Fifty Shades of Goldilocks (The Fifty Shades of Jezebel Trilogy Book 3)

by Melinda DuChamp

  Castles were fucking complicated.

  When they got out of the car, Jez was startled by two figures.

  Hatter and Hare, replete with camera and microphone.

  Oh no! thought Jezebel. This is the absolute last thing in the world I need! I’m already worried about the wedding and the marriage! I don’t need the paparazzi to grill me and make me feel even more unworthy! Why didn’t I see this coming? All of the previous foreshadowing with Hatter and Hare has led up to this climactic crisis point where I’ll be forced to overcome my fears or be doomed to utter failure!

  “Hey, chicks,” said Hatter.

  “Either of you seen the bride?” said Hare.

  They still don’t recognize me! I’m safe!

  “Hatter! Hare!” Alice embraced them. “Why, Jezebel is right here! You didn’t recognize her because she had a makeover.”

  Oh, darn it.

  “Jezebel, is it true that you’re marrying Jack Horner because you’re pregnant?” asked Hatter.

  “I’m not pregnant.”

  “You had an abortion?” asked Hare.

  “I was never pregnant.”

  “Does Jack know you’re barren?” asked Hatter.

  “What? That’s not true!”

  “So he doesn’t know your ovaries dried up and fell out?” asked Hare.

  “Alice,” Jez turned to her best friend, “tell them.”

  “This has nothing to do with being pregnant,” Alice said.

  “Thank you,” Jez sighed.

  “It has to do,” Alice continued, “with Jezebel feeling she isn’t good enough to marry Jack.”

  “Is it because you’re fat?” asked Hatter.

  “Is it because you’re stupid?” asked Hare.

  “Are you just a fat, stupid gold digger?” asked Hatter.

  “A fat, stupid gold digger with no ovaries?” asked Hare.

  Jezebel burst into tears. “How could you!” she screamed at the trio.

  Then she turned to run away, but Hatter caught her arm.

  “Before you run off sobbing, can we get a few pics of you topless?”

  Jez posed topless for five minutes, but didn’t enjoy it at all. When she and Alice finally got into the castle, Jezebel knew she had no choice but to call the wedding off.

  “I have no choice but to call the wedding off,” she told Alice.

  “But why?” Alice asked.

  “Haven’t you read any of my internal monologue? Because the magazines are going to tell the world that I’m not good enough to marry Jack Horner. And they’re right, Alice. I’m a loser. A fat, stupid loser.”

  “At least you still have ovaries,” Alice said. “Don’t you? That would suck if you didn’t.”

  “Don’t try to cheer me up, Alice. Tell Jack I can’t go through with it. And give him a blowjob when you do. He really likes blowjobs…”

  Jezebel burst into tears.

  “Jez, stop being a drama queen. You havent’ changed since college.”

  “You’re my best friend!” Jez said. “You’re supposed to try to cheer me up! When we were younger, you were always the confident, beautiful, popular one! I was so envious!”

  Alice smiled and shook her head knowingly. “Jezebel, you silly thing. Don’t you know that while we were in college, I was secretly envious of you? I wanted to be you so badly, because you were so perfect. In fact, I used to pray to my fairy godmother, asking her every night to make me more like you.”

  Jezebel sniffled. “Really?”

  “No, of course not. Boy, you really are stupid, aren’t you? Look, Jez, it doesn’t matter what I think. Or what the magazines think. Or what anyone thinks other than you and the man you’re about to wed. And he really loves you. You just need to love yourself, and everything will work out.”

  Jezebel wiped the tears off of her face and stood up straight. “Were you always this much of a bitch?”

  “Yeah. But I’m right.”

  “But I don’t love myself, Alice.”

  “Wah wah wah crying little baby.” Alice grabbed Jezebel’s shoulders and gave her a shake. “You’ve never heard the expression fake it till you make it? First comes action, then comes motivation. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. A stitch in time saves nine. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Just put on the goddamn dress and stop your whining, or I’ll stab your eyes out.”

