A Broken Girl's Journey 4: Kylie's Song

by Niki Jilvontae

  Kylie held her breath and fought back the tears burning behind her eyes as Tricey continued to curse her while inspecting her jewelry. Kylie reached out her hand and tried to grab the pink diamond ring her father gave her on her 10th birthday, but Tricey was too fast. She moved her hand quickly and then delivered a backhand to Kylie’s face that sent her flying to the floor. Kylie was stunned by the blow and lie on the floor confused, holding her face as Tricey sat the jewelry she took from Kylie on the table and snatched the telephone cord out of the wall.

  Kylie cringed in her seat as her memories played on in her mind. Kylie could still feel the searing pain of the telephone cord as it ripped through the flesh on her legs. Kylie could still hear the curses Aunt Tricey spewed at her like venom as she hit her mercilessly all over her legs and back.

  After that day Kylie realized that the peaceful life she had grown accustomed to was over. She knew at that moment that she would also have a long, hard journey much like her mother’s. Kylie knew that life had also given her a raw deal and she would be forced to live through the unthinkable. The only difference was Kylie knew that pain and sorrow wasn’t all life had to offer her. Kylie had lived a happy life with a loving family and she knew that it was possible to find that happiness again. She was determined not to let the hate her Aunt showed towards her break her down. Kylie was going to get her life back no matter what or who tried to tear her down.

  Kylie slowly snapped out of her memory and looked up at the sky just as a beautiful blue bird flew by. She smiled to herself as she thought about how her mother told her the stories of how blue birds were their angels. She remembered her mother said she saw one when her uncle Ray-Ray got hurt, and when she went to see her cousin Mesha. Blue birds symbolized love and hope in Kylie’s eyes and she knew at that moment her mother was flying by telling her that she was with her.

  “I’m going to get out of here, mama.... I have to. You always told me to be strong and I will. I won’t let her steal my light. I won’t be broken.... Watch over me mama.” Kylie said to herself with tears streaming down her face just as Aunt Tricey walked out of the door.

  Chapter 2

  Kylie could feel Aunt Tricey’s hateful eyes on her back as she quickly tried to wipe away the tears rolling down her face. She hated to give Aunt Tricey the pleasure of seeing her cry and she hated the lonely life she was forced to live. However, she felt she had no choice. She had to endure all of the curses and beatings no matter how bad it made her feel inside.

  Kylie closed her eyes tight and braced herself for the hurt that was sure to come. She could hear Aunt Tricey wheezing behind her as she quickly closed her song book and tried to hide it under her thigh.

  “What are you doing out here ugly? Writing in that dumb ass book again?” Aunt Tricey asked snatching the book out of Kylie’s hands.

  Tricey hated the fact that Kylie had found refuge from her pain when she wrote. She hated the fact that Kylie could find happiness in her songs, despite everything she did to break her down. All of Tricey’s attempts to make Kylie feel worthless or less than hadn’t worked. Up to that point Kylie was still that happy, carefree, kind girl, her parents had raised her to be. Even after waking up each morning to cold water being thrown on her or the sound of Aunt Tricey cursing, Kylie still looked forward to each day.

  Kylie always believed that living in hell was not the end of her journey. She knew that someday she would get out, so she continued to focus on the good. Kylie maintained her 4.3 GPA as a junior in high school at only fifteen and worked on her songs every chance that she got. She had the voice of an angel and the ability to write beautiful songs that touched your heart, which was a gift she got from her mother. Lakea passed on the gift that helped her through some of the most difficult times in her life, giving Kylie the strength she needed to make it through her own difficult journey.

  “I was just writing Aunt Tricey,” Kylie replied in a low tone, trying to hide her eyes from Aunt Tricey.

  Kylie hated to look into Aunt Tricey’s eyes. Those were the eyes of one of the most evil people she had ever known.

  “I see that stupid. What I can’t figure out is why you think yo ugly, black ass can spend the whole Saturday morning sitting on this porch writing stupid ass songs and not do yo work! There’s plenty shit that needs to be done in there….and yo lazy ass gone walk to Kroger on Popular to get some groceries when you done cleaning. So Hurry The FUCK UP!” Aunt Tricey yelled so loudly in Kylie’s ear that the ringing it caused made her cringe.

