Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  “You know what I mean, Ma.” He shrugged as he fumbled with an apple he’d grabbed from the fruit bowl.

  “I’m not sure I do. What’s wrong with her, Sean? She looks like a nice person. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind helping you out with the horses.”

  He sighed, and took a bite of the apple, chewing slowly, trying to find the right words.

  “She’s a rich daddy’s girl who goes around carrying a thousand-buck handbag. How can you even think she would stain her pretty clothes or ruin her manicure? I don’t know why she even bothered coming all the way from New York and booking a three-week stay. What did she expect to find here?”

  He took another bite, and shook his head, feeling uneasy just at the thought of it. He didn’t want her around; he didn’t want to feel that old wound ache every time she looked up and said hello. His mother was right: she seemed like a nice person all right, but Bethany had seemed like a nice person too, and look what she’d done to him.

  No, he couldn’t trust her. He didn’t want to trust her. He didn’t want her around, period. He had a lot of work to do, what with the crops and all the hay that needed to be stored for winter. He really didn’t need some daddy’s girl hovering around and expecting her every wish to be his command.

  He was so lost in his own worried thoughts he hadn’t noticed his mother approaching, so when she put her arm around him, he flinched a little, and she smiled at him.

  “Sean, haven’t I always taught all of you kids you should never judge a book by its cover? She might think you’re a rough and illiterate cowboy since you’re wearing a cowboy hat and a plaid shirt, but aren’t you a loving and smart man instead?”

  He smiled, hanging his head, and she gave him a squeeze.

  “Why don’t you put all of your prejudices aside for once, and give her a chance? Not all rich people are like Bethany, you know.”

  He stiffened; as always, she had understood everything even before he had said a single word. No matter what his mother would say to convince him, he would give this girl no second chance.

  Hopefully once she’d been stung by his porcupine needles she’d leave him alone, thinking he was only a rough cowboy she shouldn’t waste much time on.

  “That’s beside the point,” he said harshly, and moved away to free himself from her hug.

  “You know that’s precisely the point, Sean. She’s a guest, and no matter how much Bethany hurt you in the past, Miss O’Riordan deserves the best possible service, just like we offer all of our guests. I’m not asking you to take her out to dinner, Sean; I’m only asking you to treat her like a guest. You’re smart enough to do that.” He looked up and she smiled reassuringly at him. “But I’ll try to be around as much as I can so you don’t have to worry too much about her, okay?”

  He nodded and smiled back, knowing he could always trust his mother.

  ***

  Alyssa felt totally lost and lonely once the honeymooners left: they’d been great fun, and she knew it was probably going to become a very tough holiday now. She was tempted to leave the following day when she decided to spend some time outside with Mr. Maclaine and Sean, and she noticed how awful Sean was to her. Actually, he wasn’t awful, he was just very rough and didn’t talk much; he always behaved professionally and he always called her Miss O’Riordan, even after she had told him to call her Alyssa. The way he acted and spoke to her was unmistakably rough, though.

  She guessed it was because he was simply a grumpy countryman, but then again, she’d noticed the way he had chatted with the honeymooners, and she had seen him the day before laughing and joking with his sister when he hadn’t noticed her presence; he just seemed to turn into a different person when she was around.

  His attitude made her feel uneasy because she didn’t know why he did that. She couldn’t remember saying or doing something wrong in the past three days and, apart from that little incident with her Prada bag the day she had arrived, she’d barely even spoken to him.

  She’d only spent an hour with them, and Sean inconspicuously tried to keep out of the way as much as possible so she mostly spent time with Mr. Maclaine. She was glad when he told her it was lunchtime and she could go back inside if she wanted. Not that she looked forward to having lunch all alone, but if it meant being away from Sean, it was definitely a relief.

  After lunch she went back to her room and took a book she had bought at the airport out of her bag, the first in a famous vampire-saga book series. She knew she was too old for those young adult novels, but she had read and heard so much about them; besides, since the book was really thick, she knew that the only chance she would have to read it would be on her long vacation in the middle of nowhere where there would be no other distractions to keep her away from it.

  She contemplated lying on the bed but the weather outside was lovely, warm and sunny, and the rockers on the back porch were so inviting that she decided she would tempt the hand of fate and go outside, hoping Sean wouldn’t be around. She had secretly always wanted to have a house with a back porch and rockers, so she wanted to enjoy this one as much as she could.

  She sat on a rocker facing toward the woods and spent a few minutes staring at the trees; the autumn foliage had started and the shades of brown, red and gold were a joy for her eyes. She was so used to being surrounded by cement and iron that she had almost forgotten how much she used to love going to her grandparents’ house in Ireland, just to spend some time under the trees and lying on the green and soft grass.

  She looked at the book sitting on her lap and stroked the soft, glossy black cover. It had been so long since she’d had time to read something properly, and she really missed it. She had always loved reading; Grandma had passed the passion on to her and books had become one of the many things she and her grandmother shared.

  Her eyes started to prickle at the memory of her grandmother, so she blinked back the tears and turned to her book, opening it to the first page and trying to concentrate.

  ***

  She was so totally engrossed in the story that when Tammy walked out on the porch she gave a start and almost dropped the book.

