Trapped

by Sally Mason

  Fresh snow is falling on Christmas morning. I sit in the rocking chair by the window for a long time, staring outside with vacant eyes. Every so often, my gaze wanders to the clock on the wall. In my mind, I’m counting down the minutes to tomorrow night, my mind drifting back to those times I was with Napoleon before.

  While sex with Jed had already been horrifying, it was even worse with his friend. Napoleon had always gotten physical and hurt me one way or the other, seemingly enjoying my screams and pleas for him to stop. I felt weak and unprotected, hating to be tied up and blindfolded. It added to the fear to be totally at his mercy.

  In the months after my escape, the police asked me hundreds of questions—from a special scent I might have picked up to any other bits of information that could have helped them to identify him. I picked my brain, which almost always came up blank. All I could remember was my pounding heartbeat, my dry mouth, and the smell of my own sweat. I still shudder every time I imagine his breath grazing over my skin or his hands wandering over my naked body. Those memories overpower the rest.

  I am torn from my sullen thoughts when the door opens with a small squeak. My eyes close as Jed begins to rub my shoulder. I wish desperately for someone to comfort me who I truly care about. Having him around doesn’t make it any easier.

  “I fixed breakfast,” he says softly.

  My stomach is in knots. “I’m not really hungry.”

  “Hey”—he squats down next to the rocking chair—“it’s Christmas. Let’s get Hallie downstairs and try to have a nice day. I even have a surprise for you that might cheer you up.”

  A celebration is the last thing on my mind. “I’m sorry, Jed, but I’m not in the holiday spirit.”

  His lips twist in disappointment. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

  A desperate breath flares my nostrils. “No, I’m glad you did. Gives me time to prepare.”

  He nods and squeezes my knee. “Is there anything I can get you?”

  A razor blade would be nice, but after last night, I doubt he would go for it anyhow.

  “No.” I give him a crooked smile. “But you could fix a cake for Hallie or something. It’s her birthday tomorrow.”

  He plants a kiss on my forehead. “That’s what I love about you. You’ve changed so much for the better in the last few years, always thinking of others first.”

  I would like to agree, but it’s really his misconception. Over these past years, I have been mostly selfish, thinking of nothing other than my self-pity. Yet, this second abduction has been a real eye-opener and things will be different if I ever make it out of here in one piece. My fear and my memories will no longer destroy me or hold me hostage. I owe that to myself.

  He quietly leaves. I resume to stare out into the snow. There’s only one way to avoid the inevitable and that is to escape. It would be easier if I left Hallie behind. Since I know now where Jed is keeping her, I could alert the cops, but the risk that they will kill her straight away is just too high. I could never forgive myself.

  In my mind, I change strategy. Playing along and celebrating Christmas will distract Jed and give me more time with Hallie. If we somehow make it outside and into the forest, the trees would give us shelter. Not having any shoes or coat is a real hindrance, we both wouldn’t make it far with the freezing temperatures outside. That’s still something I will have to figure out.

  My scheming is interrupted when the door opens again. I sigh, expecting Jed to bother me again, but instead, I only hear a low pitter-patter. A warm, wet tingling on my calf almost startles me to death. I squeal, but then my eyes fall onto a small puppy. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

  He or she looks like a golden retriever and can be no more than a few months old. My heart swells. I’ve always begged for a puppy, but my mom didn’t want the dirt in the house.

  My fingers stroke through the soft fur. “Hey there. Where did you come from?”

  The puppy pushes its nose into my palm. The tickling sensation when its rough tongue licks over my skin makes me snicker.

  “You can pick her up. She won’t break.”

  My gaze darts to the door where Jed is leaning in the frame, a sparkle in his eyes.

  His excitement catches.

  “You got a puppy?”

  He breaks into a wide smile. “She’s for you, honeybun. I thought you might like some company.”

  I squint at him. “How did you know I like dogs?”

  He walks over and sets the puppy into my lap. “Lucky guess.”

  I stroke the small retriever behind her ears. “What’s her name?”

  He chuckles. “That’s, of course, up to you. She’s my Christmas present for you.”

