The Mill River Redemption

by Darcie Chan

  “I knew a deception like this would hurt a lot of people.” Josie felt fresh tears well up in her eyes, and speaking suddenly became very difficult. “You’re so right, Em. It was an almost unspeakably cruel thing for a mother to do to her children. But, I thought the long-term reward, if it worked, would be worth the immediate emotional toll.” Josie looked at Rose, whose face was still blotchy and wet. “I never, ever thought that anyone would be physically hurt by what I planned. I thought you two would figure out where the key was hidden, and that Emily would be the one to climb the ladder to get it.” She focused on her younger daughter with a pleading expression. “Growing up, you were always my little monkey, the one who did all the climbing around. I never imagined Alex might become involved and hurt himself trying to help.”

  “Just how in the hell did you get the key up in that tree?” Emily asked. “I’ve never seen you climb on anything taller than a step stool.”

  “Jim Gasaway’s son runs a tree-trimming business. I’ve used him for years to get overgrown rural properties cleaned up before they go on the market. I asked him to come by and do a little pruning. He didn’t mind putting the key up in the knothole for me, even though it was a strange request.” She looked at her older daughter. “I figured you’d see the highlighted passages in that old copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, Rose, and recognize it as your clue.”

  Rose wiped at her eyes with a damp, crumpled tissue. “I might’ve, if I hadn’t given the book to Alex to read. He ended up working out the whole thing on his own. I should have been supervising him more closely, but you know something, Mom? He and I never would have been up here in this situation if it weren’t for you. If Alex doesn’t make it, or if he’s not … not himself when he wakes up …” Rose’s voice trailed off as she looked at Emily, and Josie saw an unspoken communication, some sort of shared understanding, register in their eyes.

  Emily tightened her grip on her hand, and Josie could see the anger rising in her expression. “Do you realize how devastating it was,” her younger daughter said, “that night Ivy called to tell me you’d died? All these years you’ve wanted Rose and me to reconnect. You wanted it. Not us. Did you ever stop and think that maybe what you wanted wasn’t what was best for us? What you did was inexcusable.”

  “Totally,” Rose agreed.

  “I knew it would be terrible for you both,” Josie said, and her voice was barely audible. “I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I did it only because I was convinced that being a part of each other’s lives would be in your best interests. I still believe that, but I see now that it was foolish of me to assume you would agree. And Father, I’m so sorry for what I did to you as well,” she said to Father O’Brien. “We’ve been friends for so many years, and you’ve been there for me through the most difficult times in my life. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I thought things would have a better chance of working if you didn’t know.”

  “That’s some way to treat a friend,” he replied with a grim expression. “So many people care deeply about you, Josie, and your supposed death was devastating to all of us. Have you any idea what poor Ruth Fitzgerald has gone through?”

  Josie had never seen such anger and hurt on Father O’Brien’s face, and the thought of Ruth being so upset cut to her core. Yet, the reactions were not unexpected. “I know,” she said softly. “I anticipated that people would react this way. But, in deciding to go through with my plan, I asked myself whether there was anything I wouldn’t do for my girls. The answer was always no. I also asked myself whether my children and my close friends would understand and forgive me for what I did. The answer was always ‘I think so.’ I suppose now I’m begging for forgiveness, from all of you.”

  Father O’Brien was quiet a moment. He pursed his lips and exhaled loudly. She thought she saw a softening of the anger in his eyes, but she wasn’t sure.

  “Josie, even if Alex recovers, if your family and friends forgive you, I can’t help but think that this whole scheme of yours might be criminal,” he said.

  “It would’ve been,” Josie said, “if the death certificate you saw had been filed. Not that it could have been, since all Vermont death certificates are filed electronically now. But, Dr. Richardson filled out and signed an old paper version as a favor, so long as I promised it wouldn’t be used for anything other than to convince you girls I was dead. Filing it, or using it as the basis for any legal action, like collecting insurance proceeds, would’ve been fraud.”

