Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  He hung his head and smiled, knowing he couldn’t object to that.

  “Okay, okay, you’re right. I guess I kinda deserve that. And thank you for calling me a pigheaded, grumpy guy. Again.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said with a grin. He laughed, shaking his head. “See? Only two days ago you would have probably mumbled something and asked me to go away, but now you’re laughing. This is what I call a real improvement.”

  “Can we stop talking about me now? I’m trying to work, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

  She laughed again, not at all fazed by his fake grumpy tone, and crouched down to be at eye level with him.

  “If you teach me how to do it, I could help. And don’t worry about my manicure this time.”

  They exchanged glances and she saw something different in his eyes, further proof that things between them had definitely changed.

  “All right, City Girl, grab that stool over there, and come here; I’ll teach you how to milk a cow. I’m sure it’ll come really useful in New York.”

  She stuck out her tongue at him, and he laughed; when she turned around to pick up the three-legged stool she couldn’t keep her lips from curling into a smile.

  Chapter Seventeen

  While Alyssa was still inside on Saturday morning, Sean was already hard at work in the barn. Sometimes it was a tough job, but once he’d gotten over his childhood dream, he’d come to realize there was nothing else he could do. After all the years spent working with his father, he knew it was what he was meant to be. He was sure that, with the plans he had in mind, sooner or later things would be different; they’d be able to enlarge the barn and the stables, keep more cows, buy machinery and possibly hire another person or two.

  His father was pretty stubborn when Sean brought up the subject; he would say their guests liked their ranch because things were still like they had been in the old days. He thought that, since most of the people who came to their ranch wanted to get away from the city and from the chaos technology caused, doing things traditionally was the best way to keep people coming. What he didn’t want to understand was that since they needed the extra income from selling their produces, especially when there were no guests staying at the ranch, if they wanted their business to survive and hopefully grow, technology wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

  Sean had learned a lot about this in college but he still hadn’t been able to convince his father, mainly because Jonah didn’t want to ask for a loan to buy new machinery or build bigger stables. Even so, Sean was confident that sooner or later things would work themselves out, and he’d be able to improve the family business the way he had in mind.

  While he was busy milking cows, he couldn’t help thinking of their guest, and how things had changed. He had been so wrong about her: she was funny and kind and, now that he had stopped hating her, he had to admit she was quite attractive, too. She had those sophisticated looks and ways, but she was very down-to-earth and not at all posh, which made her that bit more appealing.

  In spite of her designer clothes and accessories she didn’t seem to mind getting her hands dirty helping him or his father, and he’d seen her in the kitchen the day before helping his mother baking cakes, which they’d later sold at the town fair that had just started.

  He stopped in his tracks when a thought hit the back of his mind.

  The fall fair.

  He was almost sure she had never been to a country fair, and today was also the farmers’ market day, so maybe she’d like to go and see both. He’d have to go anyway to bring more bottles of milk to his father, who’d arrived there early that morning; if Alyssa wanted, she could go with him. He made a mental note to ask her once he was finished with his current task, but a minute later she walked in. His heart inexplicably skipped a beat.

  Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, she had a light trace of makeup on, like she always did, and wore a simple burgundy sweater and a pair of skinny jeans. Still, she looked like one of those models on the front covers of the fashion magazines Tammy loved reading, and the air was knocked out of him for a second.

  “Good morning. Need help?” she asked, smiling at him. A weird, unidentified feeling rose from the pit of his stomach, making him uneasy. He tried to pull himself together and smiled back, pretending he hadn’t been affected by how beautiful she looked.

  “I’m almost finished here. But thanks anyway.”

  She leant against a wooden fence and folded her arms across her chest, pouting like a child.

  “Your mother and your sister are preparing things for the farmers’ market, but they said they don’t need help; your father’s not around, so I was hoping I could at least help you. I want to do something. I’m getting bored.”

  He chuckled and stood up, picking up the milk bucket. “I’ve got nothing left to do right now, but I have to bring some stuff to my father at the market and there’s a fair in town this weekend. Maybe you’d like to go with me?”

  Her eyes lit up as her face cracked into a smile.

  “I thought none of you were going to ask me! I’d love to; I’ve never been to a country fair.”

  “Then why didn’t you simply ask? You don’t need official invitations for everything, you know. At least not around here.”

  He winked, and she grimaced as she caught the reference to her social lifestyle in New York, where he was sure she got invitations to lots of swanky parties and events.

  “I’m leaving in a few minutes, so go get your stuff if you want to go with me.”

  She nodded and quickly walked out while he forced himself not to look and tried to concentrate on finishing what he was doing. He knew that if he looked at her walking away, he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off her.

  ***

  As soon as they got into town, Alyssa felt like a kid in Disneyland. Everywhere she looked stalls, hot dog stands, and people wearing cowboy hats had turned the small town into the setting of a Western movie. She even spotted a mechanical bull, where a bunch of men were challenging each other, laughing and hollering. It was an amazing experience, and she envied Sean and everyone else in town that got to live this every year.

