Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  “Turned out to be the most boring night of my life; he spent half the time bragging about his successes, and the rest praising me with some cheesy lines that only made me want to throw up in his face.”

  Sean let out a chuckle, and somehow the memory became less hard to bear; she could almost start to see the funny part of it. And it was all because she was in Sean’s arms—she knew it.

  “Mmm, charming,” he said, giving her a squeeze. His touch was enough to take away the hurt and disappointment she still felt at the thought of that night.

  “Oh yeah, absolutely. Especially when he drove me home in his Mercedes and forced his tongue inside my mouth before I could get out of the car.”

  Sean stiffened. It was the first time she’d ever told the story to anyone, and it was hard for her to admit how naïve she’d been; the last thing she wanted was for Sean to get mad at her and burst the happy bubble they’d been living in over the last hour.

  “I tried to push him away but he wouldn’t budge, and when he slipped his hand inside my blouse I reacted out of instinct and slapped him so hard he flinched, and I was finally able to get out and away from him. I didn’t even give him the chance to make up some excuse for his behavior; I just yanked the door open and ran inside the building and back to my apartment.”

  “Slimy bastard,” Sean said through gritted teeth, looking as if he’d murder Julian if he were within arm’s reach now. “I can’t believe you went out with such a man just to make your mother happy.”

  Alyssa sighed, not at all surprised by his statement. He didn’t know her mother, he didn’t know her situation—he obviously could never understand.

  “That’s the story of my life, Sean; always trying to please my parents, always being the perfect daughter, even when I felt far from it. I was disgusted with myself for accepting and going out with him, but I was hoping once I’d told my mother it just hadn’t worked she’d stop pushing me and I’d be free.”

  “But a mother should want only what’s best for her daughter; she shouldn’t have forced you to date a guy you don’t like, just for the sake of appearance. I mean, you’re old enough to know who you want to date, don’t you think?”

  Alyssa shrugged, snuggling into him again. Now more than ever she needed to feel the heat of his body enveloping her and his heartbeat soothing her.

  “It would’ve been okay if it had ended that night; it was when he started stalking me that things got awful. He’d call me all the time, leaving messages and saying he was sorry. When the phone calls didn’t work, he started sending expensive gifts, but I never accepted any. Things got a little out of hand, and when I contemplated jumping off the thirty-fourth floor of an office building, I realized I needed to get away for a while and get a hold of my life. The next thing I knew, I was booking a flight to Wyoming and a three-week stay in a ranch.”

  His arm squeezed her tighter, pulling her closer to his chest. He placed a soft kiss on the top of head, and inhaled deeply before speaking.

  “You contemplated ending your life because a jerk was harassing you?” he asked, his tone showing disbelief rather than criticism. “Why didn’t you report him to the police, or tell your mother what he was doing to you? I mean, I’m glad you decided to jump on a plane and come here instead of jumping off a building, but you shouldn’t have let it get that far. You shouldn’t have let him ruin your life just because your mother wanted you to fall for him.”

  Tears filled her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat. She’d never told anyone what had gone through her mind inside that office, and now that she was seeing it through Sean’s eyes, she couldn’t help feeling ashamed for what she’d thought that day.

  “It’s . . . complicated.” She let out a long sigh and his hand rubbed her arm up and down, providing the comfort she needed. Talking about Julian wasn’t something that put her particularly at ease. “You see, everyone loves Julian: he’s successful, handsome, charismatic. My mother didn’t even listen to me when I told her it had been the most awful date of my life. It was just easier to let them all believe he’s a great catch and I’m the crazy one with wool over her eyes.”

  She turned to look at him. She was surprised to see a wicked grin replacing the frown that a moment ago had creased his brow.

  “Why are you grinning like that, now?” she asked with raised eyebrows.

  “I think it’s kinda funny you ran away from a rich attorney who drives a Mercedes and showered you with gifts, and ended up making love to a cowboy in a godforsaken place like Wind Creek. It kinda makes me feel special; I never thought I could compete with a New York attorney.”