  Kylie knew that there was no use protesting or even trying to ask a question so she just sucked up her feelings and prepared to do what she was told.

  “Yes Aunt Tricey.” Kylie said as she slowly got up out of the chair she was sitting in and walked towards Aunt Tricey.

  When she got to the door, Kylie stopped and turned her face to look at Aunt Tricey. She had a hateful expression on her face as she quickly read through the pages of Kylie’s book. Kylie screamed on the inside as she read. She didn’t want her to read her things. She didn’t want her to read her true feelings.

  During the first two years of living with Aunt Tricey, Kylie had done a good job at hiding her true feelings from her. She would swallow her pride and silence the screams inside, enduring all of the bad, all of the physical and emotional abuse, Aunt Tricey threw at her. She rarely even whimpered or cried out when Aunt Tricey beat her with an extension cord or refuse to let her eat for days at a time. She just bit her bottom lip and took it. What choice did she have no one else wanted her anyways. No one had come for her after Daniel died, not her Papa Jacob, not her brother, J-J, or cousin Ray-Ray… No one.

  That’s why Kylie decided she would never need or truly love anyone again. She decided she would simply take everything the world threw at her in silence her pain until her day came. Kylie still had hope that her day would come and when it did she would make the best of it if she only knew how much her grandfather and brother were fighting to get her. However, Kylie didn’t know so she grew accustomed to surrendering. This time was different though. Kylie didn’t want to stay silent any longer. Her singing and writing songs was all she had left from her parents. Hell, her music was the last link she had to Lakea and Daniel, and she didn’t want to let that go.

  Suddenly thoughts of Lakea and Daniel filled Kylie’s mind, giving her strength. She remembered all of the times she shared her music with her them. Lakea would help Kylie to tap into her feelings and compose a beautiful song that they would later sing for J-J and Daniel. Kylie could remember the connection and love she felt for her parents and brother at those moments. Her songs were all she had left of that and she wasn’t going to let Aunt Tricey take it.

  Kylie gathered all of the strength she had inside and quickly snatched the book out of Aunt Tricey’s hands. The initial look on Aunt Tricey’s face took Kylie completely by surprise. Shock and a hint of fear was written all over Aunt Tricey’s face as she stood there with her hands still in the air. That was the first time Kylie had ever reacted to Tricey’s evilness because she was always too afraid of what she would do. However, for that split second in time, Kylie saw that Aunt Tricey wasn’t as tough as she thought she was. Kylie knew that it was possible for her to reverse their roles, but she doubted that she had the courage to do so.

  Kylie regretted standing up for herself after Aunt Tricey’s expression of shock turned into one of rage. Kylie quickly tried to fix the situation and avoid a beating..or worse.

  “I’m sorry for snatching the book Aunt Tricey, but please don’t take my songs from me. Please!” Kylie begged with tears in her eyes.

  For a second Kylie thought that she saw compassion in Aunt Tricey’s eyes as she stood there trembling by the door. However, Kylie quickly found out that the seemingly sweet and confused look on Aunt Tricey’s face was just a ploy. It was the distraction Tricey needed to sneak attack Kylie.

  Suddenly, Aunt Tricey punched Kylie in the face with so much force that her head hit the iron screen door wi
th a loud thud. Kylie was dazed and couldn’t even keep her balance as Aunt Tricey grabbed her in the top of her long, black hair, dragging her into the house.

  Once inside Tricey delivered punch after punch into Kylie’s head and back as she tried to cover herself. Tricey raged on and on about how she hated Kylie and how she was tired of her while continuing her attack.

  “You little ungrateful bitch, snatching shit from me. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be homeless. I’ll teach you lil’ bitch!” Tricey yelled as she sat all 390 pounds of her weight into Kylie’s chest and stomach as she continued to slap and punch her.

  Kylie gasped for air as she struggled to get Aunt Tricey off of her. Kylie’s head began to spin from the pressure of Aunt Tricey’s weight on her chest and the horrible fish smell coming from between her legs. Kylie thought she was going to die as she became light-headed and felt as if she would black out. She used all the breath she had left in her little body to beg Tricey to get off of her.