  Sean stopped the truck close to his family’s stall, and jumped off to unload the boxes. When she opened the door and got off the truck, the noise and smell of various foods hit her; she closed her eyes, determined to let every unique sound and smell soak her mind. She wanted to enjoy every single moment of it all, storing it all in her mind for when she’d be back home.

  “You okay?” Sean asked, standing next to her. She nodded, and finally opened her eyes.

  “I’m just enjoying the feeling. This is so different from anything I’ve ever seen in my life. I love it already.”

  He smiled, then his upper body disappeared inside the back seat of the truck; when he emerged a moment later he placed a black cowboy hat on her head.

  “You’ll need this to fit in with the rest of the crowd.” He winked, making her laugh. “Don’t want to risk you feeling like an outsider.”

  Alyssa thanked him, and at that moment Mr. Maclaine showed up, commending her on her country look. While the two men unloaded the boxes, she waited by the truck for Sean to be finished, taking it all in and wishing the day would never end.

  The hours flew by as Sean showed her around; they walked up and down the streets, checking out the stalls, stopping to chat with people who knew Sean from the day he was born, and eating hot dogs and cotton candy. At some point during the afternoon Alyssa decided to try the mechanical bull; Sean rolled his eyes when she stopped by the padded mats and told her he wouldn’t be held responsible if she broke something. He laughed all the while as she squealed and held on to the horns; his laughter stopped when she got thrown off after ten seconds, landing on her butt, and he immediately crouched down to check she was okay. When she looked up at him with a goofy grin, cheering as if she’d just won a rodeo, he burst into laughter and pulled her back to her feet.

  Alyssa was having so much f
un that when dinnertime came and her stomach started to grumble she begged him to stay a little while longer, and he agreed without arguing. They ate grilled steaks and corn on the cob, chatting all the while with the people sitting around a big wooden table under a tent set up to act as a dining area. Everyone knew everyone in town, just like the old taxi driver had told her on the first day, but she never felt like an outsider. The people of various ages sitting around the table made her feel welcome, and she had much more fun in an hour than she’d had at any of the posh dinner parties she’d been forced to attend all of her life.

  As the country dancers started the line-dance soon after the sky had changed from orange to black, she jumped with joy and begged Sean to join. He shook his head, saying he wouldn’t be caught dead on a dance floor, so she just shrugged and went to join the dancers who welcomed her like an old friend they hadn’t seen in ages, and taught her the steps she didn’t know.

  She’d never laughed so much in her whole life, and when she looked at Sean throughout several numbers, she saw he was sitting at a table near the dance floor, drinking beer from the bottle, and laughing at her performance.

  After the fifth dance routine, with her legs pleading for mercy and her heart full of carefree happiness, Alyssa reckoned it was time to stop before she face-planted into the ground. She thanked the dancers, tipping the brim of her hat like a real cowgirl, and went to reach Sean. He was sitting on a table and rocked a chair with his boot, chatting with a guy who must be around his age. When he saw her approaching, he said goodbye to the guy and reached her.

  “Well, I guess I can’t call you City Girl anymore. You’ve turned into a real cowgirl now. Fancy a beer?” he asked, tipping the bottle toward her. Alyssa snatched the bottle from his hand and took a long pull.

  “Thank you, I was really thirsty,” she said, handing it back to him while wiping her lips with the back of her other hand. She laughed when his eyebrows shot up in surprise. “What?” she asked with a shrug. “You’ve never seen someone drink from the bottle?”

  “You’re a constant surprise, City Girl,” he said, hanging his head with a smile on his face. “Now, I’d better take you home before you start chewing tobacco.”

  Alyssa laughed, feeling lightheaded and knowing it hadn’t been the beer. It was because she was happy: for the first time in her life, she was truly ecstatic. She’d never had so much fun, she’d never laughed so much, and she had never felt so good. She could have spent the whole night there enjoying the atmosphere, but she knew Sean would have an early morning and she didn’t want him to stay up because of her. So she followed him to the truck without arguing, hoping tomorrow would be just as exciting as today had been.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Come. I want to show you something.”

  Sean took her by the hand as soon as they got out of the truck and pulled her behind him toward the barn. She stiffened, even though she couldn’t tell whether she was more worried about why he was taking her to the barn in the middle of the night or the fact that the unexpected contact had caused goose bumps to spread all over her arm.

  He felt her hesitation and turned back to look at her, his hand on the door handle.

  “Don’t worry,” he said, his face softening into a smile. “I’m not planning on killing you.”

  She blushed, grateful the darkness would hide it, and smiled sheepishly when he winked at her.

  “I didn’t . . .” She tried to object, but she couldn’t finish the sentence because he opened the door and pulled her inside.

  “My brother Andy and I used to sleep here most of the time in summer, before our younger brother Nick grew up and became a pain in the ass, sticking to us wherever we went.” He stopped by a haystack and finally let go of her hand. Her treacherous body lamented the loss of contact as if it had just been deprived of something vital. She blinked, hoping the feeling would go away.

