Sky's the Limit

by Janie Millman

  Tears fell unchecked down my cheeks and I made no effort to brush them away. I didn’t know what I wanted, I didn’t know which way to turn.

  No, I had to be honest with myself even if I wasn't honest with anyone else. I did know what I wanted. I didn’t know how it had happened or even when it had happened, but I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted it with my whole heart, my whole being. I’d never felt like this before in my life.

  How on earth had these feelings crept up on me, and how on earth had they taken root so deeply and so damned quickly? I was shaking, there was no way I could hold a paintbrush so I simply sat there letting the tears flow for a while longer before taking a deep breath and attempting to control myself.

  There was no point in dreaming of a future that would never happen. I had to push it to the back of my mind. I had invited Gail and Tariq here and I needed to be there to help entertain them. I would work for an hour and then call it a day and throw myself wholeheartedly into the BBQ and the party.

  I made another decision. Provided I was happy with my paintings, I would go back to the UK with the newly engaged couple. There was no point in prolonging the agony. It would be easier leaving with someone else.

  I had hoped to escape into the house unseen, I wanted to wash any traces of the tears away before joining the others, but as I was making my way to the side entrance Claude called out to me.

  ‘Sky, have you got a few moments?’

  Reluctantly I stopped and waited for him to catch up with me.

  ‘I wanted to thank you for helping to find Emmie. It was so kind of you and Nick.’

  ‘Well of course I wanted to help search for her, I adore her.’

  ‘The feeling is mutual.’ He peered at me closely. ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘Must be allergic to something in the vines,’ I lied, adding quickly. ‘I’m just so relieved that she’s OK.’

  ‘When I think of what could have happened my blood runs cold.’ He shook his head.

  ‘I’m very sorry about Celine,’ I said carefully.

  ‘Shocked is probably the word you are searching for,’ he said grimly. ‘I’m certainly shocked, particularly when I realise how little I actually knew my wife.’

  ‘Have you said anything to Emmie?’

  ‘Not yet, but obviously I will have to at some point.’ He paused for a moment. ‘There wasn’t a lot of love lost between them but nonetheless I don’t want Emmie to think Celine has abandoned her, which of course is exactly what she has done.’

  ‘Do you really think she won’t come back?’ I simply couldn’t understand her behaviour. It was beyond my comprehension that someone could do something like this.

  ‘She won’t come back, Sky,’ Claude said emphatically. ‘Everyone knows what she has done, she’ll never come back and face the music.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Claude,’ I repeated inadequately.

  ‘I’m not, Sky,’ he replied. ‘I don’t think I ever want to see her again.’ He sighed. ‘I’m sorry for the waste though, the waste of all those years.’

  ‘Don’t think like that, Claude,’ I said. ‘I’ve been thinking along those lines too but you have to remember the good times, the fun and the laughter before it all went wrong.’

  ‘I’m not sure there was any fun and laughter.’ He looked incredibly sad and my heart went out to him.

  ‘There must have been, Claude, when you first got married, when you were both in love.’

  ‘Sky, to be honest I’m not really sure I was in love with Celine. I worshipped her but I’m not sure I ever really loved her and she certainly never loved me.’

  ‘She must have done when you got married.’ I was struggling. ‘I mean, why else did you get married?’

  ‘I was flattered, she was beautiful, she was bright, she was a real catch and I couldn’t believe my luck that she’d chosen me.’ He shrugged. ‘I must have been blind, how could I ever have thought she loved me?’

  ‘But then why did she marry you?’

  He turned to look at me, frowning as if weighing up what to say. He was silent for a moment and then said slowly, ‘Celine married me, Sky, because she loved Philippe.’

  ‘What?’ I was really shocked.

  ‘It’s true, she couldn’t have Philippe so she settled for second best.’

  ‘I just don’t understand.’

  ‘If not the wife then maybe the mistress.’

  ‘And was she the mistress?’ I questioned quietly. Please let that not be the case, oh God please let that not be true. My heart was pounding.

  ‘Mon Dieu, no,’ Claude laughed bitterly.

  I nearly fell over with relief. ‘So what happened?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I suspect she made a fool of herself and Celine hates to be made to look like a fool.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘I only found this out the other day, Sky, I’m still trying to come to terms with it all.’

  ‘Did Philippe never say anything?’

  ‘No, he wouldn’t want to hurt me.’ He paused for a moment. ‘He probably saw it as a moment of madness on her behalf, he’s probably forgotten it ever happened.’

  I doubted that but said nothing.

  ‘I don’t really care about me but I do care very much that she has cheated the others.’

  ‘So all of this because Philippe turned her down?’ Celine was turning more monstrous by the minute.

  ‘Love, hate and anger, they are all powerful emotions, Sky. They can destroy reason.’

  ‘What will she do?’

  ‘I’ve no idea.’ He shook his head. ‘She’s won, she has all the money, there’s nothing I can do.’

  ‘She hasn’t won, Claude,’ I said. ‘She may have the money but she hasn’t won.’

  He looked at me.

