by J. Desails
“Don’t. Just don’t.” I said through my tears and shaky voice.
“Whatever you want me to do, whatever you need me to be just let me know.”
Bo placed a sweet kiss on my forehead and headed out the door.
I picked up the phone to call Jane. I saw that I had 3 missed calls from Red.
I decided to call him back first, but braced myself for whatever I was going to hear.
“Jesus Izabella, about time you answered that damn phone. What the hell do you have a cell phone for if you never answer it?” Red was mad, and mumbling. Although I didn’t know much about my brother I knew that when he got mad he couldn’t make sense of anything.
“I’m sorry, I was out. What the hell is going on?”
“Well I don’t know what the fuck happened. I was bartending last night and Jer came in, he was with Melissa all night, and totally ignoring the fact that I was staring him down the whole fucking time. Anyway we had words, and I kicked him out of the bar.”
“You kicked him out of his own bar?”
“Well I mean, I asked him to leave and told him that he was being blatantly disrespectful and I wasn’t having it on my shift.”
“Ok, I’m not following Red.”
“See here’s the thing, I’m not either. All of a sudden Melissa shows up after no one has seen her in a month and she’s hanging all over Jer. I mean aren’t you guys getting married? What the hell!” Not really, but that wasn’t the point.
I sat in silence trying to figure out the situation myself.
“And she’s totally not pregnant so I don’t know, anyway this morning I woke up feeling like an ass because you know I kicked him out of his own bar, I mean maybe he was just being nice. So I went over to apologize this morning.”
I could hear his voice start to shake. My poor baby brother, fighting my battles for me.
“Anyway please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, just spit it out.”
“I went to his house and Melissa answered the door. She was wearing his fucking shirt! So when she called him to come to the door I didn’t ask any questions, I just punched him in the face and left.”
Ok, now I was speechless. I had no idea what to say, and I felt the walls crashing down around me.
“I have to go.” I hung up the phone and it started ringing again. I answered and yelled “ I said I have to go!”
“Iz?” Jers voice came through the other line. “Don’t hang up. Fuck, I fucked up Iz. I’m so fucking sorry.” That’s all I had to hear. I hung up the phone and called Jane. I explained to her everything that had happened and everything that I knew, which once I laid it all on the table didn’t seem like much.
“Do you think I am over reacting? Jane I am freaking out.”
“No you aren’t overreacting, I’m going to cut his balls off. I’m on my way over you’re at the hotel right?”
“Uhh, no I’m at Bo’s.”
“I’m totally not judging you right now, on my way over. “
I went into the bathroom, and fortunately my toothbrush and some make up was still in my drawer. I pulled myself together and had to make it through the next two hours until Lauren came to get Ella.
I heard Ella storm through the door. “We got your favorite kind Bells!!!!”
I took a deep breath in and met her in the kitchen.
“Well aren’t you just the sweetest!” I pulled her in for a deep hug, that was more for me than her.
We spent the rest of the morning eating and playing dance central. Jane arrived shortly after breakfast and sat on the couch and watched as we played on the wii.
“I wish I could burn calories watching you.” She would mumble every other dance.
The two hours had flown by and Lauren was at the door ready to pick up Ella.
As Ella came in for one last hug, I heard her crying, and in turn I matched her tear for tear.
“I’m just going to miss you so much Bells. You made me feel like a real princess this weekend.”
“Don’t forget Ella, you are a real princess!” I kissed the top of her head and sent her out the door to her mom.
“Oh, Lauren I almost forgot I am having all clothes from the shoot yesterday sent to your house if that’s ok.”
“Izabella, I never thought I would be ok with Bo being in her life, let alone one of his well you know. But I am so glad that it’s you, she loves you she really does. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Thank you.”
With that I shut the door and collapsed to the floor.
I wasn’t sure if I passed out, or if I just checked out of reality, regardless I woke up to Jane wiping my face with a wet towel.
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” I shouted, startling Jane and Bo.
“Bo, take her to the bed.” He was afraid of Jane and didn’t blink before scooping me up and taking me to the bed.
“Bells, we need to talk. Jer called me about ten minutes ago.”
“I don’t want to hear it Jane, how can he possibly?” She knew how I felt.
“I know, I know. Lets not talk about it right now.” She glared at Bo.
“Get us take out, you know the drill.” He picked up the phone and started dialing, it made me chuckle a little bit because he was on edge, a rare sight to see.
I decided to turn my phone off, and lie in Bo’s bed with Jane for the remainder of the day and watch chick flicks. I missed the days that we shared like this, back when life was as simple as finding the right dress for a night out. My life has become somewhat of a cluster fuck in the last year.
After 6 hours of Sunday laziness, tears and laughter with Bo and Jane I decided that I needed to face reality and figure out exactly what transpired over the weekend.
I wasn’t sure whom I should call first, so as I picked up the phone I was surprised to see myself calling my Mother.
“Mom?” The phone was silent.