  It’s the nicest gift anyone has ever gotten me. “Thanks, Jed.” I lift up the puppy and hold her in front of me. Her small tongue shoots out, trying to get to my nose. I tilt my head. “I think she looks like a Maisie.”

  Jed allows for the puppy to chew on his fingertips. “Maisie is a nice name.” He purses his lips, cooing at the puppy. “Do you like that name?” The retriever is suckling his finger in response, like she is giving her consent.

  I cuddle the puppy on my lap and rock lightly. She squirms around, licking my hands all over and nudging me with her head. I rub her belly, enjoying her warm body pressing against me. For a moment, I forget all about my kidnapping and Napoleon.

  Jed smiles. “I’ll let you two get acquainted.”

  An idea forms in my head. “Can Hallie and I play with the puppy in the living room?”

  His eyes light up. “Sure.”

  So far, so good. At some point, Maisie will need to go outside for a bathroom break, and hopefully, Jed will allow us to take her. It might be our one chance to escape.

  Hallie adores the puppy. We soon have a little game going, rolling a small ball back and forth between us while sitting on the floor by the tree. Maisie scampers about, halting from time to time to demand a tummy rub. Jed is sitting on the armrest of the sofa and watches us with glee in his eyes. He has this stupid grin on his face like he’s Santa or something, obviously enjoying the success of his present.

  When Maisie gets tired, I put phase two of my plan into action. “I think we should take her outside before she pees in the house.”

  Jed, who moved into the chair before dozing off, awakes with a startle. “What?” He rubs his eyes, trying to comprehend what just happened.

  My chin points to Maisie. “She has to use the bathroom.”

  “Yeah.” His voice is still thick from his sleep. “Why don’t you take her?”

  I wiggle my toes in the woolly socks. “Where did you hide our shoes?”

  He waves at the closet by the door. “In there. Put on a coat and a hat, or you’ll freeze to death. The windchill is brutal today.”

  Hallie and I slip in our shoes before putting on the warm winter coats. Hallie finds her hat stuffed inside a sleeve. I grab a spare beanie off the rack.

  As Jed unlocks the door, he shoots us a firm look. “I’ll be watching you. Don’t try anything stupid.”

  The arctic air chills me to the bone the second I step outside. It must be well below zero. The snow has stopped. There is not a cloud in the sky and the sun shines brightly above, which even offers moments of comfort when the freezing wind takes a short breather.

  I stumble down the stairs, holding on to the banister. A few times, my feet almost slip. With worried eyes, I watch how Maisie wobbles down the steps, landing in a big pile of fresh snow. She shakes her little head, sneezing, her ears flopping from side to side. She is adorable.

  Jed remains on the porch, pulling a cigarette pack from his coat. Squinting against the sun, he lights himself a smoke before taking a deep drag. As he exhales, he tilts back his head, letting the sunrays play on his face. I continue to watch him out of the corners of my eyes, luring Maisie away from the house. Hallie catches on and trots behind us.

  I scan the area to find an escape route. The lake is right in front of us and e
ven though it is covered with a layer of ice, it is not a viable option. To our left is the end of the dirt road with Jed’s van parked close to the gate. Without a key, the vehicle is useless. The only other option is a large open space to the right, ending by a tree line about two hundred yards away. It’s quite a distance to cover. Still, it’s our only chance.

  I signal Hallie with my eyes before picking up two handfuls of snow, forming a sturdy ball. Tossing it at her boisterously, I move a few steps in the direction of the forest. Soon, a cloud of snow is heading my way as she uses her hands as shovels. Maisie toddles along, oblivious to our efforts to disguise our escape as harmless play. I laugh loudly in between, pretending to have a lot of fun, while edging closer to the tree line.

  We make it about halfway there when a loud “hey” indicates that Jed must have caught on.

  “Run,” I shout.

  Hallie takes off after scooping up Maisie in her arms.

  I’m right behind them, my muscles pumping. Despite my latest exercise efforts, my breath is ragged and my lungs burn after only a few yards. I push forward, ignoring the sudden surge of fear that threatens to cripple my legs. My eyes are fixed on Hallie’s back and the trees. She seems to be flying which gives me motivation to sprint faster.