  ‘She will have to start a new life, a life based on nothing but lies, it will never be a real life and she will always be terrified of someone finding out. She will always be looking over her shoulder.’ I reached out to touch his arm briefly. ‘You have your family here, Claude, you have Emmie. You are the one who has won. I almost pity Celine.’

  ‘Pity is not my overriding emotion right now,’ he replied gruffly and then in an abrupt change of tack asked, ‘How are you, Sky? How are things with you?’

  ‘Complicated,’ I replied shortly. And luckily before he could ask anymore we heard voices in the background.

  ‘I’d better go and get ready,’ I said, quickly heading towards the door.

  Once in my room I had a swift shower and splashed cold water on my face. My eyes were still a touch red and very puffy. I always looked bloody awful after crying, my sister always managed to look sad and rather glamorous at the same time whereas I looked like my face had been rubbed with a bunch of nettles.

  I put on some bright lipstick and grabbed large sunglasses to hide my eyes. I chose the kaftan that Gail had bought me in Marrakech, it was made of fine cheesecloth and was very cool. Piling up my hair I reached for the floppy straw hat that Nick had given me. I certainly didn’t want to risk another neck-burning incident.

  I stood still for a few moments before leaving the room. Taking some deep breaths I gave myself a stern talking to. I would have a great afternoon, I would throw myself into everything that was organised and I would try my hardest to keep these new and heart-stopping emotions in check.

  As I walked across the lawn Emmie came running over to greet me.

  ‘We is playing a boules competition what Elf is organised.’ She grabbed my hand. ‘You is playing with Luc.’

  ‘Poor Luc.’ I smiled. ‘I have never played boules before.’

  ‘I is playing with Elf,’ she chatted on. ‘Uncle Philly be with Nick, Henri with Aunt Stephanie, Tariq and Sonny and Gail with Papa.’

  ‘What about Rosa?’ I asked. ‘Is she not playing? Or Beatrice?’

  ‘Rosa has many talents but sadly boules is not one of them.’ Philippe laughed as we came within earshot. ‘She has a habit of flinging the boules high in the air, our lives have
been in danger on many occasions, it’s best she stays well away. And as you know, Beatrice has a pathological hatred of any sport.’

  ‘OK, first round, Emmie and me versus Tariq and Sonny.’ Elf was reading from his piece of paper. ‘Followed by Luc and Sky against Philippe and Nick.’ He smiled at us all. ‘Then Henri and Stephanie against Gail and Claude.’ Elf was clearly in his element.

  I watched Emmie scamper over to him and was struck by their similarity. They were the same height with the same curly hair. I smiled as Elf took her hand.

  ‘They are firm friends.’ Philippe followed my gaze.

  ‘I was just thinking they could be brother and sister.’ I grinned. ‘I think it fair to say that Elf has finally found his true family.’ I looked up at Philippe. ‘I think he’s here to stay.’

  ‘I very much hope so. Emmie would kill me if he ever left.’ He laughed. ‘Are you and your sister alike?’

  ‘Not really, she has my father’s olive skin and my mother’s fair hair, I inherited the opposite, my father’s dark hair and my mother’s pale complexion.’ I laughed. ‘It’s totally the wrong way around.’

  ‘And is she artistic like you?’

  ‘Not at all, she followed my dad into the teaching profession.’

  ‘Did you always want to be an artist?’

  ‘No, for a long while I wanted to be a marine biologist.’ I chuckled. ‘You’ve probably never heard of it but one of my favourite films was called Local Hero, and…’

  ‘I know it,’ he butted in. ‘One of my mother’s favourites too. I must have watched it a dozen times.’

  ‘Really?’ I was absurdly pleased that we had this in common. ‘Well then, you know the Jenny Seagrove character, I wanted to be just like her, I had a real crush on her.’

  ‘Who didn’t?’ He grinned.

  ‘Nick for one, he had a crush on the landlord, and my dad fancied his wife.’

  ‘What changed your mind about marine biology?’

  ‘I realised that it wasn’t all about swimming.’

  Boules was great fun and I showed a remarkable aptitude.

  Luc was delighted. ‘We’ll make a Frenchwoman of you yet, Sky,’ he teased, as yet again my boule landed nearest the jack.

  It was so close to what I had been dreaming of myself that I had to turn away, anxious not to reveal my thoughts. But I didn’t turn quick enough for Beatrice. She said nothing but silently handed me a glass. Could she actually see into my mind, I wondered? I bloody hoped not. I almost downed the glass in one, it wasn’t my first glass but I still felt incredibly sober and I wished I didn’t. I wished the drink would block out my feelings.

  I caught Gail looking at me quizzically and I gave her a thumbs-up. I would have loved to talk to her about everything but it wouldn’t have been fair to offload my madness onto her right now. I turned my attention back to the match, and much to Philippe’s indignation Luc and I thrashed him and Nick.

  As ever Nick’s food was sublime, although he had, of course, massively over-catered. The outside table looked gorgeous, Emmie and Sonny had decorated it in style with leaves, flowers, grasses and ivy. There was barely room for the plates and I prayed that nobody suffered from hay fever.