“Oh baby, Red told me what happened. I don’t even know what to say. Actually I do know what to say. Jer is a little shit!” I chuckled at my Mom, and felt comforted by her voice even though I knew her embrace was at least 400 miles away.
“I Just don’t know what happened mom, none of it makes sense!”
“I couldn’t agree with you more, this little tramp shows up out of nowhere and is fixin’ to steal that man of yours! Worst of all he let it happen.”
“Ma, you are hearing one side of the story.” I kept trying to remind myself of the same thing.
“Well you sound way to calm to me, I almost punched him myself when I found out, thankfully Red beat me to it.”
Although I was getting no answers from my Ma, it made me calmer and ready to deal with the real issues.
“I’ve got to call him Mom. I have to hear it from him.”
“Well we all have or battles. You call me if you need me. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
I sat on the couch and had Jers number pulled up for at least 10 minutes.
“Don’t call him.” Bo sat down beside me, I turned and saw Jane fast asleep on the bed.
He brushed the hair out of my eyes. “Don’t call him. Let me be your knight, let me protect you from this pain.”
“Bo I have to know what happened.” I rested my head on his chest.
He wrapped his arms around me. “Whatever he says, whatever happens, I’ll still fight for you.” I nodded into his chest.
“I’ll give you some privacy. I’m going for a run. I’ll be back in 30 minutes, but I have my phone. If you need me.”
“I know, I’ll call.” I finished his sentence for him.
I grabbed a blanket and wrapped myself up in it and pressed the call button. I could feel every nerve in my body shaking.
“Thank God you called back.” The phone only rang once.
“Jer, I don’t…..I don’t even know what to say.” I started sobbing and he could hear it.
“I’m so sorry Iz, I never meant to hurt you.
I didn’t hurt you…..fuck I don’t even know what I am saying right now.”
“Start with what the hell you were doing with Melissa! And why isn’t she pregnant?”
“Well, that’s not really my story to tell.”
“Jer so help me, if you ever want to see me again….” Anger was the only emotion I was wearing now.
“Ok, so Melissa called me on the way down and asked me to meet her at Dr. Unks when I got into town.”
“How did she know you were coming to town?” I was livid.
“I told her. I asked her how she was doing, I mean fuck Iz, Todd is a dick you know it!”
“I never said I had a problem with you talking to her Jer, the problem is that you not once called me. The whole time you were with her I was worried sick about you.”
“I know I fucked up, but nothing happened I swear. She lost the baby last month. She asked if I would meet her for drinks, she’s been having a really hard time dealing with the whole thing. She doesn’t have anyone!”
“I don’t know why you are raising your voice with me, you are the one that slept with another woman!”
“Iz, baby. I didn’t sleep with her. I would never, you know that you’re it for me and I am so sorry if I ever made you question it. You should know how I feel, that will never change no woman will ever change what I feel about you.”
“Why didn’t you call me? Why was it some big secret?”
“I knew you would act like this!” Yelling again.
“Act like what Jer? Concerned? Pissed? Heartbroken? Devastated? You pick because right now I am all of them.”
I heard the door slam shut. “Bells are you ok?” Fuck Bo!
I knew that Jer heard him. “Iz, where are you right now?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“I’m at Bo’s.”
“Fuck you!” And then the line went dead.
Bo came around the corner just as I threw my phone against the wall and it shattered. “Bells.” He came over and sat beside me, he didn’t put his arms around me, maybe because he wasn’t trying to push his luck, or maybe because he was trying to protect himself.
I didn’t want to pull Bo back into all of this drama, because as of right now I had no clue where I stood.
He got up and walked over to my phone collection the pieces that were remaining.
“Well I don’t think you’ll be getting any calls soon.”
I looked at him, and saw pain in his eyes. “What’s wrong Bo?”
“Nothing, why?” he turned so I couldn’t see his face.
“You’re lying! Please don’t lie to me, I swear I can't take one more lie in my life right now.”
He turned and I saw his face reddened with anger. “I just hate him ok? I can't stand what he is doing to you! I’ve done many fucked up things Bells, but not once would I ever….would I even think about…..”
“Its ok. I know.” I patted my hand on the couch. I think that for the first time Bo was realizing the pain that he caused me in the months before, the night that he found me on his doorsteps.
“I’m sorry if I have ever made you feel this way.”
I just nodded in agreement, afraid of what would come out of my mouth. I was vulnerable with Bo right now, and as tempting as he was I still belonged to Jer.
I put my arms around his waist and pulled him in close. I don’t know how I got to this place in my life, where the man in front of me if finally who I have been waiting for him to be all my life. And the man I always pictured behind me was coming up just short of what I needed.
“Is it ok if I stay here until Monday? Becca is supposed to be finding me a place by then.”
“You know that this is still your home, you can always come here.”
I went to check on Jane, and admired her ability to sleep through everything that had occurred. I crawled into bed with her, and drifted off to sleep.
I was woken two hours later by Jane’s cackling laugh and the sound of pots and pans in the kitchen. I jumped up to investigate, wiping the drool from my mouth, and hoping that no one saw it.