  The best friends took the stairs to the Lord and Ladies Chamber, which was positively crowded with roses, which should have made Jezzy feel like a Broadway diva on opening night, but instead exaggerated her inadequacies. Alice helped Jez into her silvery white, strapless mermaid wedding gown. The fabric had a pearly quality about it, so that when Jezebel turned this way or that, it caught the light and different hues of color in the room. The clinging satin showcased her womanly curves, while leaving her shoulders bare. Her blonde hair was arranged in ringlets framing her face and cascading onto her shoulders.

  “You look absolutely dazzling, Jezebel.” Alice stood behind her wearing a puce bridesmaid’s gown with hideous leg of mutton puffy sleeves and an awkward length. She clapped a hand to her chest, her eyes sparkling with tears. “You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

  “Thank you,” Jezebel said, gazing into the magic mirror. “But, I don’t know…”

  Jezzy turned this way and that, studying her reflection. Another doubt niggled at the back of her mind. Did she really look that good? Or was the magic mirror tricking her eye into seeing her ideal self?

  Just then the mirror became wavy and translucent, and a voice from within the mirror said in a soft, feminine voice, “Jezebel, you are exactly as beautiful as you believe.”

  Another one of those enigmatic comments.

  This time instead of smiling and nodding, Jezzy frowned and turned to Alice. “Did you hear that?”

  “Hear what?”

  The voice came again. “Jezebel, you are the most captivating bride in the castle.”

  Jezzy frowned. The mirror had to be taunting her. “But I’m the only bride in the castle.”

  “Are you talking to yourself?” Alice asked.

  “It’s the mirror. It’s talking to me.”

  “That’s how I feel, too! I love watching myself in mirrors. And this is like one of those mirrors in expensive boutique dressing rooms. I look great from every angle. Well, I usually do. Did you go out of your way to pick the ugliest bridesmaid dress in the world?”

  “Yes,” Jezebel said. “But this is about me right now, not about you.”

  “Still,” Alice said, ignoring her, “if anyone can pull off this look, I can.”

  Alice turned and twirled, admiring herself, until she lost her balance and nearly fell.

  Jezebel steadied Alice, keeping her friend from tumbling through the looking glass.

  “Oh, thank you!” Alice said, swishing to the other side of the room. “I’m so clumsy sometimes. You wouldn’t believe what happened the last time I fell into a mirror.”

  As soon as Alice moved out of earshot, Jezebel leaned in close to the glass. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I the bride Jack deserves?”

  But apparently the mirror had nothing more to say, because even though Jezebel’s reflection was perfect, the mirror remained silent.

  And then it was time for the wedding. After gathering their extravagant bouquets of roses, Alice and Jezzy headed down the twisty turny stairs. When they emerged from the keep, they strolled under the barbican (not to be confused with the bartizan, stupid fucking complicated castles) and into the courtyard, where several hundred people sat in uncomfortable folding chairs. A string quartet played from the bandstand, and Jack stood waiting under the floral arch, so handsome in his white tuxedo that Jezebel couldn’t move.

  When they’d met, he’d been a waiter at a restaurant. And ever since he’d presented Jezebel with magic beans that grew
into a giant beanstalk, he’d swept her off to ecstasies she hadn’t known existed. They’d had many ups and a few downs, but they’d survived it all to be here today. He was so handsome, so sweet, so adventurous, that even if he wasn’t rich and famous, Jezebel would love him.

  Staring at all those expectant faces, the flashes popping, the cameras recording, Jezzy wished more than anything that he wasn’t rich and famous.

  Jezebel looked at her matron of honor for support, but Alice was texting.

  Why am I even friends with this bitch?

  Jez took a deep breath and steadied herself. Then, too soon, it seemed, the music began.

  Alice gave her a smile and a little squeeze of the hand, then began a slow, measured walk down the aisle.

  Step, feet together. Step, feet together. Step, feet together.

  Then it was Jezzy’s turn.