  She laughed, and all the sadness those memories had brought back finally disappeared. Julian had only been a hitch in the road; Sean was all that mattered to her now. As far as she was concerned, Julian didn’t even exist.

  “You could never compete with someone like Julian . . .” she said through the laugh but stopped when he frowned in disappointment. When she realized he’d misunderstood her words she quickly finished her sentence, batting her lashes languidly at him. “You would definitely win hands down, Cowboy.”

  His frown eased and his eyes lit up in amusement; he chuckled and leaned in to kiss her, gently at first, and slowly getting more passionate.

  While the fire was slowly dying, they rolled themselves up in the woolen blanket and made love again, knowing it would probably be the last time they could get lost in each other’s arms before she would have to go home.

  ***

  “I think we should get going now,” Sean said, rubbing her arm and blowing a strand of hair off her cheek. “It stopped raining, and it’s a long walk to the ranch; besides, you’re not used to walking in the woods after sunset. There are some evil creatures creeping up from behind the bushes.”

  Alyssa let out a sigh, snuggling against his chest. Her hand was splayed on his bare skin and kept stroking it in circles. He loved her soft touch and the way his skin burned whenever her fingertips grazed over it. Nobody had ever made him feel so totally at ease.

  He squeezed her a little tighter and her body went limp in his arms; he could easily spend the rest of his life with her cuddled next to him like this but it was time for them to go back now.

  “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave this place. I don’t want to leave you. Can’t we just stay here forever?”

  “Yeah, until we starve to death or the grizzlies eat us. Definitely not my favorite way of dying. You’re a city girl, you can’t live in a log cabin eating berries and fish. Besides, weren’t you the one who thought my family would be worried about us? We’d better go home now before they send out the search party, and the sheriff comes in and finds us lying naked on the floor.”

  He laughed out loud when she blushed, and kissed the tip of her nose. He stood up, picked up his clothes and handed her dry clothes to her. She folded the tracksuit and put the blanket over the couch again, while he put out the remains of the fire.

  “The water for our coffee has totally evaporated.” He lifted the bucket and smiled. “I had completely forgotten you wanted some coffee, sorry.”

  She giggled and hugged him from behind. He instinctively put his hands on hers, enjoying the feel of her arms around him.

  “I didn’t need coffee, to be honest; I was nervous enough, without caffeine. Coffee was simply an excuse to make you move away from me so I could breathe,” she whispered, resting her cheek on his back. Chills raced down his spine at breakneck speed. “The nearness of you was almost giving me a heart attack; I needed a diversion.”

  He laughed and turned back to look at her.

  “Guess what: I offered to make coffee just because I needed to keep my mind off how beautiful you looked and how bad I wanted to kiss you.”

  “Well, it seems it didn’t work . . .”

  They laughed and kissed tenderly before turning to leave.

  A few minutes later they were strolling on the muddy path, Sean carrying the fishing equipment and Alyssa
carrying the basket with what was left of their lunch, just like they had a few hours earlier; this time, though, they were holding hands and walking as close as they possibly could without tripping on each other’s feet, enjoying each other’s company and listening to the sounds of the woods coming back to life after the storm.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  “So, apart from the slimy attorney, are there any other guys I should be worried about?” Sean asked when they were halfway to the ranch.

  Even though his tone was playful, he noticed she’d turned sad. He hadn’t meant to be offensive, he’d just wanted to break the silence.

  “I’ve never been that lucky with men. All the guys I dated were in one way or another connected to either my mother or my father’s social circle—basically rich brats who thought the world revolved around them. They never lasted longer than a date because, attractive as they may have been, there was nothing interesting beyond their pretty faces. They would bore me to death before the date was through, and my mother was usually quite disappointed when I told her I wouldn’t be seeing them again.”

