A Not So Typical Love

by Tristen Rowen

  "Come on," I said. "Your bed's bigger."

  Waiting for him, I plopped down on his bed, propped on my elbows. Holding up his jeans, he entered his room. My heart pounded out of my chest as he approached me on the bed.

  "Is this what you want?" he said, stepping out of his jeans and shorts. I was sure he knew what I wanted. "You're a little monster," he said, kneeling on the bed, hovering over me. He never called me that before. Maybe he was right, I thought, fingering the bruises on his sides.

  "I loved it," I said. "Last night...I had a great time." Holding my face, he squeezed my cheeks, forcing me to look at him instead of below his waist.

  "You're not really a little monster," he said. Bending down, he kissed my mouth.

  "I love kissing you," I said.

  "And I love it when you talk and tell me how you really feel."

  "I love touching you," I said, reaching between his legs and playing with it, rubbing it against my stomach, making him harder and harder. Sounds escaped from his mouth as his tongue wrestled with mine. He lifted both my t-shirts over my head, my new Patti Smith shirt and my old Joy Division shirt. While scooting back on the bed, he tugged my shorts off. I loved his lips all over me. His eyes remained fixed on mine as his tongue glided down one side of my pelvis, then the other.

  "Don't...don't..." I said as he teased and tantalized me with his tongue. Bringing my hand to the back of his head, I guided him down to where I wanted him.

  Oh wow…

  The feeling was almost too much for me. I could barely stand it so I turned my head away and to the side as he kissed and sucked me down there. Sometimes I couldn't look at him while he did it. And then he did that thing with his finger, moving it around and inside me, getting me ready. Within a few minutes, he was on top of me and in me, our lips joined.

  "Jamie," I muttered against his lips.

  "Jordan," he whispered back.

  "Jamie," I said again, this time holding his face, staring hard into his eyes. "I love you, that's all."

  "That's all?" he said with a smile. "I love you, too, you know that, right?" I nodded and kissed him again and again and there it was. My lips quivered against his smiling lips. Thrusting hard and deep, he groaned against my neck.

  As soon as he pulled out, I wrestled him onto his back. "You're a lot stronger than you look," he said. "I love it when you do this," he said as I licked his stomach clean. I dragged my tongue up the middle of his chest, all the way up and back to his lips.

  Listening to Echo and the Bunnymen, the sky caught my eye as pink and purple shone through the blinds. The sky intrigued me so much that I just had to get up to get a closer look. I pushed the blinds open, forgetting about my aching ankle. Jamie and I had lost track of time and the sun was about to set.

  "It's as beautiful as you," I said, quickly glancing at Jamie as he lay in bed on top of the covers.

  "Jordan," Jamie said, my attention back at the spectacular sky. There was a different tone to his voice.

  "Jamie," I said. He got out of bed and went to me. Standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder as he, too, looked out the window. "You're right. It's beautiful. You've never said anything like that to me before. No one has, actually."

  "It's true," I said. "I mean it."

  "I know you do," he said. "I know you'd never say anything you didn't mean. You're really incredible." He kissed the side of my neck. "I love this song," he said as Bring on the Dancing Horses played. I had nearly forgotten I brought my phone to Jamie's room, music continuing to play.

  "Yeah, me too," I said, placing my hands on top of his against my stomach.

  "Are you going to sing?" he asked. "I love the way you sing."

  "No," I said, not in the mood for singing. Jamie was in the mood, though, and sang the title of the song.

  "Are you alright?" Jamie asked. I wasn’t sure how to respond. "Hey." He shook my shoulders gently, trying to get me to respond. When I didn't, he turned me around. He held my chin, lifting it up, forcing me to make eye contact with him. "What is it?" he said.

  "I love you," I said against his shoulder, hugging him. "I don't want you to go."

  "It's not forever," he said. "Believe me. I'm coming back to my job, to my life, to you. I'm not leaving you."

  All these uncomfortable, scary thoughts ran through my head and I didn't like it. Tim wasn't coming home because he was staying at his girlfriend's house all night and I feared he'd do this more and more, eventually abandoning me. Before Jamie, I spent most of my time alone because people concluded I was safest when alone. I had come to believe that, too. Now I could barely stand the idea of being alone all the time, not like before. I didn't want Jamie to go. My heart hurt and I didn't know what to do.