  On trembling legs, Jezebel took first one step, then another. Her palms broke out in a cold sweat, her hands slippery on her bouquet. Her mouth went dry. She caught a glimpse of Hatter and Hare on the sidelines, where they held up a large, intricate sign that read UNWORTHY LOSER in huge letters.

  When did they have time to make that?

  Alice reached the floral arch, stepping to the side, and Jezebel focused on Jack.

  In his face she saw so much love that Jezebel’s stomach flew into her throat. Her feet faltered. Her breath caught. Her heart seemed to stop in her chest.

  She looked at her husband-to-be, a man she didn’t deserve. She looked at all of the guests and watched, dismayed, as their smiles turned to confusion.

  Everyone is watching me. I’m not perfect enough. I can’t do this.

  Jack stepped toward her, his brows dipped low. “Jez…”

  Her cheeks burned, and tears blurred her vision.

  “Jez, please…”

  “I… I’m sorry,” she whispered then turned and ran, stumbling over the cobblestones in her haste to get away. She tripped, causing Hatter and Hare to laugh.

  Recovering, Jezebel raced to the keep and up the twisty turny stairs. When she reached her chamber she fell to her knees in front of the mirror. The glass grew wavy, but she couldn’t tell if the cause was magic or simply the tears swamping her eyes and streaming down her cheeks.

  “Mirror, mirror… what’s wrong with me? I went to the Hellfire Spa, I’m blond and toned and look beautiful, so why do I still know I’m not good enough?”

  “You will know what you believe.”

  Jezebel stared at the mirror, anger and frustration roaring in her ears. “That shit again?”

  Echoes from her stay at the Hellfire Club Spa reverberated through her memory.

  You will be as perfect as you feel.

  You will feel as confident as you are.

  You will be as beautiful as you know.

  “And now this?” she yelled out loud. “You will know what you believe? That makes about as much sense as all that Buddha mumbo jumbo. Bare told me to be a lamp to myself, but she didn’t even care enough to come to my wedding.”

  “She’s getting chemo,” said the mirror.

  “She’s being selfish. Tell me, mirror, what is all that stuff supposed to mean?”

  But again the mirror fell silent.

  Jezebel tossed her bouquet against the glass. Everyone at the spa told her she was beautiful. Her adventures taught her to be confident. And deep down, she knew there was no such thing as perfect. But she still didn’t feel good enough. She didn’t believe.

  Could that be my problem?

  “Will I never know that I’m good enough because I don’t believe in myself?” she asked the mirror.

  The mirror began to warp and wave again, and then a scene became clear in the glass. It was Jezebel, climbing up that beanstalk years ago. She had been so selfish then, but she’d put her own wants and needs aside and risked the wrath of Lucinda to break a terrible curse the witch had put on Jack. And in the end, Jezzy had learned to be giving and kind.

  Then the scene in the glass changed to show Jezzy putting her own feelings for Jack aside to help find him the perfect wife. She’d learned then that she’d still loved Jack, but she’d put his happiness ahead of her own. At least that’s what she’d told herself. And when it turned out the happiness he sought was a marriage to her, her life had seemed complete.

  Finally, the mirror revealed Jezebel at the Hellfire Spa, competing with the spinning king, getting the bukkake facial at the food orgy, taking it up the ass, going down on the bitch, Alice, taking part in so many different sexual adventures, feeling brave and powerful.

  The images faded, and the reflection was again hers, right now, sitting on the floor in her wedding dress while all the guests waited and wondered below.

  “You okay, Jez?”

  Jezebel turned from the mirror and focused on her fiancé standing in the doorway. He looked a little lost, a little sad, and very, very worried.

  “I’m so sorry, Jack.” She stood up, smoothing her dress with her palms. “I don’t deserve you.”

  He stepped across the threshold and joined her in front of the mirror. “What happened out there, Jez? Don’t you want to get married?”

  Jezzy’s eyes filled with tears. “More than anything.”

  “Then what is the problem?”

  She let out a heavy breath. Hadn’t she just been asking the mirror that very thing? Wasn’t she still struggling to sort through the answer? “I tried so hard to be perfect for you, Jack. But I just can’t do it.”