  “It sounds like she wanted you to have a boyfriend pretty badly, huh?”

  “She wanted me to show up at her social events hanging off the arm of a good catch, just so she could brag about me with her friends—especially after most of her friends’ daughters got engaged.”

  “Wow,” he said, unable to contain his astonishment. Her mother was a pretty tough woman to be around, no kidding. He couldn’t imagine his own mother pushing Tammy, or any of her sons into the arms of someone they wouldn’t like, just so she could brag with her friends.

  No wonder Alyssa had needed a break.

  “Yeah, well, that’s my mom. At some point though, she got her wish granted. When I was in my junior year in Yale I started hanging out with this guy in one of my classes; we actually dated for over three months and I really liked him. He was funny, smart, and, well, he was handsome, too, as a bonus. Dark hair, chocolate-brown eyes, and cute dimples. I was pretty much crazy about him.”

  “Ouch, that hurt,” Sean said, releasing her hand and bringing his to his heart. “I don’t think I want to know about him. Tell me about the losers instead.”

  In spite of the ache he saw in her eyes, Alyssa gave him a weak smile. “What is there to say? The guys I dated were all kinda shallow, you know? Handsome, popular guys from wealthy families, who always turned out to be nothing but pompous jerks, without a single interesting cell in their bodies. They were the kind of guys girls at college liked to be seen hanging out with, but it was no wonder I never went out on more than one date with them.”

  “You mean dating a cowboy is better than dating an all-American boy?”

  Alyssa chuckled and grabbed his hand, pulling him close. “Cowboys are more fun,” she said with a grin. “I wish I’d known sooner; I wouldn’t have waited this long to escape to the country and find out for myself.”

  “Now I see why the poor guys never stuck around long; you’re a nasty little thing, aren’t you? Scared them all away, you did.”

  He kissed the top of her head and started tracing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb as they walked.

  “It was actually the other way around: they scared me. The thought of spending endless dates with those douches, boasting about how cool they were, or how much money their daddies had, sort of gave me the creeps and sent me running in the other direction.”

  “Oh yeah, bet it must be awful to spend your days counting Franklins and trying to decide how to spend them.”

  Alyssa let out a sigh. “You wouldn’t believe it, but yes, it is. Especially when money’s the only thing that makes them so popular. Rick was different; that’s why he lasted so long. He was nice to be around, and never showed off his money.” She glanced at Sean briefly from under her eyelashes and he smiled, even though hearing her talk about another guy she’d dated made his stomach twist.

  “But after I brought him with me to a charity party my mother had organized things changed. She was beside herself with joy when she discovered who he was; she’d been trying to organize a date between the two of us since I was seventeen, and we’d ended up dating without even knowing her plans. When we went back to college the following Monday I noticed he’d suddenly grown distant, and when I confronted him, he said dating the daughter of NYPD’s Chief of Police was too much for him at that time of his life. There would be too many expectations and he wasn’t ready to settle down yet. So he said ‘thank you, but no thank you,’ and hoped we could still be friends.”

  Sean noticed the way her tone had changed and he turned to look at her; she was walking, staring at her feet, and he felt her pain as if it were his own. He squeezed her hand, and she looked up at him.

  Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears and she put on a fake smile to cover her real feelings.

  “Funny how the first time I finally met a guy I really liked and that my mother totally loved because of his family name he ended up dumping me because he couldn’t handle the pressure of my family name.”

  “His loss, my gain,” Sean said with a shrug, stopping and pulling her in for yet another kiss. When she pulled back she was smiling again, a beautiful, real smile. “I guess ignorance is bliss sometimes, right? I mean, I don’t know who your father is and, honestly, I couldn’t really care less. Unless, of course, he has the authority of sending me to jail even though technically I don’t live in his jurisdiction. Then that may be a problem, and I would think twice before laying eyes on you again.” Alyssa chuckled as they resumed walking. “Although, I have to sympathize with the guy. I went out with the town sheriff’s daughter for a few weeks when I was sixteen; the night he saw me making out with her outside the diner and threatened to shoot me in places I would never forget, I made a mental note to stay away from the daughters of cops, federal agents, hunters and any other profession that includes a gun provided by the government.”

