. But I knew Dalia was still reeling from losing her home and being separated from Nic and her baby brother. “I’ll leave that up to you, but I’d like to tell her before you guys head home.”
“Home.” She smirked. “What home? We don’t have a home, remember?”
“Don’t you worry about that,” I said, patting her knee. “I’m going to fix you up.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t let you do that.” She gestured at our surroundings. “You’ve already done so much by letting us come stay with you until we figure things out.”
I had to tread lightly if I wanted her to accept my offer. “Andra, do you have any idea how much I would have had to pay in child support over the years if I’d been taking care of Dalia from day one as I should have been? About as much as it would cost to buy you a nice little house in a safe neighborhood.” I reached for her hand again. “Let me do this for you. Please. For our daughter’s sake. She needs to feel safe, to have a nice place to call home.”
“I appreciate that, but I want Nic to come back to me. There’s no way he’d agree to live in a house you bought for us. He has too much pride.”
I’d already considered that. If Nic was half the man I thought he was, he would put his family’s needs above his pride now that it was clear he’d run out of options. “Let me worry about that.”
Looking alarmed, Andra said, “No, please, you have to promise you’ll stay out of this. If you get involved, it will only make things worse.”
I understood her concern, but we were all mature adults, and I trusted we could find a way to work it out. “I won’t rest until I know my little girl has a place to call home.” When Andra opened her mouth, I raised my hand. “I’m willing to negotiate just about anything, but not this. I’m buying you guys a house. It’ll be your choice, but I am paying for it. Period.”
Her eyes filled with tears as she leaned in to hug me. “Thank you so much.”
“No, thank you.” I kissed her cheek. “You have no idea how much it means to me, being able to do this for you and Dalia.”
Chapter Seventeen
Eleni
I was sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself and trying to ignore the text message I’d gotten from Damon earlier. It had been three days since I’d stormed out of his apartment, so I’d assumed he’d accepted the fact it was over. Apparently not. I reread the text, debating whether I should respond.
I miss you. Can we talk?
Finally I typed, Are your guests still there? Setting my phone on the sofa beside me, I turned my attention back to channel surfing. When it pinged, I grabbed it, growling when I read the response I didn’t want to see.
Then we have nothing to talk about.
Baby, don’t be like that. We have a lot to talk about.
He was right. I wanted to know why the hell his ex was still staying there, whether they were sleeping together, whether she still had a thing for him, if she was getting back together with her husband… but I couldn’t ask those questions. If I did, he’d know this was killing me.
I wasn’t stupid enough to think I could avoid him forever. He was my best friend’s brother-in-law and my boss’s brother. He could walk into my workplace and corner me anytime he felt like it. Not to mention the fact he knew where I lived. If he wanted to, he could camp out on my doorstep. So why hadn’t he?
Meet me for drinks tonight?
Can’t. I have a date. Ha! Take that! You’re not the only one with a life, Starkis.
Within seconds, my phone rang, just as I’d known it would after that little pronouncement. I considered letting it go to voicemail just to drive him crazy, but in the end, the urge to hear his voice won out. “Hello.”
“What the hell do you mean you ‘have a date’? You can’t have a date. You’re my… we’re… you can’t have a goddamn date!”
I smiled at his possessiveness. It was nice to know he still cared. “I can do whatever I want. You don’t own me.” Of course, that meant I didn’t own him either and he could do whatever he wanted. Hmm, that didn’t sit well at all.
“I’m coming over there right now, and we’re going to have this out whether you like it or not!” He took a deep breath, clearly remembering how much I hated taking orders. “I’m sorry. I just…”
My heart went out to him, just a little. Then I reminded myself he’d brought this on himself.
“I need to see you, Eleni. Please.”
I wanted to see him too, but not until I knew the other woman was out of his life for good. I should have told him it was over, that I was done with him, but I was so not done with him. “Call me when your girlfriend leaves.”
“For Christ’s sake, she’s another man’s wife.”
“So?” I believed him when he said he’d never crossed that line, sleeping with a married woman, but clearly this lady was so special to him that he was willing to put our relationship in jeopardy to help her. “That doesn’t mean anything. Besides, you said her husband left her. A lot of men would say that makes her fair game.”
“Well, I’m not one of those men. As long as she’s using another guy’s name and wearing his wedding ring, she’s off limits.”
My chest ached when his words sank in. “So you’re saying you’re just waiting for her to be free, then you’ll make your move?”
“No, of course not!” He sighed. “Look… that came out wrong. I wasn’t referring to Andra, just women in general. I don’t mess around with married women. You should know that.”
“How?” I felt like pissing him off after the hell he’d put me through over the past few days. “I don’t know all the details of your life before we met.”
“You know more about me than anyone I’ve ever been with.”
I believed he was telling the truth about that, especially since I could say unequivocally that he knew more about me than all of my previous boyfriends combined. “That doesn’t mean I know everything.”
He hesitated before he said, “Does anyone really know everything about anyone? We all have our skeletons in the closet, don’t we?”
I supposed he was right. There were things I wouldn’t want him to know about me, mainly because I feared it would color his opinion of me… like how young I’d been when I’d lost my virginity to the first boy who told me he loved me.
“Hey, are you still there?”
I grimaced when I realized my unwanted trip down memory lane had taken me to places I didn’t want to go ever again. “Yeah, I’m still here. But I really can’t talk now. Like I said, I have a date, and I have to get ready.”
“A date with whom?” he demanded, his anger renewed. “If you’re just saying this to piss me off—”
“I’m not. I’m going out with Chad.”
“Chad?”
“Yeah, you know, Chad. Mia’s brother?”
“Why the hell are you going out with him?”
“Because he’s in town for a few more days, and I want to catch up with him before he leaves.” I wouldn’t tell Damon that I was scared to death that every time I said good-bye to Chad, it might be the last time.
Mia’s big brother and I had gotten close over the years. Mia disapproved, mainly because she teased me about being a man-eater who would chew her brother up and spit him out, but I had too much respect for Mia to ever cross that line. Chad was cute and sweet and brave as hell, but I only thought of him as a friend, and he knew it.
“Eleni, anyone can see he’s into you. Hell, I’ve only seen you guys together a couple of times, and it was obvious to me.” It sounded as though Damon
was trying to temper his frustration. “Do you think it’s wise to lead him on?”
“Who says I’m leading him on?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I heard his fist hitting a hard surface. “Are you going to sleep with him?”
I stared at the phone, my mouth agape, before disconnecting the call with a muttered curse. How dare he accuse me of sleeping with someone else after what we’d shared just a few days ago? As angry as I was with him, I had no plans of hopping into bed with the first appealing guy who showed an interest in me. There had been a time when I’d used sex to fill voids in my life, but those days were behind me. I liked to think I was more mature than that now.
The phone rang again, four times, before voicemail kicked in. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, knowing it would ring again… and again. He called back three times before he finally gave up. I knew that could mean he was headed my way, but with any luck, I’d be out the door, or at least in the shower, when he arrived. I didn’t trust myself to resist him face to face, and I needed to hold it together until I knew for sure where he and his friend stood.
***
“You’ve been kind of quiet tonight,” Chad said, tipping back a longneck. “Anything bothering you?”
I smiled, appreciating that I could confide in him without worrying about it going any further. As much as I loved Mia, the dynamics of our relationship had changed now that she was married to my lover’s brother. “Man trouble.”
He chuckled. “What’s the problem? Too many fighting over you?”
I kicked him under the table, just hard enough to make him laugh. “Shut up! This is serious.”
“My sister’s new brother-in-law has got you all bent out of shape, huh?”
Damon (Starkis Family #2) Page 18