Charms

by Amanda Munoz

  I have done nothing but be a loyal employee for him. I do more than what’s asked of me and I never complain. Never.

  "I’m NOT coming in. And how dare you disrespect me like that? How dare you speak over me and try to bully me like that?" he begins to say something but it’s my turn to cut him off. "No, you listen. I have worked for you for 7 years and am the most valuable employee you have. I do more then I should and definitely more than I get paid to do. I’m at work every day, on time and have never been insubordinate or missed a deadline. There is no way our department would generate the required quota of audits if it weren’t for me and you know it." My hand trembles with anger.

  "Abigail, you are right. I-" he begins but I'm still not done.

  "I quit." I tell him and instantly I feel so free.

  "You what?" he asks me in surprise.

  "I quit." I tell him and not once do I feel any regret for my decision.

  "No, no why don't you come in sometime this week whenever you are ready to return and we will discuss a raise. I've been meaning to speak to you about it anyway."

  "Goodbye. Mr. Felix." I hang up and feel satisfied and weightless and damn does it feel good. I have enough saved to get by for quite some time and I will start looking for work as soon as I am ready. I’m not worried at all. I actually feel really good about myself. I stood up for myself and it was empowering.

  I run to the kitchen table and grab the envelope tearing it open hastily. The card has a beautiful drawing of an anchor. The details are amazing, it is so realistic. I open the card slowly laying it down expecting the charm to fall. The charm lays in the crease of the card. I pick it up and hold the tiny anchor in the palm of my hand.

  Aby, you are so strong. So very strong. Never let anything or anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t let anyone bring you down. You are steady, and resolute. You are resilient, and indestructible. Stand up for yourself, for what you believe in and for who you are.

  I’m proud of you,

  Javier

  I take the bracelet off my wrist and add the charm of the infinity symbol and the anchor to it and admire how beautiful and how thoughtful his gift to me is. I grab the rest of the envelopes and sift through each one reading the challenges. I will not open them until I have completed them but I want to see what they are.

  I keep them in order of how I received them:

  TAKE A RISK

  CONQUER YOUR FEAR

  MAKE A FRIEND

  TRAVEL SOME PLACE FAR

  FALL IN LOVE

  I place the stack gently in the box with the rest of Javier’s things and quickly get ready for the day. I plan to head to the hospital and ask for Rita. I can’t wait to see what this key is for.

  Turns out, Rita is the charity and donations coordinator at the county hospital. She’s an older lady with violet hair and hot pink lipstick. Yes, I said violet and hot pink. I know my colors. She is a bit taller than I am and a rather hefty woman. Not the hefty that just seems all squeezable but the kind of hefty that can probably kick my ass. Although she is easily 45 years my senior she is pretty intimidating.

  I approach her cautiously and then feel like a complete fool when I introduce myself.

  “Oh my God! You are her! Wow, you are so lovely. Oh that boy just loves you to pieces.” Her smile is bright and I feel a pang of guilt for having judged her before I even knew her. Shame on me. Her eyes flash with a hint of sadness as realization crosses her features. “Oh no! Oh honey!” she comes around the desk and grabs me in her arms engulfing me in a gigantic hug. I was wrong, she is squeezable. “I’m, so sorry for your loss.”

  I don’t know what it was about this lady that made me instantly feel comfortable with her but I can’t help but cry in her arms. A complete stranger. But she holds me anyway until I can let go. She releases me and grabs my hand in both of hers. Looking down into my eyes kindly.

  “Are you okay, sweetheart? Oh, I know that’s a dumb question, but honey if there is anything I can do... anything at all please let me know.” She squeezes my hands reassuringly and I smile and nod at her in response. “Come on. Let me show you.”

  I don’t know what she wants to show me but I know whatever it is this key probably opens it. She puts a break sign on her desk and then starts down the hallway leading me towards the elevator. She pushes the button for the third floor and when the elevator stops we exit and turn left. I know what’s on this floor and to the left, it’s the hospital library. Javier and I have been here many times when we volunteered and read to the patients. I feel his loss strongly being here without him. The library I remember however, is not the one I see now.

  I stand in front of the large glass door and am flooded with a wave of emotions as I read the large wooden sign at the front entrance that reads: THE ABIGAIL BRENNON LIBRARY.

  The once dull, and old paint has been replaced with bright, and bold colors. The few rows of books available have multiplied greatly. A couple of dark, maple wood tables are scattered throughout the room as quiet places to sit and read. It’s been completely made over and it’s beautiful. My heart constrict painful and I’m so overwhelmed by this incredible act of generosity made in my name.

  “Oh my God!” it’s all I can say. I am absolutely stunned.