  By then, Alyssa was bent over, laughing so hard she had tears streaking her cheeks, and she was gasping for air.

  “That’s not funny; he scared me to death. I never even looked at her after that night. I think she ended up marrying a cop in town, the only one who could keep up with her father.”

  Alyssa wiped away the tears with her palms and cleared her throat, trying to stifle the last hiccups of laughter that shook her body. He couldn’t help laughing with her though; when he thought back to the scene now, he had to admit it had been rather funny—if the sheriff hadn’t threatened to shoot him, that was.

  They were still laughing when they approached the ranch, but they both instinctively, although quite reluctantly, let go of each other’s hand, keeping at a safer distance.

  They hadn’t spoken about it, but it seemed as if they both agreed that what had happened in the cabin would be their little secret.

  Tammy was on the porch playing with the kittens when they got into sight, and she waved at them, putting one of the kittens down on the wooden floor and running toward them.

  “Here you are, at last! We thought you had killed each other out there in the woods and we’d have to send the hounds to look for your corpses.”

  Sean slapped the back of her head playfully, and Alyssa laughed.

  “Tammy, what on earth have you been watching on TV recently?”

  Tammy shrugged and took the basket from Alyssa’s hands, her eyes lingering on her face a little too long for Sean’s liking.

  “What have you been up to? You’ve been away for such a long time.”

  Alyssa blushed, and Sean resisted the urge to pull her into his arms. Tammy couldn’t possibly have guessed what had happened at the cabin, but if he knew Alyssa, she was probably thinking otherwise.

  “We were fishing, and you can’t expect a city girl to catch a fish after five minutes. Besides, she couldn’t keep quiet and kept talking, so she scared all the fish away,” Sean said, and saw Alyssa’s face ease into a smile. Tammy chuckled.

  “And then it started to rai
n, and obviously she wanted to dance in the rain, singing as if she were in a Broadway musical, so in the end we had to stop at the log cabin and wait for the rain to stop because she was soaked.”

  Tammy looked at Alyssa and linked arms with her like they were old friends.

  “Did you really dance in the rain? Like in the Singing in the Rain movie?”

  Alyssa nodded and turned to Sean with a smug grin.

  “See? I told you you’re probably the only one who doesn’t know that movie. He thought I had gone crazy,” Alyssa said, pointing her finger to her temple with a dramatic spinning movement.

  Tammy rolled her eyes. “You know Sean is from another galaxy altogether. You can’t expect him to know what a musical is.”

  They both laughed, and Sean decided that fighting two girls wasn’t worth the effort so he shrugged and shook his head, knowing that if those two teamed together he’d never have a chance.

  “But in the end I caught a fish,” Alyssa said triumphantly, as if she had won the first prize in a competition. Sean smiled, remembering the moment.

  “Yeah, and she threw it back in as soon as I removed the hook, and checked it actually swam away before she started breathing again.”

  Tammy started to laugh so hard she dropped the basket and fell to her knees, holding her stomach to stifle the cramps. Alyssa’s shoulders sagged, realizing it would probably be the joke of the year and they’d be laughing at her for months, but in the end she smiled.

  Sean’s mother walked out on the porch at that moment and called Tammy; when she noticed Sean and Alyssa were there too, she waved, informing them that dinner would be ready soon.

  Tammy ran inside and Sean went into the barn to put away the fishing equipment. The urge to pull Alyssa into his arms had been too strong. He couldn’t trust himself around her; better let her go back to her room while he collected his thoughts and got a grip.

  ***

  Half an hour later Sean was lying on his bed with a towel wrapped around his waist and his hands interlocked behind his head, thoughts racing through his mind.