Hallowed Ground (Flight & Glory #4)

by Rebecca Yarros

  “Well, good morning! What do you have there?” a friendly voice asked.

  “Breakfast burritos,” I answered with a smile after I got the thing plugged in.

  The woman looked to be in her early thirties, with nice brown hair and hazel eyes and a shirt that read “Dustoff Dolls” in sparkly red letters across her boobs. “Oh, well, these are more muffins and things. Maybe you could move it down to where the eggs are?” Smile or not, I knew that wasn’t a request.

  “Not a problem,” I answered.

  “Lieutenant Walker, I think Captain Brown was looking for you,” the woman said.

  “Yes, ma’am. Ember, this is Mrs. Dwyer. She’s the FRG leader for our company.”

  “Lucille,” the woman said, thrusting out her hand.

  I shook it. “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Ember.”

  “Lovely! Oh, Lieutenant, I do wish you’d told me about her. I would have made sure she had a Dustoff Dolls shirt to match the rest of us! And we’re having a little informational meeting later if you want to find us after the run. I know the girls would love to meet you!”

  “I look forward to it,” I answered Lucille as Josh unplugged the crockpot.

  “Well, there’s a spot right down there. Can’t miss it!” she said with a smile way too perky for eight a.m. and went to correct the next misplaced dish.

  “I should go find—” Josh started.

  “You leave me, you die,” I whispered so only he could hear.

  He took my face in his hands and smiled, warming me like nothing else could have. “Are you nervous, my December?”

  “I’m not a wife.” It slipped out before I could stop it.

  “So? It’s Family Readiness, not No-Non-Wives Allowed.” His thumbs brushed over my cheeks.

  He was right. “I’m just being stupid.” My eyes slid shut, and I took a deep breath.

  Josh kissed me quickly. “You could never be stupid. And like I said, you’re adorable when you’re nervous.”

  “Okay. You have a job, so go talk to Captain Brown. I’ll find the exact six inches this crockpot should go in and then register us for the race, okay?”

  “Sounds good.”

  He kissed me again and disappeared into the crowd. Well, as much as anyone his height could vanish in a sea of women. The only soldiers here were either on rear detachment for the deployment, or just hadn’t left yet, like Josh.

  I found the correct spot for my dish and gave a half wave to Lucille when she looked over to see that I had carried out her orders. For someone who’d been brought up in the army, I’d never felt quite so out of place.

  Strapping my iPod to my bicep with my armband, I wandered to the registration table and signed us in. “Lieutenant Josh Walker and December Howard,” I wrote on the line, adding in his company in the next blank.

  Then I tightened my ponytail and waded through the sea of kids and strollers to search for Josh near the starting line.

  “Good morning, Ember,” Will said, catching up with me.

  My stress level dropped about twenty points at the sight of a familiar face. “Hey, Will. You ready for a little run?”

  “Most definitely. You making friends?”

  I shrugged. “I wish Jagger and Paisley hadn’t gone to New York for the weekend. How did he get out of this?”

  Will laughed. “Paisley’s dad wanted to see him before the deployment started, and there aren’t many people who would deny leave when it’s requested by one of the top-ranking generals in aviation.”

  “Good point.” Glancing around at all the wives with their friends, I couldn’t help but miss Sam, too. Her mom’s change of command was coming up, so at least I’d get to spend next weekend with her.

  We found Josh near the starting point, and I did a minimal stretch, grateful for my long-sleeve running gear in the slight morning chill, even if I didn’t have Dustoff Dolls emblazoned across my breasts.

  After a welcome speech by the rear detachment commander, the run started. Will jetted ahead, taking off like this race would determine his next promotion and not just who would buy the first round after. My heart thrummed steadily for the first mile, my feet hitting the pavement to the rhythm of my beats-per-minute playlist, but Josh lagged just behind me. I dropped back a few meters to where he ran and pulled out my earbuds. “Hey, babe, is your leg acting up?”

  “No,” he answered, his breath steady and even.

  “But you’re back here?”

