Phantom Summer

by Amy Sparling

  "What makes you think that?"

  "Y'all had a really special bond. Everyone saw it on the tours." She stares off into space because she's so freaking enamored with the stupid ghost tours. "I don't know what happened with you two, but you can't just throw that away. He still cares about you."

  I cross my arms. "What makes you think that?"

  "He keeps wanting to call you but then he chickens out."

  I sigh, all long and dramatic-like. "I can't date him and he knows that."

  "Maybe you could still be friends." She rolls back in her heels.

  "Why are you wanting this so badly?" She looks at the mannequins, avoiding my eyes. "Anna! Why?"

  Her face flushes red. "I may or may not have already told him that…"

  "That what?"

  She winces like she's about to be slapped. "That you agreed to hang out with us tomorrow."

  The surge of energy it would take to slap her rolls through my arm. But I channel it elsewhere and wrap her in a hug. This is exactly what I need. A second chance to be Raine's friend.

  All three of us can be friends again. I can do that.

  I park next to Raine's car in the parking garage. Sterling Island Mini Golf is three blocks away but this is the closest place to park since Saturdays are when all the tourists clutter up Sterling. Summer is almost over, and I've come full circle with my group of friends. This is where we first hung out on that awesome night when Raine first put his arm around me. I was scared out of my mind that night and it ended up being perfect. Hopefully tonight will be the same.

  Anna texts me saying they're waiting by the first hole. I buy a ticket, grab a putter and a pink golf ball and make my way over to the gigantic snake with light up eyes and a hole it its butt. I'm feeling confident. Happy. A million positive emotions. The three figures waiting by the first hole get closer to me. I see Anna first, in her one of her many sundresses with skinny jeans and, thankfully, flip flops. Pax sits on a fake boulder next to her, playing with her bracelets.

  "Hey guys," I say, carefully avoiding the tall figure behind Pax. They say hello, and Pax says something that's supposed to be funny and calls me a stranger. I stare at my golf ball like there's something wrong with it, but it's just a plain ball. Anna announces that she's going first because watching other people golf throws her off.

  Anna gets a hole in one, screams, jumps and runs off to the second hole singing that she's going to win, she's going to win, she's going to win. Pax goes next.

  A shadow appears next to me on the putting green. I can't stare at my ball forever. "Hey," I say, avoiding his eyes by faking interest in Pax's attempt to make a hole in one too. "Hello."

  The sound of his voice makes me look at him. I mean, I'm making way too big of a deal here. He's just Raine. My friend. So I look at him and I smile, and he smiles back. And this is the worst thing ever. Because Raine looks exactly like I remembered. He smiles the same way, and he stands the same way, and his jacket still has a loose thread on the right shoulder.

  "You're up Raine," Pax says, grabbing his ball from the cup at the end of the lane. Raine whips around and sets his ball on the blue line. Before he swings, he says, "I'm glad you're back."

  He doesn't just smile, he winks. A freaking wink. The sexiest thing a guy can do. I let out the breath I'd been holding, and I crumble into tiny pieces. There are kids behind us waiting their turn, and teenagers across the way, staring at us probably wondering if he is the real Raine Tsunami, but I don't care, I say it anyway. "I can't just be your friend."

  He stops in mid-swing. "I planned on waiting until the night was over to bring that up."

  I look ahead at Anna and Pax who are lost in their own world at the second hole. "I really wanted us to be friends," I say. He wears his poker face and I have no idea if I'm about to be rejected or not. But since I'm on a roll with saying things I shouldn't say, I might as well keep going. "But you're here now, and I just can't do it."

  He drops his putter and it hits the ground with a loud cling. He lifts his hands at his sides. "Did you get your closure?"

  I shake my head.

  "Then what do you want with me?"

  I have nothing to say. Nothing can summarize what I feel, nothing can make this better. My heart is beating so hard it hurts. My fingers are numb and my eyes can't stop staring into Raine's. He's hurt, and I'm hurt. And it's fight or flight now, and I've always chosen to fight. There's only thing I can do. So I drop my ball in the grass and I toss my putter next to Raine's.

  And I run.

