Chapter Thirty
Alyssa lay wide awake in bed, her brain a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. The day had flown, and she didn’t want to fall asleep because she knew that, once she woke up, it’d be time for her to leave.
She couldn’t believe how what had started as a spur-of-the-moment holiday to get away from it all for a while had turned into a life-changing journey, in which she’d also met the love of her life.
Sean.
Just the sound of his name was enough to give her goose bumps. She was sure this was what true love was all about.
The thought of leaving him tore her heart in shreds, and she had no idea how she was going to cope without him now that she knew what it felt like to love and be loved in return. All she knew was she would have to give some serious thought to her future once she was back in New York.
Would Sean ever consider leaving Wyoming to be with her? Or would she have to leave her hometown and move to the country?
Strangely, the idea didn’t sound so terrible, after all. She liked it here, and even though it was a small town, she guessed she could try and find a job in the bigger towns in the area. Even in the west they must need attorneys at the end of the day.
A light knock on the door startled her out of her troubled thoughts, and she bolted upright, checking the time on the digital clock on the nightstand.
12.15 a.m.
She jumped out of bed and cracked the door open, peeping out. Her face broke into a broad smile when she saw Sean standing there with a crooked smile and his hands tucked in the back pockets of his dark-blue jeans.
“Hey,” he said, his voice low and deep. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”
Alyssa shook her head. “I can’t sleep.”
“Me neither. Fancy some company?”
She opened the door a little wider, and stepped aside to let him in. He shook his head.
“Not here. If somebody gets up, they might hear us talk.” Alyssa frowned and Sean stroked her cheek. “Get dressed; I’ll meet you in the barn.”
He gave her a quick peck and left her with a smile on her face and dreamy eyes. She loved him; there was no questioning it.
Five minutes later she closed the door of the barn behind her. The interior was dark, and the only light was the white glow of the full moon coming in through the big window. In the dim light she could make out Sean’s silhouette on a haystack, his arms crossed behind his head, his legs bent.
He turned his head when he heard her come in.
“Come here; the sky’s a starry blanket tonight. It’s ideal for stargazing,” he said, patting the spot next to him.
She approached him and plopped down onto the stack, lying down close to him on a blanket he’d laid out. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and pulled her into his chest. She took a deep breath, inhaling the musky scent of his body wash mixed with the smell of hay; she knew this scent would stay in her mind forever, bringing with it all the memories of him and these special moments.
Alyssa let out a long sigh of contentment. “This is beautiful. I’m so going to miss this.”
“You are beautiful, and I’m so going to miss you.”
Alyssa giggled at his unexpected comment, and snuggled closer into him. She loved it when he shed his gruff cowboy persona and showed her his marshmallow side. She tilted her head up to look at him and his unshaven chin scratched her skin, giving her goose bumps. Her lips grazed his jaw until they found his, and he responded to the connection of their mouths, his tongue sweeping across her bottom lip in a teasing way that drove her crazy.
His stargazing plan was quickly forgotten as he pulled her on top of him, wrapping his arms securely around her. She was never going to be able to live six states away from him. Moving on and considering this a summer fling was no longer an option she was willing to contemplate.
The heat built fast, just like it had their first time. Before she could stop herself, her hands inched under his sweater, and his body quivered beneath her. She pulled the hem up and he broke their kiss for just the time it took him to remove the garment. She smiled and sat up, trailing her fingers along the sculpted muscles, sure they were the result of years of hard work rather than time wasted at a gym.
“I love you, Cowboy,” she whispered.
His hands trailed up from her waist slowly toward her face. When they cupped her cheeks, he pulled her down gently until their lips almost connected.
“I love you, too, Alyssa. You’ve stolen my heart.”
Their lips met again and no more words were needed as they let their bodies take over and prove how much they truly loved each other.
***
“I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon,” he said with his face buried in her hair. “We’ve wasted so many hours. I feel I haven’t spent just enough time with you.”
“Yes, and whose fault was it?” she asked in a reprimanding tone. He let out a laugh and kissed her temple.
“It wasn’t totally my fault. Besides, I had my reasons.”
“No, you had your prejudices—there’s a difference.” She smirked and tapped his nose with a finger.
He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Man, what was I thinking, falling for a lawyer? You’re a precision freak who always has to have the last word, aren’t you?”
Alyssa laughed and rolled off him, snuggling into him immediately afterwards. “I’m an attorney and yes, I always have the last word so you’re hopeless—it’s a no-win situation, Cowboy.”
“As long as I get you as the consolation prize, I don’t mind losing at all.”
His lips found hers in the dark, and the banter was immediately forgotten.
They couldn’t afford to waste another second now that they only had a few hours left. It seemed as if time was slipping through his fingers, as if his whole life and future were being ripped from him.
He couldn’t imagine what his life without her would be like, now that he knew how it felt to really love someone. He enjoyed having her around, showing her things, stealing a kiss when his family wasn’t looking, and seeing the amazement on her face for every new little thing she discovered. His heart warmed up every time she smiled, and his stomach twisted in lovesick knots whenever their eyes met.