  “I don’t need you to be perfect. I just want you to be you.”

  Jezebel opened her eyes wide, so tears wouldn’t spill down her cheeks. “I love you, Jack.”

  “I love you too, Jez. And I want to marry you. And I think you are perfect.” He kissed her, then took her into his arms, holding her, swaying a little as if they were dancing. “Look at yourself, Jez. How could I not want to marry you?”

  She stared past Jack at the magic mirror. The reflection of a beautiful blond woman in his arms stared back.

  She was not too fat.

  She was not too thin.

  She was just right. And very, very hot and confident and powerful.

  And then Jezebel realized the blonde was her.

  Jezebel shook her head, her body shuddering with a barely held back sob.

  Jack pulled back and looked into her eyes. “What is it?”

  “I look great in a magic mirror. I just wished I looked like that in real life.”

  “The mirror isn’t magic.”

  “What?”

  “The mirror isn’t magic, Jez. It never was. I just thought the idea of a magic mirror was romantic. But it’s an ordinary old mirror I ordered from Amazon.com. They’re the Everything Store, you know.”

  Jezebel felt dizzy. She stared at the reflection of the perfect woman, trying to make sense of it all. “Not a magic mirror?”

  “Nope.”

  “But if the mirror isn’t magic, then why was it talking to me?”

  “What?”

  “Never mind.” Jezzy glanced at Jack. Was she crazy? She must be.

  Crazy to let my stupid insecurities get in the way of marrying the man I love.

  Also, years ago I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. And with all the wedding planning, I haven’t taken my clozapine in weeks.

  “I’m the problem, aren’t I?” she said to the mirror, no longer caring if it was really able to hear her or not. “Not the color of my hair or the weight of my body, or any of my other imperfections, but my belief in myself. That and my paranoid personality disorder.”

  And this time the mirror didn’t answer, but then it didn’t need to.

  Jezzy had been bold, she’d been brave, she’d been confident. She’d done things she’d believed were beyond her, and yet come out on top. Why was she letting her fears get in the way now?

  She looked back at the non-magic mirror, at her own beautiful reflection, a reflection she somehow couldn’t recognize until this moment.r />
  Be a lamp to yourself. Be your own confidence. Hold on to the truth within yourself as to the only truth.

  And take your damn medication.

  The truth was, she wanted to marry Jack.

  The truth was, she loved him and she knew he loved her.

  She looked at Jack, her sweet Jack, the man she adored with all her heart. “Do you think the wedding guests are still down there?”

  A smile tweaked the corners of his lips. “You want to get married? You sure?”

  “I’m sure.” Jezebel took Jack’s hand and felt truly happy for the first time in her life. “Let’s get married and live happily ever after.”

  And that’s exactly what they did.

  Then they had sex.

  Two weeks later, Jez murdered Jack because the voices told her to.

  The End

  Other Books by

  Melinda DuChamp

  The Siemann Institute Trilogy

  The Sexperts 1: Fifty Grades of Shay

  The Sexperts 2: The Girl with the Pearl Necklace

  The Sexperts 3: Loving the Alien

  The Adventures of Alice Trilogy

  Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland

  Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass

  Fifty Shades of Alice at the Hellfire Club

  The Adventures of Jezebel Trilogy

  Fifty Shades of Jezebel and the Beanstalk

  Fifty Shades of Puss in Boots

  Fifty Shades of Goldilocks

  Want It Bad – A Contemporary Erotic Romance

  50 SHADES OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND

  by Melinda DuChamp

  BEYOND 50 SHADES OF GREY…

  Eighteen-year-old Alice is unhappy. Her boyfriend is nice and polite, but he’s also quick and careless in bed, and doesn’t give Alice the attention and variety she craves. But he’s not entirely to blame, because Alice herself doesn’t understand her own needs. She’s heard about what sex is supposed to be like, but has never felt anything remotely close to what she’s read about in runaway bestselling books.