by J. Desails
“Babe.” He whispered leaning his forehead to mine.
“It’s fine. I have some errands to run and I probably won't get the chance to see you before you leave town. You’ll be back Monday right?”
“Yes, but you know I can't stay here forever right?”
I just nodded, because as much as I knew the reality I still wasn’t ready to accept it. I felt like I would always crave the city, and the life that I had built here all by myself. I was slowly becoming more aware of my anxiety of leaving the only home I seemed to know anymore.
Jer leaned it for a deep kiss. I felt the warm sensation rush through my body. In the middle of the craziest city, on a quiet street lined with trees that created a shady archway above us, in this kiss and totally and completely head over heels.
As he pulled away, I felt the urge to cry, and I couldn’t decipher if it was out of happiness or sadness. “Don’t.” He whispered again pulling me into him.
“I’ll be back in three days, I’m sure you can manage.” I nodded slowly, holding myself together, and I watched my love hail a taxi and leave me, on the perfect street, in my favorite place, all alone.
When the taxi turned the corner I knew that there was only one way to survive the weekend. Work my ass off. It’s the only way I knew how to keep my mind on track, to completely overwhelm myself with tasks.
First on the agenda, I called Becca and shouted out about a dozen orders, first on the list was finding me a place to sublet for the next two months to help with my transition. And hopefully move everything in by Monday.
I also needed to shoot a text to Jane to let her know that I will be staying at the plaza this weekend until Jer returns. She texted back immediately:
Girls night tonight? I could totally go for some junk food and a bitch fest.
I smiled and felt the same.
Of course, see you around 7:30.
I walked into my studio and saw Becca running around like I was the Devil who wears Prada, I glanced down at my yoga pants and oversized off the shoulder t-shirt and laughed.
“Calm down Becca, seriously you are overworking yourself.”
“Coming from you, I must look insane right now.” Becca knew me very well, and knew that when I was in the zone I was a workaholic.
I turned and looked at my studio, and fell in love with it all over again. The large lights, the vanity for hair and makeup and then I got a great idea.
“Becca what is on my schedule for this weekend?”
“Just a shoot tomorrow morning and you are actually completely free Saturday and Sunday, you had me clear your schedule so you could spend time with Jer remember?” Her voice was shaky, afraid that she possibly misunderstood me.
“That’s perfect! Lets keep it that way and see if we can’t get ahold of Kevin for hair and makeup Saturday, shouldn’t take long!”
“Ok, what’s the name of the client?”
“Ella Bronson.” I smiled to myself, and began to plan an amazing weekend for Ella.
I grabbed my phone and texted Bo.
This weekend is a go, under one condition.
He responded right away.
Thank God. I was getting nervous. Anything babe, you just say the word and I’ll make it happen.
Saturday I want Ella to come to the studio, I am going to have her hair and makeup done as well as a shoot before we go to dinner and a show.
I could hear Becca on the phone confirming that Kevin was available!
Ah my Bells, however am I going to fall out of love with you? More importantly how will I ever be able to make Ella as happy as you do. You’re going to be a great mother one day.
That’s all he had to say to make my stomach hurt. I tried to ignore the last text and move on with planning this weekend. I had Becca finish arranging everything from the hair and makeup to the wardrobe to be available and 25 outfit changes; to be sure she found something she liked.
I finished up all of my planning, and grabbed the laptop to do some editing at the hotel tonight. I saw that Jer had sent 3 text messages already.
I miss you already.
It’s not too late to book a plane ticket.
I love you…to the moon and back.
I called his phone and it went straight to voicemail. “Hey you, have fun this weekend and don’t forget to check in on Red for me. See you in 70 hours and 15 minutes! I love you….to the moon and back.”
When Jane came in I had already gotten into the ice cream, and possibly eaten about 13 peanut butter filled Oreos.
“Do Not judge me.” I mumbled with ice cream coming out of my mouth. She looked exhausted.
“What happens in The Plaza, stays in The Plaza. Now give me a spoon.” I handed her one and laughed as she plopped down on the couch.
“Todd is acting like a weirdo, and honestly I don’t have time for it.”
She got right to the point, so I decided to get right to mine as well. This is how most of our conversations were. We didn’t have time to bullshit each other either.
“I’m spending the weekend with Bo and Ella, Jer doesn’t know and went home for the weekend.”
“Shit. You win.” She laughed as she put another spoonful of ice cream to her mouth.
Sadly, I knew that I didn’t win, that my problems are somewhat mediocre in comparison to hers. At least she didn’t know yet, but I had a gut feeling that by the end of next week, she would be doing all the talking and I would be doing all the listening.
We talked for what seemed like hours, which was only 45 minutes. We discussed the fact that I probably should have told Jer, especially since he knows me better than anyone, and we both knew that I would eventually tell him anyway. I explained to her how I just didn’t want to hurt him, and then I became angry with myself because I was being a hypocrite. I had just yelled at Todd for not being forthcoming with Jane, and here I was. Just call me pot…and Todd was most definitely the kettle.