  Chapter 46

  My flip flops hit the pavement hard, sending sharp pains up the back of my heels. I keep running, past a group of kids struggling to get their ball past the windmill. The hot asphalt warms the foam in my shoes, burning my feet but I keep running. The Ford is just around the block. I will be safe there.

  When the Ford comes into view, I can't breathe anymore. My lungs are rock solid, yet somehow I still suck in air. I grab my keys that are hooked on to my belt loop and push the unlock button. Twice.

  My eyes close as I stop in front of the passenger door. I picture life the way it used to be, pretend that Brendan is alive and well, waiting for me in the driver's seat. His left arm resting on top of the steering wheel, right one flipping through the radio stations trying to find something that sets the mood for the night. He hated commercials.

  With my eyes still closed, I open the door and climb in. On really hot days, I can almost smell him, the sweat mixed with cologne smell he always had when we drove around after a day of work. Maybe even the smell of a hot apple pie from the corner store three blocks away from his house. He always got me one when I had a particularly bad day.

  I feel for my seatbelt, stretch it across my chest and buckle it. I slouch a bit and rest my feet on the dash. I never want to open my eyes. If I just stay right here, like this, forever, then things will be okay.

  A long time passes.

  I'm asleep when I hear his voice. "Let me tell you something about life, Taylor."

  The dream me opens my eyes. I'm in a field that looks a lot like Brendan's back yard. Only it's beautiful and stretches on for miles. There are no houses around us. I don't bother looking for them, I just know it. A warm breeze blows across my face, whipping my hair across my eyes.

  Dream me speaks. "What do you know about life?"

  He's sitting right next to me, wearing—of all things—a black leather jacket. I don't look at his face, just at his jacket. "And why are you wearing that?"

  Brendan shrugs. "The thing about life is that we're all in it together. No one is alone in this world. We need each other."

  "You're not making any sense." He sounds like a fortune cookie. "Tons of people are alone." I have a pressing need in the pit of my stomach to look at him. But I stare at the blades of grass between us. Because although the sun is shining and the air is warm, and I feel so peaceful, I know this isn't real. Nothing peaceful is ever real any more.

  "We need good people in our lives," he says. I want to look at him. If I can just see him, see his eyes, then it'll be real. But I can't. This isn't real. He keeps talking, but I can't hear it. I can't understand it because every ounce of my being is trying to will myself into looking at him.

  "Brendan, I miss you." A tear rolls down my cheek. It's really warm.

  "You won't find me, you know." His voice is almost sad. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. “You don't want to me to find you?" I ask. Now, with a surge of emotion I am able to turn toward him. I see his hands, and his jacket—if I could only see his face.

  "I want you to find happiness, Taylor. But you can't find me in your world anymore. I'm not lost."

  "Not…lost," I whisper. Something tells me the words will make more sense later, but they mean nothing to me now.

  "I have a present for you." He's smiling but I can't see it. I'm pulling my head with every bit of strength I have to try to see his face. I see his shoulder, his collar bone, his neck. Please, I think. Please let m
e see.

  It's as if I've thought the magic words, because the powerful force field that had forced my head away is gone. My eyes can move freely. With a burst of joy, I look straight into his eyes.

  And they are real. His eyes, blue with flecks of gold, rimmed in individual eyelashes—I can see them all. They are so real. Whereas everything else around me is hazy and dream-like, his eyes are real and I know it's him. I'm not in a dream anymore, I'm here with him. All I want to do is touch him, and cry, and laugh and tell him everything about Raine.

  He says, "Use your key."

  And I wake up.

  It's totally dark. My heart thumps so loud I can hear it in my eardrums. It's hot, so terribly hot, but I'm shivering. Bits of the dream swim around in my head. I want to tell myself that it was just a dumb dream. I want to ignore it and go on with my day.

  But it felt so real. And what was he trying to tell me? Did he have a special message from beyond to tell me? "We need each other," he had said. That's not a message from beyond. It's just nonsense.

  I unbuckle my seatbelt and pull my legs back to the floor. My keys jingle from my belt loop, jabbing me in the side. I unhook them and toss them on the dash. What did he mean by use my key?

  The key has only one other purpose besides starting the truck. And now it all kind of makes sense. I put the key into the glove box lock, and turn. It pops open, revealing the secret I had been dying to know about a few months ago.