  “Please!” Kylie begged just as Tricey stood up, but it was too late.

  Suddenly everything went black and Kylie passed out. A bucket of cold water to the face woke Kylie up a few minutes later. Kylie slowly opened her beautiful, sad, brown eyes, blinking rapidly in an attempt to see. As her eyes came into focus, she noticed Aunt Tricey standing over her with the bucket still in her hands.

  “Get yo ass up and clean this house up so you can go to the damn store. And don’t think that this is over either!” Tricey yelled as she wobbled away.

  Kylie laid there for a moment with tears in her eyes as she stared up at the ceiling, asking God why. She wondered why he was allowing her to be treated so badly. Why did she have to endure so much pain?

  The pain in Kylie’s chest and stomach was so excruciating she could barely pull herself up off of the floor. She slowly walked to the small bathroom at the end of the hall, trying to focus on breathing. Once inside the bathroom, Kylie closed the door and looked at her bruised face as blood dripped from her nose and tears fell from her eyes.

  “I hate her,” Kylie said to herself in the mirror as she wiped the blood and tears off of her face.

  “Help me mama,” Kylie cried as she pulled up her shirt and stared at the purple bruises on her chest in the mirror.

  Suddenly, Kylie was overcome with memories of her mother. She remembered her long talks with Lakea the days leading up to her death. Lakea had told Kylie all of the horrible things that happened in her childhood as Kylie lie with her head in her lap. Kylie remembered the hurt look in her mother’s eyes when she described the abuse she endured. A look just like the one Kylie had in her eyes as she looked in the mirror. Just then, Kylie remembered her mother’s words.

  “Kylie in life you will encounter some evil people whose sole purpose is to inflict pain on others. These are people that you must avoid; but if you should ever find yourself in a situation with this type of person, always remember that God is with you. He will always give you the strength you need to pull through. Find the strength within you, my Sunshine, and never let them steal your light. Always remember that you are a queen destined for greatness and no amount of pain can ever take that from you. Pour your feelings out in your songs. Never let them know that their negativity is affecting you, and when you sing, sing with your heart, letting out all of your pain. You are a survivor by nature my dear….never forget that!” Lakea’s words rang in Kylie’s ears as she straightened up and dried her face.

  She saw the light in her eyes still shining brightly. Despite the resentment she had for Aunt Tricey and the way she treated her, Kylie didn’t want to let her make her heart cold. She wanted her light to always shine so she sucked up her tears and walked out of that bathroom with hope that soon her torture would end.

  Kylie cleaned the house from top to bottom the best as she could. It was difficult for her to clean effectively because of the mountains of newspapers, clothes, electronics, and trash everywhere, but she tried. Aunt Tricey was what is now known as a hoarder, but to Kylie she was just nasty and selfish, not wanting to throw anything away even if it was filthy and broke. Tricey was so gross she even threw the adult diapers she sometimes wore in a pile for Kylie to throw away. She did whatever she could to make Kylie’s life miserable, and cleaning her house was the worse punishment. There was so much junk piled into the small four bedroom house. It took hours to do a thirty minute task.

  Despite the pain Kylie still felt in her chest, she navigated her way through the house still struggling to breathe as she scrubbed floors, cleaned windows, and washed six loads of Aunt Tricey’s stinky, soiled clothing. All the while Kylie worked, Aunt Tricey sat in the middle of her junk in that nasty, blue recliner she was always in, spewing curses, and orders. By the time Kylie finished cleaning, it was already four p.m. and extremely hot, especially in Tricey’s house since she refused to turn on the air conditioner. Instead, she sat her fat ass in her chair with three fans pointed only at her, leaving Kylie to suffer.

  Kylie’s whole body ached from the beating and strenuous work she had to do, but she still wasn’t done. Emptying Aunt Tricey’s waste and throwing away the diapers was the worse. After emptying the piss bucket Aunt Tricey used when she was too lazy to go to the bathroom or even put on an adult diaper, Kylie drug her tired body into the walk-in closet next to the bathroom Aunt Tricey made her bedroom. Kylie sat on the bed dazed and exhausted, staring at the picture of her mother she drew.