  Rita places a hand on my shoulder, “Honey you haven’t even seen the best part.” I can’t imagine how it could get any better but I follow her past the tables, and the large overflowing bookshelves to the back of the library. I stop in my tracks when I see it, what I feel is indescribable. My eyes sting with tears that threaten to fall, my heart beats wildly in my chest and a sense of tranquility washes over me. The back of the library is a designated reading area for children and the entire back wall is a painted mural from floor to ceiling of an incredible, beautiful, and bright, depiction of a meadow. Our meadow. Details of wildflowers and lilacs, large, sturdy oak trees, butterflies and birds adorn the painting making it so realistic and life like. This is mine and Javier’s favorite place. The bright warm colors are inviting and calming. It’s perfect.

  “I can’t believe he did all this.” I gesture towards the library in its entirety. He is such an amazing man.

  “He drew the entire thing for you. Someone else painted it but they basically just painted by numbers. He did all the work.” She points towards the bottom left of the wall. I walk towards it and bend down to read it.

  “Muñeca’s meadow By: Javier Saldana” Is scrawled along the bottom of the wall in his hand writing. I slink down on the floor next to it and lay my head against the wall. I feel like he is here with me. That was probably his intention. I don’t know when he had the time for this, I don’t know he kept it a secret. All I know is that I am so incredibly blessed to have had in my life. He loved me so deeply and showed me every day. Even after he is gone he continues to show me. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him in my life but I will cherish every moment we shared together, and I will love him always.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  Over the next several months I open 5 of his 7 cards. Each one holds a significant meaning and I cherish every drawing, every word and every charm he has given me. I still cry and grieve for him; I don’t know how long that will continue. It is not every day like it once was although I think about him daily. My heart still feels like a large piece of it is missing and I think that will always be the case. The day Javier died, he took that piece of my heart with him; it will always belong to him.

  A few weeks after I saw the library Rita Higgins decided it was time to retire. She put in her notice and a recommendation for me to take her place. Her job was much harder than anyone could have predicted and I quickly realized how much of an impact she made at the hospital. It was because of her they even had a library in the first place, it was because of her that they received grants and donations for improvements and new wings, it was because of her that so many volunteers walked through the door touching another person’s life and changing it for the better no matter how small the gesture. It was a
rewarding career and she loved every moment of it, but it was time she moved on, enjoyed her great-grandchildren and the time she had left with them.

  Although I appreciated her recommendation, the job was so different than anything I ever pictured myself doing, I didn’t have the experience and I didn’t know if I could hold a candle to the amazing job Rita had done. I doubted myself and almost missed the opportunity, but at the last moment I filled out an application and submitted it anyway. I’m not sure which the greater influence in my decision was: Ms. Rita Higgins or the envelope that said “TAKE A RISK” on it.

  I got a phone call with the job offer about 4 days after I opened the envelope. A beautiful card with a hummingbird on it; every color of the rainbow. Javier wrote that a hummingbird was symbolic for pursuing the good in life, for joy and freedom. For every great journey, there has to be a first step. He said that taking a risk is taking that step. And he knew that I could I do it. I added that fourth charm with such a sense of pride and accomplishment and it felt so good.

  I thought that quitting my job and applying for this new one would qualify me to open the next one. After all I did conquer the fear of the unknown. I played with that envelope in my hand for days but in the end just decided that it wasn’t right. I finally did open another envelope but it ended up being out of sequence.

  A few weeks into my new job I worked with a large company relocating to our city. They wanted the public to know what they stood for, their company motto being “We stand for the greater good of our clients and our community.” They figured they would make an impact by making a large donation to the hospital. I gladly accepted the donation excited because this would be my first large account.

  I worked with a woman named Clara and presented her with a large list of options available for them to donate their money. She said that her job was to write the check and no one would know better than I where that money should be spent. I decided and she agreed to buy new state of the art equipment to better improve our technology.

  She and I quickly became friends as I showed her around since she is new in town. Before long we are inseparable. I skipped ahead and opened the card with the beautiful intricate Celtic knot drawn on it. The knot represents friendship and I shared with her Javier and my story. She cried and laughed with me and said she thinks she loves him too. I added the 5th charm to my bracelet just 4 months after I lost Javier and handed her the card to read since it was addressed to: Aby’s friend. And not to me.

  Aby’s friend,

  I’m sure you already know by now that this girl is incredible. She is loyal and giving and undoubtedly an amazing friend. Not only was she the love of my life, she was my best friend as well. She will keep your secrets, comfort you when you are sad, laugh with you, and be your rock when you need her to be. Don’t take advantage of her, she would never take advantage of you. I hope you realize you don’t just have a friend in Aby, you have a friend for life.

  Thank you for making her happy.

  Javier

  Clara handed the card back to me wiping her eyes profusely. “Where can I find one of those?” she asks laughing. I roll my eyes because she already has she doesn’t realize even realize it.