  “Sorry.” Tammy chuckled. Alyssa smiled and closed the book, using a yellow leaf as a bookmark.

  “Aw, I love that book. I fell in love with Edward, you know?” Tammy said, when she noticed what she was reading, and slumped down on the rocker next to her. “How far did you get?”

  “Edward and Bella have just started talking to each other, during biology.” She shrugged. “I only just started it today after lunch. I know I’m too old for it, but I saw it at the airport bookshop and I thought it’d be nice to have something to read while I was on holiday. So far, I kinda like it.”

  “You’ll love it, believe me. You’ll want to marry Edward. I’ve read all of the four books. You’ll get addicted, whatever age you are.”

  Tammy grinned, and Alyssa felt totally at ease with this girl she’d only just met. Tammy was a sweet and funny girl; from the way her brother and mother had acted the first day, nobody else in her family quite understood she had a thing for fashion. In a way, she reminded Alyssa of when she was Tammy’s age. She too had never been totally understood; her dream of a veterinary career had remained as such, and nobody had ever given her much credit for it, apart from her grandmother, of course.

  But even if she hadn’t seen herself in that young girl grinning at her, she would have loved spending time with Tammy anyway. She was very easygoing and not at all introverted; she was a real chatterbox and, unlike her brother, she seemed to love being around Alyssa. Probably it was because Alyssa came from a cool city like New York and had a Prada bag Tammy had fallen in love with, but whatever the reason, Tammy seemed to enjoy spending time with her. Alyssa was sure that it was Sean who had a problem, and that there was nothing wrong with her per se.

  “I’m sorry, maybe I should leave you alone now. Mom always tells me I talk too much and that I tend to drive people crazy, but I never realize it until it’s too late.�
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  Alyssa chuckled and shook her head reassuringly. “No, no, don’t worry. You’re not driving me crazy; I enjoy talking to you. I’ve never been on a holiday all on my own and I have to say it gets really lonely . . .”

  “You don’t have to say it twice, you know? If you want me around to keep you company, I’d be very glad to. I never seem to run out of topics!”

  They both laughed, and when the screen door opened they turned their heads toward it.

  “Tammy, stop annoying Miss O’Riordan, will you? Go back to your room and finish your homework, now.”

  Tammy snorted, and Mrs. Maclaine rolled her eyes, shaking her head in resignation.

  “Don’t worry, Mrs. Maclaine, she’s not annoying me at all. We were having an interesting chat about the book I’m reading. I’m sorry I kept her from doing her homework.”

  Mrs. Maclaine smiled, her fists on her hips. “Don’t feel sorry, it wasn’t you who kept her from it. This young lady has a great ability to find any new opportunities that keep her away from her schoolbooks.”

  “She’s right. I’m a master at that.” Tammy chortled and stood up, winking at Alyssa, who smiled back at her.

  “Go on reading a bit more so we can have another chat later on or tomorrow. Trust me, you won’t be able to stop.”

  With that she spun and went back inside followed by Mrs. Maclaine.

  Alyssa wondered what her life would have been like had her mother been like Mrs. Maclaine, or her own grandmother. She was sure it would have been totally different and maybe she wouldn’t have felt the urge to run away from home.

  Chapter Ten

  The first day alone hadn’t been as bad as she had expected and even dreaded. Apart from a little awkwardness when she had been around Sean in the morning, the rest of the day had been good.

  She couldn’t recall the last time she had felt so relaxed, so free from worries and schedules. The lifestyle her mother had taught her, the same one she led, made her feel out of place most of the time. Her mother had told her she would miss New York, but so far she had barely thought of it at all. She had lived all of her life in the city, but that didn’t mean she had liked it.

  Her grandmother had always been the only one who knew that a career in the law field wasn’t what Alyssa was meant for; she had always known that Alyssa had other aspirations, other dreams, and some other inclinations that would make her happy. She had always been right.

  As Alyssa was lying on her bed waiting to go to dinner all the conversations she’d had in the past came back to her and she felt as if her grandmother had been able to foresee the future and what it would hold for Alyssa. It couldn’t be a mere coincidence she had been drawn to a ranch rather than the usual five-star resorts she had gone so often to; she was starting to believe that it was her grandmother who had guided her there from wherever she was now, because it was time she stopped and started to think about her life.

  She was still lost in thought when a knock on the door brought her back to reality.

  She got off the bed and when she opened the door, Tammy was standing in front of her with a smile on her face.

  “Were you taking a nap?”

  Alyssa smiled, shaking her head. “Nope, I was relaxing a bit, waiting for dinnertime. Do you want to come in?”

  Tammy shrugged. “I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with us, now that you’re alone? It’s not something we normally do with our guests, but you said you’ve never been anywhere alone so I thought it’d be nice for you to have some company. I, personally, wouldn’t want to have dinner alone; it would be too boring. But that’s just me.”

  Alyssa felt touched by Tammy’s invitation, and was tempted to accept without second bidding; but then she thought of Sean, of the way he had treated her that morning, and she realized he probably wouldn’t be pleased by her presence.