  “We used to put a blanket on top of a haystack, lie down and watch the stars.” He plopped down on the stack and pointed his finger upward toward a big glass-free window, right above the door. “There are lots of shooting stars around the middle of August, and we would set up a competition to find out who would see the biggest amount of stars.”

  He stared up at her, and motioned for her to sit. “It’s a beautiful starry night; I thought you might like to stargaze. Bet you can’t see ’em in New York, with all those buildings and lights.”

  For an instant she felt overwhelmed by so many emotions, she thought she would start crying like a baby. This sweet Sean was a person she wasn’t expecting, and he’d caught her completely off-guard.

  She looked up at the window, and after a beat she nodded and sat beside him on the soft hay.

  “If you don’t want to get a stiff neck you’d better lay down,” he said, lying back with his hands intertwined behind his head. “No hidden meaning,” he added with a smirk when she turned to look at him. She blushed again and looked away before accepting his suggestion and lying down on the softest mattress she’d ever lain on.

  “I’ve never seen so many stars in my whole life,” she whispered after a while, afraid a louder tone would spoil the moment. She had never really looked at the sky before, not in the way she was looking at it now. There were definitely too many skyscrapers and lights in New York and, unless you were on top of the Empire State Building, it was hard to really see the sky, let alone the stars at night.

  She had been missing out on so many small things in life, those small things that counted the most; she had been to important parties, swanky restaurants, and luxury holiday resorts, but she had never felt as happy as she was now, lying on a haystack in a barn. If her mother knew her hair would go gray, and she would probably be hysterical, but right now she couldn’t care less; she only wanted to enjoy the precious moment, something she would hold on to when she’d be back in New York and all this would be just nice memories.

  “It looks even better in summer; some nights you can even see the Milky Way and recognize some constellations.”

  “I can’t imagine it being more beautiful than it is now. You are very lucky to enjoy this all year long.”

  He laughed, and she turned her head to face him, wondering what was so funny about it. He met her eyes and smiled gently. It almost felt weird to see him smile at her after all the times he had been rough in the past couple of weeks, acting as if he couldn’t wait for her to leave.

  He definitely was handsome when he smiled, and with the moonlight shining upon his face his rugged features seemed to soften, making him even more handsome. She swallowed hard, hoping it would make the weird feeling rising from the pit of her stomach go away.

  Could she have been mistaken about him? Could she have misjudged him or maybe just misunderstood his behavior? Ever since she’d arrived at the ranch she’d been so sure he had never liked her but in the past few hours he had been so funny and kind, even sweet at some points, taking her totally by surprise and leaving her defenseless.

  “Come on, now. How can someone like you envy someone like me? I mean, you live in New York, eat in expensive places, hang out with rich guys; you have everything you want, even more than you would need, and you envy me? Sorry, can’t believe that.” He shook his head, and Alyssa tried to think of the right words that would make him understand just how wrong his opinion of her world was.

  “Things aren’t always what they seem,” she said after a moment, and she couldn’t prevent her voice from cracking a little. “And there’s really no ‘someone like me’ or ‘someone like you’; it’s not as if we belong to two different species. We’re not that much different, you and me: we’re two young individuals struggling to find our place in the world, even if we do it in different ways and in different states. But I speak your language, I can do what you do; I eat burgers and drink beer just like you. I’m not the Queen of England, you know, and you should stop treating me like I am.”

  Maybe she’d said too much, and she should’ve tried to control her emot
ions, but she was tired of him thinking her life was happy and carefree; her life was far from perfect despite how it may have looked, and she wanted him to understand that between the two of them, he was the lucky one.

  ***

  Sean laughed at what she’d just said, realizing she was right. He’d always put her on a pedestal, but at the end of the day she had proven him wrong, showing him that there was more behind her expensive clothes than he had thought; he had actually started to like the person he was getting to know.

  “Okay, so I grew up in a wealthy family, but I didn’t ask for it. If I had been given the possibility to choose, I would have chosen to be born in a family like yours.” She smiled a sad smile, and Sean felt a squeeze in his heart. She looked away when their eyes met, and turned her head to the stars. “You all have meals together, talk about anything, listen to one another and laugh . . . I have lunch in cafés or restaurants with colleagues most of the time, and we only talk about work. When I go home at night I have dinner alone, watching TV.

  “When I was younger, it was even worse. When my mom and dad made it to have dinner with us, they would talk about work.

  “Ever since I’ve started having meals with you, well, I’ve started envying you and your sister for what you have. So, as you see, money doesn’t always mean happiness; this is what I wish you’d understand.”

  Her words hit him hard. He had never considered things from this perspective; he’d always thought that, since she’d grown up in a wealthy family in a cool city like New York, her life was perfect, just like Bethany’s. But she and Bethany were worlds apart, even though they both belonged to the upper class.

  Man, he felt like a real idiot now.

  “You’re right. And I’m truly sorry for the way I acted the first few days you were here,” Sean said, feeling stupid and ashamed of his behavior. “You had every right to think I was a pigheaded countryman. I never gave you any reason to think otherwise.”