  Emily snorted. “Some favor. He could still lose his medical license for doing something like that. Besides, you don’t know him that well, do you? Why would he even do something like that for you?”

  Josie looked back at Ivy, and her aunt rolled her eyes. “He actually did it as a favor for me,” Ivy said. “And he gave me a box of ashes from his pellet stove, too, so we’d have ’em for the wake. Fred and I go way back.”

  “The ashes were just plain old ashes?” Rose asked, and Ivy nodded.

  “What do you mean, you ‘go way back’?” Emily said.

  “We were … involved. A long time ago,” Ivy said. “Now that we’re fessing up our longtime secrets, I guess it’s time you knew mine. Fred’s the whole reason Thomas and I split up. He and I met after I moved to Mill River with Thomas. We fell in love. It wasn’t something we saw coming, but once it happened, we wanted to be together. I broke things off with Thomas. Fred was all set to leave Jane, but then she found out she was pregnant. That changed everything. He wasn’t about to divorce his newly pregnant wife. It just wasn’t done back then, and he’s not the kind who would’ve done it even if others did. So there we were, in love and trying to go on with separate lives in a little town where everybody finds out about everything, and here we’ve been ever since. Time mellowed the attraction we felt for each other. We’re just good friends with a secret now, but we still sometimes wonder what might have been.”

  “And we thought you couldn’t keep secrets,” Emily said drily.

  “I guess you never know, do you? I should’ve at least confessed to it,” Ivy said, with an apologetic glance toward Father O’Brien.

  “It’s never too late,” he replied.

  “Right,” Ivy said. “Maybe keeping that big bombshell inside for so long’s the reason why everything else I hear just leaks right out. There hasn’t been room for much else.”

  “You didn’t say anything to anybody about Mom’s plan, either,” Rose pointed out.

  “Well, no, I didn’t, as crazy as it was. The truth is, I wanted you girls to make peace with each other as much as she did. I know what it’s like to go through life estranged from my only sibling. The grandmother you girls never had a chance to know was my younger sister. Yes, she had lots of issues, including a serious drinking problem, but she was my sister. I loved her even after she ran away and cut off contact with me and the rest of our family. I still miss her.

  “I decided that if there was any way I could help keep you girls from living the same kind of sisterless life I did, I was willing to do it. And, your mom needed someone to keep tabs on things and communicate with her in case of an emergency.” Ivy looked at Rose. “I actually called her right after the ambulance carrying you and Alex left your house.”

  “Josie, where exactly have you been all this time?” Father O’Brien asked.

  “In New York, in a little sublet apartment off Arthur Avenue,” she replied. “I figured after almost thirty years, I could handle going back,” she said, and she looked again at her girls. “Losing your father the way I did, having to leave so suddenly, I never had any closure. I felt like I needed to see where we lived, where the house used to be. And, I wanted to spend some time where I grew up.” She smiled wistfully. “Our old house, the one that burned, was rebuilt, but the block looks pretty much the same, just older and more run-down. It was actually easier seeing it than I expected it to be.

  “I had another reason for going back, though. I wanted to find something of your father to give to you girls
.” She stood up and went to the rocking chair, where her large purse was sitting on the floor. Josie grabbed it by the handles and carried it to the sofa.

  “I managed to track down Leo Campanelli, your father’s only uncle,” she continued. “He’s ninety-two and living with one of his sons in Brooklyn now. He’s a little hard of hearing, but he still has his wits about him. Leo and your father weren’t all that close, but he came to our wedding, and he saw you girls a couple times when you were little.”

  Josie reached into her purse and withdrew a large manila envelope. “Back when we all lived in New York, pictures were taken the old-fashioned way, with regular cameras and film. The fire destroyed almost everything of our lives together, including all our pictures.

  “So many times over the years I’ve wished I had even one photo of your father to be able to show you. I’ve seen his face in my memories, and I’ve seen glimpses of him on your own faces, and in your expressions and personalities, as you grew up. But, you’ve never been able to see him.”