  “Mom said I shouldn’t be pushy, but I’d really love for you to say yes. You could sit next to me and it’d be nice to have you with us, as if you were part of our family. I’ve always wanted to have a sister, you know, and for once we could talk about something else, something that doesn’t involve the ranch, the animals, or bets on when the cow is going to deliver the calf.”

  Alyssa chuckled and, although she had meant to find a good excuse to decline, she found herself wanting to spend time with Tammy, too. It didn’t really matter that her brother would be there and he’d probably be annoyed by Alyssa sitting at their table; Tammy and her mother had been so kind inviting her to have dinner with them, she thought it would be rude to say no.

  Besides, she didn’t really enjoy eating alone; lunch had been really boring and so had dinner the night before. She could try for once, and see what happened; if it turned out to be a total disaster, she could always go back to the guests’ dining room the following days.

  “I’d love to have dinner with your family and sit next to you. Thank you for inviting me.”

  A big smile lit up Tammy’s face, and the reaction warmed Alyssa’s heart. If nothing else, at least she’d made Tammy happy.

  ***

  Sean closed the door to the stables and exhaled. Another long day was over. It had seemed even longer than the previous ones, probably because with fall around the corner the days were getting shorter—or maybe because of their guest. She had been around only an hour or so, and she had been with his father most of the time, since he had tried to sneak out as much as possible. Still, it had been tough on him, and now he felt as tired as if he had worked twenty-four hours non-stop.

  There were still two-and-a-half weeks to go and he couldn’t bear to have her around all the time. His mother had promised she would try to keep her busy, so he hoped she’d feel more inclined to spend time in the kitchen, doing things women do, rather than wanting to help him or his father.

  That morning, when she’d been around in the stables, she had confined herself to watching them do things and had asked his father lots of questions.

  As if she were really interested!

  She had probably simply wanted someone to chat to; she sure didn’t seem to have any intention of trying to do something herself. His father seemed to like having her around, unlike Sean, so while his father explained to her things about the ranch and their job, Sean had had to do two things at a time, just so that they wouldn’t have to work too late to finish up.

  When she hadn’t shown up after lunch and he had noticed her sitting in a rocker, reading a book on the back porch, Sean had exhaled with relief; when he’d seen Tammy chatting with her, he had been sure that she wouldn’t be around for the rest of the day.

  The sun was setting beyond the horizon and the sky glowed orange, promising another sunny day tomorrow. Although summer was almost over, the weather was still nice during the day, but he knew in a couple of weeks it would get colder and, as soon as the rainy season started, temperatures would drop and this weather would be just an old memory. He didn’t mind the rain or cold; it made his job a little tougher, but he loved everything about his town, even the weather.

  He definitely wouldn’t be able to live anywhere else but where he was now, even if snow covered the fields in winter, making it hard for them to get into town, and rain lasted for days in autumn and spring, creating ankle-deep puddles around their backyard and fields.

  He went in through the back door, left his mud-covered boots outside in a corner, like he always did, and went straight to his room. He was looking forward to a shower and dinner. He hadn’t had time for a break in the afternoon, and now he was starving.

  He picked up a clean sweatshirt, underwear and a tracksuit bottom and padded into the bathroom where he took a long, hot shower. He’d been tense all day because of all the memories that girl had kindled, and the muscles in his neck and shoulders were aching. He let the hot water fall hard on his shoulders, feeling a bit of relief as the minutes passed.

  The relief he’d felt while in the shower immediately disappeared when he walked into the kitchen. Their guest was
sitting between Tammy and his mother, and they were chatting happily as if she belonged there.

  Why did everyone else seem to love being around her? Were they too blind to see she was just a posh daddy’s girl, or was he the one who could be wrong about her? No, he was sure he wasn’t wrong; she carried around a thousand-buck bag and wore designer clothes. She was just like Bethany. Sooner or later his family would see it too, and would stop treating her as if she were an old friend.

  “Hey, Sean, here you are at last. You should’ve let me help you finish up; I told you it would take you twice the time. Next time listen to me, son.” His father smiled apologetically.

  Sean shrugged, saying it was okay, like he always did when he didn’t want his father to worry. Then he pulled up his chair and sat at his usual seat, on the opposite side of the table from Tammy which, tonight, was exactly opposite their guest. He didn’t talk much, but he didn’t need to, as Tammy did all the talking and nobody seemed to mind.

  When he was finished, he stood up and put his plate in the sink then, instead of sitting back and chatting a while with his family, he excused himself politely, saying he had things to do, even though all he had to do was slump down on the couch and read or watch TV until it was time to go to bed. He said goodnight to everyone and turned back to leave the room.

  When he did so, he noticed his mother smiling approvingly, and he nodded in response before walking out. He’d been as polite as he could be; he hoped his mother wouldn’t expect more than that from him, because he sure as hell wasn’t going to oblige.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Are those puppies?” Alyssa asked the following day while she was spending some time with Mrs. Maclaine, collecting eggs and helping her feed the chickens. After her first dinner in the Maclaines’ kitchen and Sean’s visible annoyance when she was around him, Alyssa had accepted that she would be spending some time with Mrs. Maclaine when Tammy wasn’t around.