He was still trying to wrap his head around it, but he had no doubt that what he felt was love—the kind of love that would leave him feeling heartbroken and miserable the moment she walked out of his life.
“Stay with me,” he whispered against her ear, his face buried in her hair. The warm breath in her ear made her quiver, and he brushed her arm to keep her warm underneath the blanket.
“I know I told you I’ve got nothing to offer if you stay, but I’ve changed my mind. Forget your fancy life in New York and stay here. I can teach you how to become a real cowgirl and soon you won’t even remember what it’s like to live in a city. I just . . . I don’t want to be away from you.”
Alyssa giggled, and turned her face toward him, her nose brushing his. She placed a soft kiss on his lips and let out a long sigh.
“You make it sound so damn easy . . .”
“Hey, listen to you. Three weeks in the country and you’re already cursing like a cowboy. Good-mannered girls don’t curse.” He swatted her bottom playfully to lighten the tension he’d heard in her voice. She laughed, and her stare turned soft as he looked her in the eye.
“It’s not so hard, Alyssa,” he said softly, turning serious. “If you’re not happy with the life you’re living in New York, then you should do something to change it. You were the one contemplating jumping off a skyscraper, not me. I may not be living the dream I had once, but I’m happy with my life here at the ranch. I wouldn’t want it to be any different. Plus, I get to sleep with so many beautiful women from the city . . . Hoomph!” Sean wheezed when Alyssa kneed him right below the belt.
“You were saying?” she asked with a smirk as he gasped for air.
“Damn, girl; you know I was kidding,” he said through gritted teeth, taking
a lungful of air to stifle the pain as if he were in labor. She was all cute and cuddly, but man, could she be dangerous when she wanted.
“I wasn’t sure, so I thought I’d make sure you know not to mess with me.” She winked then kissed him softly.
Once the pain subsided, he wrapped his arm around her waist and hoisted her back on top of him.
“And what if I wanted to mess with you?” he asked with an impish grin. He took her face in his hands, and kissed her passionately, hungrily, as if his whole life depended on it.
“I love you, Alyssa. Even though you nearly castrated me a moment ago,” he said softly, his thumbs brushing her cheeks, “I still love you.”
He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I’ll say it a million times, if you want me to. I never fell so hard and fast for anyone else before, but I know this feeling burning my insides is true. What we have goes way beyond a summer fling; it’s nothing like anything I’ve ever felt in my life. I know I’ll be heartbroken when you leave.”
“Me too. I just can’t make myself leave you.”
She rested her cheek on his chest, and he thought he could feel the moisture from her eyes on his skin. He squeezed her a bit tighter and stroked her back, feeling her shiver with every touch.
“Maybe we could try to figure it out somehow, find you a job as an attorney in Lander or any of the big towns around here; I promise I won’t be grumpy and rough anymore.”
Alyssa shrugged. “I don’t mind grumpy Sean; he can be cute when he wants.”
Sean laughed and pulled her back to his chest. He couldn’t bear for her to be farther then two inches away from him.
“It actually sounds very inviting, but it’s not so easy for me to just up and leave. My parents would go mental and, like you said, we don’t live in a fairytale.”
“No, we don’t,” he said, closing his eyes and feeling a knot form in his throat.
He could never ask her to leave her world behind because of him and the final realization crushed his heart. No matter how much he loved her, they could never be. It had all been a wonderful dream and in a matter of hours it’d be over.
When her lips found his again he decided if nothing else, he would at least enjoy this dream till the very last minute as he lost himself in the softness of her lips and the silkiness of her body.
Chapter Thirty-one
Lying in Sean’s arms was both soothing and heartbreaking. In only a few hours she’d already gotten used to the amazing feel of his strong arms around her; she felt safe, warm and loved when she was snuggled into him, her head on his chest.
The thought of leaving in the morning made her throat constrict. She couldn’t bear to be away from him, but how was she going to tell her parents, especially her mother, that she wanted to move to Wyoming to be with a man she barely knew? Sure, their feelings were strong and she couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone else the way she loved Sean but she couldn’t help wondering whether this strong attraction and chemistry between them wasn’t due to the fact that they’d both known from the start she’d be leaving at some point.
Would things be just as exciting, would their feeling run just as deep if she stayed here? Or was the thought of not having her around the only reason that had made Sean relent at the cabin the day before?
“Do you think we’ll be able to make things work?” she asked, letting those nagging doubts get the upper hand. She couldn’t believe she’d been mistaken about him, but this all felt too good to be true, and nothing she’d ever dreamed of had ever come true in her life. She couldn’t help waiting for the bubble to burst in her face at any time.
“Honestly? I have no idea. I’ve never had a long-distance relationship before; the farthest a girlfriend lived was Dubois, ten miles from here.” He pulled her closer to him, but she suddenly felt cold and lonely; he didn’t seem too set on making things work after all. “But I want to make this work somehow. I guess we only need time to figure out how. Do you think you’ll be able to take more days off to come back here for a quick visit?”