  Papers fall forward: an insurance card, high school report card, napkins. A little white box with a purple ribbon. A card. In total violation of Brendan's privacy, I grab the card and the box. The card has my name on it in his handwriting, and I can't bear to look at his scrawly letters, so I open the box first.

  Inside is a silver charm bracelet with a single charm: a motorcycle.

  It slips over my hand easily, making the slightest jingle sound when I move my arm back and forth. Opening the card, I skip over the pre printed words and go straight to Brendan's handwritten note.

  T,

  I thought you would tell me not to date Charlene when I asked. I don't even like her that much. But since you clearly don't like me that way, it's cool. I hope you don't settle until you find a man who will treat you like the princess that you are.

  Love, B

  PS- Oh yeah, Happy Birthday

  Even though I want to cry, I smile just incase Brendan can see me from wherever he might be. I look at the picture on the front of the birthday card. I can't believe I forgot about my own birthday. Brendan had taken me to dinner even though I banned him from getting me a gift. He was shifty all night, constantly fiddling with his keys. I know why now. I finally have closure. Brendan may have loved me, but he also wants me to be happy. I know what I must do.

  Chapter 46

  Raine's car is exactly where I thought it would be. I park the Ford next to it, directly under the concrete archway at the end of the mansion's driveway. It's a long walk to the door, so I run. There's no point in trying to make a quiet entrance, since every old wooden floorboard creaks under my weight. Raine appears at the top of the stairs before I get up the first three steps.

  Normally when you see a dear friend, you smile when you see them, even if you are separated by twelve stairs and have to walk up them before you are together. But he doesn't smile at me so I don't smile at him. And the twelve stairs seem like a million by the time I reach the top.

  His leather jacket isn't so intimidating now. "Why are you here?" he asks. I never give him a direct answer when he wants one. "Do you want me to leave?"

  "No." And we're standing at the top of the balcony, like two gun fighters waiting for the draw. I can't help but smile now. "Brendan wants me to be happy." Raine's eyes widen. "And you know this now all of a sudden? Because earlier today you weren't so sure."

  "I saw him in a dream," I say, fully aware of now crazy it sounds. I talk really fast, just so I can finally get it all out there. "It felt so real. He looked real. And he told me to look in the glove box of his truck."

  "Wait," Raine says, his eyes catching the bracelet on my wrist. He takes the charm in his hand then lets it go. "You saw him in a dream?"

  "Yeah. I know it sounds crazy, but just hear me out. When I looked in the glove box-"

  "Why do spirits keep appearing to you, of all people?"

  "Raine, I don't know. That's not the point. I'm trying to tell you that he told me to look in his truck and I found this." I shake the bracelet on my wrist. "It was a birthday present."

  "That's amazing." He runs his hand through his razor straight bangs. "Does this mean I won't get rejected again?"

  I give him a mischievous smile. "I guess you'll just have to find out."

  His arms slide around my waist and pull me close. I've missed this so much. He bends toward me as if he's going to tell me a secret. "The tours aren't the same without you."

  "Ugh!" I say, pushing him away from me because he totally ruined the moment. "I'm standing here basically telling you I want to be your girlfriend, and you're too busy worrying about your stupid business."

  He flashes me that smile that makes my knees go weak. "Oh I hear you on that," he says, lacing his fingers between mine. "And I'm very excited about the opportunity." He places a kiss on my forehead, and it sends chills down my spine that no ghost could ever create. "Why do you think Brendan finally gave you closure?"

  I consider this for a moment, wonder if there is anything different about me now that I've been ghost hunting with Raine for three months. He's the believer, after all. But then he bends closer to me, and I can't think straight at all. A mild panic courses through my veins at the thought of Raine kissing me. My lip gloss feels like a thousand pounds pressing on my lips, making them entirely too shiny and totally not kissable. I wonder if he will regret this the moment he does it. I wonder a million things at once, in these short moments and then I wonder why I worry so much at all. Sometimes things in life work out just because they do. You don't always have to earn happiness. You don't have to be perfect all the time. I shrug, and give it my best guess, "Because he knew I had you."