  There is a wonderful guy in her apartment complex who is crazy about here and she is oblivious to it. She is looking for a guy who matches her list, I don’t think that guy exists. But she has been hurt in the past so maybe for now she should just focus on herself anyway. She was married for a few years until her husband whom she loved since high school got her best friend pregnant. Needless to say she lost the love of her life and her best friend all on the same day. She spent so much of her early twenties tied to this man who apparently only took advantage of her, that she missed out on a lot. I realize I missed a lot too but have no one to blame but myself for that. Together we decided to make up for lost time and have had so much fun doing it. We go out, we dance, we laugh and we live.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  “Let’s go bungee jumping!” Clara yells excitedly and pulls off the side of the road.

  She unhooks her seatbelt and bolts from the car animatedly jumping and pointing at something in the distance.

  I don’t even bother to humor her with a response to that absurd idea but I get out of the car anyway and walk towards her to see what she was so excited about. In the distance a few hundred yards away a person has jumped from a bridge. I can faintly hear their screams from here and shudder thinking about all of the things that could go wrong. They bounce up and down in the air like a pin ball and I can’t imagine why anyone would do that.

  “You are out of your mind.” I tell her and turn back towards the car.

  “Oh come on!” she yells. “You only live once.”

  I have known Clara almost 6 months and I have never heard her say that to me before. She is very different from me but our polarity compliments each other. I have learned to loosen up more and have had so much fun with her but she has never had to try hard to convince me of anything. I instantly replace her voice with Javier’s and picture him in mind. I remember him saying that I’d base jump one day. I can’t help but think that he is here now. I briefly wonder if this was something Clara’s always thought of doing or if this was just a spur of the moment fleeting thought of hers. But it doesn’t matter either way. Without a second thought, she and I back track and find that group of bungee jumpers.

  Jumping from that bridge was by far the scariest, dumbest and most exhilarating thing I have ever done. I felt so free and invincible soaring through the air. I know Javier would have loved it and I know he would have been proud of me. In fact, he told me so himself.

  Clara’s idea was as brilliant as it was insane. She apparently was anxious to open another envelope and thought this would be the perfect way considering my fear of heights. She was right and the elaborate charm of a lion I have put on my bracelet was a beautiful addition. Javier wrote that a lion was the symbol for courage and that I’m brave and strong and he is so very proud of me. I remember back to that day on the beach when Javier made me repeat those words to him and I realize now how afraid of them I was. Looking back from then to now I am proud to say that I am brave and strong and I mean those words with every ounce of my being.

  EPILOGUE

  “Hey, maybe if we say we are lesbians and on our honeymoon we can ride for free!” Clara says excitedly.

  “Right, because we would be the only couple who rides a gondola on their honeymoon right. They would never make any money like that!” She has crazy ideas sometimes.

  “Okay so maybe we won’t be the only ones on our honeymoon but maybe the only lesbian couple.” I pick up the pillow and launch it at her and then walk towards the large window. I stand peering out and take in the breathtaking view of the city.

  Every day gets a little easier, every day I hurt a little bit less. I talk to Marissa and Ivan periodically and they are so happy for all that I have accomplished. I continue to volunteer at the shelter and at the hospital. I even took Javier’s place once a month at the food drive held at the high school. My garden has turned out to be amazing. I put a small patio set back there and I sit out there and enjoy it a lot I feel Javier in every breeze, and think of him with each flower that blooms. I don’t visit the meadow every Sunday like we used to, but when I really miss him, or those days when life just gets the best of me I go there. I feel him there, I know he is watching. I feel calm and peaceful there. It will always be our favorite place.

  Clara and I just arrived in Venice this morning. We joke that we are taking a rather romantic trip together but this was number one on both of our bucket lists above any other place in the world.

  This week is ironically the week of the anniversary of Javier’s passing. I have already opened the 6th envelope, I figured it was okay to do so the day we booked our flight. I find myself playing with the pretty gondola charm often wondering how he knew. Javier wished me a safe and happy trip. He hoped I had the time of my life. I wish he was with me but in a sens
e, I know that he is.

  This trip is bitter sweet for me but I have come such a long way. Living an extraordinary life is dependent on each person’s own definition, but this is mine. I have loved so deeply and so true. I have lost and survived through devastation. I have grown and become so strong and independent. I have taken risks and conquered my fears. I have given my time and made a difference in other people’s lives. I have slowed down and watched and learned from others. I am grateful and have learned not to judge or compare. I have seen and done amazing things. I have been and have had amazing friends. I have lived and I have lived well.

  Maybe someday I may open the last envelope but for now I have put away in my drawer. One day, I may put this bracelet back in its small, velvet pouch and tuck it away. And like Javier I will not see it, but I will know it’s there. I will remember what it signifies, I will remember how much it changed my life. I will always love it and cherish it. I will keep it safe and keep it in my heart and in my mind for always and forever and even after that.

  THE END

  * * *

  [MAR1]