  Love is the Drug

  Jordan

  Lying beside me, his arm draped over my lap, Jamie dozed off even though it was only 9:30. Jamie lay on his stomach, hugging the pillows like he usually did. My fingers trailed up his sides and under his arms. He stirred, laughing a little, slowly waking up as my fingers played with his underarm hair. I liked touching him there.

  "Jordan" he said quietly.

  "Jamie," I said.

  Pressing my hands under his arms, I kissed the back of his shoulder, getting on top of him.

  "Do you want to top me?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at me. I shrugged, kissing him well below his tailbone. He liked it when I did that.

  "I want you to," he said, reaching for the tube on the nightstand.

  “Roll over,” I said. “I want to look at you.”

  Kneeling between his ankles, I picked up a foot and kissed his big toe. He sighed deeply so I knew he liked it. My hand slid up his calf and up his thigh, all the way up to his entrance. He really liked my finger there with that stuff on it. He lathered my erection himself while I pushed a finger in him, then another. Holding one of his ankles, I bit down on my bottom lip as I made my way inside him. He gripped the sheets, biting down on his own bottom lip.

  "Oh fuck," he muttered quietly.

  "Are you okay? Am I doing it right?" I asked.

  "Yeah, yeah, it's perfect," he said. "Perfect." He leaned forward again and kissed me hard on my mouth, bringing his legs around my waist. He made all kinds of sounds I had never heard him make before. He kissed me long and hard as I pushed and thrusted, harder and harder. As we hugged, he clawed my back, moaning against my neck.

  "Does it feel okay?" I asked. "Because you feel really good."

  "You feel really good, too," he said. Just at the right time, he kissed me as my body jerked into his. "It's alright," he said in-between kisses as my bottom lip quivered. He cried out against my neck, his body reacting the same way as mine. "I love you," he said against my neck. "I don't ever want to let you go."

  "Then don't," I said. "I won't let you go if you don't let me go." Nodding, he kissed me while holding my face.

  We took advantage of the empty house, staying up late, making lots of noise. I even stopped Jamie from falling asleep a few times. In the end I crashed first, falling asleep, using his back as a pillow. I drifted off into a dreamless yet peaceful sleep.

  ***

  The heat and humidity returned and I was anxious to go swimming, but Jamie wanted to have breakfast first.

  "That shirt doesn't even cover your ass," he said as I stood in the kitchen in my Patti Smith shirt while Jamie made omelets. I playfully lifted my shirt up to my waist. "What if the maid or someone else comes in and sees you bare-assed in the kitchen?"

  "Stop being boring," I said. I took off my shirt and threw it at him. With my back against the counter, I leaned against it, watching Jamie cook.

  "You're something else," he laughed. "I'm not being boring. You know, maybe I should tell Tim his brother's a nudist."

  "Shut up," I said. "Take your shorts off. Come on, just do it. I want to see you cook naked."

  "No," he said. "I'm not cooking naked. That's just weird." I didn't like his answer so I tugge
d his shorts all the way down to his ankles. "Fuck you," he laughed, nevertheless stepping out of them. "Happy now?" I ran my hand down his back and over his bare ass. "Don't touch me," he said. Knowing he was teasing, I pinched one butt cheek in response. "Stop," he laughed. "Hey, do you still want to go hiking or what?"

  "I want to go swimming," I said. "Maybe after we go swimming?"

  "Okay," he said as I stroked his back. "You know you drive me crazy."

  Like we did so many mornings, we ate breakfast out on the porch, leaving my shirt and his shorts on the kitchen floor.

  "You're going to miss this," I said, stretching my legs out on his lap.

  "Yes," he said. "I've eaten breakfast naked before, but never outside, usually in bed and under the covers." Removing my legs from his lap, I decided to straddle him instead. "What are you doing? You're going to feed me now?" He held my waist as I fed him a couple of bites of omelet.

  "Jordan..." he said, his voice low and quiet as my body rubbed against his. "I can't. You're going to kill me."

  "How am I going to kill you?" I said. "It doesn't look like I'm killing you. It looks like you like it."

  "You're too much," he said. As I was just about to kiss him, I jumped off his lap.