  The grin he gave me set my heart racing for much different reasons. “I just like the view.” His eyes flickered to my rear, and I burst into laughter.

  “You’re telling me that checking out my butt is more important than beating Will in the task force 5K?”

  “December, let’s just get one thing straight.” He stopped running, pulling me to a jarring stop with him as he wrapped his arms around me. Runners raced on either side of us, like we were a boulder in the middle of a rushing creek. “There’s never anything more important to me than a chance to check out your ass.”

  I pushed his sweaty chest away with a loud laugh and pointed to the finish line. “Beat me, and I’ll let you do more than check it out.”

  He wiggled his eyebrows and shot off at a sprint like he had a sign tacked to him that said will run for sex.

  Josh slowed as I caught up to him, and he kept pace with me, when I knew he could have left me in the dust, but he didn’t. As the finish approached, we locked eyes, and with one more glance at my ass and a grin, he pushed ahead and smoked me, crossing the taped line a full ten seconds before I did.

  A bottle of water later, Josh walked me to the corner of the hangar where his company FRG was meeting. “They won’t bite. Make friends,” he whispered into my very sweaty hair.

  “Ah, Lieutenant!” Lucille called out with a huge smile in our direction.

  Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. They were just wives, nothing I wasn’t used to being around.

  “Ma’am, I’m needed to tear down the route markers, but I’ll leave Ember with you?”

  Such a gentleman.

  “No problem, we’ll take good care of her. Oh, but I didn’t get an info sheet on your wife. We’ll need that to get her all set up on the roster.”

  “Oh, I’m not his wife,” I spit out, then internally cursed when Josh flinched. “I mean we’ve been together two years, but yeah…not a wife,” I finished slowly, feeling more like an idiot with every word I let past my lips.

  Shit. Did he think I didn’t want to be? Of course I wanted to be, but I didn’t want FRG-Nazi here putting the awkward pressure on.

  Lucille’s eyes widened and dropped to my very naked left hand. “Oh, I see. Of course. You’re welcome to stay today, but deployment information really is for spouses and family only.”

  No Dustoff Dolls shirt for me.

  “Actually, Lieutenant…” A small young woman with a large binder stepped forward, tucking a strand of her blond bob behind her ear. “If you’d just sign an authorization, your girlfriend is more than welcome on our roster.”

  Josh squeezed my hand, and I looked up at him. “What do you say, Ember? Do you want to stay?”

  I knew what he was really saying. Are you willing to put up with this? Do you want this? Well, no, I didn’t want this, but I could handle the marriage-police if it meant getting information while he was deployed. I nodded my head once, and he kissed my forehead.

  “Well then,” Lucille said, a sugar-sweet smile on her face. “Welcome to Dustoff.”

  “Play nice, and I’ll go sign their form,” Josh whispered in my ear, squeezing my hand before he took off to somewhere far less awkward than here…where all the wives were now blatantly assessing me. Well, this is pleasant.

  Lucille took up her place at the front of the group and pulled out a clipboard. “Well, shall we get started?”

  “Don’t worry,” the petite blonde with the binder said with a kind smile, sitting in the vacant chair next to me. She handed me a roster and information packet.
“It’s not just you. She really is a judgmental bitch.”

  Her tiny, sweet voice only made the statement funnier, and I barely suppressed a snort of laughter. Lucille cocked her head in my direction, and I tossed a smile back at her.

  “You’re just the newbie. Don’t worry,” the blonde said. “I came in last year, and let me tell you, when a crew chief marries a pilot and crosses that whole enlisted/officer line? Well, I fed the gossip mill for a good long while. I’m Carol, by the way.”

  “Ember, and it’s really nice to meet you.”

  “Are you new to the military?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m an army brat.”

  “Ah, so you get the whole ‘you knew what you were getting into’ line, huh?” She sighed. “I get that all the time. But let me tell you, it’s a lot different going than being left behind to wait.”

  “Yeah, I bet it is,” I answered, looking up to where Lucille was currently lecturing us on keeping our social media safe for Operational Security.