  Sweat sticks to my forehead as my breath mists the air in front of me for brief moments until I break through the foggy wall, just to build a new one right in front of my eyes. My heart is pounding loudly as I find a rhythm, my arms and legs moving in unison. The wind bites at my nose. I ball my chilled hands to fists, continuing to push my body to its limits. In my mind, I count down the distance—forty yards, then thirty. The snow scrunches under my boots. Other than that, all I can hear is my breath and the howling of the wind, rushing by my ears.

  Hallie has almost reached the forest when I’m tackled from behind. Something cold pierces my skin. Pain throbs through my neck before something warm trickles down my throat. A few ruby drops fall into the white snow that has broken my fall.

  “Don’t move, honeybun, or I swear, I’ll cut your throat.”

  Paralyzed in fear, I stop struggling under Jed’s body. The blade presses lightly against my thyroid. When a whistle echoes across the field, Hallie halts in her tracks. She spins around, her eyes wide.

  “Come back here, or I’ll kill her,” Jed yells, the threat resonating painfully in my ears.

  There is not the slightest hesitation as Hallie reverses her path, walking slowly back in our direction. As she approaches, tears stream down her face. Her gaze is laced with terror.

  “Please don’t hurt her,” she whispers when she reaches us.

  The knife is withdrawn. I’m lifted on my feet before a shove sends me back in the direction of the cabin. With my eyes glued to the ground, I trudge back through the snow until I get to the stairs. Jed is on my heels and nudges me in the back of my head.

  “Move.” His word is nothing more than a growl.

  I can tell he is furious. There’s no doubt that some form of punishment is imminent. When I step through the door, warmth from the fireplace greets me. The air in the cabin is still filled with the scent of oranges and cinnamon, but all traces of the light atmosphere are gone. I find Jed’s eyes. His face is contorted in rage, his bottom lip trembling.

  “Get upstairs”—he hisses at Hallie—“and take that dog with you.”

  She juts her chin at him. “What are you gonna do to Kelsey?”

  “That’s none of your concern.” His eyes narrow. “Now. Move.” The last two words are spit with so much venom that they give me the chills.

  When Hallie still doesn’t show the slightest inclination to oblige, I give her a small nod. “Go.”

  She finally storms up the steps. Maisie is curled up in her arms, staring at me with her big dark eyes. She must sense that something is terribly wrong.

  Jed darts up the stairs and locks her door before returning downstairs. I glance at the open bedroom, pondering whether to make a run for it, but I don’t even have a key to lock myself in. One hard push and Jed would be able to pry the door open.

  He grabs my wrist and drags me behind him, ignoring my small yelp. With one shove, he tosses me on the bed as soon as we are over the threshold.

  My wrist pulses. I rub over the sore spot to ease the pain.

  “You were a very bad girl,” he scolds in a loud voice, an angry finger pointing right at my nose. “I fucking trusted you and that’s how you repay me. Why did you have to ruin everything?”

  Tears spill from my eyes as I stare at him, unsure how to respond. I have never seen him angrier and don’t want to aggravate him even more.

  When I stay silent, he drops his pants. I know what’s coming next. Towering over the bed, both of his hands grab strands of my hair, forcing my mouth closer to him.

  I struggle, my scalp stinging from the assault. “Please, Jed.” I gaze into his eyes. “You know how much I hate it.”

  His laugh is cruel. “You should’ve thought about that before pulling this stunt.”

  When he tightens his grip, I whimper, fighting to tear away.

  He lets go of my hair and squats next to the bed. “Now listen, honeybun. If you don’t do this, I’ll take it out on Hallie before killing that little pooch I just gave you.” His eyes gleam like molten coals although his voice is soft. It’s his way of showing me that he is dead serious and fully in control. “Is that what you want?”

  My lips tremble when I shake my head, my heart clenched in an iron hold. This time, I don’t fight him when he pulls me closer. Every part of me revolts as I am forced to do the deed, curling myself into a tight ball when I’m done. He leaves me alone for the rest of the day, not joining me in the bed even after it has gotten dark outside.