Right before we fell asleep, I sent Jer a quick text. He should have been home by now but I haven’t heard from him yet.
Hey. Hope you made it safely. Call me when you get a chance?
I decided that I would tell Jer everything, and ask him his permission, but I know Jer and I know that he would understand. I’m not quite sure why I didn’t just tell him in the first place.
Chapter Thirty-Three
When I woke up, I was excited that I would be seeing Ella in just a few hours. I was also sore from Jane kicking me through the night.
“Good morning sleeping beauty.” I nudged her softly.
“Can I just order room service and stay here for a little while?” The baby was sucking the energy right out of her.
“Of course. I have to get going, Bo will be dropping Ella off at the studio in an hour!”
“Call me later and tell me how it went. I can't wait to hear from you…..” The last part was interrupted by a yawn, and she was fast asleep as I jumped into the shower.
I realized that I didn’t have the dress that I wanted to wear tonight so I quickly called Bo and asked him to bring it. He was beyond nice, and had not stopped calling me Baby, either Ella was standing right there or he was trying to push his luck with me. Regardless, I hurried him off the phone and jumped in the shower.
I decided against wearing any makeup or doing my hair, hoping that Kevin would have also allotted some time for me.
I walked into the studio and saw that Ella was already there. Becca was showing her all the outfits. She turned and saw me and came running into my arms. “Oh. My. Gosh. I don’t know how you did all this for me, but I feel like a princess. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
I whispered into her ear….”Don’t tell anyone but you are a princess.” She gave me one last squeeze and then ran over to admire the clothes again. I was waiting until the end of the shoot to tell her that the designers were going to let her keep them.
I felt warmth across my stomach and looked down to Bo’s arms wrapped around me. They felt foreign and safe all at t
he same time. “Bo.” I said under my breath.
“Bells, we have a role to play for the next 48 hours. She’s a smart girl she would know something was up if I didn’t touch you. You know I couldn’t keep my hands off of you.”
“Don’t press your luck this weekend, I mean it.”
“I won't I’m just glad that Jer is allowing all of this, even though I can't stand him.”
I still hadn’t heard from Jer, and I that pang of guilt that I had buried under the excitement of the weekend was front and center again. I handed Bo my coffee and by the looks of it, he had planned on sticking around for the shoot. I couldn’t blame him, I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to see my child so happy either. He looked great wearing a plain black t-shirt and dark jeans. I could see that he was taking his anger out at the gym, his arms were bulging out of his shirt. Knowing Bo he could have just bought a smaller shirt to make them look bigger.
I sat on the futon playing with my camera while Ella was getting her hair and makeup done. I smiled every time I heard her squeal with excitement.
Bo sat down beside me. “I really can't thank you enough for doing this, especially after I was such a douche bag.”
“This…” I looked around the room. “Is not for you, this is for that little girl. She has stolen my heart Bo, I could only hope to one day have a daughter just like her.” I don’t know why I felt the need to confess this to Bo, but by the time I had changed my mind I was already feeling vulnerable.
“Maybe I’ll ask her for some tips.”
“Tips on what?”
“How to steal your heart….and just a reminder, I can give you a little girl just like that.”
I didn’t even know how to respond to him, so I just shoved him in a playful manner. That’s when he pulled me in and pressed his lips to mine.
The playful shove I had just given him, because a full force punch to the arm.
“Ouch Bells. What the hell?” He rubbed his arm and genuinely looked confused.
“Seriously? You are going to ask me what the hell? You know what Bo. This is your last warning, I’m so good at acting I can come down with a stomach bug at any moment and this weekend is over. Do not forget that this is a favor.”
“You’re right totally uncalled for, but I know you felt it.”
“Felt what Bo? You shoving your tongue down my throat?” I was irritated now, more like fuming and he could tell.
“I’m sorry, obviously the feeling isn’t mutual.”
After two hours of shooting, outfit changes, hair and makeup touch ups, Ella was the happiest little girl and ready to go out for a night on the town. I slipped into my plain black dress and nude heels, and fortunately Kevin did leave enough time to make me look my best.
“Wow, my two favorite ladies look amazing.” Bo picked up my camera and started taking pictures of Ella and I. We were having a blast, I had to remind myself that I was pretending and this is not my reality anymore. I squeezed Ella into a hug and stared at her. She looked up at me with such a genuine love, it took everything in me not to cry. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was our last weekend together. I heard the shutter go off on my camera, and I knew that the moment Bo just captured would be one I would never forget.
We went out front, and before I could see what was causing the reaction I heard Ella scream. I nearly tripped down the stairs when I turned the corner I felt and instantaneous relief. There was a stretch limo, with a red carpet, this was all too much for me, but for Ella it was more than she could have ever dreamt.
Bo came up behind me. “You know, I think this is a weekend none of us will ever forget. And even though I know you deserve an Oscar for this performance, you have to know that I am not acting a bit of it.” I nodded my head and started for the limo.
I checked my phone at least a dozen times on the ride to the restaurant. Still not a word from Jer. I was so worried; I started to get knots in my stomach. Surely he would have called by now. I sent him another text.