  “How long do you have left with him?”

  “A little over two weeks.” Ouch. Not that I didn’t always have a countdown playing in my mind, but saying it aloud made it real—made it hurt.

  In a couple of weeks, I’d be alone, sitting, waiting…just like Mom had.

  She nudged me with her shoulder. “You look strong, capable. You’ll do just fine, I can tell. You’ll be one of the girls who makes it.”

  My eyes found Josh like a magnet as he came back through the hangar doors. He laughed at something Will said and gave me a horizontal thumb, asking for my verdict. He’d bail me out if I asked him to. I forced a smile and gave him a thumbs-up. Sitting where I wasn’t exactly accepted would be the easiest part of this deployment.

  Nine and a half months from now, he’d march through those hangar doors and this would be over. Our life could start, and this sputtering pause in time would be behind us. “What about the girlfriends who aren’t strong enough?” I asked Carol.

  She followed my eyes to Josh and then looked back at me. “Well, let’s just say they’re not waving the signs at redeployment.”

  Because their relationships didn’t last through the deployment.

  But they weren’t us. Josh and I didn’t know how to fail, and we weren’t about to start now.

  “She looked at my hand, Mom,” I complained a few days later as I put away another sack full of groceries. “Looked at my hand and basically declared that they didn’t want me because I’m not married to him. Like I don’t count because I’m a girlfriend.”

  “Some women see a girlfriend and they think ‘temporary,’ which we both know you aren’t. You know how hard it is to make friends, and if they don’t think you’re in it for the long haul, well…some judge too quickly. Anyone who spends an hour around you and Josh knows you two are the real deal. I’m sure her attitude isn’t shared by all of them.”

  “No,” I agreed, smiling as I popped Josh’s strawberry ice cream into the freezer. “I met a lot of nice girls. But she’s basically the Regina George of the FRG.”

  “Regina George?” she asked.

  “Mean Girls, Mom. The plastics? We wear pink on Wednesday?” Silence came through loud and clear. “Okay, well, we’re going to have to do a little movie-watching when I visit in the summer.”

  “Have you thought about spending the summer here?”

  Crap, I knew that hopeful tone in her voice. “I have,” I placated her. “But I like it here. This is our home. I want to be where I can still feel him.”

  “That, I understand, my love. And that dig?”

  I paused, and she rushed forward.

  “I think it would be great for you, Ember. You can’t get experience like that just anywhere. It’s really a once-in-a-lifetime chance.”

  “It’s just hard to wrap my head around something like that when he’s leaving so soon. I can’t seem to get my bearings, or really get a grip on any of it.”

  “Ah, yes. That stage is awful, baby. I’m so sorry. They’re working longer days to get ready, your mind is on overdrive, and you can’t stop the clock.”

  I leaned back against the counter and stared at the island, where a stack of paper had rested ominously for the last two days. “He brought me papers, Mom.”

  She took a deep breath. “What are they?”

  I swallowed, a lump forming in my throat. “The usual. Copies of his next-of-kin. Funeral wishes. Life insurance.” Forcing my feet to move, I went to the stack, thumbing through the forms. My mind played a cruel trick, and for just a second, it wasn’t Josh’s name on the paper, it was Dad’s. I dropped it like it was on fire and stepped back, sucking oxygen into my lungs.

  “Ember?” Mom asked, her voice soft.

  She would understand. Of everyone in my life, Mom would understand more than anyone. “I never wanted this. Any of this. I just wanted Josh.”

  “I know, baby.”

  “What do I do? I watched you go through this so many times, but I never really paid attention. I was too focused on soaking up Dad while we had him.”

  “Good, then I did my job. You gather those papers up; you stick them in a binder and lock it away in your safe. Then you get a grip and you spend the next week and a half with the man you love. Don’t you dare let the fear rob you of these last few days, December Howard. They’re too precious, so you fight like hell for every second with him.”

  Because you might not get another one.