  We took our time savouring each morsel of food and enjoying the unique flavour of Chateau Fontaine wine. Family meals seemed to be such an integral part of life in France and I really loved it. The late afternoon stole into the evening. Rosa lit the candles and the whole image was so romantic it brought a lump to my throat.

  I got up to take a picture on my phone. However painful it became, I was desperate to capture every single minute of my last few days, but to be honest I knew that I didn’t really need a photo to remind me. I would carry the memory in my head for ever.

  ‘Thank you for suggesting we came over, Sky.’ Gail came over to where I was standing. ‘I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.’

  ‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’

  ‘It certainly is.’ She turned to me. ‘Are you alright?’

  I paused for a fraction of a second before replying. ‘I’m fine, Gail, just a bit tired.’

  She looked at me intently but said nothing. Instead she gently squeezed my shoulders before wandering back to the table, instinctively knowing that I needed to be alone.

  I looked around, the light was fading and there was a reddish glow in the sky, any second now the bats would come out and soar above the pool. I couldn’t say I’d ever been a fan of bats but here I loved to glimpse them dipping into the water and then disappearing into the blackness beyond. They were as much a part of the chateau as the swifts, the pigeons, which Philippe hated, the buzzards, which he loved, the tiny field mice I adored and the darting lizards.

  CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

  My mind had been in turmoil last night and going to bed I had been convinced that I wouldn’t get any sleep, however I was proved wrong. The hard-hitting red wine had done its job and I slept like a baby, waking, as usual, extremely early.

  However despite the deep sleep I didn’t feel particularly refreshed. My mind was still whirring and a black mist of depression hung over me. Dragging my thoughts away from the one theme they kept returning to, I decided to go and paint the purple mist over the river one last time. I knew I could paint it every morning for a year and in every painting it would be different.

  Wrapping myself in Nonna’s shawl and borrowing my usual pair of wellies from by the back door I crept out of the house and made my way down to the river bank. As I approached I caught my breath in amazement as there on a rock jutting out of the river stood a magnificent heron. He was incredibly beautiful and I cursed myself for not bringing either my phone or camera to capture the image. I sat down as quietly as possible and quickly began to sketch. He stood there motionless for about ten minutes before turning to gaze at me as if to say ‘your time is up now’. Then, opening his impressive wings he took off and flew gracefully into the distance.

  I stayed there for another hour or so before the early morning chill began to seep through my shawl and the caffeine craving kicked in. I was fairly pleased with the result although wasn’t sure I had done justice to the glorious bird.

  I gathered my things and wandered up to the chateau. Never had it seemed so beautiful as it did this morning, the moon was still high in the sky and the gentle early morning mist was swirling around the turrets. The thought of leaving all this behind created such a physical pain in my chest that I was forced to stop and bend over.

  ‘Sky, are you alright?’ I was amazed to see Stephanie hurrying down the lawn towards me.

  ‘Fine, just a bit of a stitch,’ I lied, hastily brushing away the tears which had once again started to flow. My eyes seemed to be like bubbling streams these days. ‘You’re up incredibly early.’

  ‘So are you.’ She smiled. ‘Can I take a peek?’ She indicated my sketch pad.

  ‘I was just trying to capture the morning mist for the last time and look who joined me.’ I showed her my painting but she wasn’t paying attention.

  ‘The last time?’ She frowned. ‘Sky, you’re not leaving us are you?’ She looked genuinely upset at the thought which, I had to admit, was gratifying.

  ‘Well, I can’t stay for ever.’ I tried to smile. ‘My agent has been e-mailing me, and, er, well, I think that over the next couple of days I should be able to finish everything, I mean providing Philippe is happy.’

  ‘He won’t be happy that you’re going,’ she said and my heart soared. What did she know that I didn’t?

  ‘None of us will,’ she added and my heart plummeted back down as I realised that she hadn’t meant anything by that last remark. ‘When are you thinking of going?’

  ‘The day after tomorrow,’ I replied. ‘I thought I’d travel back with Nick, Gail and Tariq.’

  ‘In that case we must make sure that tomorrow is party time.’

  ‘Every day is party time here.’ Once again I tried to smile and once again I failed. ‘Why are you up so early?’
/>
  ‘I’m going to collect some of Emmie’s things from the house, I thought I’d do it before she gets up, we’re giving her a few days off school for obvious reasons but she needs to go back soon.’ She paused. ‘Do you want to be nosy and come with me to see the “monstrosity”, as we call it.’

  ‘Oh, I’d love to be nosy but can I grab a coffee first?’

  ‘Of course, I was just making it before I saw you doubled over.’

  ‘Well it’s certainly not warm or welcoming but my God there are some exquisite pieces,’ I said, examining a slim glass vase that I was almost sure was Murano.

  ‘Her parents are wealthy, they were always giving her presents.’

  ‘Jesus Christ, this is Lalique,’ I exclaimed, picking up a stunning figurine of a dancing girl. ‘Stephanie, this is worth a tidy sum.’ I looked around. ‘In fact, I should imagine that a lot of them are.’