  At some point, I must have fallen asleep, and I almost jump out of the bed when his hand strokes my hair. I blink at him as he looks down on me with this cruel grin on his face that is always present when he takes revenge. Just like the first night, he places a cup of steaming hot tea and a razor blade on my nightstand.

  “Try to get some rest, honeybun. You have a big day tomorrow.” His shoulders shake under his chuckles as he leaves me behind.

  For the next hour, I sip the tea, my eyes fixed on the razor blade. Temptation is burning through my veins like it did the times when my dad took me to the candy store and told me I could have anything I wanted. I breathe in deeply, pain surging through me. My eyes fill with tears. This is too much. I can’t handle this anymore. For the first time in my life, I just want to end it all. Death is the only thing that can ultimately take me out of my nightmare and kill those demons.

  With a sigh, I pick up the razor blade and place it on my open palm. The sharp edges draw me in. My thumb is already reaching forward, my mind screaming for the impending pain. The relief that this will all be over soon is sweet. I imagine what it will be like to feel nothing. Peace at last—but only peace for me. If I do this, I will let everyone down. My mom and Luke will be heartbroken, Finn mad as hell that I couldn’t kick the habit. I don’t want to disappoint them again.

  Reggie told us in therapy that we have to be honest to ourselves. The cutting kept me trapped, just as much as my memories and self-pity. It kills the pain, but also forces me to constantly relive a part of my nightmare to keep the pain alive, just so it can be killed again, which is nothing more than a vicious cycle. I am my own worst enemy, dragging me and everyone down with my victim role. It has to stop, not only for my mom and Luke and Finn, but mostly for myself. I don’t want to blame everyone else for my unhappiness.

  With a small smile, I place the razor blade back on the nightstand. Jed will not win this time. My hand automatically reaches for the light switch and soothing darkness falls over the room. I am done with this part of my life—there will be no more self-harming and inflicting more pain. The scars I have now will be hard to heal, but they will eventually fade. There is no reason to add more misery.

  CHAPTER 20

  The next morning,
Jed summons us into the kitchen for Hallie’s birthday breakfast—to “have a good time.” As promised, he did get a birthday cake and sixteen candles burn in a circle.

  “Let’s sing,” he announces and I reluctantly join in after a wicked glance from him.

  Hallie sits rigidly on the barstool with a clenched jaw, her lips pressed together in a thin line. There are tears in her eyes. She seems numb, not even the slightest hint of joy on her face. I’m pretty sure she is mourning another loss. Sweet sixteen is one of those days that only comes around once in a lifetime. It’s awful to have it ruined like this.

  Maisie is rolled up in the crook of my elbow. She was on my bed when I woke up this morning. I could swear Jed put something in the tea to knock me out because I never heard him come in—neither to place the dog on the bed nor to remove the razor blade and the tea cup—and I am usually a very light sleeper.

  I focus back on the birthday song and finish it with a forced smile.

  “Make a wish,” Jed shouts cheerfully.

  Like a robot, Hallie bends forward and blows out the candles. Her eyes are squeezed shut. There could only be one wish on her mind and that is getting out of this hellhole.

  Jed cuts the cake, keeping the knife at a safe distance from us, and locks it back into the drawer as soon as he’s done. His face is almost mask-like—I cannot read his emotions at all. That makes him even more unpredictable than usual.

  The next few minutes are dominated by silence. All three of us stare at different specks on the wall, deeply engrossed in our own thoughts while taking small bites from the cake. I chew automatically without tasting anything and remember my sixteenth birthday like it was yesterday. It was two months before my abduction. I had a big party and my parents had pooled their resources to get me a small car, a new Volkswagen Beetle Convertible. It was midnight blue, with cream leather seats, and I loved it—at least until I was taken. After that, it drew too much attention to me.

  Jed is stirring his coffee absentmindedly, probably brooding over his next devious scheme. I wonder if he will force himself on me before Napoleon comes over later today—I sure wouldn’t put it past him. Even he must have felt I was damaged and dirty after one of his friend’s visits, because he wouldn’t touch me for a few days afterward, every time it happened.