  “Don’t be in there all day. Get yo ass dressed and get to that sto heifa!” Tricey yelled from the hall as she walked by talking on the phone.

  Tricey startled Kylie out of her exhausted trance causing her to quickly go over to the bin holding her clothing to find something clean to wear. Kylie didn’t have much left after Aunt Tricey sold all of her designer labels and the little she did have rarely was clean because Tricey wouldn’t let her use the washer for her own stuff. Instead, whenever Kylie was allowed a bath or shower she would use bath soap to wash her clothes and then hang them across the shower rod to dry. That always left her clothes stiff with a funny smell, but she had no other choice.

  Kylie picked out a pair of black tights and a pink and black Ralph Lauren t-shirt she had managed to hide from Aunt Tricey at the bottom of her bin. She quickly dressed and put on her pink Chuck Taylors before looking at herself in the mirror. Despite the huge purple bruise on her jaw, Kylie was a very beautiful girl. She was the mirror image of Lakea with her hazel slanted eyes and perfect button nose. She also had that deep penetrating gaze like Daniel and the body of a video vixen at only fifteen.

  Kylie was exotic, intelligent, cultured and talented, and those were the qualities Aunt Tricey hated most. Kylie smiled at herself in the mirror as she looked up and down her body. Like Lakea, Kylie never really paid attention to her looks and thought she was okay looking until boys started telling her otherwise. However, she still had no interest in boys and didn’t have a boyfriend or any friends for that matter. All she had was her songs. That is why she was determined to get them back.

  Kylie stepped out of her tiny room just as Tricey made her way back down the hall on her way to the living room and the chair she was always in. She talked while loudly on her cordless phone in her hands as she rolled her eyes at Kylie as she passed by. Kylie ignored the look and trailed behind her silently with her head down waiting on Tricey’s next round of insults and orders. Kylie stood in front of Aunt Tricey staring at her feet as she hung up with her daughter Alicia and began to rifle through her purse she kept next to her chair. Tricey pulled out a crumbled and ripped $20 bill and threw it at Kylie.

  “Here wanch. I want a bag of pinto beans, two boxes of jiffy mix, a pack of center cut pork chops, and a six pack of cokes. Yo ass having beans if I decide to even feed yo disrespectful ass. I’m having pork chops and corn bread with mine,” Aunt Tricey said in a childlike tone.

  She loved to taunt and pick at Kylie. Her resentment for Lakea and Felicia was so strong she enjoyed being able to inflict pain on their prin
cess. She was determined to do to Kylie what she could never do to Felicia or Lakea…break her. She didn’t count on Kylie having Lakea’s resilience and Daniel’s will. Kylie wouldn’t let her win, she couldn’t. Kylie bit her lip and held back the curses fighting to spew out of her mouth as she picked the crumbled bill up off the floor. She wanted to tell Aunt Tricey to go straight to hell after choking on her pork chop, but the way she had been raised wouldn’t let her, neither would her fear. Instead, she continued to stare at her feet and mask her feelings while Aunt Tricey ranted about bringing back her change.

  “Now get the fuck out of my house heifa...and don’t take forever. I got something for your smart ass when you get back!” Tricey yelled as Kylie quickly left the house.

  Outside Kylie inhaled deeply before stepping off the porch. It was early July in Memphis and a balmy, humid day at 98 degrees, but Kylie didn’t care. She wanted the opportunity to get out of that house and away from Aunt Tricey and her evilness. She didn’t mind that she had to walk four miles to Kroger and four miles back carrying groceries in the smoldering heat. At least she wasn’t being beaten or cursed at. Besides it would give her time to go over the song that was stuck in her head.

  Kylie walked to the end of Kney as dope boys on the corner screamed at her, trying to get her attention. She ignored their calls and kept walking as the lyrics to her song filled her mind. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the group of boys on the sidewalk shooting dice until she had completely knocked one of them over. The dice and money on the ground scattered as Kylie toppled over the boy ruining the game.