  Chapter Four

  Josh

  Time was moving too quickly, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it. Somehow the weeks had flown, and we were down to ten fucking days. There wasn’t enough time. I hadn’t done everything around the house she needed help with. I hadn’t made love to her enough, kissed her enough, simply held her enough.

  I hadn’t found the perfect time to ask the most important question of my life.

  I needed it to be perfect. Not Jagger-ish and huge. No, Ember needed something understated and simple…real. But I had to ask, because if this stupid, nagging feeling didn’t get out of my stomach—well—I wanted my last name attached to her first.

  Just in case.

  Ember’s hands wound around my waist as she pressed against my back. My eyes closed, and I smiled as peace mellowed every tense muscle in my body. Only December could do that to me, soothe the jagged edges I sometimes felt stayed barely stitched together. I needed to bottle this feeling so I could breathe it in on the long nights to come.

  Fuck, I hated Afghanistan.

  “Hey,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to my back through the material of my button-up shirt.

  I covered her hands with my own. “Hey, yourself.”

  She peeked around my side, resting her temple against my arm. Her smile was wide and the brightest I’d seen since I’d dropped the deployment bomb on her. “It feels like Rucker,” she said softly.

  I followed her gaze to where Grayson stood at the grill, lecturing Jagger about his marinade choice while Sam and Paisley roasted marshmallows over the fire pit from a couple of lawn chairs. All of this, even the sounds of Morgan and Carter bickering from the sidelines…it was incredibly precious. So hard-fought. So easily lost.

  “It feels like home.”

  She leaned further into me, simply absorbing it. I loved that about her—how she didn’t need to fill every minute with talk. Maybe it was because we’d both suffered loss early, both learned to savor every seemingly ordinary moment.

  “Ember, come show Paisley how it’s done. She keeps setting hers up like little torches,” Sam called.

  I kissed her forehead, and she crossed our combined backyard to the girls. I liked that there were no fences between our places. It would be easier for them when we were gone. Ember and Paisley would need to support each other this next year.

  “How is Colorado?” I asked Grayson, walking over to where he flipped a shish kebab next to Jagger.

  “Exactly what I needed,” he replied, his eyes drifting back to
Sam. “How are you feeling about heading back?”

  “You want to talk about feelings?” I shot him a little side-eye.

  “No time like the present.”

  Because there might not be a tomorrow.

  I watched Ember laugh, the firelight playing along the lines of her face. My chest tightened. We were living in a vise, watching the edges come closer, helpless to do anything but wait to be crushed. Fuck, it sucked.

  “I don’t want to leave her. We’re finally together and I’m leaving again. I guess I thought we’d have a minute or two, you know?”

  “Embrace it,” Grayson said.

  Jagger turned slowly, his beer bottle paused just under his gaping mouth. “What?”

  “Use this time. Feel every stab of loneliness, relish every second you would rip your very limbs off if it meant you could spend five minutes holding them. Let it push you to be the men you’re capable of, the ones they deserve, and let it push you to be even better in the air so you come home to them.”

  Come home to them.

  “Sam turned you into a sap,” Jagger said quietly, but there was no teasing as we all stared over the grill at our combined lives.

  The small smile on Grayson’s face caught me unaware. “No regrets.”

  Once dinner was off the grill, we took up seats around the fire, the flames warding off the dipping February temperatures. Not that sixty-five had been a bad high for the day.

  Ember closed the sliding glass door, four wineglasses clutched precariously in her hands while she managed to keep the bottle of wine under her arm. “Shall we?” she asked Sam once she reached us, pouring the wine like her answer was a foregone conclusion.

  “Yes, please,” Sam answered, and I didn’t miss the glance she sent in Grayson’s direction.

  “Jagger, can I get a beer?” Grayson asked as Jagger leaned over the cooler. “Don’t everyone look so shocked. It’s not like we’re going anywhere.” His eyebrows shot up as he looked at me. “Unless your guest room shares a wall with Jagger. I don’t need to hear that shit.”

  Paisley shot Grayson a death glare while Jagger nearly choked on his beer with laughter. “No, our guest room does, and that’s just Morgan.”