Alyssa let out a sigh. She’d been away three weeks already, and she’d only managed to get away with it because of whom her parents were. She highly doubted she’d be able to get any more days off at least until Christmas.
“I don’t think so; maybe I could get a few days off between Christmas and New Year’s Eve but not before.” She squeezed her arms around his waist and placed a soft kiss on his left pec.
She wasn’t going to be able to wait that long to see him again. “What about you? Can’t you come over to New York for a few days?”
“There’s no such thing as a holiday for me, unless we hire a temp to help my father. I can’t leave him alone to take care of the ranch; he’s too old for that,” he said, sounding slightly defeated. “But if you could come over again for Christmas, maybe . . .” He trailed off, and Alyssa could tell he was just about to give up on them already. This was it, then; the other shoe was about to drop and she was sure that once she was out of his ranch, she’d be out of his heart too.
She suddenly felt stupid for practically forcing herself on him and ashamed of her bold behavior at the cabin. She should’ve spared herself the embarrassment; she should’ve kept her distance and acted as if his proximity didn’t affect her in the least. She would’ve gone home with simply the fantasy of what it would’ve been like to make love to a handsome cowboy, and an intact heart. Now the memory of his skin, his touch and his kiss would be all she’d be left with while she was nursing the heartbreak back in her luxurious apartment in Manhattan, alone and depressed.
She should act like a grown-up woman and simply accept that this had been nothing but a nice way of enjoying her vacation, just like all her friends did. Sleep with the hunk at the resort, have fun while you’re there, and then go home and move on.
Problem was, she would never be able to move on because Sean was more than a summer fling.
Her grandmother used to tell her once she’d found the one, she would have to hold on to him, no matter the obstacles she’d find on the way. Love was the only thing worth holding on to in life; when the world around her would crumble, she should always hold on to love—it would be the only thing that would keep her going.
Alyssa knew right then her grandmother had been right. Sean was the only person in her life she would ever want to hold on to.
She wasn’t happy in New York. All her life she’d had to worry about what her mother would think or what people would say, but these three weeks she’d experienced real freedom. She’d had a taste of what she could have been—of what she could be, if only she had the guts to leave it all behind.
Would it be so hard? Was she too chicken to confront her mother and tell her face to face that she hated her job and she had fallen in love with a cowboy from Wyoming?
Yes, she was too scared of her mother’s reaction to even imagine opening her heart to her. The realization that this was all hopeless hit her hard, causing her whole body to shudder. Sean squeezed her tighter, probably thinking she was cold, but the safety of his arms made her heart ache even more.
“I can’t do this, I’m sorry. I just . . .”
She broke free of his grasp and sat up, suddenly feeling the need to put some distance between them. The dream had come to an end, just like her vacation, and she’d better go back to her room now, cry her heart out with her head buried in her pillow, and wait for the morning light to write the words The End in the beautiful novel she’d been living. No reason in delaying the inevitable heartbreak to keep living in a dream.
She took her clothes scattered on the hay and put her sweater on. When she stood up, he bolted upright and grabbed her wrist before she could move away. His fingers seared her skin, making her long to rip her clothes off and lose herself in his touch again and again, until the light of day came to tear them apart.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his tone wary and sad at the same time. “Why are you going away?”
He tugged
gently on her wrist and pulled her back down onto the haystack. She didn’t resist and plopped down with him; she wasn’t strong enough to act like a grown-up woman and simply walk away.
His arms went around her and pulled her into him. He was still wearing only his boxer briefs and her fingers itched to touch him, to define the hard plains and ridges of his chest. She retrieved the blanket and wrapped it around them.
“I don’t want to leave you; I don’t want us to be over,” she whined as soon as her head was back against his chest.
“I know, neither do I. This thing all happened so quickly I think we’re still a little dazed. Maybe being apart will do us good. It’ll make us understand how we really feel,” he said, placing a soft kiss on her temple. She stiffened and a low chuckle escaped his throat. “Yeah, I know what I said pissed you off. You’re so touchy you drive me insane, woman.”
Alyssa smiled, feeling a little of the tension ease off her aching shoulders.
“What I’m trying to say is that . . . well, I think fate brought you here for a reason. If we’re meant to be together, then I guess fate will bring us together again.” He gave her a gentle squeeze and Alyssa wrapped her arm around his waist, pulling herself closer, as if she wanted to melt into him. “Aren’t you one of those girls who believes in Prince Charming?”
Alyssa laughed and reckoned he had a point. Maybe, once she was back in New York, she’d be able to come up with a way of breaking free from her old life and come back to him. Or maybe he’d hire someone to help his father and move to New York to be with her. Either way, deep down in her heart she was sure they’d be with each other again very soon.
“And what if you meet someone else in the meantime? What if you don’t feel the same as you do now?” she asked, her voice trembling as a hint of desperation crept up her throat.
He rested his chin on her head, and she squeezed her arms even tighter around his body, as if her life depended on him—and maybe, in a way it did.
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