Are you ok? I haven’t heard from you at all!!!!!
Bo grabbed my hand, forcing me to put the phone down. Ella was still in awe of the sights of the city.
“ I don’t think I have ever seen anything so beautiful in my life!” She said staring out at the horse drawn carriages lite up surrounding central park.
Bo whispered in my ear “I know I have.”
I knew how Bo worked; he wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted. I’m sure he still figured he had a chance with me, otherwise he wouldn’t be laying it on so thick right now.
I just played along in front of Ella, but that was it. I heard the text tone go off on my phone and nearly jumped out of my seat. It was from Jer.
I’m fine. Just been busy with work. Call you tomorrow.
I didn’t want to read too much into the text, because I have been known to get myself worked up over nothing but there was something off about his text.
Before I could overthink it we arrived at dinner. The rest of the night went exactly as planned. Dinner was spectacular followed by The Lion King on Broadway, which was one of my favorites. Ella was equally impressed with the show, and she looked to be about exhausted as I was.
I was staring out into space in the limo, with Ella sound asleep on my side.
“Thank you again Bells. You really pulled through for me.” Bo was staring at me from across the limo. I was glad that we were distanced because this late at night, after a few drinks he was looking quite delicious. I know that was the alcohol talking so I did my best to keep my mouth shut until it was out of my system.
“When have I ever not pulled through for you Bo?”
“Only when you broke my heart.” He glanced down at his lap, refusing to make eye contact.
“Now is not the time to talk about this Bo, and you know it.” I said the last words through my teeth.
“I know, but I’ll never stop fighting for you.” As he said those words, I remember asking Jer to fight for me. What is it with us women? I know what it is, we all want this fairy tale, this picture perfect relationship where we marry the knight in shining armor, that has to save us from whatever battle we create.
“Bo, there was once a time that was all I wanted. Actually it is all I want, the only problem is you're not the one I want fighting for me.”
“It’s ok, I get it. I know he is the one for you, but what happens when you’re the one for me?”
The conversation was getting too deep and we were only ten blocks from home when I heard my phone go off. I saw that it was a text from Red, so I quickly opened the text. My phone slid out of my hand when I saw a very not pregnant Melissa and Jer at the bar together. Jer’s arms were wrapped around her and her head was resting on his shoulder.
“I’m going to be sick.” Bo told the driver to stop and I slid Ella over to the other side of the limo. I jumped out of the car, and my entire dinner poured onto the streets of Manhattan.
Bo jumped out behind me, and began to rub my back.
“Was it something you ate?” I just shook my head and began to sob. “Take me home.”
“Where do you want me to take you Bells, these days you’re somewhat of an orphan.” Had I been in a better mood I would have laughed at the last line, because it was so true.
“Take me home with you.” Bo scooped me up off of the street and held me in his lap as I cried the last ten blocks.
“Shhhhhh. It’s ok, whatever it is it will be ok.” I never knew it was possible for Bo to be so comforting. I think he was taken out of his comfort zone in this moment, but I was going to continue to be selfish because right now I needed what he was giving me.
As we pulled up to his apartment I felt like I couldn’t even move.
“I’m going to take Ella up, I’ll be right back for you. Stay here.” I just nodded.
He was gone for what seemed like a second. Which didn’t give me hardly enough time to process what I saw from Red’s text.
He carried me up the stairs and laid me on the be
d. I felt so unlike me, like I was a shell of myself. How could she not be pregnant? And why hasn’t he called me! I couldn’t even bare to think about it anymore. I needed to shut my mind off.
“Here are some pajamas for you. Did you want to talk about it?” I just shook my head and held my hands up for Bo to slip the dress off. He did so without even pausing for a second. I was wearing a black bra and silk g string.
“Bells……God.” He traced the outline of my body with his hand, and I felt it shaking.
“Just hold me.” He undid my bra, and immediately put the t- shirt on me. I lay in the bed and heard my phone go off again. I saw him pick it up and the look on his face meant that there were more photos, that I knew I couldn’t bear to see right now.
He placed the phone down and turned it on silent. Bo came right up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, and I realized that at this moment in time, Bo was my knight in shining armor.
When morning came, I turned to see Ella had joined us in the bed at some point in the night.
“Good morning my beautiful ladies.” Bo came into the bedroom wearing a loose pair of sweats. I don’t know why, but just a plain pair of sweats beat out all the suits he wears on any given day. He handed me a cup of coffee and whispered “You’re going to need to drink the whole cup before you check your phone.”
“I don’t want to check it.” I said staring into the cup. I looked up at him. “Has he called?”
I knew that this question was a slap in the face to Bo, but I needed him to answer it. He just shook his head, and I felt the tears stinging my eyes.
“Ella, how about you and I go grab some bagels for breakfast and bring them back here?” She jumped up before he got the whole sentence out.
Thank you I mouthed to him.
“I’ll meet you out there in one second baby girl.” I could hear her little feet run across the hall floor.
“Listen, I don’t know what that fucker is thinking, but I swear to God I’ll kick his ass!”