As I came into the kitchen I saw Bo, Todd, and Jane laughing hysterically.
“What are you all laughing at?” I had my hands on my hips, doing my best pouty face.
“The pictures that Jane got of you with drool all over your face!” Todd said in between laughs.
I started laughing with them grabbing the phone out of her hands. The pictures were hilarious, as long as they didn’t hit the internet I would be fine with it.
“What’s for dinner?” I peeked into the pot and before anyone could reply I turned and jumped into Bo’s arms! “Chili!!!! It's my favorite.”
“I know baby girl, that’s why I made it.” Had Bo always been this thoughtful?
I decided I was going to keep pretending that nothing happened, until I could wrap my head around what happened anyway.
“So I’m thinking that we need a rematch for Just Dance!” I pointed at Bo. He nodded his head and took a sip of his beer.
“Ah but first beer run! Jane you coming with me?” She glared over at me, and I forgot that she couldn’t drink.
“What pregnant women can still go into the beer store, no?” I rubbed my hand across her belly. She agreed to go with me, but said that I owed her. I mean realistically we always owe one another something, and over the years it just evens out.
On the way to the store she did a great job at not bringing anything up. But when we left, I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before she had word vomit.
“Ugh! Fine, I’ll be the first one to talk about it.” She started, and I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
“What the hell is going on? It’s like in the matter of one day your life turns to shit how does that happen? And did he cheat on you or not?”
“First, I don’t know how that can happen. I really haven’t taken the time to process everything. I really don’t know if he cheated on me, we never got the chance to talk about it because he found out I was at Bo’s.”
“Oh, shit.” I nod in agreement.
“So what’s next?” I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to commit to a decision just yet.
“Next is drinking and just dance.” She wrapped her arm in mine and we walked the last block to Bo’s.
The night flew by, and for a few hours I was transported to a few months ago, sitting in my apartment with Bo, playing video games and laughing on a Saturday night. It seemed that ever since Jer came back into my life I hadn’t had a moment to myself, a moment to laugh and be silly.
I missed having that with Jer before, when he would come up on weekends and we could just be friends that had no true commitment other than to make each other laugh.
The night ended before I was ready for it to, and Jane and Todd were going home. I briefly thought about how the Melissa not being pregnant factored into their relationship now, and if Todd would even tell her.
“Well, are you exhausted yet? You’ve had quite the day.”
“Nope. I’m not exhausted, and I am not ready for bed either! Will you do something for me?”
“Anything baby.” I would normally correct him calling me this, but right now I didn’t have it in me.
“Take me dancing!” He pulled me into him. “Chili and dancing all in the same night?”
“It would make me feel like a princess.” I whined.
“Baby, how many times do I have to tell you, you are a princess.”
Within 30 minutes we were on our way into one of my favorite dance clubs. The alcohol was quickly absorbing all of my problems, as I danced the night away. Bo called us a driver to take us back to the apartment, and I couldn’t have been happier.
Besides the fact that my legs were killing me from all of the dancing, I also found myself too intoxicated to do anything put puke and sleep. I was fairly confident that I could hold the throw up in until we got to the apartment though.
I woke up from what felt like a coma in Bo’s bed. “Hey. When did we get home?” He was getting
on his suit so I assumed he had to work, and that Monday was already here.
“Listen lady, I’m no spring chicken anymore. I can’t keep up with you. Serves me right for falling for a younger girl.”
“I don’t remember the ride home at all. Did I throw up?”
He threw his head back and laughed. “All night long. I wish I had that kind of amnesia.”
“Was I gross?” I still felt comfortable with Bo, and this wasn’t the first time that he had seen me wasted.
“You were fine. Listen I have a long day ahead of me, if you’re still around maybe we can do dinner?” I heard the sadness in his voice.
“I’ll still be here.” I knew I wasn’t going anywhere fast that’s for sure.
I found myself in the kitchen making breakfast, when I heard the banging on the door. “For the love.” I mumbled….
I swung the door open and saw Jer looking exhausted, and still bruised where Red nailed him in the jaw. Serves him right.
“What Jer, what could you possibly want?”
“We need to talk. Not here.” He just pointed outside. I grabbed a sweater, unfortunately in poor taste it was one of Bo’s but it would have to work for now.
I felt the wind grab ahold of my skin the second I walked out the door. Jer was wearing a baseball cap, sweats and a plain white t-shirt. He was fumbling with the keys he held in his hands and I knew he was nervous. My head was throbbing and I was tempted to just rain check this conversation for another day, but I had to know.
“Start talking.” I was short and firm with my directions.
“Listen, I don’t know where you want me to start. I already told you I didn’t sleep with her this weekend. I told you she just needed some comfort.”
“Why did she sleep at your house?”
“Because she has nowhere else to go.” He reached out and the warmth that I expected from his touch was suddenly cold. I just couldn’t seem to wrap my head around the whole situation. I felt that I had all the corner pieces, the outline to my puzzle but I was missing the center. The most important piece was missing, and I knew that he was hiding it from me.