  "What are you doing?" he asked as I backed away. "Come here." But I continued to back away. "Jordan, come here."

  Spinning around, I ran off the deck and straight to the pool. I felt like I hadn't been swimming in forever and I needed some cooling off. Jamie ran after me, but I was already in the water by the time he caught up to me. He jumped in and immediately dunked me under the water. When I bobbed back up, I did the same to him. We took turns doing this for a few minutes until Jamie slammed me against the side of the pool.

  "Ow," I said although it really didn't hurt. "Have you had enough of me?" I said as he held my shoulders, both of us out of breath.

  "I'll never have enough of you," he said and kissed me. Bringing my arms around him, I returned his kiss. I wasn't expecting Jamie to suddenly dunk me under again. By the time I reached the surface, he had swum away from me and was on the opposite side of the pool. As Jamie went to swim back to me, a shadow cast over the pool deck, but when I looked over my shoulder no one was there. Weird, I thought.

  "Did you see that?" I asked Jamie.

  "Did I see what?"

  "I think Tim's home," I said, getting out of the pool.

  "Isn't he at work?"

  "He's supposed to be," I said, wrapping a towel around my waist.

  Leaving Jamie in the pool, I returned to the house. There was definitely a funny feeling in the air. I looked out the front window to see if Tim's car was in the driveway. It wasn't there. I stood in the kitchen, convinced something strange was going on.

  "Hey," Jamie said, appearing in the kitchen doorway, a towel tied tightly around his waist. He was definitely nice to look at and distracted me for a second. "Everything okay?"

  "I think someone's in the house," I whispered in case there really was a burglar or someone like that in the house.

  "I think you're imagining things," he said. "I didn't see anything. I think you're..." Jamie was abruptly cut off.

  "Hey, Jordie, is that you?" A voice called down the hall, a familiar voice I hadn't heard in awhile. My body immediately tensed and I felt sick to my stomach. He'd ruin everything. I just knew it.

  Private Idaho

  Jordan

  The shadow grew larger and larger until the shadow turned into a real live human being. He strolled down the hall, his auburn beard bigger and bushier than the last time I saw him. His beard was always a little wild when he returned from his assignments.

  "Hey, there's my boy," Art, also known as my father, said. He was stockier than both me and Tim, about the same height as Tim. I backed away as he went to hug me. He had no right to hug me. I didn't want him touching me. The only man I wanted to touch me was Jamie. Instead of hugging me, Art patted my shoulder. "You're looking more like a man every time I see you." I didn't know what to say or what to do while Jamie stood beside me. I was sure his shadow was the shadow I observed on the pool deck. Did he see me and Jamie naked in the pool? Did he see anything else? In only our towels, Jamie and I stood awkwardly in the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my shirt and his shorts still on the floor. "Who's your friend?"

  My friend? I couldn't find my voice. It was gone. He wasn't just my friend.

  "Jamie," Jamie said, extending his hand to shake his. "I'm a friend of Tim's. I'm just staying here for the summer."

  "Just a friend of Tim's?" Art said, shaking his hand.

  "Yes," he said. "Well, I'm Jordan's friend, too."

  "Those must be your things up in my room, then," Art said to Jamie, slowly pulling his hand away from his.

  "Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be home, so..." Jamie said. "I wasn't expecting you. I'm sorry. I'll just go get them out of there." Jamie left the kitchen with me not far behind him.

  "A hello would be nice," Art called to me since I hadn't yet said a word to him. I rarely ever spoke to him. Jamie practically ran up the stairs. To me he seemed upset and angry, which sort of scared me.

  "I had no idea," I said as Jamie feverishly and angrily shoved his clothes back in his suitcase. "I didn't know. Jamie, are you mad? I didn't know he was coming. He always does this. He just shows up without telling anyone."

  After slamming his suitcase closed, he removed all the bed sheets, not saying a word. With the sheets in a messy ball, he stormed out of the room, went to the linen closet in the hallway, and returned with an armful of clean sheets.