  Josie reached into the envelope with a shaking hand and withdrew several old photographs. “Leo still had a few pictures of him, of us, even after all these years,” she said quietly as she held them out to her girls.

  Emily was seated closest to her, and her younger daughter was the first to take the photos from her. Josie watched as her girls bent forward, their heads together, to look at them. The first one was a small copy of her and Tony’s wedding portrait. It was a close-up taken just in front of the altar. Rose and Emily stared at the image of them, and especially at Tony’s smiling face.

  “His mouth and smile are just like mine,” Rose said. “And, Em, you really do have his eyes.”

  After a few minutes, Rose passed the wedding photo down to Father O’Brien while Emily held up the second one, which was an image of Tony with both girls. He was down on one knee, with baby Emily nestled in the crook of his right arm. Rose stood on his left with her little hand clutching the silver wristwatch Tony had usually worn. “You were about two in that one, Rose,” Josie said. “I couldn’t get you to look up at the camera for anything. All you wanted was to hold your father’s shiny watch.”

  “I still remember that watch,” Rose said. “He used to let me wear it sometimes.” She touched her finger to the tiny watchband in the picture.

  Emily still hadn’t said a word about the photos, but tears poured down her cheeks as she examined them. Josie knew that, unlike Rose, she had no recollection of her father at all. In the precious, yellow-edged images, Emily was seeing him now for the first time.

  The last photograph was an old Polaroid taken in someone’s backyard. She and Tony stood together, smiling, each holding one of the girls.

  “Leo took that last one,” Josie said. “It was from the summer before the fire. We all went out to Brooklyn, to Leo’s son’s place, for a barbeque. We had such a good time, and your father talked about it all the way home in the car. He wanted us to be able to get a place of our own like that, where you girls could play and we could have family over.”

  “It’s a real family photo,” Emily finally said. “I wish things had stayed like that, with all of us together.”

  “I know, baby,” Josie said. She reached out and gently smoothed a curly red strand of hair from Emily’s face. “I do, too. But, the times we had together with your father were happy ones, and a lot of the years after we got settled in Mill River were happy, too. I’ll always be grateful for that time with you girls.”

  Rose stared down into her lap. “I’m too exhausted to think anymore. I’ve never been so happy and so pissed beyond belief at the same time.” Emily nodded her agreement.

  With her chin quivering, Josie took a deep breath as she looked between Emily and Rose’s tear-streaked faces. “I only pray now that Alex will be all right, and if he recovers, that somehow, you two will be able to forgive me for what I’ve done to you, and make peace with each other, so that we can truly be a family again.”

  Her daughters glanced up at her and then at each other without answering. Josie looked at Father O’Brien, who sat unmoving at the end of the sofa. She turned to see Ivy shrug her shoulders and open her mouth to say something when the theme song from Seinfeld broke the silence in the room.

  Rose startled and then jammed a hand down into her jeans pocket. “It’s my phone,” she said as she pulled it out, glanced at the screen, and answered it.

  “Sheldon? What’s going on?” Rose’s eyes blinked tightly, and she let out a strange half-laugh, half-sob as she listened. “I’ll be right there,” she gasped into the phone. Josie’s heart rose up into her throat as her older daughter jumped to her feet and smiled through fresh tears.

  “Alex is awake,” Rose managed to say, “and he’s asking for me.”

  CHAPTER 35

  ON HER KNEES ON THE WOOD FLOOR IN THE MARBLE MANSION, Emily paused for a moment to stretch her neck and back. All morning, she’d been crawling along the baseboard in the great room with an edge sander, removing the old finish on the floor where the large drum sander had been unable to reach. It was slow, painstaking work.

  Still, it felt good to get back into her own bed and normal routine after those stressful nights at the hospital in Burlington. The physical labor of working in the marble mansion was more tiring than usual, given how the past few days had disrupted her sleep schedule, but it was cleansing, too. The exertion had helped purge the last of the stress she’d felt over Alex’s accident and injury. It also gave her time to think about how she would handle her mother’s despicable actions and what, if anything, she would do as a result of her conversation with Rose.

  When Emily reached the corner of the living room, she switched off the machine and replaced the worn sanding sheet with a fresh one. But, rather than resuming her work, she sat back against the wall and ran her fingers over the smooth square of used sandpaper. What she wouldn’t give to feel that smooth and serene on the inside, to be able to get over the hurt she felt after her mother’s deception, on top of everything else. She felt far more rough and raw than even the coarsest sandpaper. She wished, too, that in this one way, she were more like Rose. Her sister would simply explode at someone in anger rather than internalizing her feelings and allowing them to build up and eat away at her.

  Going back to her hometown, facing all that had happened, was supposed to get her life on track. She had counted on using her time in Mill River to come to terms with so many things and leave the past truly in the past. Instead, she was more hurt and angry and confused than she had been when she arrived. The anger, especially, scared her.

  This time, though, she would not suppress it and allow it to simmer away at her insides. And, she was finished running away.

  “Em? Emily, are you here?” Her mother’s voice carried from the kitchen door through the house.

  Emily frowned at her mother’s uncanny timing.

  “There you are, honey.” Josie removed her sunglasses and stepped into the great room. “I thought for a minute that you might be gone for the day.”

  “Hi, Mom.” She glanced up at her mother and fiddled with the palm sander. There was a long, awkward pause before her mother spoke again.

  “Alex is doing really well. They moved him out of intensive care to a normal room. When I left this afternoon, he was sitting up in bed eating a normal lunch. No more broth and Jell-O. His doctor says all his brain function tests are normal, and he could be discharged in a week if nothing unexpected happens.”

  “That’s great news,” Emily said. “I’m sure Rose and Sheldon are relieved. How are they holding up?”

  “Better, now. They’re focused on Alex, on getting him well and bringing him home.”

  Again, the silence. Emily felt the anger flickering inside her ribs and ran a finger over the switch on the edge sander. She was tempted to turn it on, continue working, and completely ignore her mother. Her mouth curled into a half-smile as she realized that that was totally something Rose would do. But, even as angry as she
was, she couldn’t bring herself to treat her mother that way.

  “Look, honey, I know you’re still upset with me. I don’t blame you, and I know you need time to think through everything and … decide whether you can forgive me. I just wanted to tell you again how sorry I am that I hurt you, and that things turned out like they did.”

  “I have one question to ask you,” Emily said. She stood up and looked into her mother’s tired eyes. “When you were planning your whole little disappearance, making arrangements to live in New York, writing the letter to us, planning your wake, did you even once really think about how it would be for me, or Rose, to get a call from Ivy to tell us you were dead? Did you really stop and think about how we would feel?”

  Her mother opened her mouth to answer, but Emily didn’t give her the chance.

  “I don’t think you did, not really. If you had, you would have realized how devastating it would be for us, and you wouldn’t have gone through with everything. But, if you didn’t put yourself in our position, well, that’s even worse. You wanted a happy little family—you wanted it, not us—and you were willing to do anything for it. And that’s just selfish and cruel.”

  “I did what I did for your future, Emily, yours and Rose’s, not mine. It might not be something you can truly understand until you have children of your own, but try to put yourself in my position. I can tell you that it is pure torture for any mother to see her child hurting, and it’s even worse when you can’t take the pain away. And what happened with you and your sister … it wasn’t something I could fix with a Band-Aid and a kiss. I watched you and your sister suffer year after year. As a mother, how could I not try to help you? I may have gone about it the wrong way, but I’d tried everything else over the years, and I wasn’t going to give up on what I believed, and still believe, was the last, best chance for you both to find happiness again. I have never given up when it comes to you girls. What decent mother would?”