  "You're not leaving, are you?" I said in a near panic. "Don't leave. Jamie, don't leave. Don't..." My heart raced in a way it had never done before and not in a good way. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack. "Jamie..." Tears unexpectedly fell down my cheeks as he proceeded to make the bed in painful silence. "Why won't you say anything? Jamie?" Blinded by a mixture of unidentifiable emotions, I went to Jamie as he made the bed. I pushed his shoulders so he'd stop doing what he was doing. "Don't go," I sobbed. "Why won't you say anything? Why...?" As I went to push him again, he took me in his arms as I sobbed. "Why won't you talk to me?"

  "I'm sorry," he said in my ear. "I don't know what to say. I was just surprised and embarrassed. Did you see the way I left his room? I left my shit everywhere. I'm not mad at you. If anything, I'm mad at myself for how I treated his room and his bed. Ssh, Jordan...ssh...it's okay. Ssh..." I didn't realize I was crying so hard, scared to death he was going to leave and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

  "You can put your things in Jordie's room for now," Art said, standing in the doorway of his own room, catching me and Jamie in an embrace. Jamie quickly broke away from me as my tears lingered. "I presume Tim's room is too small and cluttered. He was always a bit of a hoarder." He was right about that. Tim had a hard time throwing things out and his room was overcrowded with books. If anything, his room was a safety hazard.

  Art continued to stand there while Jamie rolled his suitcases out of the room, his towel just about staying on. I grabbed the rest of his bags and followed him into my room. Slamming my door shut, I locked Art out. Jamie sat down on my unmade bed, scratching the back of his head.

  "That was him, right?" he said. "He's the person you saw at the pool?"

  "I guess," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  "Shit," he muttered, shaking his head, looking down at the floor.

  "Don't be mad," I said.

  "I'm not mad," he said. "It's just...well...if he saw us, then you better tell Tim before he does." Nodding, I sat down beside him.

  "I didn't know he was coming home," I said, reaching for my phone on my nightstand. With my fingers noticeably shaking, I texted Tim. 'Art's back.'

  "I know you didn't know," he said. He kissed the side of my face, then got up.

  Jamie opened his suitcase to search for some clothes while I waited for a return text from Tim. "Are you leaving?" I ask
ed.

  "I need to go for a walk or something," he said. "And I need to go alone. I just need to be alone for a little while. Don't look at me like that. I'm coming back. You need to have a talk with your dad. I'm serious. I'll be back in a few hours."

  "I don't talk to him," I said.

  "Well, maybe you should. You're not a kid, remember? You said you're a man. Well, act like one." I didn't say anything, continuing to sit there on the bed, my tears long gone. I wanted to be angry and upset with what he said to me, but deep down I knew he was right. "Sorry, that was harsh. I'm sorry. I sort of feel out of place right now."

  As I watched Jamie get dressed, Tim finally texted me back. 'Shit. I'll be right there.'

  I got dressed, too, throwing on my Cure shirt and an old pair of shorts. Jamie and I then went back downstairs, happy and relieved Art wasn't there.

  "Promise me you'll come back," I said, holding his hand as I walked with him to the front door.

  "Of course I'm coming back," he said. "I left all my stuff here. I'm not abandoning you. I'll be back soon." He kissed my cheek and, with a smile, he left.

  Art was in his office already at his computer. Standing in his doorway, I wasn't sure if I wanted to speak. He never really listened to me, anyway. His eyes shifted to me for a brief second.

  "He's handsome, isn't he?" he said. "Tim's hired a lot of people over the years to babysit you. I don't think he's ever used one of his friends, though, especially not one as handsome as he."

  Fuck you, Art. I don't need a babysitter despite what you think. I didn't respond, just staring at him.

  "Is Tim paying him to babysit you?" Every part of me wanted to leap across the room and pound his face in. Did he really think Tim continued to hire babysitters for me? Growing up, I was always mean to babysitters, the biggest little shit in the entire world. Half the time they'd up leaving and Tim would be stuck with me. That's what I wanted. I wanted Tim to come home. Anyway, Jamie was far from my babysitter and I was sure Jamie would be insulted if anyone ever thought he was. "Are you going to speak at all during my little vacation? I'm leaving in a few weeks...teaching at Oxford University this year. I love teaching. So...just shake your head yes or no. Are you going to speak or what?" He paused a minute, waiting for me to respond. I wasn't in the mood to respond. "I can see you haven't changed."